Disclaimer: If I owned Wicked, I would be totally happy right now. But I don't. Excuse me while I shoot myself. :)
Chapter 12: Defying... Popsicles?
(Elphaba and Glinda walk into the Wizard's Special Room.)
The Wizard: This. Is. OZ!!
Glinda: (cowering in fear)
Elphaba: Umm...
The Wizard: Who dares to bug me?!
Elphaba: Idiot. Don't you recognize my green skin?
The Wizard: Hey! It's my ticket to success! How's it going, Fabala?
Elphaba: Only my father calls me that.
The Wizard: Who's to say I'm not your father?
Glinda: I knew it!
Elphaba: Umm... I'm going to steer the conversation away from this awkward subject now... What did you want?
The Wizard: I want Glinda to bow before my throne, and I'll decree she'll hence be known...
The Wizard and Glinda: (singing) As Glinda the Good, officially!
The Wizard: Then with a jealous scream, you'll bust from concealment...
Glinda: Where you had been lurking... surreptitiously...
Elphaba: Can I say a few things?
The Wizard: Sure.
Elphaba: One- Glinda, do you even know what the heck "surreptitiously" is?
Glinda: Silly! It means sweet! Like maple syrup! Syrup-tish-ish-ly!
Elphaba: Moving on... Two: You guys DO realize that what you said doesn't actually HAPPEN? It's just a STORY. Made up to SLANDER me. You're supposed to get me to read from the Grimmerie, remember?
The Wizard: Crap. Well, there's a funny story about that...
Elphaba: Do tell.
The Wizard: I may have lost it...
Elphaba: That's nice. The great and powerful leader of Oz lost the most important book ever. Way to go.
The Wizard: But don't worry, I made you a spell to read!
Elphaba: You made it?
The Wizard: Yep!
Elphaba: Should I be suspicious?
The Wizard: (shifty eyes) Noo...
Elphaba: OK... (reads spell)
Glinda: Look! The monkey has WINGS!!
Elphaba: You idiot! Monkeys shouldn't have Red Bull! AREN'T THEY ADHD ENOUGH ALREADY?!
The Wizard: That was all you.
Elphaba: Really? But why did you want them to have wings?
The Wizard: So they can spy on Animals!
Elphaba: What for?
Morrible: (appearing) To make sure no Animals have Popsicles!
Elphaba: GASP.
The Wizard: Now, before you go all defy-gravity-floaty on us, here me out. If Animals can't have Popsicles, there will be more for us! We can finally stop fighting swine to get the coveted Blue Popsicle!
Elphaba: (coldly) I don't like Blue Popsicles.
The Wizard: But still! Think of how many more Popsicles they'll be to go around!
Elphaba: Go die. (runs away, trips over something.) Hey, look! The Grimmerie!
The Wizard: Flippin' Oz... How did it get over there?!
Elphaba: What luck! (runs away with The Grimmerie)
Glinda: Ughness. Elphie! Wait! (runs after Elphie.)
The Wizard: Guards!! Get the green thing!
Guards: (appearing) Is that an innuendo?
The Wizard: NO!
(Guards scurry away.)
Elphaba: Oh crap! There's no more stairs!
Authoress: Why the heck would you go upstairs?! Don't you ever watch horror movies?
Elphaba: In hindsight, it probably would have been better to run out a back door.
Authoress: You say that now!
(Glinda runs in.)
Glinda: What the crap, Elphie?? Upstairs?! WHAT were you thinking??
Elphaba: I realized that already, thanks.
Glinda: Elphie, listen to me. You can still be with the Wizard. Just... say you're sorry. You can have all you ever wanted...
Elphaba: I know. But Glinda... he's denying Animals of Popsicles! I can't let him get away with that.
Glinda: Yeah, I figured. Before you go, you need a catchphrase.
Elphaba: Like...?
Glinda: Like: "Confront Magnitude"?
Elphaba: "It's time I tried confronting magnitude..." Nah.
Glinda: "Challenge Conformity"?
Elphaba: Er...
Glinda: Ooh! Ooh! How about "Defy Gravity"?
Elphaba: Hold on, let me check the script... Yep! That's it!
Glinda: Yay!
