"Someone's gonna hafta explain it to me

I'm not sure what it means.

My baby's feeling funny in the morning,

She's having trouble getting into her jeans.

Her waistline seems to be expanding,

although she never feels like eating a thing.

I guess we'll reach some understanding,

When we see what the future will bring," Jackson Browne

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"Why didn't you tell me this could happen?"

"I presume your Earth parents discussed the issues pertaining to procreation with you," Jor-el responded, and I could have sworn he was laughing at me.

"Well, yeah, but I figured since I'm from another plant it would make it impossible for me to get somebody from Earth pregnant."

"On Earth they have a creature called—a mule—the product of a horse and a donkey, two separate, but similar species can produce offspring." I hated listening to his voice and coming all the way up to the fortress in the freezing cold, even if the temperature didn't bother me. Jor-el always lectured me. Nothing I did was good enough. Nothing I did was right. I cared too much about 'those humans,' I allowed my identity to be discovered, even if it was only as Superman, and I reveled all my private information in that interview with Lois…

"I know about that, I grew up on a farm, but I'm not a horse, or a donkey and neither is-"

"It was an example, my son. You are not the first of our kind to do something like this. Of course in the past the child was cared for on Krypton, for her own protection. These Earthlings are far too primative to properly care for one of us. If there had been any other options—"

"Don't you dare talk about my parents like that," I shouted, and turned to leave, but there was more I needed to know, and I knew that if I didn't find out, I'd only have to come back. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I warned you to be cautious. Human contraceptives are not perfect, but they do tend to work well enough, even for someone like us."

"Yeah, and they worked great when I used them with Lana, but I thought the whole—I though it wouldn't be a problem with Lex, seeing as how men can't get pregnant."

"If only your education hadn't come from such a scientifically stunted planet. Only on Earth do supposedly intelligent creatures believe that gender is a permanent, definite thing."

"So you're telling me that Lex is part man, and part woman?"

"Again, you misunderstand me Kal-el. These words you use, woman; man, they have virtually no meaning, no definition. Just because human 'females' carry children, doesn't mean they all can, nor does it mean that a 'male,' could not do the same."

"But Lex doesn't have a uterus, or a way for the baby to come out."

"Do not worry, my son. These things tend to work out the way they are meant to."

"But how are we supposed to take care of this baby, and what are we supposed to tell him, when he asks where he came from?"

"Now is not the time to worry about such things," he told me and then he left. I screamed at him, in vain, for an hour, angry with him, afraid for Lex's sanity and health, scared for the child, nervous about dealing with a pregnant Lex, saddened because my father couldn't be here to see or know about his grandchild, excited about having a baby, and filled with an even deeper sense of love than I had felt the first time Lex and I had sex.

"Well?" Lex got up from his desk, and ran to meet me at the door, his hands all but shaking with a mixture of fear and excitement. "What did he say? The test was wrong, right? Please—not that I don't want kids—but. I can't be pregnant. It's just not possible."

"Actually it is, and—you are…pregnant. Jor-el said, men and women, well it's not that simple and we—well let's just say from now on we might wanna be a little bit more careful."

"Or we could switch positions and I could be on top. Then we wouldn't have to worry about what might happen if you ever got 'overexcited,'" Lex smirked.

"And risk getting me pregnant too? Why are you so against using condoms? I'm the one who has to wear the damn thing!" I screamed. I can't stand fighting with Lex. He always makes the same face, and he looks so sad, so hurt—I can't stay mad at him for very long. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell at you, I mean especially considering—I'm sorry."

"I like the way it feels when—and if you ever tell anyone I said this, I swear I'll grind up a bunch of Kryptonite, and put it in your coffee—I like how it feels when you cum inside of me. I like the way everything feels with you. I've never felt that before, not with anybody. It's almost like—no it couldn't be."

"Lex?" I asked, taking a seat next to him on the couch, and putting my arm around his shoulder. "What is it? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's strange, but for the first time in—since I can remember, I'm—I feel good. I'm married to the man of my dreams. My father ran off with your father, right after the election, and he doesn't even bother to get on my case anymore. He doesn't even come by any more. I have complete control over Luthorcorp, and I managed to turn it around, no more illegal research, no more testing the effects of meteor rocks on innocent people…and you and I are about to have a baby together. I've never felt like this before. I'm not myself; I think I've lost my mind."

I thought it was both funny, and pitiful that Lex didn't realize he was happy, and knowing he'd never felt happiness in his life. So I kissed his head, and I kissed his stomach, and then I looked him right in the eyes and said, "Lex, you're happy. That feeling you can't name, the one you've never known, it's happiness."

