Things just weren't the same anymore, and no matter how much he wished things could change, Troy just couldn't find a way to fix the current problem he was in. He was left alone, day after day in his room, with nothing but a guitar and some strung out notes from a familiar song as a comfort. Outside the sounds of a heralding spring took place every day, the day sunlight lasted longer in his room, and the shadows playing upon his face grew more pronounced as time went on. His soul was lost in the darkness around his heart, and the person he was a week ago couldn't be more different than the shell on his bedroom floor.
Tomorrow was the callbacks for the spring musical, and suddenly the partner whom he had shared the audition with wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Troy hated his best friend for causing the fight that would eventually lead to his plight, and he ignored everyone else he knew out of pure spite and the spirit of single misery.
Really, he should have no reason to hate Chad. It started out with a simple conversation.
"So Troy, do you think that you and Gabriella are going to stay together if you go to different colleges?" Chad asked one day as they walked home, dribbling a basketball in between his legs as he walked.
Troy, taken aback by that question, shrugged and mumbled some stiff answer before asking, "Why do you want to know?"
Chad stopped dribbling the ball and was now passing it to himself around his waist. "No reason I guess. I'm just starting to think about that stuff you know, and what it's going to mean for me in the future."
"What about Taylor?"
"We've talked about it a little bit, but I think at this point we're going to wait until we start applying for schools to really figure out what's next." Chad stopped for a moment to check his cell phone before catching up with Troy. "I mean, it's kind of a big decision."
"I know," said Troy, really not grasping this at all. The thought of being more than a few streets away from Gabriella hadn't really entered his mind at all. He was actually very taken aback by Chad's sudden line of thought; so different from the usual Danforth he associated with.
"It just seems weird that you and Gabriella haven't even dicussed it-"
"Discussed what?" chimed in a female voice behind the two. Troy turned and wanted to drop to the ground as the subject of their conversation came up to them, amazingly keeping pace with their strides in her black heels. "Or have I interrupted something personal?"
"Not really," Chad said. Troy was ready to jump up and down. . "Just college plans and dating from different schools and such.". . and then sink back down.
"It's not a big deal actually," Troy laughed awkwardly, trying to ease the tension that only he seemed to be feeling."Just wondering about what might happen."
"Oh really," replied Gabriella, suddenly very interested, "And have you thought about it a lot? I mean, us being together in college?"
"Ummm. . a little. More like a passing assumption," Troy said, slapping himself as the words came out of his mouth. Chad gave him a glance that said "sorry but I'm ditching you" before making a hasty exit.
"What exactly are you assuming Troy?" Gabriella brushed a curly thread out of her face and adjusted the strap of her backpack. "Do you think that we're going to break up when we leave for college?"
Troy stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and looked down at his polo shirt, "No, that's not what I'm assuming. Chad asked me if we thought about what would happen to us if we went to different schools and was shocked that we hadn't really talked about it at all. It's not that big of a deal."
That was definately the wrong thing to say.
"So you think that what happens to us isn't a big deal then? I mean, if we go to different schools, we can just forget about each other, right?" Gabriella crossed her arms in a way to mentally protect herself. She knew this conversation was teetering on the edge between uncomfortable and downright torturous.
Troy spun himself around and grabbed his dark hair, "God, why did Chad have to bring this up now? Things were great just the way they are-"
"Have you even thought about the future at all Troy?" Gabriella's arms began to stretch out, as if that alone would encompass the scope of the things she was talking about. "In a year and a half we'll be leaving for wherever we're going to next, have you even thought about that at all?"
Troy turned to her, "Well it's not like you have either! Don't make me seem like the bad guy for not considering it! I'm not you, Gabriella; I don't think about things until they're right in front of me most of the time. If I did, I would worry all the time about the future and how it's going to affect us."
"That's what called growing up Troy." She said, obviously hurt at this accusation. "And I have thought about it; I've been thinking about it. Because what I do affects you and I wanted to know how you fit into my future."
"So I'm supposed to just take that at face value and count the days until we leave?! If we go to different colleges Gabriella do you have a plan as to how we'll stay together?" Troy was really angry now, and he didn't even know why.
"Well, not exactly, but-"
"So don't yell at me for not knowing!"
It had been five days since their argument, and neither of them were willing to lean out the olive branch first. At school they avoided each other, effectively splitting their group of friends in half as they sat at different tables. Both of them had been hurt by what was said, and yet neither were willing to admit to that pain.
