Prologue

I'm not stupid to not notice the covert and longing glances you kept shooting at him - may it be at dinner, at sword practice, at the game you call baseball, or at our world travels. You always have an eye out for him. Your day is seemingly incomplete without spending a minute of your time with him.

So you seek him out. You find excuses to be with him. You ask him for an advice for the littlest concerns of nothing that you have. You seek him simply for his company. And I can see you Yuuri. And every time I see you like this, you hurt me.

You break me apart by flaunting your feelings out for the man I know I can never be an equal of. I knew that I couldn't measure up to the Ruthenberg Lion - simply because I knew him as a great and loving person with a heart of gold. I knew that you, Yuuri, had simply seen this man as I have. I knew it because the person you fell in love with, is my beloved little big brother - Conrad.

It pains me so much, Yuuri - because I can understand why. If I'd been in your shoes, I'd probably pick the cool, capable and kind Conrad over the beautiful yet snarky, bratty Wolfram too. And it's because I understand, that I've finally come to terms with our farce of an engagement.

For sometime, I'd held the illusion and the hope that somewhere along the way, you'd find yourself falling in love with me as I did with you. And I even fooled myself into thinking that your proposal to me had been intentional. That it never was an accident. That you really picked me over him.

But as I'd already foreseen, the illusion never became reality. Instead I found myself spiralling down towards the pit of despair as I saw you and my brother getting closer and closer each and every day. I tried to turn a blind eye. I'd been successful thus far... until that one fateful night.

I'd awoken to a large and painfully cold bed without you by my side. I panicked - several scary thoughts running inside my head. What if you'd been kidnapped? And right under my nose too? So without even bothering to dress, I run down the halls to search for you.

Heavily panting, I stopped to catch my breath. I can see the garden, with mother's beautiful flowers glinting in the moonlight, from my vantage point. Just as I made up my mind to inform Gwendal about your disappearance, I saw two figures under one Sakura tree. And with a chill, I recognized the two figures to be Yuuri and Conrad.

And in agonizingly slow motion, I saw you, Yuuri. You had tears running down your face and was looking at Conrad with a desperate kind of plead. I can see my brother's resolve breaking at the sight of your tears. And as my whole world shattered before my very eyes, I saw you, Yuuri, lean up towards Conrad to give him a kiss. And the fragile hope that I held dearly broke into tiny million pieces as I saw how Conrad hesitated for just about a second before losing himself in the kiss as well.

As much as I'd like to get angry and feel betrayed, I can't. I understand Yuuri, and that makes it a lot more painful than it is. I'd cried my heart out for days. I'd distanced myself from everyone. I lost myself in training and border patrol duties. I knew I had to do something about this, but at that time, I had to numb myself from the pain to be able to think straight.

I knew I had to sort things out. And I did. I know Yuuri, that you feel so sorry for me. But we can't deny the fact that you feel so much happier after that night. I knew, that I'll never be the one who can place the stunningly sunny smile on your face and that I'll never be the one that your heart can beat for.

So Yuuri, there's really just one choice left for us.

I just want you to know, Hennachoko, that I would have never done this...

If I'm not in love with you.