Summary: During their sixth year, Lily gets to know the Marauders without really meaning to or wanting to.
Rating: PG-13
Author: Book Ananconda in the Rain
Disclaimer: I can think of five people, just off the top of my head, who would not have died if Harry Potter belonged to me.
"Black," Lily called from across the common room, "Truth or dare?"
He looked up from the cootie catcher he was folding, disbelief apparent in his eyes.
"You're kidding, right?" He asked
"I'm bored!" Lily moaned, throwing her hands up in despair, "I can't believe we're the only ones who didn't go to Hogsmeade. Mary told me she'd stay! Stupid Peter asking her out," she grumbled. Lily rolled her eyes, and appealed to the boy sitting on the other end of her couch, "Come on, Remus, you must've read that book three times by now!" she pointed accusingly at the copy of Defensive Magic that he'd been immersed in for the past hour. Remus gave a wry smile as he tore his eyes from the page.
"Forwards, backwards and upside down," He admitted
"So play with me!" Lily implored, "James can come too, he's up in the dorm, isn't he?" Sirius' eyes were like dinner plates, he had to open and reopen his mouth before he could speak. Finally, he bolted from his seat and bellowed up the boys' staircase,
"James! Evans wants you to come and play truth or dare!"
James, as if summoned using Accio, appeared immediately at Sirius' side, a wide smile on his face. Lily sat on the ground, legs in a pretzel and hair pulled up with her wand; baring her neck to the late January breeze coming from the window. Remus took the spot next to her, carefully situating a pillow beneath him before doing so.
"Okay," Lily said, as James and Sirius removed their shoes and got comfortable, "I guess I'll start. Sirius, truth or dare?"
"Dare." He said, without a moment's thought. Lily bit her lip.
"I dare you to…" A devious grin played across her face "Challenge Ludovic Bagman to a swordfight at breakfast tomorrow."
"What'll we use as sabers?" Sirius asked.
"Baguettes." Lily said.
"Okay." He nodded, "James, truth or dare?"
An hour later they had missed lunch, forgotten their homework, and skipped detentions. They also found themselves due for a serious amount of humiliation, come Monday. James had to compose a love poem to professor McGonagall and recite it in class, tap dance down the hallways and offer Slughorn a foot massage. Remus was to yell anytime he wanted to speak so that, Sirius said, rather than his usual polite Remus-y 'Would you please pass me the milk?' he had to be an all-caps lock, anti-Remus, though he'd probably still insist on being polite, 'HAS ANYONE SEEN MY TIE?' Remus also had to tell all the teachers he was changing his name to Francine. Sirius had to wear all of his clothes backwards and walk backwards and if anyone asked him why this was, he was to tell them that it was to counteract backwards erections. Sirius also had to duel Ludo to the death, curl his hair, and hug Snape. Lily had glared at James interminably for that one. She had got off the easiest, having only to ask out Nicholas Davies and wear her hair in four Pippi Longstocking braids.
"Truth." Lily said decisively when Remus asked her.
"Why aren't you at Hogsmeade?" He asked, because he did not have any burning questions that desperately needed answering.
"It's too cold, and I have an essay to rewrite." Remus raised one eyebrow, as if trying to ask, nonverbally, why she wasn't working on that essay. Lily scowled. "I didn't want to, and I was too tired. Why didn't you go to Hogsmeade, ruin Pettigrew's date?"
"Well, first of all," Sirius interrupted, counting on his fingers, "It's no fun to ruin dates. And secondly, James and I are banned from Hogsmeade for a month." Lily made a sound somewhere between gasp and a laugh.
"What for?"
James rubbed the back of his neck
"We got caught sneaking out of the dorms …" he began
"…To go to the kitchens!" Sirius cut in, with a burst of inspiration
"...In the middle of the night." James finished, lamely. Lily smiled.
"Good work." She said.
"Peter talks in his sleep and from the sound of it; it was either get him some marshmallows or sacrifice our pillows!" James defended himself, index finger waving like a conductor's baton.
"And you, Rem?" Lily asked
"Didn't feel well." He said, simply. They did not push the matter, although Lily looked curious. After a moment, she pushed up her sleeves and moved to take her turn.
"Sirius…" Lily said, "Truth or Dare?"
"Truth." he finally decided, after a moment's deliberation, "Even I have a limit to the amount of embarrassment I can take." Lily's face fell at his choice.
"Okay" She said firmly, "Truth. A question for Sirius." She clapped her hands together, "Just one question…" Her eyes gravitated towards the ceiling; "I can't think of any—" At that moment, a lanky figure fell through the portrait hole. For the first time in more than an hour the group's attention fell away from the game, all four craning their necks to see who had come. It proved to be Frank Longbottom, who had stepped on the wizard chess piece a first year had dropped just inside the entrance.
