A Passion to Remember a Time That Never Was
DigiFreak103
DF103: I wanted to go for something different. It's been 5 years since I first started writing Ryuki fanfics. My style is, and has been, changing, and now that my mind is gearing most of its story ideas to screenplays and movies, my stories maybe weird and confusing. You'll either like it or hate it, more likely hate it. This story incorporates the mood of a movie I'm filming right now. In any case, this fic is a Ryuki, though it may not seem so at first. Title inspired by Kingdom Hearts II. XP
They said that…it was an obsession.
I said that…it was a passion.
They wanted me to get help. Fast. They were my only family, the ones who were supposed to know the most about me, and yet, they knew so little.
"It's an obsession to preserve a time that never was," they stated.
"It's a passion to remember a time that really was," I corrected.
On and on this went. Mother just stormed out of the house. After all, all she worried about was her façade in the media. Oh, what would the world do if the world-renowned fashion model Ms. Rumiko Makino was distressed because her daughter was a lunatic? I looked at the clock. 11:36, she was late. How thoughtful of her to have this lovely argument with me, even if it meant she'd be late. Somehow, the bond we had before just…disappeared.
"You need to straighten your head, dear," grandmother said again from behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You're over-obsessing over something that never happened."
That's all I'd heard, all morning since I woke up. I was even more disappointed when grandmother sided with mother. Why wouldn't they believe me? The entire face of Japan – no – the entire face of the world saw it. D-Reaper wreaked havoc with its massive globular…mass. And after we defeated it…
After we defeated it…
The digimon had to go.
…She…had to go.
I couldn't say that I remembered her name, because I didn't. But, I remembered that she was a digimon and we went to the Digital World. There were others, too, that went with us. A huge group of us went and we fought side by side to fight the D-Reaper. It's been only a couple of days after the D-Reaper was sucked back into the Digital Realm…
I think.
So, why was it that grandmother or mother didn't remember? Are they that ignorant? No, it couldn't be. They were so worried about us going to battle. They were so against us going. They had to have remembered.
I looked down at my shirt. The broken heart was still there.
Something didn't feel right.
"I'm going out, grandma," I said, as I moved out of her reach toward the front door. I stepped down from the ledge and put my shoes on.
Grandma looked slightly worried, her hands curled together, casually resting in front of her. "Well, be back before dinner." It was her look; the look that stayed with me when I left to fight with the others, for the battle that would save or destroy the world.
I gave her a nod.
It was cloudy, had been all morning. The argument with mother and I probably resonated into the sky. I began to move out toward the gates, when I checked my cell phone. I remembered that I got everyone's phone numbers, to keep in touch and stuff. If there were any phone numbers in them, I could prove to my family that I wasn't a nutcase.
However, there wasn't a single number there I didn't recognize.
I put my cell phone back into my pocket next to a small pack that was on my belt and walked out the gates, where I almost got run over by a stupid guy on his bike. I couldn't see his face because he wore a visor that shaded his face completely. The guy didn't even say sorry! So, I ran back in through the gates and got on my bike.
Peddling as fast as I could, I followed that asshole. No one was going to get away with almost running over me. No one. But, dang, he peddled so fast.
As I neared him on my bike, I felt a slight connection between him and me, as if we had once known each other. Would he know what was going on? Would he know anything about digimon? I had to catch up to him, at all costs.
Keeping my distance away from him, I followed him into the city, a completely normal city, with no wreckage and not a single hint of chaos. Unbelievable. Could it all have been a dream just as mother and grandmother said? Have I gone completely mad? The cards…that tournament… Has it all gone to my head?
I stopped my bike momentarily and reached for the pack on my belt, taking out all the cards I had in them. All of these cards helped me win that competition a year ago… How could they drive me mad?
I wanted to throw them away. A trash can was a little over 2 meters away, and yet, and yet, I couldn't do it. They were all I had and it's my only connection to what I had thought had happened to the city.
Connection.
Connection?
Oh crap! That kid!
It was no use. No matter how much I turned my head to look for this kid, he was nowhere. Well, of course. I did stop, to look over these stupid cards. I angrily stuffed them in their pack again and was set for more peddling until a blond-haired man with dark-shaded sunglasses put his foot against my bike wheel. One hand remained in the pocket of his black suit.
