Hi again folks. Once again, I'm sorry for leaving it so long, but I had no idea how to finish it cos I kinda wanted to leave it open for a follow up.

Dragon77 - my pleasure, glad you're enjoying it.

LilaG - thanks for your kind words. As for the issue with Hanson's long hair, it's been that way from the begining of the story, kind of another way of showing how he's given up caring and looking after himself. Sorry if it wasn't clear. Really glad you like my little tale.

Debbiets - sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry again. I'll try not to next time ;0). Maybe I should send you free issues. Thanks for your reviews throughout this story, they've been lovely to read xx.

Andaere - nope, sorry don't do happy endings ;0) maybe next time. Thanks for sticking with me through this, you've been great xx

Ghostwriter and LibraryTech, as always, love, hugs and thanks xx

Dr Spencer walked down the long white hallway, his steps slowing as he drew nearer to the small group huddled near the admissions desk. He let out a tired sigh before moving towards them. He had always thought that dealing with the family and friends of his patients was more difficult than dealing with the patients themselves. He'd take a delusional paranoid schizophrenic over a strung out worried parent any day.

"How is he?" the tall black man asked, moving quickly towards him as soon as he saw the scrawny middle aged doctor heading their way, the two women following close behind.

"He's resting." he answered calmly. "He was quite distressed when he came round, but we've started him on the meds and he's much calmer now."

"Has he said anything? Can we see him?" Margaret Hanson asked desperately, her words coming out in a rush of anxiety.

"That's up to Tom." he replied shifting uncomfortably. "But don't be surprised if he doesn't want to see you."

"Why wouldn't he?"

"Maybe because we stuck him in the last place in the world he wanted to be." Judy said, the sickness in her guts getting worse by the second.

"He's very confused right now" Spencer said kindly, trying his best to give them some kind of comfort. "And he's most likely feeling very angry and betrayed. But it will pass. Eventually he's going to need every one of you."

"I need to see my son, please."

"I can't make any guarantees."

"Can you please just tell him we're here and we just want to see him to make sure he's ok?" Fuller said putting a comforting hand on Mrs Hanson's shoulder.

"I'll do my best, but I can't force him to see you if he doesn't want to." he said firmly before turning and heading the short distance along the hallway.

"He's never going to forgive for this is he?" Judy asked, pain and desperation in her large dark eyes as she look helplessly at her commanding officer.

"Let's wait and see shall we?" Fuller replied trying to sound more confident than he felt.

--

He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. He didn't expect one, didn't even need one, he could go in whenever he wanted. It was just part of what he had come to see as the illusion that this place seemed to want to give that the patients had some kind of control. He waited for a few moments before peeping his head round the door. The figure on the bed was still lying in the same position as when he had last been in here. His freshly bandaged hands folded across his chest and dark eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling from under the mess of dark hair and the bright white dressing over his brow. He had seen a lot of hopelessness and defeat over the years, in this job it came with the territory, and as he looked at the man lying on the other side of the room he couldn't help but feel that this kid had already given up.

"Tom?" he said, getting no reaction he stepped further into the room. "Your mother and your friends are outside wanting to see you. Do you want me to show them in?" The figure on the bed shifted and rolled over on his side to face the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest as his long dark hair covered his face.

"No." came the almost inaudible reply.

"Are you sure?" This was answered by an almost imperceptible nod of the young mans head. "Do you want me to tell them anything?"

"Tell them to go."

"Ok. If that's what you want, that's your decision."

"I still get to make decisions then?" he said, the idea of this drawing hysterical laughter from the broken kid on the bed. No matter how many times he saw this kind of thing, Spencer was always surprised at how cruel mental illness was, and he had always hated seeing what it reduced people to. Not only the ones suffering from it but all those who cared about them too. The small crowd waiting outside was evidence of that.

"Of course you get to make decisions." he replied matter of factly.

"So why am I still here?" the younger man replied, his laughter halting as suddenly as it had begun.

"I think you know that Tom."

"You said I didn't have to come here." he said turning to face the older man.

"I know."

"You said I wasn't a danger to anyone."

"That was before you tried to shoot yourself and kill your friend."

"I wouldn't hurt Judy. Not for anything in the world."

"But you did."

"I know." he whispered.

"So why don't you think about that and then tell me why you think you're still here."

"Is this an official session Doc?"

"No"

"Then I don't have to tell you shit." he said sulkily burying his head in the pillow, feeling more alone and lost then he ever had in his whole life because, as the force had done to both him and his father, his friends had taken all he had to give and then thrown him away. He wondered if this was how Kenny Wheckerly felt when his family had done this to him. He half expected his burnt out, confused mind to offer some snide helpful answer but there was only silence. The pills they had forced down him had taken the voices away. But he didn't need them to answer him, he knew the answer already. After all he had seen the desperation in the kid's eyes when he had asked him for help. Then right on cue the boys face floated in front of his eyes and he suddenly found himself wishing more that ever that he was dead. In fact he didn't even want to go through the hassle of dying, he just wanted never to have existed. But then again this was what he had wanted. He was finally being punished.

"Ok. As I said, that's up to you. But what about those people outside waiting to see you?" the older man said cutting through his thoughts.

"They've taken enough from me. I don't owe them anything else."

"Is that what you want me to tell them?"

"Just find out how my partner's doing and tell them to go please." he whispered as the walls built back up and he turned away.

"Sure." Just as Dr Spencer was about to leave the room he heard that same soft voice call him back.

"What is it?"

"If I still get to make decisions then I think we need to talk. There's a few things I need for you to do for me."

"Ok then. Talk away."

--

As soon as he turned the corner, Spencer could see the eyes of the three people waiting for him focused solely on him, as if by sheer force of will they could make him tell them what they wanted to hear.

"Well?" the pretty young black woman asked as she placed her hand on the shoulder of the older woman stood beside her.

"I'm sorry. I'm afraid he doesn't want to see anyone. He'd like you to go."

"He doesn't want to see us?" Margaret asked, her face full of hurt and confusion.

"It's not really surprising in these circumstances" the doctor replied kindly.

"That's it? He just wants us to go?" Judy asked. The doctor nodded. "He hates us, doesn't he?"

"That's enough Judy." Fuller said, trying to keep his voice under control. "You heard what Dr Spencer said. Tom's just a little confused right now." he finished, chancing an anxious glance towards Mrs Hanson.

"Was there anything else?" Judy asked, pleading eyes focused on the doctor.

"I'm sorry, no." he replied. "Actually, he asked me to find out how his partner was."

"Tell him not to worry. Doug's going to be fine." Fuller said calmly.

"I'll do that. Look, these things take time. Be patient, eventually Tom will want to see you, and he'll need your support."