"You all right, Frank?" Remus called.
"Fine" Frank said, standing and brushing off his front.
"I thought you went to the village?" James asked, confused. Frank shook his head slowly.
"No… I was just in the library with Alice. But she can't study anymore today; she got a nasty bite on the nose from some book in the restricted section." He rubbed his own nose, a distressed look on his face, before adding quickly, "Madame Pomfrey says it's a simple break, but still, Al bled like mad, so she's staying in the hospital wing, for tonight…" He trailed off, face reddening, "She'll be fine, but Alice thought it would be better if I just left, because she says Madame Pomfrey has a hard enough job without me spilling the Skele-Gro." He cleared his throat, "So, what are you lot up to?"
They blinked, as one, in surprise.
"Oh, right." Lily said, "We're playing truth or dare. I'm supposed to be asking Sirius a question, but I can't think of anything…" The frown she'd been wearing before returned, shoving the bemused smile she'd acquired while listening to Frank away.
"You could ask him why he wasn't at his cousin's wedding this summer." Frank suggested.
"What?" Lily asked.
"Well, sure, my parents and I went, just to be polite, and he wasn't there. I looked for him," Frank shrugged and walked away, taking the stairs to the boys' dorm two at a time.
"Yeah, I'll ask that. Why weren't you at…?"
"Bellatrix" Sirius supplied, wearily
"Bellatrix's wedding?" Lily asked. Sirius shifted, uncomfortably
"I was at James' house." He said eyes darting to study his mismatched socks.
"I didn't know you went to James' over the summer…" Remus remarked with a frown, "in fact, didn't James' mum say she didn't want us to come? Yeah…" he snapped his fingers as he remembered her exact words, "She said we'd all practically lived there for the past two summers and this year couldn't we, please, go to my house or to Pete's?"
"She had to let me stay," Sirius said quietly, "I couldn't go home."
"Why not?" Lily persisted
"Evans—" James tried to interrupt but no one paid him any mind.
"I ran away," Sirius breathed angrily, "and Mrs. Potter would never kick out a homeless sixteen-year-old!" He looked back up at the others, eyes ablaze. "Remus!" he spat, "truth or dare?"
"Oh! Um, dare," Remus spluttered, hoping to break the tension a little by welcoming more humiliation.
"I dare you to…" the words do it alone next month flew to mind, but Sirius didn't voice them; instead he forced himself to say, "Propose to Calliope Zabini. Down on one knee, with a ring and everything. Tell her to forget about her boyfriend, that you've loved from afar for years…the whole nine yards." Remus blanched.
"Where'll I get a ring?" he asked, voice barely audible
"We'll transfigure one for you, out of a napkin ring or something."
Remus swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing
"Okay." He said faintly, "James? Which one?" James, who was picking lint off his socks, didn't even look up at he said,
"Truth." Biting his lip, Remus studied James, finally coming up with a question that would cause little to no uproar.
"Why do you always take my socks?" He sighed.
"They're warmer." James said, grinning guiltily "Pete's are nice, too, but I'd rather too big than too small." He gave a tug on the extra fabric in the toe of the sock on his foot.
With a hopeful smile, James turned to Lily,
"Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Okay, suppose I am the last man on earth—"
"Boy," Lily interrupted.
"Fine, I'm the last boy on earth. I have a stockpile of food. The world is an apocalyptic wasteland and the only reason we survived is because we were…on vacation …to the moon. I have an underground house where we'll be safe from magic and radiation and cockroaches. Would you go out with me?"
"Out where?" Lily asked with a giggle, "You just said the world was inhospitable aside from your little bunker,"
"You know what I mean." James said, blushing, "Under these unbelievably far-fetched circumstances, would you be the Eve to my Adam?" Lily wrinkled her nose.
"Would you still share your food if I said no?"
"Of course I would" James said, feigning insult at very suggestion.
"Then…maybe," She softened. James sat up a little straighter, his very countenance shining happily. Lily cleared her throat.
"All right," she said, "Truth or dare, Remus?"
"Truth." Remus said, still having difficulty speaking for the terror of asking Calliope Zabini to marry him.
"Where were you on Tuesday?" Lily asked. She pulled her wand out of her hair and tucked it into her pocket. She didn't seem to notice that Remus' face was turning whiter than parchment.
"I…I was ill." He stammered.
"No, I went to bring you your homework in the hospital wing after supper. You weren't there until Wednesday, but you'd already disappeared by seven o'clock on Tuesday." She countered, "Where were you that night, before you were ill?" Remus was wringing the hem of his school shirt between his fingers, so hard that when he forced himself to let go, the shirt looked like crumpled wax paper and had left red marks on his hands.
"I was in the Shrieking Shack." He said shakily, balling his hands into fists to keep them from going back to his shirt.
