Still don't own it.
I've found myself thinking about Fate a lot lately. Remus says I shouldn't spend so much time dwelling over the past, but I can't seem to help it. Sometimes, I wonder if the Fates are against me. They've taken everyone I love. You two, and Sirius. It's not fair that I never got to know you, my mum and dad. It's not fair that Sirius was kept from me for so long even though he was alive. It's not fair that we had so little time together before he was stolen from me too.
I still have the Weasleys, all of them, especially Ginny and Ron. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley have been like second parents to me, or third parents I suppose. Sirius was like a second father, in his own goofy irresponsible way. But, he tried- and he's the closest thing I've ever known to a father. I worry about the Weasleys, they're my family now- and Voldemort seems dead set on getting rid of all of my family, blood and surrogate.
I don't know what I'd do if they were taken from me too. I…I don't think I could survive. I can't imagine life without Ron, or Mr. Weasley, or Mrs. Weasley, or Ginny, Merlin, I can't imagine life without Ginny. Remus keeps teasing me, saying I've inherited your tastes, Dad. He says "the Potters sure do have a thing for redheads, huh?" He won't leave me alone about it, it's times like those that I wish Sirius was here. Sirius would get him to drop it, 'course then Sirius would tease me in his own way, but for some reason I've always been less sensitive to Sirius' teasing.
Sirius. I miss him. I miss you guys too, don't get me wrong. But, my memories of you are distant and faded. I miss you, but it's more of an instinctual longing. With Sirius, I knew him, spoke to him, laughed with him. My only memories of you are that fateful night, what I saw in the Mirror of Erised, and the night Voldemort came back; none of which are particularly positive memories.
Things were different with Sirius. I suppose that's why it hit me so hard when he died. Died. It still feels weird, wrong even, to use that word in relation to Sirius. He can't be dead. Not him too. Have I mentioned it's not fair?
Remus says that sadly, nothing in today's world is fair. I almost said that wasn't fair, but then I realized that would be an incredibly stupid thing to say. I just don't understand why bad things keep happening to me. I don't get what I did to deserve this. And it's not all because of that Halloween night, I mean- what spurred that night on? Why target me?
I mean, yes- I know all about the prophecy. And I know that it also applied to Neville Longbottom. But good ole Voldie chose me. Dumbledore says he thinks it has something to do with the fact that I'm a half-blood like him. Well, Dumbledore said. I suppose I forgot to mention he was gone- didn't I? Yet another person who I was close to who died. He…was like a parent as well in a way. Different than Sirius, different than the Weasleys. And, yes, he lied to me for a long time. But, that doesn't change that he was a great man. And, he saved my life, you know. And he gave me the knowledge I need to defeat Voldemort.
That's become my number one goal in life, the most important thing. Except for the Weasleys, Hermione, and Remus. I know that what's done is done, and that there's nothing I can do to bring you back. But I'm going to see to it that you all died for a reason. You died for me, you- Mum and Dad, Sirius, and Dumbledore. And now, I'm going to see that Voldemort dies because of you, all of you. And if I go down in the fight, it'll all be worth it as long as he falls down alongside me.
Don't get me wrong, I want to live. Despite everything, I want to live. But I also want to see Voldemort dead, really truly dead. And if the only way for that to happen is for me to die as well, then that's how it'll be. Because by Merlin, I will see the end of Voldemort. There's no doubt about it in my mind. I'm going to get him.
Hermione says I have a hero complex. I think Ginny said it first. She's still not happy with me, for breaking up with her. She'll understand one day, she has to. I love her, and this is the only way she'll be safe. All I can hope is that this will keep her alive, and that I can defeat Voldemort and attempt to win her back before she's moved on, or come to her senses in regards to being with me- either way.
They just don't understand, I have no choice. I never used to believe in destiny, or prophecies. Although, for that matter- I didn't believe in magic for the first portion of my life. But that's a whole other subject. Anyway, the point is- in this aspect I have to do this. Although I'm not sure if it's more because I want to see Voldemort suffer, and I want to avenge all your deaths, or because of the stupid prophecy.
The prophecy. At first I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe I had a choice. I quickly realized that Voldemort made the choice for me ages ago. It's funny, how he really has created his own demise. Twice now, really. His actions led to his faux-death that Halloween sixteen years ago, and now they're all leading to the real death he will be experiencing any day now- if I can help it.
There's one Horcrux left. Then, then I go after Voldemort. And then, then he dies. And maybe after that I'll finally get to have a real life. Maybe after that I can live a relatively calm happy life (preferably with Ginny) without looking over my shoulder every two seconds as I hold a death grip on my wand. Maybe Fate will finally be on my side.
It's funny how this was entirely written before Deathly Hallows, yet there's some stuff that comes up in the seventh book...but nothing groundbreaking or freaky...Anywho...
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