Elphaba: How awfully convenient! I'm supposed to "defy gravity" at the end of this scene! It's like a double meaning!
Authoress: W00t for hidden meanings!!
Elphaba: Like innuendos...
Authoress: Hey. We already had the innuendo chat LAST chapter.
Elphaba: The "innuendo chat".
Authoress: YOU ARE CORRUPTING THE MINDS OF READERS, ELPHABA THROPP. PLEASE STOP OR I'LL BE FORCED TO REMOVE YOU... FORCIBLY.
Elphaba: (sigh) Whatever.
(Guards knock at the door.)
Glinda: Elphie! Do something!
Elphaba: (chanting)
Glinda: So you do the spell that got us into this mess in the first place?! It's like you've lost your mind... or you're in love... OR YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH A PERSON WITHOUT A MIND!!
Elphaba: (suddenly nervous) Glinda...
Glinda: It's all clear to me now! Why you've been avoiding me when I talk about Fiyero! IT MAKES SENSE!!
Elphaba: Let me explain...
Glinda: You're in love with an inanimate object!
Elphaba: I swear, we never did anythi- What?!
Glinda: Yep! And whenever I start to talk about Fiyero, you would walk away because you didn't want to tell anyone about your secret love!
Elphaba: Umm... sure?
Authoress: You sound like me with my conspiracy theories, Glinda.
(Broom appears, floating.)
Glinda: Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh. Pretty...
Elphaba: W00t! My ticket to freedom! (grabs broom)
(Guards burst in.)
Guards: Yeah, we really don't think you're wicked.
Elphaba: Really?
Guards: Yep.
Elphaba: Coolio!
(Morible appears)
Morrible: Citizens of Oz, there is a terror among us! This horror, this repulsion, this... Wicked Witch!!
Guards: What did she ever do?
Morrible: She stole Popsicles off young children!
Guards: GASP.
Elphaba: Cra-ap. (flies up into air) So if you care to find me, look to the Western sky!
Glinda: California?
Elphaba: Fiyero's castle, silly.
Glinda: Should I be suspicious?
Elphaba: (shifty eyes) No... And nobody, in all of Oz, no Wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring meeeeeeeeeeee down!
Guards: Look at her! She steals Popsicles off young children! Get her!
Elphaba: Bring meeeee-
(A kid with a grape Popsicle walks in.)
Elphaba: Fight the temptation... fight the temptation... FIGHT THE TEMPTATION!! AHHH! (swoops down and grabs the grape Popsicle from kid.)
Kid: What the crap?!
Elphaba: Mmmmppphhh. (Translation: My mouth's full, but I want to point out that nobody in Oz is ever going to bring me down again. Including small children with Popsicles. That was a one-time deal. I swear.)
Glinda: I hope you're happy!
Elphaba: Ahhh!!
Audience: Ahhh!!
Glinda: Ahhh!!
Guards: So we've got to bring her...
Elphaba: Ahhhhh!!
Guards: Down!!
(The music ends, the curtain closes, and the lights go up.)
Authoress: (in awe) Wow.
A/n: 5-24-08: I'm not gonna lie. I didn't think I'd be able to poke fun at Defying Gravity. It means to much to me (and everyone I think). So that's why it's ends up in the same point- everyone thinks Elphie is wicked- but the means to the end is different.
Wow. Means to the end? ... Flashback to religion earlier this year...
(Now, bear with me as I go on tangent.)
Holy Oz. This year went fast. I'm depressed it's almost over... Seven more days... Wow. I've changed so much. I can't believe it... Next year will be so different. (sad face) For one thing, I won't have Ms V for homeroom. (Yeah, she's my homeroom teacher... what luck!) And I won't have Mr Mc... How will my conspiracy theories survive?
Let me go cry, please.
(On a lighter note, at the senior walk-thru, Ms V stood by me and we made sarcastic comments to each other the whole time about how awkward it was. Kinda like Katie and I and the movies.)
So maybe you can brighten my day by telling me what the heck BAS is. Heard of it. Have no clue what it is. :)
Luv you all.
Heart,
Yorkie
PS If I don't respond to your reviews quickly... Well, it's finals time.