typical disclaimer : I don't own Bleach. If I did, I'd have a lot more money. sigh
Between the Bars
Chapter 1 - Where Damage Isn't Already Done
When Rangiku woke up, she cursed herself for not closing the drapes in her room. Without them, the morning light would shine in just after the sun rise. Although notorious for being able to sleep in any condition, her body always reacted to the bright light. The drapes normally kept that from happening. That was if she remembered to close them.
Despite the lack of excessive drinking, her groggy half-awake mind still took awhile to process everything. She never was a good morning person. First, she felt the weight of an arm slung over her waist. She took a deep breath and immediately recognized the foreign scent in the room. She couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was, but she knew whom it belonged to. Softly removing the arm from around her, she then turned over slowly. The last thing she wanted to do was wake him. As she looked at him, still very much asleep despite the sun shining on his face, she couldn't help but smile. He was lying on his stomach, one side of his head buried in a pillow, and that conspicuous tattoo on his left cheek almost hidden by hair that was even messier than usual. It made her happy to see that he was getting some more much-needed sleep.
Her return to the Soul Society was bittersweet. While it did feel good to be back somewhere more familiar, it pained her that Orihime had gone missing. Yamamoto soutaichou wanted to say that she had defected to the other side, but after staying with the young girl, such an idea seemed against everything she knew about her. She wanted to yell at the old man, but thankfully for her, Ichigo did the yelling.
Although her captain seemed upset by Orihime's capture, he insisted that they return to work. She may of hated the mounds of paperwork left from their absence. Some of it belonged to the 5th division, but it was good to just focus on that instead. She'd also never admit it, but she wanted to stay around her captain even more so than usual. At least then she could also avoid the other absence that left a much larger hole in her life.
He left, she told herself. It's something he's been doing as long as you've known him. You should be used to it.
"Hitsugaya-taicho." The voice asking for entry snapped her out of her thoughts.
"Come in," the young captain replied, not even looking up from his work.
She looked over to the door to see the 9th division vice-captain come in with an arm full of papers. It almost felt odd to think that it was Shuuhei. Of course, the three vertical scars across the right side of his face and the tattoo on the other made it impossible to mistake anyone else for him, but something about him looked so different. His posture seemed uncharacteristically slouched; his shoulders slumped, which carried the rest of his body down. His sharp eyes looked like they were struggling to stay open. The angles of his face also seemed much more apparent.
"Hitsugaya-taicho, the central command has been delivering your communication bulletins to me while you were away. Where do you want them?"
"Here should be fine," he said, pointing at the only empty space on the right side of his desk. "Is that all you need, Hisagi?" he asked as Shuuhei was slowly placing the papers on the desk.
"I was on the way to my division's training grounds, and I just wanted to make sure you got those," he replied, turning to leave.
"If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask."
"Thank you, Hitsugaya-taicho," Shuuhei said standing in the doorway turning to face the boy captain.
There was silence in the room for a few moments as Shuuhei walked away. Rangiku only looked at her captain, who had gone back to the paperwork.
"He really looked...horrible," she said softly.
"Well, that's what happens when you take on all your division's needs on your own," he dismissed. "Kira has both his third on fourth seats helping, Kuchiki is doing the same with his division while Abarai has not so mysteriously disappeared, and we're helping Hinamori now. Hisagi is the only one that hasn't asked for any real help. It was brought up at the captain's meeting, and Ukitake only said he'd asked him a few questions about the communication bulletins and ordering supplies. Other than that he's doing all the paperwork as well as leading training for his division."
"He seemed to be handling this the best when we left," she said. "I wonder why he's not asked for help."
"It's probably because he doesn't want any pity. I can understand that. Now can we stop trying to gossip and just get back to work?"
Reluctant to keep working, she kept her glance on the door. Although she didn't really know Shuuhei as well as Kira or Renji, of the three whose captains had left, he was the one she figured would take the situation in stride. One thing she knew for sure about him was out of the Vice Captains, he was probably the most level-headed. The kanji in his first name spelled it all out: disciplined solider. She had never seen him loose his temper. She has seen him out of his mind drunk, maybe a little ticked off, but never very ill-tempered. It was something that she always admired. She admired anyone like that because she always wondered how people could not let a bad day affect them. It was that grounded nature, however that was getting him into trouble. It seemed to turn from being grounded and responsible to almost being in denial that anything was wrong.
It shouldn't have been a shock when he collapsed just as he was leaving after a conversation with her and Kira. Then again, who is prepared to watch someone talk one minute then collapse to the floor the next? She helped Kira scoop him up off the ground and take him to the 4th division. He had been working himself harder and harder as the weeks passed; not that he had any concept of time anymore. It was only a matter of time until his body would just give out and demand the rest that it so desperately needed.