"Why would you go there for the night if you thought you were getting sick?" she asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Sirius, who had been glaring at his trainers ever since his own interrogation, looked up. His eyes were wide. Remus was a good liar, but he was cracking under the pressure, Sirius could tell.
"Only one question at a time, Lil," He butted in a little too loudly, "We wouldn't have agreed to play if we'd been expecting the Spanish Inquisition." He was looking Lily in the eye, mentally begging her to drop it, but in his peripheral vision he could see Remus letting out one long, trembling breath of relief.
"Fine." Lily said, "Sorry." She brushed her hair out of her face, and repositioned herself so that her legs were curled up underneath her.
"Padfoot? Truth or dare?" Remus asked when, after an infinite silence, he felt capable of speech again. Sirius looked surprised at Remus, as though shocked that the game was continuing and even more so that it was at Moony's behest.
"Dare." He said with a shrug. Remus thought for a while, before saying,
"I dare you to go up to Calliope, immediately after I've asked her to marry me, and ask if you can be her Maid of Honor." Sirius gave a loud bark of laughter, before remarking,
"That's great! I can see her face now!"
Remus shrugged. He caught Sirius' eye and blinked in a way that he hoped would mean thank you. Sirius blinked back and Remus decided to take it to mean no problem, and not my eyes are dry.
"James? What'll it be? Decaf or regular?" Sirius said rounding on the other boy.
"Umm…Regular?" James said. Sirius continued to stare at him for a moment, a rather long one Lily thought, and James crumpled under Sirius' gray-eyed stare. "Which is that?" He asked, tearing his eyes away.
"I don't know." Sirius said, "I didn't think this through."
"I would have thought decaf meant truth and regular meant dare, because decaf is sort of the safer option." Lily said, off-handly.
"I don't think truth is safer at this point." Remus muttered with a shake of the head.
"OK, OK," Sirius said, "James, I dare you to go streak around the astronomy tower."
"What, now?"
"Yeah, it'll be funny."
"But I didn't choose dare."
"You chose regular. According to Evans that's dare."
"But it's cold out."
"Be a man."
"But you asked if I wanted coffee. I thought it'd be nice and warm"
"Well, you thought wrong."
"But it's broad daylight."
"The world has seen uglier things than your dangly bits."
"I don't want to."
"ARE YOU A MARAUDER OR NOT?" Sirius thundered, pulling himself up to his full (though still sitting down) height.
"Fine." James said standing and pulling off his jumper, school shirt and trousers. He was left standing in his boxers and Remus' socks. He crossed his arms over his skinny chest and exited through the portrait hole.
"I never thought I'd see the day that you'd have to use that line to convince anyone other than me." Remus said, with a smile.
"He was being a wimp."
"To be fair, you did ask him to run around naked on top of the castle." Lily smirked.
"It'll do him good." Sirius insisted.
"People go up there to snog, you know," She said.
"I know." Sirius said with a smug smile. They fell into an unnaturally comfortable silence, Lily cringing at what would happen if James ran into, say, Christopher Dinwiddie and his girlfriend and Sirius giggling at the same scenario. Eventually, Remus was forced to pull them out of their mutual reverie.
"Is anyone else hungry?" he asked, timidly.
"Starved." Sirius said, still staring at the wall absently.
"A bit." Lily agreed, tearing her gaze away. Sirius stood and brushed off the backside of his trousers.
"To the kitchens?" he asked, extending his hands, gentleman-like, to help up Lily and Remus. Neither one took it. They left the common room, carefully avoiding the chess piece that had tripped Frank up, and setting a quick pace down the corridors.
"How do you know where the kitchens are?" Lily asked, giving Sirius a suspicious look.
"If you spend as much time hiding from Filch as we do, you find pretty much everything." Remus muttered, walking along a little behind. Lily turned to him, a scandalized look on her pale face.
"You too, Rem?"
He blushed. After crossing over half a dozen staircases and exchanging pleasantries with a few teachers (and narrowly avoiding the ones who wouldn't accept a simple 'hello, how are you?') they reached a large painting of a bowl of fruit. Sirius gave the pear a vicious tickling, leaving it in tears, and they entered the kitchen. They were swarmed by house elves. Sirius smiled, seemingly more than willing to take every dish the little creatures offered him from éclairs to ham. Remus and Lily politely declined most of it, taking in the end just a turkey sandwich each.
"The whole school's going to go hungry for weeks on account of you, Black." Lily muttered as she watched him walking down the hall with a turkey leg in one hand and a pudding in the other. He shrugged
"It's never made a difference before. And anyway, I'm a growing boy."
"So's Remus."
"Not my fault if he can't use it to his advantage."
Lily rolled her eyes and tore off a bite of bread from her sandwich. Remus had eaten half of his and wrapped the rest up in a napkin for later.