Click. Click. Click.
I looked down at his other hand, as he flipped his Zippo lighter open and close. "Hey, what do you want? You can't just put your foot on my bike like that!" I jerked the bike handle to one side and the guy grabbed the two sides, I, looking at my reflection in his glasses.
"Ms. Nonaka, we have important matters to discuss. Please allow me to escort you to headquarters."
How did he know my name, and why does he need to talk to me? I had more important matters to go deal with. But first, "Are you some kind of stalker or something? Nice going, trying to pick on a teenager in broad daylight in the middle of busy West Shinjuku—"
"The city that should've been in ruins, right, Ms. Nonaka?"
He knows!
"I'm sure you know about D-Reaper. However, all else will be explained later. I'm Mitsuo Yamaki. Allow me to escort you to Hypnos headquarters."
- - -
Those connections I had mentioned earlier, I felt that the gap between those connections beginning to close in as I neared the massive building, this so called "Hypnos," I was accompanied to. It was eerily close, as if I was going to be reunited with old friends that I hadn't seen in a really long time. I locked my bicycle up next to the building as this Yamaki man slid a card through a machine at the door. Was the entire city a part of some government scheme or something? I thought as I gazed up at this plain building. Nah, couldn't be.
My curiosity was a magnet, longing to connect with whatever was on the polar end. I followed this man mindlessly as I walked through the narrow corridors of this edifice, and then we scaled the elevator. Who was I to trust this guy, who just happened to know my name and what I was thinking? Curiosity got the better of me.
"You must've been confused for days. Everyone else was when they first realized what was going on around them," he said rather monotonously, looking straight ahead at the elevator doors.
"Who's everyone else? There are others like me?"
"I have brought you here for a reason. There's a publicly unspeakable truth within the walls of this building and only you and the others are authorized to hear it." His gaze remained forward.
"Why? Why is it an unspeakable secret? What if I go and tell the world what you'll be telling me now and it'll completely ruin your reputation."
"You'll understand soon enough."
This guy was so irritating to talk to. He didn't know how to answer a question without it leading to another one. Why did he have to be god-damned vague!
"Look Morpheus—Yamaki, whatever. You suddenly grab me off the streets and bring me here, only to tell me nothing. Do you expect me to cooperate like this? I want to know why you're being so secretive about everything!"
"You're still quite an impatient one, just the same as before, Ms. Nonaka." Have we met before? I thought. "Japan had been on the verge of destruction. That's what you remember, yes?" I nodded. "There was a fatal mistake made in the system. I'm trying to protect you and the others from your own mental destruction."
"…W-what?"
"Because if I don't…" he looked at me, pulling his sunglasses down the ridge of his nose. "You'll all be the ones to suffer."
In that instant, in that moment of silence, my heart skipped a beat and the elevator rang, as if it were some kind of sign. We stepped out of the elevator. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. What did he mean by fatal mistake? What did he mean by mental destruction?
"All I ask of you right now is to conceal all personal information, especially your name from the others. Everyone else has been told the same. I, too, will also refrain from using names. Please let us explain in here." He stopped in front of a door and scanned his card. The door automatically opened and in that moment that magnetic connection I was talking about found its end.
- - -
Inside what looked like a conference room sat ten people, around my age, three of them much younger. They all looked at me; I felt my knees stiffen. "W-what are you gawking at?" I sputtered. Instantly I saw a kid with a visor. I gave him a sullen look and I watched Four Eyes next to him immediately sink down in his chair.
My heart was beating fast and I didn't know why. I don't know any of these people, I thought, until I eyed him. I had a very strong affinity to him; and for a second, I even thought I knew his name. We had met before, at the tournament… Just thinking about that made me want to clobber him, that egotistical bast—
"Please take a seat," Yamaki said, ushering me over to the nearest empty seat, which happened to be next to him. "Everybody, please bear with us. We'll start shortly." With that, he left with two women alongside him.