After regaining consciousness, it became very obvious how weak he had become when Unohana came in and was able to use shinten to put him out again. In light of his recent stubborn streak, it was the only way to get him back to sleep. While the shinten did the initial work, he was also given a much stronger tranquilizer for when his body would begin to regain strength. The strength and dose were large enough to keep him out for three days. In those three days, Kira, Rangiku, and Hinamori would check in on him periodically. It felt strange for Rangiku. She didn't know him as well as Kira or even Hinamori, who she learned had a much closer friendship with Shuuhei than she or almost anyone knew. It did make sense. Had Hinamori not run back to help him with the huge hollow, he would have died along side his other classmates. She, on the other hand, was not much more than a drinking buddy, but since she was there when he did collapse, she felt a strange obligation to make sure he was okay.
Naturally, he'd wake up when she was the only one in the room.
"Shit," he groaned, rubbing his face with one hand. It felt like he had been run over by a stampede. His body felt so heavy, it was a struggle to sit up. He had yet to notice who else was in the room with him until she took a few steps over and tried to help him sit up. "Rangiku-san," he said, his cheeks turning red. Of all the people who had to be there when he got up, she was the last one he wanted to be there. Then again, it couldn't really get much worse. He already passed out in front of her.
"Hi." There wasn't really anything else she could think to say aside from ask how he was doing, but seemed a bit too obvious and even a bit cruel. Of course he wasn't doing well.
"Hi," he said softly. Covering his eyes with his hand, he let out a deep breath and sat in silence for a few minutes. "I feel so stupid. I was working so hard to make sure we didn't fall behind, and look what I do to myself. It's only making it worse," he blurted out, too frustrated to keep it in any longer.
"If you're worried about your paperwork, Komamura-taicho is doing all of the urgent captain work and your division is pitching in on everything else."
"It's not just that," he replied, looking straight ahead. "I just... I hate this," he finished softly.
She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know how to address her own loss, so how could she say anything to him? Neither of them were directly facing their feelings. She had gone to the material world, and he had buried himself in work for the sake of his division. She just stood there in silence as he moved to sit up a little better, still staring straight ahead. "I'm sorry, this is awkward," he said glancing over at her. "But thank you, for being here."
"Kira and Momo have been taking turns staying here as well. Momo thought you'd like it if there was someone here when you woke up, so if there's anyone you should thank, it should be her."
She sat back down in the chair by the bed, and neither of them could think of something to say to the other. While the silence wasn't exactly welcome, it didn't feel wholly awkward either. He had a lot to think about, so it was nice to have someone there that didn't try to lecture him or ask him a million questions. He also didn't feel comfortable enough to talk with her about the things he had on his mind.
"Ah, Hisagi-kun, you're awake," a surprised Hinamori said walking into the room. "It was so quiet, I didn't think you'd be up," she teased, trying to keep the mood up.
"I'm still tired, that's all," he replied softly.
"Of course," Hinamori replied with a gentle smile.
"Since you're here, Momo, I'll be going. Too many people in the room can be overwhelming," Rangiku said getting up. Hinamori would be better in this situation. She knew him well. "Goodbye, Shuuhei," she said before leaving.
"Did anything special happen before I came?" she asked cracking a smile. She knew that any other time, mentioning his crush on the curvaceous vice-captain would get a rise out of him, but he was almost too lost in thought and tired to bother.
"No, nothing like that."
Hinamori looked at her friend and could see that he wasn't in the mood to pretend to be okay anymore.
"You know what, I think I'll go and find you something to eat. Unohana-taicho said part of the reason you were so exhausted was because you were malnourished. I bet you've only been eating rice. I'll be back," she smiled. "Ok, Hisagi-kun?"
"Yes, thank you, HInamori."
He felt immensely guilty. She was still recovering from not only her injury but the psychological wounds that Aizen had imposed, and she was there taking care of him. He wanted so bad to just get up, walk out the room, and get his own damn food, but sitting up was a tall order for him minutes ago. He wasn't so stupid to think that he'd be able to walk. This was worse than being stuck in bed because he'd been injured in a fight. He really hated this.
It had taken almost a week for him to start feeling normal again. He was slowly noticing that the weight he lost from a diet of a twice-daily bowl rice was coming back after several days of eating everything in sight. Training was still out of the question. Exhaustion, he learned, was a quite serious illness. Unohana-taicho sternly told him it would be almost a month before he would be at his full power. With her ultra-polite yet oddly intimidating tone, he dare not disobey her. Naturally, that didn't make him happy. He'd been making progress in achieving bankai and month would have made a huge difference.
There was also a lot more free time now that the 7th division was helping him with his work. While it felt nice to be able to relax and have a largely open schedule, he also felt bored out of his mind at times as well. The remaining captains and vice captains were working a bit more than usual.
Tired of being alone, he decided to take a walk around the Seireitai. There were enough people walking about for him not to feel totally isolated, but not so many that he'd feel overly distracted either. He wanted to take a walk out in the woods, but he was afraid of being left with just his thoughts.
When he walked past a popular bakery, he thought he had saw a familiar silhouette, but he just kept walking instead of trying to see just who it was. It wasn't until he'd gone past three more shops that he heard something that made him stop in his tracks.
