I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
(So much more)
I lay dying and I'm pouring
Crimson regret and betrayal

"Look at that freak!"
"Ew! Would you look at those clothes?"
"God who does she think she is hanging with the Bladebreakers?"
"She doesn't deserve to hang around them!"

Hilary sat in the cubicle listening to the girls talk about her at the bathroom taps. Tears threatened to spill but she forced them back. Crying was not an option.
Ever since she began hanging with the Bladebreakers she had lost all her friends. The Bladebreakers went to a private school down the road so Hilary was left to fend for herself.
Usually the abuse was much worse though. The other week some girl threw a piece of wood at Hilary which caused her back to bleed for an hour. But what could she do? The teachers didn't say anything about the abuse so Hilary had no option but to deal with it.
She heard the girls leave so she unlocked the door and walked out. She walked over to the basin and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes that use to be so full of life seemed duller now. Her hair hung limply around her face. Her weight had decreased a lot over the past few months. If you looked at her flawless skin, you could clearly see her ribs.

I'm dying, praying
Bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?

The bell rang signaling for next period. Hilary headed out off the bathroom before the usual bitches came to check their faces. She headed to block A where she had Maths. Taking her usual seat near the front, she stared at the board trying to ignore everyone.
Two girls walked in the room and whispered to each other before sitting behind her. The rest of the class filed in and took their seats. Everyone was talking because the teacher always seemed to be late. Hilary could hear the two girls whispering behind her.
"Yeah Kai's probably gay after seeing her all the time."
"Yeah poor guy is probably wanting to slit his throat at the sight of her."
They giggled and Hilary felt the tears build up again. She was about to pull out a book to read when something sudden hit the back of her head knocking her out…

My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

Confused eyes blinked. They squinted as they tried to adjust to the light.
Hilary sat up and looked around. She noticed she was in the middle of the athletics field. Her books and personal possessions were ripped and torn and spread around the field.
She looked at the time and realized she had been passed out for 25 minutes. How she got outside… well that's pretty obvious.
Using her failing strength, she pushed herself up to her feet and began walking. She didn't pay attention to where she was going or why; she just walked.
Feeling herself stop, she realized she was in front of Kai's house.
"… He'll never love me." She whispered to herself before walking back to her own house. Usually she went to Tyson's but they would still be at school and she didn't really feel like socializing or fighting.

Do you remember me?
Lost for so long.
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forget me?

She approached her house and let herself in. Her parents weren't due home for hours yet.
She sat on her bed in her room and pulled out a photo album and flicked through the photos. They were of her with the Bladebreakers; numerous photos of Max tackling her in a hug and Ray smiling protectively with her. Even a few photos of Tyson hugging her cheesily.
"They don't need me… I'm nothing…"
She hugged her knees and sobbed into them. Why should they have to put up with her? She was just somebody who hung with them. She wasn't pretty or a genius or anything. She was nothing…
A dazed look crossed her dull eyes. Her brow creased in thought.

I'm dying, praying
Bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?

Hilary stood at the bathroom mirror looking at her reflection. She was actually quite beautiful; she just couldn't see it. All the torture and torment had taken the effects they wanted on her. To her, she was nothing but ugly, plain Hilary. The epitome of disgusting even.
Getting sick of seeing herself stare back, she smashed her fist against the glass and she barely noticed the stinging in her bleeding hand. Shards of glass covered the bathroom tiles along with her red blood.
Her hands reached up to the bathroom cabinet and searched through her father's belongings until she found what she was looking for.

My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
(Return to me salvation...)
(I want to die)

She held the small silver razor in her hand. Amazing how something so small could take away something so big.
She observed the object closely; her gaze going over the sharp edges. She put it down on the sink and reached into her pocket for her phone. She dialed Tyson's number where she knew the team would be arriving there anytime shortly. She waited for the answering machine to pick up.
'Hi you've called the Grangers. Yeah no one's here right now so leave a message.' BEEP.
She cleared her throat. "Hey guys it's me Hilary. I won't be able to make practice… permanently. I love you guys so much. I'm so sorry it's come to this. Maxie, I'm going to miss your smile and humor. Ray, I'm going to miss your protected brother vibe and intelligence. Kenny, I'm going to miss you a lot. Tyson… I'll even miss you. I'm sorry for all our fights." She stopped and took a breath. "And Kai… I'm going to miss you the most. I'm sorry I was never honest. So I'm going to be honest now. I love you. I have for awhile now. I just wish I had told you earlier…"
She sobbed into the phone. Tears fell down her pale face. "I'm sorry guys…" She dropped her phone, it smashing on impact on the tiles.

My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

Hilary picked up the razor again and held it between her two fingers. She looked at her pale arms, her veins very prominent. She placed the razor at her wrist and dug it in a little. She watched an inking of blood slide down her wrist.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. A few moments later she opened her eyes again and in one violent movement, she slashed her wrist vertically with the razor. Her life poured out of her arm and she watched, fascinated, as all her problems began to melt away.
She turned to the other arm and copied the movements. She dropped the silver object as her arms dropped to her side.
The floor began to swim in the crimson flow and the room around her began to spin.
Her legs suddenly felt weak and they gave way as she collapsed to the floor, her head narrowly missing the bath tub as she fell. The life in her eyes began to fade as everything started to go black.
The ruby eyed girl took one final breath as her eyes slid shut, and then she thought no more…

My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance.
Will I be denied?
Christ, tourniquet, my suicide.

"Yeah! School's finished for the day!""Tyson calm down."
5 boys ran into the dojo, dropping their school bags in the corner. Ray walked over to the phone and checked for messages.
"Hey guys we have a message!" He called out to the others. They walked over and he placed the phone on loudspeaker.
They all listened as Hilary's voice rang through the room.
"What does she mean permanently?"
"Sshh, Tyson!"
Their confused expressions turned to shock as the message continued. Max, Ray and Kenny were crying now. Tyson had his mouth open in shock and despair, the message obviously just sinking in. They all looked at Kai when his name came up on the message.
"And Kai… I'm going to miss you the most. I'm sorry I was never honest. So I'm going to be honest now. I love you. I have for awhile now. I just wish I had told you earlier…"
The message ended suddenly. All their eyes widened before they all ran over to her house.
"Hilary!!!" Tyson pounded the door with his fist.
"Tyson move!" Kai and Ray slammed their weight against the door, it finally giving way and opening.
They all ran in. Frantic cries of her name were echoed through the silent house. They all looked around the house before a pained scream from the bathroom meant that Max had found her.
They all ran to her bathroom, their eyes averting to the ground. Her body lied so simply on the ground. If it wasn't for the cuts and blood, they would have mistaken her for sleeping.
Ray lent down and placed a shaky hand to her throat.
"… Well?" Asked Tyson's croaky voice, tears plummeting down his face.
Ray pulled back his hand before shaking his head slowly.
Max sobbed loudly while the others all cried, even Kai.
Kai lent down and reached out to touch her, stroking her cheek. He picked up her body and cradled her as he held her against him.
No one said anything. No one moved. They all just stared at the lifeless body of their friend who meant the world to them.
She just never knew it….

Return to me salvation

Anyways please review it.

Also it's the 45th anniversary for the death of Marilyn Monroe. May she rest in peace.

- Weffie