As I went to sit down, my eyes met with his, his cerulean blue eyes. I didn't exactly remember how long we looked at each other, but as soon as he flashed that stupid smile of his, I looked away, only to see Visorhead, Four Eyes and Gogglehead, looking my way, and rambling about something, things I couldn't hear because of the noise those pipsqueaks were making. These two groups seemed to know each other.
I looked away and saw a girl my age. She was particularly interested in the sock puppet she had covering her hand. Next to her was a blue-haired boy, looked the same age as the majority of us, who just twiddled his thumbs and gazed out the wall-sized windows. On the farthest end of the table, near the window was another girl, a blondie who turned to me with these ominous vacuous blue eyes, and then observed the chaos that went about in this room.
I, however, was less interested in anything that went on in this room—the kids laughing loudly, the stupid squad staring and whispering, the girl with the puppet, the daydreaming window-watcher, Goldilocks…and him—because they were all obviously crazy and they obviously had nothing to do with me, regardless of this strange empty connection I felt toward each of them. The vagueness of this feeling—the more I thought about it—made me slightly uncomfortable and made me wonder what this whole get together was about. Almost as if on cue for some inexplicable reason, a group of adults burst through the door into the room, each carrying some kind of envelope in their hands. Yamaki shut the door.
The minutes seemed to slow as Yamaki walked toward the other side of the table.
"My staff and I would like to first apologize for the inconvenience in literally taking you off the streets to bring you here today. As you may know by now, we have brought you here for your own safety. Some of you may have been more affected than others. If you would all look around and face the people around you, you may feel as if you have all met at some point." Yamaki took off his sunglasses and set them on the table. It was as if he was sending out a universal gesture meaning that he meant business and that this was no laughing matter. Unfortunately, not everyone in the room got the hint, as Visorhead started mocking the guy's tone. My hands involuntarily clenched into fists and I had a strong urge to knock this guy out. However, before I could even make a move, a hand slid over my fist. I looked and saw him giving me a 'calm down' expression and smiling. As I avoided his eye contact, I quickly snatched my hand away from his and instantly returned my attention towards Yamaki, though I couldn't help, but feel his eyes on me.
"I would like to assure you that none of this will affect you physically; however, this could be quite heavy mentally, even emotionally," Yamaki continued.
The heaviness of the atmosphere in the room was far too straining to sit through. Silence. That was it. It was too quiet in the room. So quiet that I could hear him breathing. In and out, in and out. What was Mr. Shades waiting for? Spit it out already! Tell us what's so emotionally traumatizing. I looked around the room. Everyone else stared blankly at Yamaki. No prying eyes were fixated on him. Wait. Window-watcher raised his hand.
"I'm assuming everything that you tell us here is confidential," the blue-haired Window-watcher commented.
"Yes, it would be safer that way." Yamaki nodded to his assistants and they all dispersed around us, handing each of us an envelope. "You may open those."
I reached in my envelope and found what looked like x-rays. The question was of what?
"What the hell is this thing?" Visorhead exclaimed, holding the transparent paper into the light.
"It's so colorful and pwetty," the pipsqueak with the pink pig-tailed hair. She tugged on Window-watcher's shirt and said, "Look, isn't it pwetty?"
He just seemed to ignore her comment and said, "Is this my brain?"
"Yes," Yamaki calmly stated, pausing, probably to see if any of us would react loudly. "We have been monitoring your brain functions, for what seemed like the past 6 months to you, in an attempt to test our latest equipment."
What...the...shit. Was he being serious? "Why the hell would you be doing something like that. That's obstruction of our privacy!" I yelled out.
"It's just like in the movies," Four-eyes said, sliding back down in his chair, staring at the series of x-rays in his hand.
As I realized that I wasn't going to get an answer just yet, I looked around and saw that the room, as if a tornado blew through, was in an uproar, much worse than when I had first set foot into this room. The pipsqueaks ran to the doors as they were stopped by Yamaki's assistants. The three loud ones started thumbing through their x-rays with awestruck faces. Puppet girl was yelling at her puppet, telling it to look at the pictures. She began crying. On the other hand, at the end of the table, Goldilocks' face remained unmoved as she stuffed the pictures back in the envelope and then looked up at me.
