Ice: AOHOLYSHITIT'SACHAPTERSTORY!
A plot-less one, but a chapter story!
Oh yeah. REMEMBER, IF YOU READ THIS, LOOK AT MY FUCKING PROFILE. Or I'll PMS on you. Yes, I can apparently control that…not you. Me.
I love Pein. Even though he IS Goth for having those multiple piercings, I still love him.
Oh yes, and unlike PClaw, I WILL ACTUALLY UPDATE REGULARLY.
HA. I just burned you. LolLmaoRoflCopter.
Alright, so, here's the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or anything else. If I did, then, Sasuke would've died in the Deidara-Sasuke Battle.
Pairing: My OTP, PeinBlue, and really, really, really, really, really, really, really small Implied Sex. I mean, you have to squint.
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It was a regular day in the Akatsuki.
And by 'regular' I mean I'm going to fuck something up just because I want to.
The torches were flaming their usual eerie glow, people didn't bother giving each other a nod or sign of the other person's existence. And Zetsu was eating a dog. Yes, I'm recycling jokes. Go figure.
And I said RECYCLYING, not THROWING AWAY AND LETTING CUTE DOLPHINS GET KILLED BY THOSE SODA-PLASTIC-THINGIES.
Okay, on to the plot. Or plot-less. Whatever.
"He-hic-Hey everybody!" Pein waved at everyone as he and Blue came through the door. His arm was draped across her shoulder as she drug him along. Everyone looked at him and Blue eccentrically. (Cookie points to anyone who knows what that word means.)
"Uh…what's going on?" Kisame was the first to ask. Blue struggled to keep him up, but finally just gave up and let him drop to the wooden floor.
"He forced me to go to Nagini's Bar, for supposed 'evil reasons.' He got hammered. I was forced to bring him back here," She gave him an icy glare. "He kept hitting on me. It got annoying after a while, so I just promised him…something if he remembered this when he woke up." She smacked her forehead. "I tell ya, I should just burn down every bar in the eighty-mile radius."
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Somewhere off-plotline.
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Uchiha Itachi was sitting out in the Akatsuki courtyard, reading 'Catching Demon Animals for Fun and Profit for Dummies.' Naruto had continuously avoided him and his evilly devious ways of catching the nine-tails. You'd think two S-class criminals would be able to catch a Fifteen-year-old brat. I mean seriously, he had the freakin' Sharingan!
"Okay, first, offer him candy…then lure him into a large white van…" Itachi continued reading his book. Somehow, he didn't seem to notice the large black cloud appear, with his little brother shrouded by it.
"You!" Itachi looked up, and squinted. His eyesight really sucked now.
"Uncle Elmer?" Sasuke twitched.
"No, It's the person who will cause your downfall." Itachi thought for a second. Who the hell could cause his downfall? He was a badass!
"Who's that?" Sasuke twitched again.
"It's Sasuke, you bastard!"
"Oooh! Has your hatred grown? Yeah, you should've heard the screams your parents had! 'No Itachi! How could you do this?! We're family!' Ah, good times…" Itachi laughed and slapped his knee in remincse-ment. Sasuke twitched in every muscle.
"Itachi, fucking die!" Sasuke cast some jutsu. All Itachi heard was "I'm gonna beat you because I have the power of the emo, blah, blah, blah, I hate the log." He was about to attack Itachi, but he simply but a hand on his little brother's forehead, keeping him away from him.
"B-but! I've trained so hard!" He whined as he struggled against Itachi.
"Sasuke. You're weak and less badass and Uke as me." Sasuke looked at him.
"What the hell?! I'm more Uke than you'll ever be!" And so, they continued to argue about who was more Uke, Itachi, or Sasuke.
I've got my vote on Itachi. Because HE DIDN'T KILL DEIDARA.
Yes, I'm still bitter. Very, very bitter.