"He'll have it." Judy told him decisively.

"I'm sorry I can't give you better news."

"Just take care of him." Margaret pleaded, once again looking broken and defeated.

"He's in good hands, I promise."

"Thank you doctor." Fuller said. Dr Spencer offered them all a sympathetic smile before taking his leave as quickly as possible.

"He's asking after Doug. That's good right?" Mrs Hanson asked.

"Of course it is." Judy replied trying to sound reassuring.

"Excuse me?" came a kind female voice from behind them. The girl from the admissions desk was stood there holding a clear plastic bag in her hands, containing a number of familiar objects. "Mrs Hanson? These are your son's things. I'm afraid he can't keep them in here." she finished apologetically as Margaret took the bag and began to examine the objects inside. She pulled out the keys to the old Mustang that once belonged to her husband and looked at the nurse with a mixture of horror and anger.

"What's he going to do? Slash his wrist with his keys?" she asked angrily. The nurse, being used to seeing distraught relatives, just offered a sympathetic smile.

"I'm sorry." she said before going back to whatever she had been doing before. Judy watched her with envy, wishing she could move on form all this so easily. There would be no carrying on as normal for them.

"His car!" Margaret yelped, pulling Judy back from her thoughts. "It's still at the hospital. We can't just leave it there. He loves that car."

"Don't worry, we'll take care of it." Fuller told her.

"Thank you."

"Come on." Fuller said putting a supporting arm around the distraught woman. "Standing around here isn't going to change his mind. I should check in on Doug and Ioki." he finished looking over at Judy.

"Oh god." Hoffs let out a heartbroken sigh. "Doug and Harry. How are we going to tell them?"

--

Shortly after leaving the hospital Fullers car pulled up outside the little house the Margaret Hanson called home. It struck him immediately how normal, uneventful and safe the neighbourhood appeared and found himself thinking, just as his mother had not so long ago, that Hanson's idyllic upbringing had left him totally unprepared for what life had planned to throw at him. And it was with the feeling that the world was trying to crush him that he reluctantly stepped out of the car and offered his hand to help Margaret form the back of the car. She offered him a weak smile as she took it and stepped onto the driveway.

"Are you going to be ok?" Fuller asked Margaret as he and Hoffs walked her through the door of her empty house, reluctant to leave her now that they had finally got here.

"I'll have to be won't I." she replied, some pale imitation of her usual no nonsense tone in her voice as she smiled thinly at the two officers.

"You know if there's anything you need…." Fuller began.

"All I need is my son healthy and back with us."

"Still, if you think of anything at all you know where to find us."

"I know. And if Tommy changes his mind…."

"We'll be in touch."

"Thank you."

"Take care of yourself Mrs Hanson." Fuller said with a small smile.

"I'll do my best." she replied. "And Judy?"

"Yes?"

"You really care about Tommy, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"I know, the way you were with him today, anyone could see that. It would be good to know that you'll be there to help him trough this."

"If he let's me I'll be there every step of the way."

"That means a lot. Thank you." she said hugging the young woman tightly before seeing them out the door.

After she had watched Fuller and Hoffs climb into Fullers car Margaret walked slowly and wearily up the stairs to the second floor of the small house where she had spent so many years looking after her family and made her way to the room her son had called home all those years. She had hardly set foot in this room during the time since Tom had left home and she was suddenly struck by how strange and lifeless it seemed, and although it had been so long since he had last slept under that roof, as she thought about him shut up in that huge, sterile building, the place had never felt more empty. Letting out a shaky breath she sat down heavily on her only child's bed and buried her face in her hands as silent heartbroken tears streamed down her tired looking face.

--

"How you doing Jude?" Fuller asked the young woman as they stepped out of the captains car onto the chapels make shift parking lot..

"Better than most." she said with a wan and unconvincing smile.

"Judy..."

"It's been a rough few days captain. I'm tired. Tired in my mind, my heart..." she began before taking a deep breath and putting on her best brave little solder face. "But things will get better now right?"

"I hope so. I know today must have been hard for you."

"No harder than it was for anyone else."

"Come on Hoffs." Fuller said, his tone knowing and compassionate.

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me about you and Tom?"

"Because it's between me and Tom." she said, the finality in her voice unmistakable.

"I had always hoped you guys could tell me anything."

"I couldn't tell you what I didn't know myself." she said, trying to keep her emotions under control under the concerned gaze of her commanding officer. "Tom's not really been clear on what he wants lately, you know." she finished with a sickly smile.

"Listen," Fuller began putting a comforting hand on Judy's shoulder, "Once he's better and all this is in the past he'll be lucky to have you."

"Thanks captain, but I don't see that happening do you?"

"Why not?"

"After what we've done to him? You really think he's ever going to forgive us for that?"

"Once he realises it's for his own good, he'll come round."

"I wish I was that sure." she said sadly. "But I'm a little too old for fairy tale endings. I'm not some innocent little princess and Tom's no knight in shining armour."

"Happy endings do sometimes happen you know."

"Not to people like us though huh?"

"You know I keep forgetting you guys aren't as young as you look." Fuller said with a sad smile.

"Isn't that kinda the point? I might be young, but I'm not naive." she replied. "I keep thinking I've betrayed him in the worst way possible. We all knew how scared he was of this happening."

"There was no other way Judy. We went through all this."

"He just looked so scared."

"How scared?" Fuller asked bluntly. "As scared as you were when he was holding broken glass to your throat? As scared as Doug was when he was staring into the headlights of that truck, or when Tom was threatening to stick a knife in him. How about how terrified Doug was when he found his best friend had slashed his wrist."

"Stop, please."

"Anytime you think we made a mistake you just remember how you felt when he had that glass sticking in you."

"I know we did all we could. But what if he's right? What if he doesn't make it through this? What if that place really does finish him off?" she sobbed. "God, Captain, what if he has to spend the rest of his life in that place. You hear about it all time. People going into institutions and never coming out."

"That's not going to happen to Tom."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because he's strong Judy, he's a fighter."

"No he isn't. He was once, but not anymore."

"And he will be again. The alternative doesn't bare thinking about."

"He said we did this to him you know. Maybe he's right."

"What do you mean?"

"We've always put so much responsibility on him. Forcing him to be the strong one, the one that has to be perfect in everything he does."

"You know that's not true."

"Isn't it? Think about it. When Tower was killed we all thought Hanson did it. There was only Doug willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, even though we all knew deep down that everything we knew about Tom told us there was no way he could do something like that."

"I seem to remember you saying pretty much those exact words at the time." he said kindly.

"I didn't take much convincing though did I?"

"Judy, please..."