I looked away, and I saw him as he threw down his papers. He slammed his hands on the table and stood up. As if that were the button to turn off everyone's mouths, the room was silent again.
"Wildcat here, is right." I felt his hand on my back. "You have no right to do this." Wait... Wildcat?! Where the hell did that come from? "What's the meaning of this?"
Yeah, what's the meaning of calling me "Wildcat"! I looked away.
Yamaki, putting his sunglasses back on, cleared his throat. "We have created a generator that would allow the human mind to surpass the reality of time and space. What all of you have experienced as 6 months was merely one night--all in a night's dream. If you don't believe me, today is the last weekend before your new school term begins. Digimon is nothing, but a mere game--"
If he was telling us this, then what was this I felt? This connection. "Then what are we feeling? I can't bear this feeling of connection when I don't even remember any of these faces in front of me." I stood up and slammed hand my on the table.
"That factor was never predetermined in our calculations. We were just trying to figure out a way to go beyond time and space to acquire skills."
"Like an ultimate virtual reality game," Window-watcher said, rubbing his chin like some wise-ass. "Right?"
"Precisely. We wanted to test it on something seemingly harmless, which, as we can see, hadn't been the case in the end. We were hoping that these acquired skills such as communicating with others, coping with loss, keeping a sound mind in crucial moments, and understanding others, would be instilled in your minds. However, we had forgotten that involving others would lead to creating a connection that would be false and deceptive. Simple things such as 'See you tomorrow' and promises and confessions were never accounted for, and therefore fated to be broken by default."
He looked my way and then quickly looked back at Yamaki when I caught his glance. Why did my connection to him feel much stronger than all the others?
"I'm sure each and every one of you had come here with hunch, searching for a lost connection. I hope gathering all of you here have subsided these feelings. We did what we could during the experiment to fix this error, which is probably why you remember some things, but don't remember others. Regardless of any fixes we've attempted, we are deeply sorry for the inconveniences we have caused you." Yamaki bowed his head. His assistants, who stood all around us, did the same.
There was an eerie silence in the room that was just itching to be broken. And then Visorhead opened his mouth. "So we were all part of some secret organization's experiment?" Yamaki nodded. "That...is...so..." Visorhead and Four Eyes glanced at each other, and then gave a look to Gogglehead. They were all going to blow. Hear it went, their whining... "Cool! Conspiracy!"
All of a sudden, the puppet on the brunette's hand barked. "Well, if there's school tomorrow, someone's got to go study," the girl ventriloquized. She was about to get up before one of Yamaki's assistants sat her down again. The girl frowned. "I think this is emotionally stressing enough. Shouldn't I be allowed to leave?"
"Please allow me to leave you with a request." Yamaki took off his sunglasses again and rubbed his eyes. "I know some of you are classmates, so what I am about to ask of you may be hard. For others, you may never see each other again, so this may not be as hard for you as it is for others."
The room, as if on cue, slowly darkened as the clouds outside ominously shaded the sun. Something bad was going to come out of Yamaki's mouth, and it was going to take a blow to everyone.
"It is probably a given that we ask you all to never speak of this to anyone." We all nodded. Yamaki grabbed his Zippo out of his pocket and started opening and closing it. Click, click, click. "To avoid any information being revealed to the public, I ask all of you to disassociate yourselves with each other."
Hah. That's easy. But, when I looked around, it was as if the whole place froze over. The pipsqueaks didn't even stir. One of them raised his hand and asked, "What does 'disasso-so-ci-ate' mean?"
Hearing the word again, suddenly made my heart beat faster. Why? I looked next to me and my eyes met with his. I looked down at the armrest and found my hand involuntarily on his. Like this room where time seemed to stop, my hand wouldn't move.
Yamaki looked at each of us.
"From this moment on, you are all strangers."
Yamaki nodded to his assistants. The assistants around us soon filed out of the room.
"When all of you leave here through those doors downstairs, the six months your mind has traveled will be erased. Before we started testing the virtual simulator, we were able to record your memories so we would be able to return your mindsets back to their original states before the experiment, so you will never have any recollection of this or the digital connections you've made."
"So you're just going to throw away all of our precious memories..." he argued. "This whole thing may have been an experiment for you, but what I felt...what I feel now, is real!"