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"At least I don't have old-man marks on my face! That's not even mildly Uke!" Blue turned to the voice, and let out a sigh. Itachi was fighting with Sasuke again. She kicked the unconscious body of Pein.
"No…the rabbits…they're all over me…" Blue was getting really, really, really, really pissed off. She dragged his body to the super secret awesome Akatsuki bathroom. She stuck his head in their bathtub, and turned the shower on.
"Whu-whuzza?! What's gong on? And, oh god my freaking head…Samantha? Is that you?" Blue's lower lip twitched. Her name wasn't Samantha. She had no idea why he kept calling her that.
"No you douchebag, it's your partner and lov-I mean, just partner. Yes." Pein leaned back up against the porcelain tub. He hoped his eighty-nine piercings wouldn't rust up.
"Ugh…my head…" Blue twitched.
"I'm destroying that bar, and you're going to AA tomorrow." She walked out to the bar. I'll be honest and say I'm just filling up time by putting in random crap.
Let's actually get to the plot now.
As Blue walked back from the now-in-ashes Nagini's Bar, she had to think of ways to get him back. That was the third time she had drag him back. This week.
"What to do…what to do…" She put a finger on her stud in thought. She couldn't kill him; that would be bad. She also couldn't quietly spread the rumor he was a woman, because she didn't like spreading rumors, despite how much pain they caused. Also, she couldn't destroy his Wii. She still wanted to keep that. Even though her mii looked absolutely retarded.
She snapped her fingers.
She finally had the idea.
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"Thanks Tobi." His swirly-faced subordinate handed him a cup of coffee.
"Why do you keep going there?" He thought.
As Pein thinks of a good excuse, let's check back to Itachi and Sasuke.
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Itachi and Sasuke sat next to each other cross-legged, and Itachi had his guitar out. Sasuke swayed next to Itachi as he sang.
"We were at the beach. Everybody had matching towels. Somebody went under the dock, and there they saw a rock! But it wasn't a rock…it was a rock…lobster! Rock Lobster! Rock Lobster!"
I'm….going away now.
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"I dunno, because I like a nice scotch once in a while." Tobi paused a moment before saying:
"You know she's going to destroy you now." Pein looked at him strangely.
"Who?"
"...Your partner."
"Why?"
"She was dragging you home."
"Sweet!"
"You were hitting on her."
"Oh…uhm…."
"And that was the third time this week she did it."
"Well…um…"
"And she's PMSing."
"Oh…crap." Pein cautiously walked away from Tobi. He walked outside to see a –most likely- high out of their minds Itachi and Sasuke, and not high Blue. He expected to be punched really hard in the face, but he got something much worse instead.
Or, should he say, better.
She walked out of the pool in slow-motion. The water glistened off her body. She sexily brushed the wet hair from her face. He looked up and down her body.
He blinked.
And blinked again.
And then flew back thirty feet from the world's biggest nosebleed.
Ka-NOSEBLEED'D!
She smirked in utter victory. Operation 'Get back at the douchebag' was a success. She went over to Pein.
"That's for making me drag you home, bastard." She noticed he was twitching.
"Uh…are you okay?" No response.
"Seriously, Pein, wake up." No response. She went down to check his pulse. No pulse.
"OH JESUS!" She started CPR. Even though Pein was dead and there wasn't a way to bring him back, Angel!Pein looked down on his body and smirked.
"Lol, she's kissing me." South Park-Like God looked at Pein in question.
"Why are you here?"
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Ice: If you've seen South Park, you'll know what the God-Version of South park looks like. Picture Alf-Platypus-Turtle god.
Seriously.
Oh yes, I recycled a lot of jokes.
And BluePein rules ALL.
If anyone recognizes the song Itachi sang, cookie points.
And more Naruto Abridged References. Ahh…
So, this concludes chapter one of ten of the story Ten Ways to Kill Pein. God I love making fun of him and Shino…and Naruto.
Well, R&R, flames will be mocked.