"Truth or dare, Lily?" He asked as she popped the portion of crust into her mouth.
"It's James' turn." She pointed out. Remus shrugged, so Lily continued, "all right then, dare." Remus frowned.
"I dare you to tell me the truth." He said.
"That's cheating!" Sirius cried.
"I have a question for her." Remus said calmly, glancing at Sirius. He turned to Lily, "do you ever miss Severus? Would you be friends with him again?" Lily looked thoughtfully at her turkey. She swept off a finger-full of mustard and popped it into her mouth before saying, slowly.
"I don't know. I mean, obviously I miss him. But I miss the ten-year-old boy who came up to me at the playground and told me everything he knew about Hogwarts. I miss the Sev who said it didn't matter I was muggle-born." She swallowed and shut her eyes tight, "I don't miss the one who called me mudblood and lurked around trying to figure out what you lot were up to, whose dearest ambition is to be a Deatheater. I wouldn't be friends with him again, he's changed too much, and not in a good way." They were silent again, as they continued on their way to Gryffindor common room. Lily walked slowly, not looking at either boy as she did so. She gave the Fat Lady the password dully and sat down in the coveted chair by the fire. James was sitting in the other, an annoyed look on his face as he concentrated on warming his toes.
"Where did you all go?" he asked grumpily as Sirius and Remus joined them.
"Kitchens," Sirius said as he handed James a fistful of biscuits. James grinned.
"You're forgiven." He said, as he bit into one. "It's my turn, isn't it?" He asked through his mouthful of oatmeal raisin. They all nodded. "Truth or dare, Lily?"
"Dare." She said.
"I dare you to ask the future Mr. and Mrs. Lupin if they'd be interested in a ménage a trios sometime." Lily choked on her bite of turkey as Remus did an excellent impression of a tomato.
"All right." She said after she had gotten her breath, "but she won't say yes."
"You're kidding, right? She's not going to say yes to any of us," Sirius snorted.
"I think it's enough." Remus said, "No more on the whole Zabini thing." Sirius and James gave simultaneous, dramatic sighs.
"Fine." Sirius assented, with a groan. Remus frowned.
"No need to be so dramatic." He mumbled.
"Truth or dare, Rem?" Lily asked.
"Dar…truth." He said, switching his choice half way through.
"What was that?" Lily giggled.
"Truth…I think." He said, eyes on the floor as the blush seeped back into his cheeks.
"Why were you in the shrieking shack on Tuesday?" She asked. Her eyes shone with interest and perhaps concern as she looked at Remus. He avoided her gaze, though, thinking that if he looked at her, he wouldn't be able to lie.
"It was stupid. A dare, just a dumb thing to see if I'd get scared." He cleared his throat. He hoped, for a moment, against hope that she would believe him.
"You're lying," She murmured, her eyes like jade daggers. He groaned.
"What's the penalty for lying in truth or dare?" Sirius wondered aloud.
"Free hits?" Lily suggested. Sirius shrugged.
"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, "If there's anything I should lie about—"
"Hey!" James said, finally making his objections heard, "I think it's only fair. We'll each have two chickens. One question that you don't have to answer, one dare you don't have to do. Rem's using his."
"Fine." Lily said, looking a little disappointed, "Don't trust me. But I told you that stuff about Sev." She shrugged, a sad look on her face. Sirius didn't seem to be able to take it.
"Moony…" he moaned, grabbing Remus' shoulder. Lily looked a little tearful, but it was hard to tell in the firelight. Sirius had never been able to stand a girl crying.
"Fine!" Remus snapped, rounding on Sirius and throwing off his arm, "But, erm…muffliato." He waved his wand above their heads and around the group. "And you, Evans, have to promise me you won't breathe a word to anyone." Lily raised her eyebrows. "And if you do…" He trailed off, incapable of inventing a consequence.
"Of course, I won't tell anybody." She put a hand on his, "I'm no gossip." Remus swallowed, hard, and pulled his hand away. When he spoke again, it was barely above a whisper.
"I go to the shack every month. It's to protect everyone, because if I wasn't closed up…well, I don't have any control over my actions, while I'm away. I could be violent." From the look on her face, Lily didn't quite believe him. With a sigh, Remus pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, wincing slightly as the air touched the four scabbing, bloody claw marks that had been made on the inside of his forearm. "I could be violent like that, to other people." He muttered, "My parents didn't think I'd be allowed to come to Hogwarts at all, but Dumbledore arranged it, specially. The Shrieking Shack was his idea. I go there to…to transform." He tugged his sleeve back down, avoiding Lily's eyes. He knew his own were lousy with shame.
"You're a—?" Lily gasped, "Severus was right?"
"He told you?" Remus stormed, anger replacing embarrassment.
"No! He knows? No! He just always thought…"
"Since when?"
"Third year?"
