Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Hi. I just realiced Sakura hadn't been mentioned at all.

Team seven and the people forming up that most awesome team of young shinobi had been called a lot of things. Mentally stable was not one of them.

Their short tempers were easy to snap, leaving your hands full of Naruto gone Kyuubi or a bitching Sasuke trying to rip out your heart. And while Hulk Hogan had nothing on those two, it was Sakura who was the worst of them all.

Sakura had been most delighted when she had been informed that Sasuke had returned to Konoha and she had wasted no time rushing to meet him. Alas, it had been Naruto who had gotten to him first, and as she arrived to the crushed gates of Konoha, it was already way too late to gain the attention from either of them.

"Sasuke!" she had tried as the boy rushed past her to avoid the Rasengan Naruto was aiming at him. The explosion from said attack made her ears ring.

"Naruto!!" she yelled even louder, this her sign of warning that the boy was toying with her patience.

Another explosion, this time caused by Chidori.

And as the city gained massive damage and turned into grumbles, the Anbu standing next to her could literally hear something snap.

"Don't you dare to ignore me!"

Just about to rush in and join the friendly reunion with her teammates, she was stopped by her mentor who had taken a fine time getting out of her office to see what was tearing her city down. But instead of actually doing something about the fight between the two idiots, Tsunade only yawned and kept the struggling Sakura still, waving her hand lazily as a sign for the Anbu to move and do something.

Because if Sasuke went after the heart and Naruto after soft organs like the fox he was, then this one was sure to target where it hurt the most.

And Tsunade so dearly wanted to see Naruto have children.

"Wipe that foam from your mouth, girl," she said and waited for the girl to do so. It was only after Sakura had calmed down enough that her eyes weren't red and the other signs of rabies had lessened.

"There's only so many of you I can handle. You go on a mission for now, is that clear?"

Sakura gave a sharp nod, her bloodthirsty glare still on her prey.

--

And so, it was four months and some days later that Sakura walked through the rebuilt gates of Konoha. She had done as Tsunade had ordered to and gathered rather rare plants and items for antidotes and such. But most of all, she had calmed down enough to handle the idiotic behavior of her teammates without violence.

Or so she had said with a convincing smile and thus made her therapist actually believe her, while in reality she made no such promises.

Tsunade didn't buy her act of innocence though, but cared little about it since sending her to the two seemed like good revenge for all the head aches the boys had given her.

Though the smile of a psychopath made her doubt if it was such a good idea after all. Ah, to hell with it.

"Things have changed a bit around here," Tsunade said with a smile, breaking the ice.

"Yeah, the gates were repaired," Sakura answered, her tone as excited as it would be if they were talking about the weather.

Lacking a way to land the news softly, Tsunade decided to just blurt it out.

"Naruto got someone pregnant."

It was silent for awhile before the outburst.

"What!?" the yell was loud and scandalized, as Sakura's eye twitched and hands went to clutch her hair.

"H-how dare he!? How dare he get impregnated before me!?"

Tsunade watched her student walk in circles, her eyebrow raised in wonder.

"It's not him who's pregnant, you silly girl."

"I know that! But it was me who was supposed to get a family first, goddammit!"

The pink-haired girl tried to remember her anger management and took deep breaths. Really now, first Sasuke's some super prodigy and then Naruto goes away and returns with super powers that don't include Kyuubi. Besides, did Naruto not know that she had a thing for him? It was out of love that she punched him in every change she got. Like a boy tugging a girl's pigtails.

She turned to look at the Hokage with nothing but annoyance in her eyes.

"So who's the bitch?"

Her reaction only made Tsunade chuckle and lean back on her chair, a cunning smile gracing her lips.

"Why don't you go do a check up for me and see for yourself?"

--

A baby-checking kit in her hand, Sakura made her way through the town, all the way to the Uchiha estate. Which was quite puzzling, since the last time she checked, it was the last Uchiha who lived in the Uchiha estate and not the last Uzumaki.

Then again, Naruto's little apartment was really very small and Sasuke's quarters were really very huge, so maybe the blond had rented a bigger house for his new baby-bearing mate.

With those thoughts in mind, she arrived to her destination and knocked on the door.

It was Sasuke who opened the door, then grunting something which she took as an invitation inside since the door was left open while Sasuke himself had already retreated back inside the house. She was seated down on a couch while Sasuke went somewhere else, not saying anything to her.

Not sure what else to do, Sakura just sat there, her mouth a straight line and thumb fiddling from sheer nervousness. There was something odd about Sasuke, she could sense it.