Troy was broken out of his reverie by someone waving a hand in front of his face. He looked up into Chad's face before going back to the strums on his guitar. "What do you want?"
"I know that you guys had a fight, and I'm sorry for bringing it up man. I just thought that you would have been through the same thing already as me and we could rely on each other you know, like best friends do?"
Chad's curly hair reminded him of Gabriella, and he wistfully thought of the woman who had broken his heart while he stood there hammering it himself, "It doesn't matter anymore. She won't even talk to me."
Chad settled himself on the floor with Troy and kicked off his shoes. "That's because she's spent the last few days crying her eyes out in her room because she thinks you don't love her."
This seemed to jolt Troy back to reality as he sat up a little straighter. "What?!"
"Apparently that's the impression that you left her with the other day. She said that she doesn't have a place in your future."
Troy jumped to his feet and nearly knocked Chad on his side as he exclaimed, "I never said that!" His arm went to cover his stomach to quench this sudden pain in his chest as he turned to his best friend, "When did you see her?"
Suddenly Chad was behind him, hand on his shoulder. "Just a little while ago; she's not good man. Whatever was said between you, she's definately feeling it."
The distraught man dropped his head as he sighed, "I feel like such an idiot. " He pulled at his white shirt and groaned in frustration. "I don't know what to do Chad." Troy wanted nothing more than to crumble back to his carpet and cry at his situation. He covered his face with his hands and mumbled, "I don't know if she would even forgive me."
The next day, Troy continued to walk the school hallways in a daze, not sure of what his next action would be. Some people who had an idea of what he was going through gave him sympathetic looks, while others just thought he might be going through another clique changing pahse again. He spent the majority of the day dreading the auditions that were supposed to take place later that afternoon, and the sound of the last bell did nothing to quell his nerves. He didn't know how he was even going to audition without a partner, or whether or not he would follow through on the audition himself.
During the auditions he sat listlessly while Ms.Darbus was rattling off praises or condemnations at those trying first. Kelsi kept trying to catch his eye but he just couldn't look at her. He had named her the playmaker, but he no longer wanted to play the game. Troy felt like a toy being manipulated to speak, walk, eat, and talk on command, his brain taking no action to change. The hole in his chest was eating him from the inside, tearing at more than his heart, but his very soul. He felt cold in his jeans and long sleeved shirt, and the only other feeling inside him was when he went numb altogether; he was still trying to figure out which emotion was worse.
Finally he heard Ms.Darbus say his name and he had an excuse to get out of his seat. Gabriella and him had chosen their own tryout song this year, and Kelsi handed him his guitar as he entered the stage. In the back of his head he heard the drama teacher asking where Gabriella was, but he didn't answer her. His fingers strummed a couple of cords as he sank into his reality. The microphone in front of him turned on and he looked over to the empty mic stand next to it. The missing microphone echoed the missing voice on his other side. Carefully, he cleared his throat as the tune began to make its way out of the instrument, singing in a low and pain filled voice.
I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
I keep your photograph
And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Cause I'm broken
When I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right
When you've gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me near anymore
Troy's voice caught near the end of the last verse and managed to keep himself playing. The bright lights around him and the people in the seats below began to weigh on him, and he struggled not to stop completely. He saw the Playmaker in her seat, entranced with him; entranced with the song. His fingers began to numb in the tune, and he had barely taken a breath before someone else began to sing. He stared in shock as Gabriella came from behind the red curtain, making her way across the stage with her head down, almost as if in prayer.
The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Their voices mingled as the pain they both felt fueled their voices in the auditorium. Their eyes never left each other, not even bothing to make an attempt to impress the one who decided the cast list.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right
When you've gone away
Gabriella came closer and closer to Troy, their voices rising as they began the height of the song. Troy couldn't even hear the music coming out of the guitar anymore; he felt as if he was singing acapella. The only sound he heard was the resonating of his voice and the lyrical sounds coming from the girl next to him.
Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right
When you've gone away
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you've gone away
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore
As Troy looked up into Gabriella's eyes, he knew how much pain he had put her in. The second the song stopped, he dropped his guitar and pulled her into the fiercest hug he had ever given her. Her body trembled as she tried to contain her emotions in front of their classmates. In the background he heard applause from those present before he buried his face into Gabriella's hair and held her tighter.
He didn't care about the musical anymore. As he held the woman in front of him, he realized that he had a lot of fixing and talking to do, but at least he knew that they had a chance.
So I would love to hear some feedback as this is my first HSM fanfic. The song is "Broken," by Seether featuring Amy Lee.
Snow