Remus exhaled. He looked like he was about to be sick.
"Well, whatever he thought was confirmed last year." He said hoarsely.
"It was all my fault." Sirius said. Remus shook his head, but didn't look up from his study of the carpet, his breathing not quite steady. James was gnawing on his lower lip so persistently that he drew blood. A long, agonizing silence fell over the group as Lily observed the damage admitting this secret had caused the marauders. She knew she had to say something, but whenever she tried, her stomach flew into her throat with a vaguely nauseous sensation and blocked her words. Sirius tugged at the fraying ends of his trousers, Remus memorized the pattern on the carpet, his hands shaking violently, and James put a finger to his lip, realizing slowly that the liquid dribbling off it was not saliva.
"You hate me now, for making you say it, don't you?" Lily whispered forcing the words out painfully. Her quiet worry seemed to shake them out of oblivion.
"No" Remus said, "It's just—" he couldn't finish; he looked at the rug again.
"You should have seen him when we found out." James offered, now applying pressure to his lip, "He actually started packing his trunk, to leave."
"You did?" Lily asked. Remus blushed.
"It's easier to be around people who don't know…or I thought so, at least. They've been proving me wrong." He gave a shallow laugh, "Visiting me in the hospital wing, bringing chocolate when I feel ill, making jokes about my 'furry little problem'…not quite the torch and pitchforks I'd expected."
"You can't seriously have thought they would ostracize you. Or that I would," Lily said huffily. Remus shook his head.
"You're muggle-born. You don't know how the Wizarding world sees…people like me. I haven't visited my paternal grandparents since I was bitten." He swallowed, "you should have heard Sirius' mum when she found out. It was at Christmas in third year. She sent him a Howler Christmas morning, supporter of filth! Making friends with mudbloods and half-breeds and blood-traitors…no son of mine…. She went on and on."
"Yeah, well that's not too unusual." Sirius muttered. Remus rolled his eyes.
"Padfoot, choose truth." Remus said.
"What?"
"Just say 'truth'"
"Fine. Truth." Sirius looked annoyed that Remus had deftly removed the focus of the conversation from his lycanthropy.
"Why did you run away?" Remus asked, "And why didn't you tell me or Peter?"
"Ok, first of all, it wasn't a conscious decision to keep it from you and Wormtail. I wouldn't have told James if I hadn't gone to his house."
"Sirius." Remus said reasonably, trying to keep the other boy on topic.
"I don't want to…" Sirius whined. Lily was getting fed up.
"What could they possibly have done that was that atrocious? Just that she doesn't like your friends? Evidently you've forgiven that before!" Sirius drew a breath. James was pressing the end of his sleeve to his lip, the redness quickly spreading.
"Moony," James said, voice muffled by his sleeve, "He didn't even tell me. Just showed up on our doorstep."
"She Imperius-ed me." Sirius muttered.
"What?" Remus, Lily and James yelped.
"Yeah. I insulted some distant cousin who was staying with us for the wedding. And Mum said she hated to do it, but she couldn't deal with my…how did she put it? My lawlessness while she had relatives to appease." He licked his lips, "she made me apologize to the cousin, serve the tea, clean the house... kiss up to every member of the family. She probably had me spouting pureblood supremacy slogans, too. I can't remember everything. It was like having a leash and muzzle around my brain." He ran a hand through his hair, thoughtfully, "but something must've broken her concentration, because I woke up. I was in the middle of giving Bella a pedicure and I realized what I was doing. Well, when I knew I'd lost a week of my life and been used as a house-elf I was so mad that I told her off, told her she was wrong about everything, and Apparated the first place I could think."
"You can Apparate?" Lily asked in shock.
"I looked it up, last year, before OWLs." Remus' mouth fell open; he could not picture Sirius dedicating time to learning advanced magic ahead of the curriculum. "There were so many of-age witches and wizards wandering around the Ancient and most Noble house of Black that the ministry couldn't even tell." He looked up at his friends, as though daring them to say they were sorry. "James," He said, "truth or dare?"
"What? After all that you just want to go back to the game—?"
"Dare it is then!" Sirius declared
"What? But she—it—"
"Was months ago, and if it means that much to you, I dare you to write mummy dearest a howler." James looked taken aback, but nodded. "You're still bleeding, by the way," Sirius added
"Am I?" James asked, "Damn." He pressed the sleeve back to his mouth. Lily rolled her eyes and flicked her wand gracefully toward James' mouth. The skin appeared to weave itself back together, revoltingly, but James touched his lip with an expression of awe on his face.
"That was brilliant, Lily!" He exclaimed. She pinkened
"Fairly simple charm." She said to her knees. She peered back up at the boys, and offered modestly, "I could maybe do your arm, Remus." He shook his head regretfully
"Werewolf wounds can't be healed magically. Even Madame Pomfrey just gives me some dittany, to staunch the blood, and pain relief potion." He sounded mournful. Lily frowned.
