"Useless!" "Failure!" "Disgrace!"

The words continually burned themselves deeper and deeper in Leonardo's mind, at times with almost enough fervor to drive him to his knees. Pushing the punishing thoughts away, Leo continued to work quickly, though methodically, to finish his task. It wouldn't do for any of his family to walk in on him just yet, and after tonight's debacle, another failure wasn't an option.

As Leo continued to make his preparations, he cast his mind back over the past, back-tracing the events that had led to tonight's activities. Ever since they were just younglings, Leonardo had always been protective of his younger brothers; whether it was the monsters of Mikey's dreams, or the real life monsters he and his brothers had faced, Leo had always tried to place himself between his family and that which would hurt them. To that extent, he had always pushed himself harder and further in his ninja training. For a long time, it seemed to work; okay, so his brothers weren't always happy with his decisions, but they still seemed to accept his as their leader.

Over the past several years, however, that reluctant acceptance seemed to have turned into resentment. More and more the others, Raph in particular, had become bitter towards him and the extra work he did to try and keep his family safe. And then had come the mistake a year ago that had nearly cost his family their lives, and Leonardo had been stripped of his role as leader. At first, it had been a relief, like a weight off his shoulders, especially as Raph proved to be a completely competent leader. It seemed that the mantle of responsibility had managed what none of Leo's or Master Splinter's lectures had been able to do: curb Raphael's wild streak. Still, without the role of leader to define him, Leo was at a loss as to what his place in the family was.

Feeling slightly off kilter, Leo had continued to train harder than any of his brothers, but it seemed the more he trained, the more they railed against him. Raph in particular seemed to enjoy rubbing Leo's nose in his failure, though Donny and Mikey were not above reminding him of his uselessness to the team. Sure, his two youngest brothers said they were only joking, but from the repetition of the topic, Leo was certain there was a kernel of truth in their words. After all, Raph was right; he was a failure, so who was to say he wasn't useless as well. Leo gently fingered the wound on his shoulder; that was living proof he was of no use to his brothers anymore.

And then had come that night's mess. The brothers had been out on a routine patrol when they had run into a pack of Foot ninjas. Things had been going well, until Shredder had shown up. Leo had been holding off three of the Foot, when he had spotted Shredder sneaking up on Mikey, claws ready to rip into the unsuspecting turtle. Leo, of course, had moved to intercede; however, hampered as he was by his wounded shoulder and the exhaustion of an extended fight with the Foot ninjas, the oldest turtle was more than little clumsy in his execution. True, he was able to stop Shredder from harming his youngest brother, but was able to do nothing to prevent himself from sending his katana directly into his brother's leg.

From the point on, the rest of the evening had become of blur to Leonardo. He had no memory of how he and his brothers had gotten away from Shredder and his goons, or even of the return trip home. The last clear memory he had was of being dismissed from his father's presence, the words "a disgrace his training and family" hanging in the air. After that he had retreated to his room. For a long while, Leo had been unsure what to do with himself. As much as he longed to go check on Mikey, he knew his presence would not be welcomed in the infirmary. In fact, Leo had a sneaking suspicion that even hidden away in his room was too close for the rest of the family.

At last, heartsick and depressed, Leo made his decision. Since his presence was causing nothing but trouble for his family, he would remove himself, permanently. At least then the stain of his disgrace would be wiped away, and his family would be able to move on, free at last. At first, Leo had considered throwing himself on his sword, but he couldn't bring himself to taint his beloved blade with his disgraced blood. That was when he had settled on his current plan.

After a final yank to test the rope's security, Leo placed the noose around his neck, carefully making sure the knot was correctly placed so that it would snap his neck when the rope caught; Leo had no desire to slowly strangle to death. A last, sad glance around the room, and then Leo calmly stepped off the chair. Instantly, Leo knew he'd made a mistake somehow, for instead of the clean death he had wanted, Leo could feel himself kicking and straining to fight the suffocating crush of the rope around his throat. Despite the painful burn of the rope cutting into the delicate, soft tissue of this throat, it didn't take long for the world to begin to go black. Just before everything cut out, Leo would have sworn he heard the shrill, heartbreaking sound of Raph screaming his name. Then there was nothing.