"Shuuhei!"
The voice was familiar, so he turned to see the one and only Rangiku Matsumoto carrying a rather large bag of anpan. "What brings you out here?" she asked as she caught up with him.
"Nothing really. I just wanted to take a walk," he replied.
"Would you mind if I walked with you?"
"Sure, if you can walk and carry that at the same time," he said motioning to the bag of sweet-bean stuffed bread she was carrying.
"This is nothing, but you can have one if you want to lighten the load," she said holding it out to him. He just smiled and grabbed one. "I can't stop eating these things since I had some with Orihime-chan. Aren't they amazing?" His mouth full, Shuuhei could only nod. Knowing what he did know about her, that bag would be empty in two days tops. He always liked that about her. Unlike many female shinigami, she never tried to hide the fact that she'd eat a large bag of sweets in a day. They continued walking through the Seireitai and talked about various things like food in the material world to where to get the best sake until they reached the edge of the western gate. "I know this really pretty place on the outskirts of the first district over here, do you want to go?"
She just wants to keep you company, so don't get carried away. She's being nice to you because she feels sorry for you, that's probably all, he mentally scolded himself. Now over his exhaustion, his other usual desires came back as well, so he had to make sure not to get his emotions all worked up over something so simple.
"Sure, if it's not that far."
He followed just behind her. Going through the first district of the Rukongai was never very pleasurable for him. It wasn't that it was a bad place. It was actually the opposite. He'd watch children play in the street so carefree and feel jealous. That in turn made him feel guilty for wishing those kids had the same rough childhood he had. Before he could think any further, they had reached a clearing through a small patch of trees that overlooked a small pond. She went ahead and sat down. After he paused a moment to admire the view, he took a seat next to her.
"It's good that you want to get out, because you did coop yourself up in that office," she said after they both took another anpan roll. He sighed.
"How would you know? Weren't you in the material world?"
"Shuuhei, everybody knew," she said matter-of-factly. "Plus when you stopped in to drop off those papers, it was pretty obvious."
"I guess the only person I was fooling was myself," he said picking at the confection.
"You should really stop being so hard on yourself."
"I know, there's nothing that I could have done to stop him from leaving, but it's not just that. It's not just being abandoned; it's being betrayed. I'm not the only one, it's the whole squad that he let down. I just didn't want them to feel as bad as I did, because I knew that none of us did anything to make him go."
She took a good look at him while he was pensively staring at the red-bean filling of the bun. Despite all the current angst he'd been displaying, he had been putting himself last. The time he had to sleep or eat was given to the men and women under his command so they didn't feel the pain that he was feeling. Everyone had their own theories as to why he was working himself so hard. The most popular, of course, being that he just needed to keep busy. While that certainly had to be part of it, it wasn't the entire reason either. Then there was her captain, who thought that he was too proud ask for help. She may not have known him that well, but she did know that he wasn't excessively proud. What he had really trying to do was try to take all the burden on himself. It was actually much like his captain, who had previously done all the squad's paperwork. He was trying take Tousen's place, but the combination of work from both a captain and vice-captain was much more than he had ever thought. Still, he didn't say a word. Now with all that work gone, he'd failed in his eyes. Now, added to the heart-brake of betrayal and abandonment was the sting of failure.
Before either could say another word, they felt a familiar reiatsu behind them.
"Ah, taicho!" Matsumoto said in an all-too-sweet tone.
"You said you'd only be a minute. We've got stacks of papers sitting in the office and training later today," the boy said with his usual annoyed expression.
"I guess I forgot how long I was gone," she smiled.
"Matsumoto!"
"Sorry," she said getting up to move towards her taicho. "Sorry, Shuuhei, but if you want to talk some more, don't be afraid to come by." Hitsugaya shot her yet another look of death. "When I'm not busy," she corrected herself.
"Sure, thanks for listening, Rangiku-san."
With that, the two flashed-stepped out of there. Shuuhei would have followed suit, but he wasn't quite sure his body was up it just yet. He just slowly got up and began his walk back through the first Rukongai and all those annoyingly happy kids.
Shinten was the medication that Hanatarou used to knock out one of the guards before he and Ganju went to get Rukia. He commented that it only works on weaker people, so it's a statement on just how physically drained he was.
Anpan is a Japanese baked good that involves a bun stuffed with sweet bean paste. I'd assume Orhime would like them and get Rangiku, who will eat anything, to like them. They're really a treat for all Japanese.
I had to write some ShuuRan because there's so little of it, and most are one-shots. I know there's a GinRan army out there, but I want to do something different but somewhat plausible. Both the fic and chapter title are from songs. I'm honestly not very poetic, so I tend to rely on songs for that little help. The fic is named after an Elliott Smith song and the chapter title is from a Radio Dept. song.
Please review, I love getting reviews. Chapter 2 is hopefully coming soon. It's sitting on my laptop about half done.