"Oh." She cleared her throat, "I didn't know." James ran his tongue over his newly healed lip.
Sirius cleared his throat.
"Prongs, it's your turn, now." He reminded him. James pulled his tongue back into his mouth.
"Truth or dare, Lils?"
"Truth."
"What's your family like?" He looked at her, interested.
"You mean what're Muggles like?" She asked, a knowing smile on her face. James shrugged, unabashed. Lily answered, "Pretty much the same as wizards. Some are great, some are awful. My mum's a sweetheart, but she worries too much. Dad works long hours and he thinks every tiny detail of the Wizarding world is fascinating. My sister…wants to fit in. she doesn't like things that are different or unusual. She thinks Hogwarts is a freak school. Her boyfriend's even worse. He's graduated from some school where they're allowed to, and encouraged, to hit each other with canes. He's still breaking the habit. Haven't you ever met any Muggles?"
James looked sheepish.
"I see them at the park and the store and places like that," He said, "But I've never known any personally."
"You've met my mum." Remus said, indignantly.
"Briefly." James shrugged, "Godric's Hollow is mainly a Wizarding town. There are only a couple muggle families and they won't come to the Christmas parties"
"Before I came to Hogwarts," Sirius said, "I didn't even know the word 'Muggle'. My mother never talked about them, and she only ever called them 'useless scum'" Lily looked surprised.
"Truth or dare, Sere?" She asked, voice somewhere between bemused and bewildered.
"I'd say…truth." He leaned back onto his elbows and tilted back his head so that his black too-long bangs fell away from his face.
"If you had to, if you had to, who would you date? Bertha Jorkins or Sibyll Trelawney?" Lily seemed surprised at herself and added, under her breath, "take a trip to the shallow end of the swimming pool…"
"Trelawney." Sirius said in an instant. Lily looked surprised. It was the general consensus that, of the two Hufflepuff girls, Bertha was inordinately more attractive. She was curvier, certainly, than the ridiculously stick-like Sibyll who had, on top of her bizarrely draping wardrobe, glasses that dominated her face and hair that ticked the nose of anyone sitting within a ten-foot radius of her. "At least she's a laugh. Constantly predicting my premature death. All Bertha does is go on about random people I've never heard of snogging behind the green houses." A wolfish gleam came about his eyes, "Not to mention, Trelawney's into all that Eastern stuff. She does yoga by the lake sometimes, very flexible, that bird." He said with a smile. Remus was maroon.
"Virgin ears!" James exclaimed, covering them up with his hands
"I'm only speculating, Prongs, it's not a first-hand account or anything." Sirius said, grin being replaced with a scowl. Remus imitated James and clamped his hands over his ears.
"Oi!" Sirius said, growing hot in the face, "my ears are every bit as virginal as yours are, Potter!" Remus and James' hands fell away, expressions of slight shock on their faces. They both burst out laughing. Lily's eyes widened with amusement and surprise
"The great Don Juan of Hogwarts is actually as pure as fresh driven snow?" she asked. Sirius was blushing furiously now
"I've gotten farther than those two!" He pointed accusingly at James and Remus
"Oh, second base! Very impressive!" Remus said, mockingly. But before he'd had the chance to laugh, Sirius had launched at him, and the two were rolling around on the floor, play-fighting. Remus gave a yelp as Sirius tugged at his hair.
"Ow! Watch the bruises!" he cried, as Sirius had pinned him to the ground with one knee. Sirius removed the knee, hastily, panting out apologies.
"Honestly?" Lily asked, "With all those girls you've dated, you've never gotten past…?" She trailed off. Sirius shrugged.
"None of them were really girlfriends." He said, "just…girls."
"You are continually surprising to me." She murmured, "And the rest of you? James, weren't you going out with someone at the start of fifth year?"
"For a bit, but then she dumped me." He flushed, "We were kissing, and I called her Lily." Lily's face turned a shade of red to match James'.
"That's only a little disturbing." She said, under her breath. "Remus?" he shook his head, and then cradled it in his elbow; he was still lying on the floor where Sirius had tackled him.
"I've only gone out with one girl, and it was only because she thought it would be exciting to go out with a Dark Creature," He gave a nod to Lily, "…suppose Snivellus must have let slip his little theory to her. I ditched her when I found out, and then erased that particular tidbit from her memory," He confided bitterly. Remus sighed, and shifted his head to his other elbow, so that he was looking at James and Sirius rather than Lily, "Wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Wormy was the first of us." He said. James and Sirius shook their heads.
"Not at all." James said, "It's always funny to watch him when he gets a girlfriend. They go from not sure whether or not they should say Hello in the hallways to picking out china patterns in a week or less"
"Girls seem to like that about him. Committed, he is." Sirius commented. Something juicy seemed to occur to him, as he turned to Lily with a gleam in his eyes, "Have you, Evans?" She looked at the floor.