I couldn't listen to this guy anymore. I couldn't listen to anyone anymore. Take one more good look because this is the last time you'll ever see these people. I stood up and headed out the door. As I headed toward the elevator, I never took a fleeting look back. It was okay for me to just leave. After all, I didn't really know anyone in there.
I stepped in the elevator and hit the first floor button. The elevator droned as the walls gently shook. Great, the heavens are roaring too. I had hoped the weather would hold up until I got home, but I found myself stranded in the lobby, watching the rain fall before me on the other side of those glass doors. I sat down on a bench near the exit and watched rain drops racing each other to the bottom of the window. They reached the edge and then disappeared with the rest. Seeing this made my mind rush in all different directions. And I finally gathered up the courage to wipe away my denial.
I was stuck. Where was I going? To Yamaki, there was only one way to follow, and that was forward. We'd choose the same way also, but how would our paths look without a mere glimpse of our past. I thought what had happened to all of us was special. His words rang in my ears.
"You're just going to throw away all of our precious memories?"
I couldn't honestly say that I remembered details about these past 6 months my mind had traveled, but I could remember that they were special, and that something in me changed.
"What I felt...what I feel now, is real."
I watched the rain again, as it settled to a drizzle, imagining how we were all raindrops to-be, falling from what we thought separated each of us, our uniqueness. And then, we found ourselves just blending in with the rest.
The elevator bell dinged and the three stooges came out.
"Here goes, man! To our friendship!" Visorhead said, wrapping an arm around Gogglehead and Four Eyes' necks.
"To our friendship!" the other two replied, as they walked through the doors. The three of them soon pushed each other away in disgust. They seemed to deliberate over something before looking up at the building and then walking away together.
Soon after they left the rest of the horde left in the same fashion--they would walk out, seem confused for a few seconds, look up at the building, and then leave. I wondered if I would do the same.
"So, it does seem to work, huh, walking through those doors," a voice behind me said.
I turned around and found myself staring at these pensive cerulean eyes. I scoffed and looked away. "What do you want?"
"Well, aren't you going?" he held out his hand. "I'd love to walk you home."
"Are you stupid?" Why was I acting like this? "Haven't you seen the others? The minute you walk me out, I'll forget who the hell you are and probably punch your face or something."
He laughed. "That's not going to happen. Come on."
"Get the hint. I don't need you to walk me home. Go find some old lady to help." I crossed my arms and continued staring out the window. Why was I even bothering to make a fuss? Just ignore him.
"You're afraid, aren't you, to walk through those doors," his hand retracted into his pockets. "I wouldn't blame you. Regardless of if they're real or not, I want to keep the memories that I've made," he walked to the door, standing inches away from walking out, "So, I don't lose the moments I've spent with you."
My heart stopped. There was nothing between us. My eyes were captured by his gaze again, but this time I couldn't get myself out. No matter how hard I tried to look away, his pained yet composed eyes pierced mine. Everything around me stopped making a sound. All I could hear were the throbbing of my heart. What was between us? Why can't I remember? Did I even just think that? I shook my head and stood up.
"I'm not afraid!" I demanded, completely ignoring the second half of his statement. I pushed him out of the way and ran through the doorway, where my mind, like a camera, flashed, and everything twinkled a momentary white.
- - -
I opened my eyes to the pattering of the rain on my face and saw a figure running towards me with no signs of slowing down or stopping. My body fell to the wet ground and a body landing on top of me. When my vision cleared, it was guy that landed on me. He groaned and lifted his head.
"Get the hell off of me!" I yelled, punching him in the face and pushing him off.
"Ah!" he winced, rubbing his cheek. I stood up and flicked off some dirt off my shirt. I looked at the guy again and found myself wondering where I'd seen him before. I shrugged and started walking out before I saw my bike.
"What's this doing here?" I asked myself, working the combination to verify that it's mine. Click. Wait, he was from the tournament. I looked back and found him standing behind me.
"Sorry about that." He rubbed his cheek again. "Are you hurt?"
"No." I got on my bike. He grabbed a handle.
"You shouldn't ride your bike in the rain. You could slip."
