Authors' Note: This is basically a rewriting of the series by Maeve and I which we are doing purely for our own personal amusement. We figured others might like to giggle over it with us. I will warn you that our sense of humor is … how should I put it … different. This is also only done when we are together and awake at the same time. Therefore, some of this is really short, some of it might bore you. We've been at it for almost a year and we hadn't really gotten into it until somewhere around chapter 6. Feel free to skip ahead, but I do so enjoy Legolas's bitching.
Prologue
Somehow, The-Most-Evil-Ring, created to unite Middle Earth as one nation under evil, landed in the middle of the boonies which was inhabited by a bunch of hairy midgets who called themselves hobbits to make themselves feel better. No one's sure why.
Its evil plan to take over was discovered by the grimy, gruff, good, grey Gandalf who convinced a very misfortunate and entirely too naïve and trusting hobbit (ie midget) by the name of Frodo to take the ring to the very well decorated house of Elrond. There, The-Most-Evil-Ring's (and the world's) fate would be decided.
And that's how we ended up here. In this 'secret meeting' that's gone on all day and has by now become the talk of the town.
The hobbit sitting next to me has a very vocal stomach, which tells me it's most likely very close or, Valar forbid, past noon.
My name's Legolas by the way, and I'm not having fun. Just in case you hadn't noticed.
I got sent here by my less-than-protective father to tell everyone that Gollum got away, but no one's given me my turn. What happened to proper Circle-Time etiquette? Don't they know I'm a prince? I should've worn my crown.
Oh, wait-a-minute, something productive has actually happened! That funny little hobbit, that's almost but still not quite as attractive as me, has volunteered to take The-Ring to Mt. Doom.
It's a nice gesture, but I give him five minutes at best. I'm generous after all.
…
Someone needs to tell him capri-pants are no longer 'in'.
…
Waaaiiiitaminute. While I was distracted, I think I volunteered to go with him.
Shit.
On the plus side… I'm not alone. Though I'm not sure that's such a blessing. I will be traveling with four hairy midgets (one of which will be in constant danger of 'temptation'), one very unpleasant dwarf, a man whom I adore but does not understand the concept of bathing, another bitchy - and therefore inconsequential - human, and Gandalf.
Need I say more?