"I know that! What do you think I am some sort of an idiot? I know what happiness is, but I—I'm a Luthor and I—I'm not supposed to be—we're…Luthors are never happy."

"I think maybe you should call Lionel, and agree to change the rules on this one, or at least ask him if it's okay. Your dad looked pretty happy when he carried my father off in his arms like something in a fairy tale. As far as loosing your mind—you haven't, but when she finds out you're going to be having my child, that you're taking away the only other person in her life, my mom might go crazy."

"Well I was thinking, we're not always going to be able to be with the baby 24/7, and I don't wanna leave him all alone with some nanny whose gonna end up being closer to my kid than I am, so maybe your mom could move in and we'll all be a family together, and take turns watching the baby."

"At least the Kidd will have an interesting time when they make him do a family tree. This is my daddy-Lex, and my other daddy-Clark and their daddies were married to their mommies but now they're living together…"

"When he's little we could tell him that we hired a surrogate, and even have her be part of our life, so he could have someone to call Mommy. Then when he's older, we can tell him the truth," Lex suggested. "I mean—I'd hate to lie to my kid, but how else do we explain that to a toddler…well you know…"

"I think it is a good idea, at least for now, but we should keep an eye out for abilities, and explain that it's okay, and do what my parents did. I was thinking maybe we could get Lana to be his, 'mommy."

"I don't wanna pick anyone from Smallville for this. There's already going to be too much gossip, and if she says even one thing wrong, the whole town will know…well everything."

"Well if not her, then who?"

"An old friend, from school," he started to explain.

"I thought you didn't have any friends in school," I told him in a snarky tone of voice. "Sorry."

"I had one—her name is Anna, and I think she teaches English or something at Met-U. Maybe I can give her a call, and then we can all get together this weekend. I know this place near campus. It has this sundae, with about fifty scoops of ice cream in it—oh god, it's true. I really am pregnant. Next thing you know I'll be wanting peanut butter and pickles—I think I'm gonna throw up," Lex said, racing towards the bathroom, and I thought to myself, 'it's going to be a really long nine months.

// xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Chapter Break xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx //

Lex called his old friend that afternoon, and told her he had gotten married. Then he told her we wanted to have a baby, and that we would really like it if she came to stay with us and help out. Lex said he would tell her the whole story when she got here, because it was too complicated to say over the phone. She agreed to come, for a week or two, to catch up, and so we could figure out the stuff about the baby.

When Lex finished on the phone with Anna, I called my mom. We said hi, and got caught up, and then I decided to tell her everything, and hope that she didn't hang up, or hurt Lex.

"Mom, I know you don't really like Lex anymore, especially since we got married and everything, but we need you to sort of help us with something."

"Lex is not the one I have a problem with—I was at your wedding, remember? I love Lex. He's as much a son to me as you are. It's Lionel I want to throw off the top of a very, very tally building."

"Mom…?"

"Don't worry, Clark. I'm not going to do anything to that," she paused, like she wanted to curse Lionel out, but then changed her mind. "I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. I got a postcard today. They got married, in Maui."

"You're sure you're okay with Lex, and with me and Lex being a couple, right? Mom, this is important. Are you okay, with me and Lex being together, living together, being married?"

"Clark, what are you trying to tell me?" my mother's voice had gone up in pitch, and I could imagine her squeezing the handset with every once of strength she had. My mother's fingers were probably turning white."

"Mom, I think you should sit down," I started to explain, taking my own advice and sitting on a chair next to Lex. I looked over at him, with a quick smile. Lex had a pair of headphones around his stomach, but he was still thin enough that they kept sliding off. He mouthed the word, "Mozart," and I turned my attention back to the phone.

"Clark, honey what's wrong? Did something happen to Lex? Did he do something to you? Is he hurt? Are you hurt? What's going on? Clark? Answer me?" she screamed, not taking the time to breathe between questions, let alone give me a chance to answer.

"Mom, sit down, relax. Everything is fine. In fact, this is good news, but it's also really big good news."

"Okay," she said, quietly.

"Lex and I are gonna have a baby. I got him pregnant. It's some weird Kryptonian thing. I talked to Jor-el, and everything's gonna be okay, he'll be fine, the baby will be fine, but we are having a baby," I told her, and she smiled so wide, I could almost hear it through the telephone.

"I'm going to be a grandmother?" she exclaimed. "Okay, Clark, I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you Clark, thank you so much. Love you both—I mean I love all of you."