"No. We've always been willing to believe the worst about him. Every time. Doug and Harry thought he set them up that time those kids were breaking into people's houses. They thought he planned to run their car off the road, planned to get them arrested. Jesus, they even thought he saw it as funny that he almost got cut to pieces by a roller coaster. We all know that wasn't Tom."

"I keep telling you Hoffs, none of this has been Tom. That's the point. That's why we've had to do this." he said firmly. "Are you telling me we've done the wrong thing?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I just want to put my arms around him and hold him so tightly that nothing can ever get close enough to hurt him again." she said, feeling surprised that she was able to talk to her Captain this way. "But I'm not ever going to be able to do that am I?"

"What's stopping you?"

"Tom's stopping me." she replied, her voice beginning to waver. "Captain, I'm scared he's always going to hate us for this, and I don't think I could bare that." she sobbed. "I still love him, even after everything. I just can't help the feeling that maybe I'm in love with a distant memory."

"Listen to me Judy." Fuller told her calmly as he gripped her arms and stared intently into her face. "He will get through this. The Tom Hanson we all know and love, that drives us all crazy, will come back to us. I promise."

"I hope so. Because I miss him so much."

--

Doug Penhall sat in the small bare white room, trying to rest while his mind raced as he thought over the past few days, going over everything he could possibly have done to keep things from going so far. But what if's are pretty hopeless when everything's already over and done. Don't distress yourself, the doctors had told him. Well that was easy from them to say. They hadn't been through what he had. They hadn't almost been cut in half. They hadn't almost bled to death while watching one of the people they loved most in this world unravelling before their very eyes, helpless to do anything to stop it. The doctors had more to do than just lie here and think over everything that had led up to him ending up here with the memory of his friends erratic behaviour and terrible admissions. And now to cap it all off he'd maybe never regain full use of his leg. As he looked out the window he saw a small bird hop up on the wall outside before spreading it's wings and taking off into the air. His eyes followed it as it made it's way into the clouds, wishing he could follow it and leave it all behind.

Doug tore his eyes away from the window with a hopeful look on his face as the door to his room slowly opened and the tired and anxious face of Judy Hoffs peered round the door. He tried his best to hide his disappointment as he offered her the brightest smile he could dig out.

"You feel up to a few visitors?" she asked returning his smile with a small exhausted one of her own. To Doug she looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, in fact, she looked almost as bad as he felt.

"I'm always up for you beautiful." he said flashing a sly grin and raising a genuine smile from the young woman. "Actually you look a little tired Judy, maybe you should join me in here. Plenty of room you know."

"I'm sure there is." she said lightly, "But we're under strict instructions not to tire you out."

"The doctors also said light exercise to begin with Doug." Harry said from behind her as he and Fuller entered the room. As they stood watching him they could see his eyes hopefully searching the doorway behind them, each of them knowing who he was looking for and each of them feeling that little bit sicker with every second because they knew he wouldn't see who he was looking for walk through the door.

"So how you feeling Doug?" Fuller asked trying to take the young mans attention from the empty doorway.

"Never better. I think I might go dancing later. Who's in?" he asked his eyes darting from one to the other as Harry sulkily went to the window and seemed to become interested in the leaves blowing outside.

At first Doug put this down to Harry's love of hospitals. The Vietnamese officers feelings towards hospitals were no secret, he would rather have everyone of his teeth pulled than spend more than one second in one of these places. But he quickly began to get the feeling there was something they were trying to hide. The truth was a couple of hours earlier Harry had found out exactly where his other partner had disappeared to, and his reaction had been just what they had expected. he hadn't really spoken to them or looked at them since.

"Maybe next time." Fuller smiled, trying to ease some of the tension in the room. The smile quickly faded however when he met Doug's eyes and saw the unasked questions swimming in those darks orbs.

"I thought you guys would have been here sooner. I've been bored out of my mind sat here by myself."

"Yeah, well, they've been very busy people Doug." Harry said, his voice bitter. "Lots of things to do and problems to get out the way."

"Where's Tom?" Doug asked, eying Harry nervously as he gave voice to the question they were all dreading him asking.

"He's gone away for awhile." Fuller replied calmly

"Without saying goodbye?"

"Well, it was kind of a last minute thing." Judy told him, her eyes darting around the room and looking anywhere but at Doug.

"Yeah, and he didn't have much choice in the matter." Harry spat.

"When's he going to be back?"

"Your guess is as good as mine Doug."

"Harry" Fuller said firmly. "Can I see you outside for a minute?"

"But Captain..."

"That wasn't a request Harry."

"Sure, whatever." Harry replied sheepishly as he skulked after his commanding officer.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" Fuller seethed as he shut the door behind him, trying to keep his voice low for the benefit of this injured man on the other side.

"What do you mean?" Ioki replied, feigning innocence. "He wants to know where Hanson is and I think he has every right to know."

"Maybe, but do you really think now is the right time? He's in a lot of pain Harry, I think he should deal with that first don't you."

"He's just going to keep asking."

"Then you'll just have to keep not telling him. Think about it Harry. What would Doug do if you told him?"

"Probably race right out of here and drag Tom out of that place as fast as he could." Harry said with a sad smile.

"Exactly. And that is the last thing either of them need. Doug is in no fit state to deal with this. Once he's well enough to leave, then we'll tell him."

"And in the meantime we just keep lying to him right? Go on pretending nothings happening? It's done us a lot of good so far hasn't it!" Harry scoffed. "You know Tom told me he was going crazy, that he was hearing things and I did just that. Pretended nothing was happening, let him talk me into pretending I hadn't heard a thing. Well now a kid is dead, Doug's lying full of holes and painkillers and Hanson's falling apart faster than anyone can collect the pieces." he continued looking calmly and coldly up at his captain. "I could have stopped it right then if i had just said a few words, but i didn't. There's been too many secrets and lies around here, so you can go back in there and smile while you lie right to Doug's face, but I'm not going to do it anymore, I'm sorry." he said before turning his back on his captain.

"Where are you going?" Fuller called after him

"Does it matter?"

"Actually it does. What do I tell Doug?"

"Tell him whatever you want. You're gonna do that anyway." he called back leaving his commanding officer staring frustrated at his retreating back.

--

"What's with Iok?" Doug asked suspiciously.

"Nothing." Judy replied her eyes nervously shifting towards the window.

"Nothing?" Doug repeated, one eyebrow raised.

"You're not the only one who's been having fun you know. He's just letting off steam."

"You sure?" he asked sceptically

"Positive." Judy replied, her nerves making her sound more cheerful than she had intended.

"Is there something going on I should know about?"

"No. Not a thing."

"Judy, where exactly is Tom?" he asked, a slight panicky edge to his voice as he hoisted himself into a sitting position.

"Like Fuller said, he's taking time out. The doctor said absolutely no stress."