Her suspicions grew when, to her utmost horror, Sasuke returned and sat down next to her, placing a steaming cup of tea on the table along with a tray of cookies. Cookies! She prayed to gods that they were bought from a store because Sasuke wearing an apron and baking cookies... (she wiped the drool quickly before Sasuke would notice.)

Ah-ha! This was a trap, she was sure. Those bakings were as venomous as the look Sasuke had given her the moment he had opened the door. Because in reality Sasuke still found her most annoying, just like in her fangirl days. Yes.

Her world crashed when Sasuke took one from the plate and ate it without dropping dead on the floor.

Her hand trembling, she reached out for one and tried to smile.

"Did Sasuke bake these?"

The boy looked at her like she was the filthiest stain on the carpet.

"Of course. It's not like anyone else around here can cook."

She laughed nervously and took a bite, quickly facing away when bitter tears started run down her cheeks. The cookies were fucking delicious. Another hard blow to her femininity.

Sasuke took no notice of this, too busy reaching out for more cookies.

"It's been such a long time. How are you, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura tried to open a conversation after she had managed to swallow the delicious treat.

"Hn," was all too familiar response.

"The weather is rather lovely," she tried again.

Sasuke only turned to look at her like she was insane. Sighing, Sakura ran her hand through her hair.

"So, I heard Naruto got someone pregnant."

This time Sasuke didn't turn to look at her but his shoulders stiffened. It was enough of a response for her.

"I know, right? I would have never thought he'd be the first to start a family."

The Uchiha stuffed another cookie into his mouth and kept silent.

"Tsunade just told me about it. She refused to tell me who the bitch was though."

Sakura was too busy chatting her head off to notice the twitch Sasuke's eye was doing. She leaned in a bit closer to her teammate and asked with an honest-to-god smile.

"But you must know something about that, am I right?"

--

Naruto was on his way home when he heard an explosion from the direction of the Uchiha place. He quickly made a clone carry the groceries he had been fetching for Sasuke, and then hurried home to look what had happened.

The front door was open when he arrived, and as he stepped inside, a strange kind of fog seemed to fill the air. He called out his bride's name and carefully continued his way to the living room. One of the walls sported a huge hole, most likely caused by a Chidori.

Suddenly the pile of rubble moved and a dust covered, gas mask wearing figure stood up, scaring the shit out of the blond. He screamed (like a girl) and drew out the first weapon he could get his hands onto.

"W-who the hell are you?" he questioned the the freak in his living room. The figure just wiped some dust off it's shoulder before removing the gas mask. Squinting his eyes, Naruto could see the recognizable face of his friend.

"...Sakura?"

"Oh hey Naruto. What's up?"

"What's up!? How come my living room is in pieces?"

"Your living room?" Sakura asked while straightening her skirt.

"Yeah, mine. And where the hell is Sasuke?" Naruto looked around, trying to spot a body.

"Please don't ask about him, that guy is crazy! Here I was, being completely friendly and asking who you got pregnant and he goes all crazy on me."

Spotting a foot behind the couch, Naruto rushed over to find a smiling Sasuke lying on the floor.

"It's a good thing I had a can of laughing gas with me. I'd be dead without it." She continued while Naruto lifted Sasuke from the floor. The Uchiha kept chuckling in a sinister manner, his hand reaching out to grab Sakura even though she was half a room away.

"I'll kill her. Let me kill her, haha."

Naruto just tried to shush him and hugged the Uchiha to his manly bosom while stroking his hair.

"Let's not kill anyone, okay?"

Sakura had a slightly disturbed expression while watching the two worst enemies being so... cuddly. She flinched though, when Naruto turned to look at her accusingly.

"How can you do this to a pregnant man?"

"I told you, he attacked m- WHAT!?"

"Geez, you really can be one insensitive bitch."

It was an automatic reaction for her body to begin the progress of physical punishment for the uncalled insult, but now the natural reaction was being interrupted by the thought progress Naruto's words made her head go through, eventually making her system boil over and finally making her go kaput.

--

As the clone finally came home with the groceries, it found it's master with his hands full of passed out teammates. Neither clone nor master knew when Sai had came inside and why he was unconscious as well.

To Be Continued...

Uh, I feel rusty. I shouldn't give up writing for such a long time. xD

Why did Sakura have laughing gas with her? Because one of my teachers told me his wife had it before giving birth. She even let him sniff some and he couldn't stop laughing. I wanna sniff laughing gas too!

And what do you know! A man was pregnant and the baby came into this world through the rectum. I'm baffled by this, even is he was a woman turned male. What a strange world.