"Have I what?" She asked
"Gotten close or even…" He paused for effect, "Done it?"
"No." She said, shortly.
"We're going to need more detail," Sirius insisted, "Come on, a long study-session with Severus dear… you never even got a little too cozy in the Library?" Lily's cheeks were red, but it wasn't with embarrassment or discomfort but with fury.
"You'll shut up and mind your own business if you know what's good for you," She fumed. Sirius, rather than looking intimidated, smiled.
"I knew it! I knew you couldn't be such good friends with someone like Evans and be totally celibate." He held out a hand, "That's a galleon, James."
"You bet on this?" She growled.
"To be fair, it was in second year." Remus said, but his hoarse voice was muffled in the thick woolly fabric of his jumper and no one heard.
"Yeah…" James said, "I mean, it was when Peter was going out with Anna, you remember her? Left after second year to go to Beauxbatons? Broke his heart? And we were having a laugh that years from now, we'd all be married and happy…Sirius to an unnamed exotic supermodel, me to you, Peter to Anna, Remus to the dictionary…and we'd all come back to Hogwarts for a visit, or to drop off our children or something, and there'd be a great reunion and we were wondering who other people would've married, and Pads said Snape would be married to a Veela or someone ridiculously attractive, just for the irony. But I couldn't picture it and I said, no, Snape was asexual…and we bet on it…we were twelve! I can't believe he even remembered it!" Lily seemed to be at boiling point as she listened to James' rambling, fast-paced tale, but she licked her lips and said,
"Fine. Whatever. He asked me out once, and I said no." She continued to look at James, her eyes still boiling as the rest of her was apparently cooling down, "He never asked again." The eyes seemed to add, unlike some people, though her mouth curled into an unpleasant frown, knotted too tightly to possibly speak more. Sirius cleared his throat.
"So, Remus, that's honestly it for you?"
"What?" Remus asked.
"You haven't had any muggle girlfriends you've been hiding from us?" Sirius clarified, "I always sort of thought you'd probably dated half the girls in the village you lived in."
"I haven't lived anywhere longer than two years since I came here," Remus said, surprised, "and no longer than one year at a time before that. If we stay, people start riddling things out. No matter whom you're living near, a boy disappearing once a month and coming back looking peaky and beaten up is suspicious." He shrugged.
"You've never had so much as a crush on the pretty girl next door?" Sirius repeated incredulously.
"I've never let myself have so much as a crush on the pretty girl next door. It just isn't smart." Remus looked perturbed as he continued, "Even if she was so totally clueless that she didn't notice, or by some miracle she didn't care, I'd have to talk to her, which you know, Padfoot, is a problem for me, and she'd have to be interested in talking back, which she would never be."
"You talk to me." Lily pointed out.
"That's different." He said, "I don't like you." His face froze, "I mean—oh! I mean, I don't fancy you…I like you just—" Remus trailed off, flustered. Lily looked like she was about to laugh, but didn't. She may have sensed that it would have hurt Remus, more than the other two, to be laughed at. In the most minimal explanation he could possibly make regarding his awkwardness and lack of confidence with witches, Remus said quietly,
"I've got gray hairs, you know."
"You haven't" Lily gasped.
"Some." He said, gloomily.
"But that's the thing, isn't it?" James said, eagerly, "You'll look distinguished! Sirius and I'll look right old coots with messy, matted black hair down to our elbows when we're old and pathetic and alone. You'll be the sophisticated-looking scholarly type of bachelor, with gray hair and leather elbow pads on tweed jackets. And all the witches will swoon and say, 'I'll be the one to tear him from his books'" Remus snorted as he tried not to laugh at this scenario.
"Then I'll go out with them, and eventually be forced to tell them what I am, and they'll run screaming and leave me to my books and papers again," He said, sitting up.
"It touches everything," Lily noted, astonishment creeping from her face to her voice.
"Not being human? Yeah, it does."
"You're more human than half the people I know." Sirius said adamantly, his head resting on his knees, "More than almost all my family, more than Malfoy, Mulciber, my brother and Dolohav put together…and you're more human than Snape, that's definite and has been since the day I met you." Remus looked pleased, humiliated, and rectified all at the same time.
"Thanks." He muttered, ears purple and the rest of his face hidden, as he looked at the ground.
James smiled at Sirius. Lily chewed the inside of her cheek. Remus rubbed the back of his neck and looked back up, rather unwillingly, to glance at his watch.
"Everyone's going to be back in about ten minutes." He mentioned. The others looked surprised.
"Are they really?" James asked. Remus nodded.
"We should straighten up a bit." Lily suggested, looking around the somewhat disheveled common room.