"Hey, I know Tom. Nothing would keep him away. You know that too."

"Look, he didn't just scare us you know. He's scared himself half to death, ok, so he's following every order the docs give him." she said sounding so convincing she almost believed it herself.

"If there was something wrong you'd tell me right?"

"You know there's something wrong, Doug. But he's trying to fix it. Don't worry. He'll come see you when he can."

"I need to see him Judy. After seeing the mess he's let himself become, and everything we went through in there I need to know he's safe."

"He is safe Doug, I promise."

"He's going to carry on seeing the shrink right?"

"For as long as it takes, we'll make sure of it." Judy replied looking over her shoulder as she heard footsteps behind her, to see Adam Fuller walking wearily back onto the room.

"God I wish I wasn't stuck in here." Doug said through clenched teeth as he let his head fall back on his pillow.

"So do we." Fuller said.

"Where'd Harry go?" Doug asked looking behind his captain.

"You know Harry and hospitals don't mix. He sends his best and says he'll see you later." Fuller told him, realising that Tom and Harry may just have a point. Lies did come too naturally these days. But the lies were for his own good, let him deal with things one at a time.

"Why do I get the feeling you guys are hiding something?"

"There's nothing to hide." Fuller shrugged, doing a better job of hiding his distress than the young woman stood beside him.

"Judy?" Doug asked looking at her as if he could see right through to the other side.

"I've told you not to worry." she replied. "Things will be better now, I promise."

"When do you start physio?" Fuller asked trying to change the subject.

"Couple of weeks." Doug sighed looking weary and drained.

"Hey, don't sweat it, you'll be out of here before you know it." Fuller said brightly.

"I hope so. I just wanna see my kid."

"I'll bring him by after school. How's that?" Judy asked, glad for even the smallest thing she could do.

"You're an angel Jude. Did I ever tell you that?" Doug said with a faint smile, not noticing the sick expression on her face. She certainly didn't feel like an angel, not after she had betrayed the man she was meant to be in love with.

"No I'm not." she told him, "Just your friend." she finished as she placed her hand on his.

"Thanks" he said with a smile, "Both of you." he told them, not knowing how much they wished he hadn't.

--

Three Weeks later.

After weeks of lying in that cold sterile white room, having all his questions about his best friend dodged and waved away Doug Penhall, much to his doctors annoyance, discharged himself from the hospital. He had been told over and over that he wasn't ready to leave yet, but they had no idea how ready he was. If he had to spend one more second stuck in that room watching his friends nervous and closed off reactions to all his questions and thinking over everything that had happened he was likely to loose his mind too. The more he thought about it the more sure he was that his friends and captain were hiding something.

Being barely able to walk didn't make the trek up the steep chapel stairs an easy climb, even with the heavy duty cane the hospital had provided for him, making him look almost as old as he felt. His joints were stiff and, despite the pain killers the doctors had given him, every movement of his leg was agony and by the time he got to the top he could almost sympathise with anyone who had been brave enough or dumb enough to climb Everest.

He was greatly relieved as he reached to the top and heard the low voices of his partners. His eyes scanned the room and he spotted them deep in conversation over by Harry's desk, seemly oblivious to anything else. It was then that his leg finally gave up and collapsed beneath him.

They all spun round, startled as they heard the agonised groan from the top of the stairs. Harry's dark almond shaped eyes flashing and his brows knitting together in concern as he surveyed the larger man from his position at his desk, while Judy let out a gasp and ran straight towards her friend.

"Jesus, Penhall, what are you doing here?" she scolded as she supported him as best she could, thankful that most of his weight was on the cane clutched in his left hand.

"I couldn't stand being stuck in that place any longer."

"You haven't even started physio yet Doug."

"I don't need to be stuck in a hospital room to do a few exercises."

"No, but a wheelchair would make it easier to cart you around." Harry said as he hurried towards them, supporting Doug on the other side as he noticed the strain on Judy's face.

"I'm sick of wheel chairs. I'm not a cripple."

"Not yet." Ioki scolded. "Keep dragging your sorry ass up those stairs everyday and you soon will be." he finished as he and Hoffs deposited Doug on the chair beside his desk.

Doug let out a sigh of relief as the weight was taken of his screaming aching limbs, then closed his eyes and waited for the sickness to pass. When he opened them they fell on the empty, obsessively tidy desk a short distance away by the holding cell. A frown creased his features and he looked over at Judy.

"Hanson still not back?"

"Err, no, not yet. The doctor said he needed to take some time out."

"That includes not going to visit he sick friend in hospital?"

"He said Tom should stay clear of anything that would upset him." Judy said nervously, feeling lower with every lie that fell from her lips, thinking that maybe she was beginning to understand where Tom was coming form. She had done nothing but lie to Doug for the past few weeks and it didn't get any easier.

"I won't upset him. I just want to check on him. Is he at home?" he asked before grabbing the phone and dialling the familiar number.

"Doug, stop. Put the phone down."

He looked at her suspiciously as he held the phone tightly to his ear and felt his stomach turn when he heard the familiar recorded message.

"Hi this is Tom. Leave your message after the beep. Oh, and thanks for calling."

"Tom? Come on man pick up, it's me." Doug said shakily, waiting in vain for the impatient bark as his partner picked up the phone. He imagined it so clearly in his head that he could almost hear him, but there was only silence.

"Hey man, what is this?" he said trying to keep voice light, "three weeks and you don't visit and now you won't even talk to me? Come on Tom, please pick up."

Unable to stand it anymore Judy pulled the receiver from Doug's hand and placed it back in the cradle.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"He's not going to answer Doug."

"Why? What's happened?" he asked in a panic. "Oh god Judy he hasn't….."

"No." she replied, tears swimming in her eyes. "He's not going to answer because he isn't there. Because three weeks ago we had him committed to County Mental Hospital."

"What?" he said, his voice low and dangerous as his usually soft laughing eyes blazed at her. "You put my partner into a nut house?"

"There was no other way Doug."

"Tell me this is some kind of sick joke Judy." he said, his voice low and dangerous. Judy simply shook her head as the tears began to work their way down her face. "How could you do that to him?" he yelled using his cane to pull himself out of the chair, still towering over the young woman despite having to lean heavily on his stick.

"Because he's lost his mind Doug."

"So you thought you'd get him out the way. Put the little embarrassing problem behind closed doors is that it?"

"His own mother saw how sick he is. She made the decision to put him in there so don't you dare lay this on me."

"Only because you told her things that scared her so much she thought there was nothing else she could do."

"There wasn't. Don't you get that?" she yelled.

"He's my best friend." Doug seethed.

"I know Doug. We all do. You've told us a thousand times. The thing is, you're not the only one who cares about him."