"And, it's your business how?" Who did he think he was?
"Here, let me walk you home, as an apology for running into you," he held out a hand, as if he were waiting for me to get off my bike.
"No, thanks." I continued my way until the bike wobbled and as the guy said slipped on the sidewalk. "Shit," I said in relief, as I caught myself.
I heard him laugh from behind me. "I told you."
"Do you need something?" I asked as I got off my bike.
"Yeah. I need to walk you home, so you'll get home safe." He walked up next to me and I stopped. I felt his gaze on me. And although it was raining, I could hear his breath, inhaling and exhaling gently, feel his breath caress my neck.
We stood in the rain.
He laid his jacket on my shoulders, but insisted that I didn't need it and threw it back at him. He chuckled. "This all seems too familiar."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I mean, don't you get the feeling that we've met before? Like we knew each other. Maybe it was past life or something."
I just walked away with my bike as he stared into Cloud 9. Who cared if we met in a past life? I stopped and looked back. He wasn't there. I continued walking and wondered where he'd gone off to after bugging me for so long. I didn't think much of it though. As soon as I reached the crosswalk, I felt a shiver down my spine. The rain didn't want to let up and I was soaked. I should get home soon.
Then, a different kind of shiver went down my spine, as I felt something warm touch my cheek. I whipped around saw him again sipping a can of coffee. He handed me a can, as well. "I thought this would warm you up."
What was he going to do with two cans of coffee, I thought. "Thanks." As I opened the can, he held onto my bike. I took a gulp. My body was so cold I could feel the coffee make its way through my system. At the same time, I noticed my skin didn't feel as cold as it did. Then I realized that he had placed his jacket on me, and walked across the crosswalk without me. I ran after him, clutching onto the jacket so it wouldn't slide off.
"What? You miss me already?" he asked with a grin on his face.
"In your dreams, hero-boy."
"You're feisty, like a wildcat."
"What did you say?" I nudged him in the shoulder with a fist.
"You're Wildcat."
"Then you're Hero-boy."
We both stopped and looked at each other with serious eyes, but I broke out laughing, and soon after he did, too. I didn't know why. Why was I laughing with this guy that ran into me only minutes ago? I stopped and took another sip of the coffee, and then stared at the ground for a moment. Maybe I have met him before. This chemistry...
"Fate." I looked up at him. "Don't you think?" He had a glimmering smile. I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks burning. Even our thoughts were in-sync.
"Do you want to test it?" I asked, looking around to see if anyone was around.
He nodded. "How?"
"Like this."
In the rain, we stood. Both of our cans fell and clanked on the ground. The bike fell over as we embraced each other and our lips brushed against one another. Time around us stood still enough for us to count the raindrops that fell on us. And then it clicked. This was real. And it was happening as if it were happening for the second, third, fourth time. Why couldn't I remember his name? Why couldn't I remember my past with him?
He's cold.
"She's warm."
His lips are sweet.
"I never knew the rain tasted salty."
Thank God it was raining.
I pulled away from him and he had the same pained look as I did. I picked my bike up and began walking again. Suddenly, I remembered that I had his jacket. Propping my bike up against a tree, I took off the jacket and handed it to him.
He shook his head. "You need it."
"No, you need it." I shoved the jacket in his chest.
"Well, there goes my chance at meeting you again," he said, laughing under his breath, as he grasped his jacket.
I couldn't help, but smile. "Like some too-good-to-be-true movie where I search to the ends of the earth to find you to return your jacket. Fat chance."
"Well, I guess this will have to do," he stepped up and held out his hand. "I'm Ryo."
It was at this point I realized. Regardless of what had happened in the past, whether it happened or not still in question, there was always a chance to start over. Maybe I had a burning passion to remember a time that never really happened, consequently stopping time to review my past. But, contrary to that, this secret passion was the one that made time move. A passion to recreate a time that was to be.
I grasped his hand and we shook hands. "I'm Rika."
DF103: Damn... Longest one-shot I've ever written. Now if only I could apply this kind of handy work to the screenplay, that'd be great...even though it took a year to write this. XD I'm open to discuss any of this. Feedback is appreciated.