With a reluctant nod, they all set about rearranging the cushions they had moved and brushing biscuit crumbs off the seats. When all was tidied up, Remus sat gingerly back onto the couch, picking up his book and flipping it open at random.
Sirius set to making a house of cards out of a deck intended for exploding snap: the walls often collapsed when it was least expected, with a dramatic bang and screeches from the queen of hearts and knave of spades, who constituted the roof.
When Frank went by, fiddling violently with his ears, James remembered and removed the muffliato charm Remus had put up.
Lily sat looking at the marauders, not sure what to think, but before she'd time to ponder the things she'd learned about them, the Hogsmeade visitors returned, bundled tightly and sniffling from the cold. Mary bounded up to Lily, babbling joyfully about her exciting day with Peter. Peter himself joined in Sirius' card castle. James was reading aloud over Remus' shoulder and annoying the other boy completely. The room filled with the happy, energetic chatter of Gryffindors and the rather emotionally drained Lily just wanted to be able to Muffliato herself, for some peace and quiet. Finally James went up to the dorm, looking fairly sulky, having been hit with a tongue-tying jinx by Remus. Lily followed him, telling Mary that she wanted to tell him off for something rude he'd done earlier in the day.
"Potter." She said, following him into the sixth-years dorm.
"Going to waylay me as I clean my teeth, Evans?" He asked, "Kinky."
"Actually, no." She said, "Truth or dare?" He turned, one eyebrow raised.
"Truth." He shrugged.
So many questions bombarded Lily. She picked the first one she knew needed to be asked.
"Why do you hate Snape?"
James' reaction was instantaneous. The shudder was undeniable, and as he turned to look at her, his hazel eyes were cold. She had never seen him actually angry before.
"Do I have to list it all?"
"Last year you said you picked on him just because he was there. After all I've heard today, I'd like to think that isn't true. So, is it?"
"No." James admitted, stiffly. He collapsed on a four-poster that Lily doubted was his. For one thing, the supply of Honeydukes and warm knitted socks underneath it suggested Remus as the true owner. "I hated him from the minute I saw him. You remember, on the train? You were crying. I didn't know what to say, so I talked to Sirius instead. Then he came in and within five seconds, had comforted you, insulted my house, and left. He was already totally sure of everything."
"But he wasn't!" Lily insisted, "You don't know how horrible his parents were! He was only certain about Hogwarts because it was like a sanctuary to him."
"Exactly. He was going somewhere safe. I was headed someplace scary and lonely and new." James brought his long, gangly legs, pretzel style, onto Remus' bed, "He was excited, I was nervous. Add that he called me and my whole family stupid in one fell swoop and it was instant dislike. Then you mix in the fact that he was such a smug little arse in lessons and then, after second year, that you liked him and not me, never me…"
"You're jealous." Lily said, astonished.
"Maybe, a little." His face was red, and apparently Remus' pillow was the most fascinating thing in the Wizarding world.
Remus, Sirius and Peter came up the stairs, the latter two laughing loudly, their eyebrows singed, the former doing the same, but more subdued.
"I'll see you." Lily murmured, as she made to leave, squeezing past the boys and down the stairs, seeming to float.
Sirius' arm was slung across his friends' shoulders. His family, really, Lily thought fancifully as she walked past, he'd turned them into his family because he could not forgive his real flesh-and-blood. She thought, absently, that his laughter as Peter shuffled the cards seemed a little hollow, like a security blanket that he had outgrown, but couldn't throw out and she realized slowly that it had been that way for quite some time, without anyone noticing.
Next to Sirius, laughing behind his hand, Remus had bags under his eyes, and looked positively ghostly in the harsh lighting of the stairway. And, to Lily's surprise, at a second glance, a few silver hairs glinted among the brown, betraying him as something older, wearier and more cynical than sixteen-year-old boys should ever have to be.
She knew James had mentally thrown aside her question about Snape and his answer, as he met his friends with an enthusiastic greeting and threw things at them. She could hear Sirius' laugh actually envelope him, becoming more real, and hear Remus feeling the child he should be. Peter, she didn't quite know yet, but she would, one day.
James meant a lot to them, she realized. He let all of them lean on him when they needed it. And he was laying off Snape. And he wasn't showing off so much in Quidditch. He was working harder in classes. Something had definitely changed in James, because while he was still the idiot who'd run around starkers at his mate's request, he also understood that the laughter and jokes were something Sirius, Remus and Peter all desperately needed, and continued them, even when he didn't feel like it, because he knew they deserved it. There was almost something sort of admirable there, Lily thought.
She reached the bottom of their stairs and turned immediately up toward the girls' dorm. Collapsing on her own four-poster and drawing the curtains, she thought briefly that she might have been wrong about the Marauders. They were, perhaps, good people after all.
fin