"It sure seems that way to me."

"Get over yourself Penhall." Judy said, her anger bubbling over now too. "Have you any idea how hard this was for me? I love Tom. More than I have ever loved anyone. I know you love him too" she said cutting off Doug's retort before he had a chance to open his mouth. "I just have a different way of showing it than you do."

"Yeah, by farming him out to the nearest nut house as soon as he starts to become a little difficult."

"Oh, cos burying my head in the sand and pretending nothing's happening so I don't have to deal with it would be a much better way?"

"At least I didn't stab him in the back."

"Hey, man, back off." Harry said firmly as he made his way over, unable to listen to his friends tearing each other to shreds.

"Stay out of this Harry." Doug snapped before turning his attention back to Hoffs.

"You can't protect him from this Doug. None of us can. He's with people who know how to handle him and help him get well again."

"I know how to handle him. I've been handling him for the best part of five years. You really think any quack can possibly know him better than his own partner?"

"The person you think you know isn't there anymore Doug." Hoffs said, trying to keep her voice level, and almost succeeding. "He's sick, and there was no other choice."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself Judy?" Doug asked stonily. "Because we both know that being locked in there is only going to make him worse."

"They're going to help him. It's for the best."

"You think just because you sleep with him you get the right to decide what happens to him?"

"Stop it Penhall."

"No. The only reason you wanted him stuck in there is because you don't want the whole department knowing you fucked a working class white boy with mental problems."

"Doug, you're crossing the line here man." Harry intervened.

"It's alright Harry. I can deal with him." Judy said waving her hand towards her partner while keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the man in front of her. "You think you're the only one who gets to hurt here Doug?" she said, her whole body shaking with anger and grief. "I know you must have been through hell with him while you were both trapped in there, but it's not been easy for the rest of us either. That night you were shot I had to talk him out of putting a bullet through his head and after that he tried to slice my throat with a broken bottle, so don't you dare think that we made this decision lightly. I've had to watch this amazing, kind hearted, beautiful guy, who I love with all my heart be swallowed up by this neurotic, paranoid, angry, bitter stranger who I don't recognise and it's tearing me to pieces. But there wasn't anything else we could do."

"Say that enough and you might just start to believe it. But don't expect me to, because I will never forgive you for this. And I'm betting Tom won't either."

"Right that's enough." Harry yelled, grabbing Doug's arm and carefully moving him away from Judy.

"You defending her Harry?"

"No. I'm just as upset as you are, but Judy doesn't deserve this. Hanson is ill. You know that. She was only doing what she thought was best." he said softly. "Besides, you really think Hanson would be happy about you talking to Jude that way?"

"You're as bad as the rest of them."

"Doug?" came Fullers calm voice from behind them.

"What?" Penhall snapped spinning round and turning his blazing eyes on his commanding officer.

"Can I see you in my office?" he asked, his face calm and impassive as he studied the younger man.

"Sure." Doug replied coldly and with a last withering glance at Judy he sullenly followed his captain into the small office.

"Thanks Harry." Judy said tearfully.

"Don't thank me Judy. I still think what you did was wrong, but you really didn't deserve that." he finished softly. "But then, neither did Tom."

"Maybe not. But it's what he needs right now."

"What? Three of the people he loves and trusts most in the whole world dragging him off to the nut house? You might think it's for the best Jude, but the way you went about it stinks." he spat.

"Harry, please. I can't bare this." she sobbed. "It was the most difficult and horrible experience of my entire life. And believe me Harry, I've had some pretty bad experiences. Don't you think that if there was some other way we would have found it? You didn't see him Harry. You didn't see how wild and strung out he's gotten. You didn't hear the poison spewing from his mouth or see the gun he was holding to his head. You weren't the one with broken glass digging into your throat." she ranted, all her hurt and frustration beginning to pour out. "You can't hate me any more than I hate myself right now, trust me. When I think about Tom in that place it makes me sick to my stomach and tears me apart, but we can't give him the help he needs, those doctors can. So you can hate me and dump on me for what we did, but if it helps Tom get well again it will all be worth it, because nothing you can dish out can possibly be worse than seeing the state he's in now." she finished at tears streamed down her face.

"Judy, I'm sorry." Ioki said putting his arms around her. "I know you guys wouldn't have done it if you didn't have to." he continued feeling like he was about 3 inches tall. He had never seen Judy look so defeated, and for Judy Hoffs to loose it this badly he had a feeling things had gotten a lot more serious than he thought.

"Just tell me everything's going to be alright Harry."

"It will be. You'll see." he said hugging her shaking form as tightly as he could.

--

"Shut the door please Doug," Fuller said as he walked over to the window and stared out trying to collect his thoughts. Doug dutifully closed the door behind him and sat down heavily on the seat opposite Fullers desk. The seat he had sat in so many times before under the steely, angry glance of his superior officer as said officer expressed his disappointment. Of course his partner was usually sat beside him taking some of the glare from him. Now however his partner was locked up in what he could only describe as a prison for the insane. Telling himself his partner was in no way insane he fixed his cold angry eyes on the back of Fullers head. As if he could feel those eyes burning into the back of his head, Fuller turned round to meet them.

"You think we did the wrong thing?" he asked calmly sitting down across from the angry young man.

"No. I just think you went about it the wrong way. I'm not an idiot Captain Fuller. I was the one who found him after he slashed his wrist. I was the one he nearly drove under a truck. It was me who had to drag him away from flying bullets. I had to watch him fall to pieces in front of my eyes and couldn't do anything about it. There were times in there when I didn't know who the hell he was." he said distressed. "I know that he's where he needs to be to get help, I just wish it wasn't happening."

"So do I Doug, we all do. But the thing is, it is happening. You saw him Doug. I think you more than any of us know just how sick he is. You just don't want to let yourself admit it."

"I'm not just going to write him off. He's my best friend and my partner."

"Doug, I think it's time you decided which one is more important to you."

"It may have escaped your notice Captain, but they're the same person."

"Not anymore. You see right now your partner is eating your best friend alive from the inside out. Your partner has had to do things that are completely against his nature to get himself out of situations that your best friend would never get himself into."

"Do you want to talk me through that for a minute cos what you just said MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE."

"Think about it Penhall. Everything that Tom has had to do over the past few years has gone against everything basic to his nature. He got into this job to help people, not punish, use and lie to them. What do you think it must do to you having to deal with that?" he asked not really expecting an answer. "How do you think he feels to be punished for doing what you were always taught to believe was right?"

"No one was punishing him but himself."

"That's not how Tom sees it. Doug, he was sent to prison for nothing. You know that he could never accept that it was just a mistake. For people like Tom there's got to be some justice behind everything. He had all that time with nothing to do but think over everything that happened, to try and make some sense of what he could possibly have done to deserve to suffer like that. All that time for his mind to come up with a reason for why he was being punished. And what do you think he came up with?" he finished, watching Doug seem to diminish as his anger subsided and was replaced by grief.

"I've let him down so badly."

"No you haven't."

"Yes I have. I should have found that bullet. I should never have doubted him. I know if was only for a second but it was enough."

"Doug, you got him out of there."

"I was too late though wasn't I." he sighed. "And I never even realised there was anything wrong. I didn't notice his drinking or how withdrawn he'd gotten. I was just so happy to have him back with us. But I should have seen it. We don't even know if it was prison that triggered it." Doug continued as Fuller just sat there and let him pour out his grief. "The second I saw him after Tower was killed I should have seen something was wrong. He was so calm, it was like he didn't care whether he did it or not, or even what was going to happen to him. I should have helped him."

"How could you have helped him when he never asked you to?"

"I never had to ask him for help. He just knew, he was always there. I didn't have to ask him to come to El Salvador with me. He offered before the thought even crossed my mind. And you know what Captain, he'd have up and followed me even if I'd made him promise to stay away. So why should he have to ask me for my help?"

"Maybe he didn't want your help."

"I'm his best friend. Why wouldn't he want my help?" Then as if in answer he heard Tom's voice echoing in his head like some faded cassette tape. "Remind me not to ask you for help when I'm really in trouble." and he suddenly felt sick.

"Because he was scared and ashamed."

"No. He just didn't trust me to believe in him."

"From what I see Doug, you're the only one he does trust."

"So why didn't he talk to me?"

"There's only Tom can tell you that."

"But he's sick right?" he said bitterly. "You know he probably saved my life back there."

"There's no probably about it Doug. He did save your life."

"Not bad for a nut ball huh?"

"Doug..."

"He tried so hard to fight it you know. While he was trying to fix my leg. I could see it, in his face, the way he was shaking. He did that all so he could help me." he finished, filled with a rush of emotion as his mind cast back to watching his friend struggle to keep aware and focused as he did his best to stop Doug from bleeding to death. "He did all that for me and I can't even tell him how grateful I am."

"I'm sure deep down he knows."

"Well, if he doesn't know he soon will!"

"Where are you going?" he asked as he watched Doug limp painfully across the room.

"I'm going to see my friend."

"You won't be able to see him Doug."

"The good old American justice system didn't keep me from him, I'm damned if our second rate healthcare system will."

"And what about Tom? Can he keep you from him? He wouldn't even see his own mother."

"He'll see me."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I know him." Doug shrugged.

"No Doug, you knew him."

"Ok fine. How about this? He'll see me because I wasn't the one who shoved him away in a loony bin."

"You're not bring fair, Doug." Fuller said, trying his best to keep his voice level and calm. "You saw how bad he was. We did what we had to."

"Whatever." Doug seethed as he pulled himself up gripping the cane so tightly that his hands were turning white.

"Doug!" Fuller called out as Penhall turned towards the door.

"Yes captain?"

"The fire department found this when they were sifting through what was left of that building." he said turning something thoughtfully in his hands before throwing it to Doug. "I think you should take of that. He might want it back one day." Doug took one look at the small leather wallet in his hand and knew exactly what it was. He had seen Hanson throw it away as he spoke to what he thought was his dead father.

"I wouldn't bet on it." he said bitterly.

"I thought you weren't going to write him off?"

"Everyone else seems to be doing. Why should I be any different?"

Because I'm counting on you to keep us all from drowning here Doug. Just because I'm the authority figure here doesn't mean I don't need help. It sure as hell doesn't mean I don't hurt like the rest of you. I love that boy just as much as you do."

"I know. I'm sorry." Doug replied before both men lapsed into silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

"One things for sure." Doug said breaking the silence. "I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure Pettrelli goes away for a very long time."

"That might not be so easy Doug."

"I don't care. If it hadn't been for him, me and Tom would never have been in that place and he would never had shot Casey."

"You really think that's all there is too it? Doug, Hanson has way more problems than that. This would have happened whether he had shot that kid or not."

"Maybe, but I can sure as hell make sure it wasn't for nothing. Matthews said he'd help us right? He said he'd give us anything he could on the bastard."

"Yes he did. But that's not going to matter anymore."

"Why?"

"Because James Matthews was found hanging in his cell last night." Fuller told him bluntly as Doug's wide shocked eyes locked on his.

"He killed himself?"

"It looks that way."

"So what now. Pettrelli just disappears again?"

"With none of the others talking and the one guy we have with information dead there's nothing much we can do."

"Hanson was right." Doug said quietly. "We really are wasting our time. Scum like that ruins lives and just walks away, while we're left to hurt and suffer for trying to do the right thing."

"And as I told Tom, you can't really say that. You see, you can't win them all Doug, but the few you do win make it worth it."

"He will be alright, won't he? He's got through worse." Doug said turning pleading eyes on the older man.

"Come on. You can hardly stand let alone drive." Fuller said suddenly

"What?"

"I'll take you to see Tom."

"Thank you." Doug said quietly. Fuller looked at him wishing he hadn't said that. The last thing he wanted was to crush the little bit of hope that Doug had, but the only way he could see Doug accepting this was if he saw Tom for himself, or didn't see him as the case would probably be.

"You can thank me by apologising to Judy. We all need to support each other Doug."

"Later." Doug said flatly before slowly and awkwardly following his commanding officer.

--

Even hindered by his injury and walking stick, Doug marched into the hospital like a whirlwind, Fuller finding himself struggling to keep up with him, and wondering when this was all going to prove too much for the injured officer. He eventually caught up to him when the younger man reached the large desk in the centre of the reception area.

"Can I help you?" the young blonde nurse on the admission desk asked as she met Doug Penhall's angry hazel eyes.

"Yeah. Tom Hanson. I want to see him and I'm not taking no for an answer."

"I'll have to see if he's receiving visitors."

"That makes no difference. I've told you I'm seeing him, and I don't care if he wants to see me or not."

"Doug, this isn't helping." Fuller said grabbing Penhall by the arm and turning to face him. "If Tom doesn't want to see you, he probably has his reasons."

"I thought Tom and reason didn't hang together that much anymore."

"Doug..."

"You think maybe he doesn't want to see you because you put him in here."

"I'm sorry." the nurse said nervously, cutting their bickering dead. "But Mr Hanson isn't a patient here anymore."

"What?" Penhall and Fuller asked in unison as they both spun round in shock to face the young woman.

"He was discharged a week ago."

"Are you sure?" Fuller asked, a puzzled and anxious look twisting his features. "Are you positive you've got the right person."

"I'm positive."

"So where is he?" Doug asked.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you. All this information is confidential.

The two men exchanged glances, the joy dancing in Doug's eyes very different to the concern and suspicion in his captains.

"I knew he wasn't crazy." Doug said before hobbling away as fast as he could, leaning heavily on his cane.

"What are you doing Penhall?" Fuller snapped hurrying after him, wondering how in the hell someone who could hardly walk could move so fast. He supposed it was hope that was driving him, unfortunately he didn't share Doug's sunny outlook. Problems like Tom's weren't cured in a fortnight.

"I'm going to find Tom." he said, allowing a barely noticeable grimace to twist his features as pain shot through his damaged leg.

"And just where do you think you're going to find him?" he pushed, not receiving any answer from the younger man, whose face was grim with determination and slick with sweat from the very obvious pain he has in.

"Doug, stop." Fuller barked, placing a careful hand on Doug's shoulder. "This is stupid Penhall, you can barely walk."

"So are you going to drive me his place or not?"

"And when we get there? What then?" Fuller asked calmly. "What you expect your going to find there Doug?"

"We won't know till we get there will we?" Doug replied, obviously hanging on to his new found hope by the most tenuous of grips. "So are you going to drive me or am I going to permanently cripple myself."

Fuller looked into Doug's pain twisted face, his eyes steely and defiant despite his obvious distress and knew at once that there was no way Doug was going to let go of this small ray of hope unless until he had seen with his own eyes that it was useless. He let out a long suffering sigh and began to move towards the exit.

"You coming or not?" he said, turning back to his young friend and watching as he struggled his way towards him.

--

The drive Tom's apartment passed in an uncomfortable silence. The closer they got the more agitated and restless Doug became. Fuller could feel him shifting round in the seat, his eyes darting about the car as if he was trying to find something to fix his mind on. Every so often he could sense Doug turning to look at him as if there was something he wanted to ask, but always changed his mind at the last second. In a way he was glad, he didn't want to answer anymore of his officers questions, because with every second that went by the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach got deeper and deeper. He got the distinct feeling that at any moment Doug was going to crash, and hard.

This thought was almost proved right when Doug struggled his way out of the car and almost collapsed in a heap on the ground. Fuller raced round to the other side of the car and began to pull him to his feet, supporting him as best he could.

"Doug, you really should still be in hospital." he said, his voice full of concern, all thoughts of the missing Hanson momentarily pushed from his mind.

"I'll be fine." he winced. "Once I've seen Tom."

"You don't even know he's here." Fuller tried to reason, the physical and emotional pain on his young friends face making him ache. "Do you really think that after all you've seen that they're just going to let him go?"

"You said he's on medication right? It must be working."

"Doug, look..."

"NO!" he yelled, his head snapping up and his eyes glaring angrily at his captain. "Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it."

"You're going to have to hear it Doug. Tom is seriously sick. He's mentally ill, do you get that. People like that don't just get to walk around free and unsupervised."

"People like that? You mean psychos?" Doug said glaring coldly at his captain.

"What would it take to get you to see what's going on here Penhall?" Fuller yelled in frustration. "He's hearing voices. He tried to kill himself, tried to kill Judy and he damn near killed you. How far would this have to go? Would he actually have to kill one of you or himself to get you see how ill he is? What if next time it had been Clavo? What would you have done then?"

"Tom would never hurt Clavo."

"No he wouldn't. But Tom's gone Doug. The bag's split open and pretty much every marble he has has rolled across the floor and out the window. The lights are on and it's got way too crowded in there."

"I K NOW!" Doug almost screamed cutting Fullers words dead. "He's as nutty as a fruit cake, I know. After all I've seen and heard how could I not? I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I'm no idiot. But, just for one second let me believe that my best friend is ok, please".

"What good is that going to do? What you need to do is go back to the hospital, let them take care of you and let those who know what they're doing take care of Hanson."

"No. I have to see for myself." Doug replied running a hand over his drawn, pain filled face. "We're going to go up there, make sure he's ok and then I'll go anywhere you want. That's the deal."

"Penhall, he's not ok, and I'm pretty damn sure he's not going to be in there."

"I'm not discussing this anymore."

"Ok. But don't expect too much Doug."

Penhall threw a last angry glance at his captain before allowing him to help him make their slow and stumbling way to the entrance. As they walked through the door Fuller thanked every possible god he could think of that this seemed to be the only apartment block in the whole city where the elevator still worked and he wouldn't have to drag Doug up the stairs to Hanson's apartment on the second floor. Then again if they had to climb the stairs he could have put off seeing that faint thread of hope completely ripped from Doug hands. He didn't know where Hanson could be, but he was sure as hell it wouldn't be here. In fact, as they reached the door to the place Tom Hanson had called home these past few years, he was still hoping that Doug would change his mind.

"You sure you want to do this." Fuller asked, looking at Doug as he leaned heavily on his cane, his breath coming in sharp, shallow gasps.

"I'm sure." he replied taking a deep breath and pulling himself up to his full height. He knocked cautiously on the door and called out, "Tom? You there?"

Fuller watched him anxiously as there came nothing but silence from the other side of the door. And why should it be any different? They didn't let mental patients just walk away.

"Hanson? Come on man, you can't avoid us forever."

"Doug, he's not there."

"He's got to be."

"Why? Think about it Doug. You've seen better than anyone what kind of state he's in. You know they wouldn't just let him go."

Doug looked back at his superior with defiant silence before, keeping one hand clasped tightly on the cane by his side, reaching up and frantically feeling around the door frame.

"Penhall, what are you doing." Fuller asked wearily.

"He's in there captain, I know he is, and I have to get in."

"Doug..."

"He could be in there hurt or something."

"He isn't Penhall, and I think you know that."

"What if he's done something stupid again and he's lying in there bleeding to death while I stand here being lectured by you?"

"What are you going to do? Break in?"

"I don't have to." Doug said with a small smile as he produced the key from the top of the door, a habit Tom had picked up from him over the years. Fuller again found himself surprised at how well these two had gotten to know each other over the past few years, as he stood staring at the pale but grinning young officer stood beside him. It only made the whole situation so much harder.

"Doug" he said, placing his hand over Penhall's as he put the key in the lock. "Don't get your hopes up."

Doug swung the door open and hobbled into the silent dark apartment.

"Hanson, you in here?" he called out, the cheerfulness in his voice betrayed by how much it was shaking. He flicked on the light and as he did both he and Fuller gasped at the sight that met them.

Fuller had heard Judy's tale of what happened in here that night but the state of the place was as much a shock to him as it was to Doug. They saw the broken glass scattered across the floor, the shattered coffee table that lay by the hole in the wall and Fuller's heart sank when his eyes caught sight of the gun Judy had only just been able to stop him from blowing his head off with.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he looked anxiously over at his young companion. Doug didn't answer, but slowly hobbled his way across the apartment his eyes sweeping the room as if he could make Hanson appear out of nowhere by sheer force of will.

"Oh Jesus, Tom." Doug sighed as he spotted the dark stains on the kitchen floor that had been left by Tom's half hearted effort to clean up after his first suicide attempt. "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know." Fuller said, startling the younger man as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "But he's not here Doug. Do you get that now?"

Doug glared daggers at his commanding officer before making for a nearby drawer and frantically rooting through it's contents.

"It's gotta be here. You're right, there's no way they'd let him go, right?"

"Doug, what are you looking for."

"He always keeps a spare in here." he said, becoming more frantic.

"Spare what?"

"It's gone." Doug yelled, slamming his fist against the wall, ignoring his captain.

"Penhall, for god's sake, talk to me."

Doug just limped back to towards the small kitchen, trying to ignore the dark stains on the floor and began rooting through the cupboards.

"Doug, what's going on?" Fuller said calmly from behind him as he watched the younger man, feeling sick to his stomach as he too noticed the stains and the worrying amount of alcohol that seemed to be scattered about the small apartment. He was slightly startled when Doug let out a triumphant bark.

"He's still around here somewhere!" he said with a tired grin as he waved a set of keys in Fullers face. "You really think he's gonna go far without these."

"What are you talking about?"

"His mom's got one set of keys and the spares here. He wouldn't go anywhere without that heap of junk." he smiled fondly.

"His car?" Fuller asked wearily.

"I've gotta find him." Doug stammered as he hobbled his way past Fuller.

"And how are you going to do that."

"Someone has to know where he is. And I got a good idea who."

"Where are you going now?"

"Back to the hospital to talk to his shrink."

"Doug, we've been there. He's gone, remember. You can't keep going back and forth on some wild goose chase. Tom, obviously doesn't want us to know where he is, and you're in no fit state to go running round looking for a .." Fuller stopped dead, cutting off his last thoughts with mixed feelings of shame and embarrassment.

"Running round after a mad man? Is that what you were going to say?"

"No." he replied unconvincingly.

"I know exactly what you were going to say. It's ok, he is. I know it." he allowed himself a small bitter smile as he registered the look on his captains face. "But he could be anywhere and doing God know what out there. He's lost his mind, and if that isn't reason why we should find him, i don't know what is."

"So what are you going to do?"

"What I should have done in the first place, instead of running straight round here like some moron living on blind faith."

Fuller sighed and followed behind Doug as he made his slow painful way out the door, feeling like flotsam being dragged along by the tide.

--

"Where is he?" Doug barked as he burst through the door into Dr Spencer's office.

"Excuse me?" he asked blankly, hardly remembering the nervous, suspicious officer he had interviewed all those years ago. "Can I help you?"

"My partner. Tom Hanson. I've just been told he's not a patient here anymore. Now set me straight if I'm wrong here, but I thought people as ill as everyone had been telling me he is should be locked safely away for their own good."

"That's right Mr..."

"Penhall" Doug barked, sending a flash of recognition through the shrink's eyes.

"Mr Penhall. That's right, Tom isn't a patient here anymore. He asked me to transfer him to another institution. He thought it be better for all concerned if he got as far away from here as he could."

"So tell me where he is."

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

"Really?" And why not?"

"Tom asked me not to, and, as he's my patient I have to respect his wishes."

"Why would he do that?"

"It's not my place to say."

"Well I can hardly ask him can I?" Doug yelled in the older man's face. "Besides, if he's in another nut house, he's not your patient anymore."

"I'm sorry, I really can't tell you."

"Ok. Let me put it this way. Tom is part of a criminal investigation, and if you don't tell me where he is I can charge you with withholding information and hindering a police investigation."

"Officer Penhall, is Tom being charged with any crime?" Spencer asked calmly

"No. But he's an eyewitness to a gun smuggling ring, attempted murder, kidnapping and a potential drug smuggling charge."

"And would you say, that given his current condition, that Officer Hanson is really a reliable witness?" he said, smiling sadly at the anger and defeat in Doug's eyes.

"What do think Doug?" Fuller asked calmly from behind him.

"No he isn't" Doug said quietly, seeming to shrink before the older men's eyes.

"Then I suggest you accept what I'm telling you and respect your friend's wishes."

"What am I supposed to do, just pretend he doesn't exist? Go about my business and forget him, forget everything we've been through? I can't do that."

"You don't have to. But if Tom means as much to you as you say he does then you'll do as he asks. Just let him be. When he's ready I'm sure he get in touch."

"And how long will that be? Weeks? Months? Years? Just how long am I meant to stand here trying to pretend that my best friend isn't going through hell all on his own out there?"

"I can assure you both" Spencer said quietly and calmly, "That Tom will not be on his own and he will be getting all that he needs to get well again."

"So we're supposed to just hang back and wait?" Doug asked in frustration.

"It's all we can do Doug." Fuller said putting a hand on his young friends shoulder.

"And his mom and Judy? What are we meant to do about them?"

"I really am sorry." Spencer said, "Now please, I have patients to see and you need to move past this for your own sake." he finished as he held the door open for them and Fuller led his young officer out into the hallway.

As the door closed behind them Doug smashed his free hand into the wall and let out a yell full of pain, frustration and anger as Fuller stood by watching, thinking it best to let Doug let off a little steam.

"This can't be happening. Hanson wouldn't do that."

"But he has Doug. Just for now, you'll have to let him go." he said calmly and carefully.

"I can't just do that. I've watched out for him for years, and he's always been there for me. I can't just turn all that off."

"You're going to have to learn."

"What's going to happen to him? I mean, how is he going to live when he gets out of that place?"

"As of three weeks ago he's on sick leave indefinitely, until we here otherwise. That way he'll have something to come out to, I'll make sure of that."

"So what do we do now?" Doug asked, sounding totally beaten and crushed.

"Nothing. We wait, and if Tom decides he wants to see us, he knows where we are."

"With all due respect Captain, fuck that." he said, his eyes flashing angrily.

"There's not much else you can do Penhall."

"Yes there is." Doug growled. "I can scour every mental hospital in the damn country until I find him."

"Doug!" Fuller called uselessly as he watched the younger man limp painfully away. "Don't you think that if he wanted you to know where he was he would have told you?"

"I don't care. I'm not quitting on him, so he sure as hell doesn't get to quit on me."

The End?

Well that's it for now folks. I'm going to go have a bit of a life before I get sucked in again. Hope the ending didn't disappoint. See you next time xx