Ha ha, don't ask me why I'm dong this.
Naruto is not mine. If it is, I've been an incredibly stupid person lately. XD
What this is based on, called Charlie goes to Candy Mountain (or something really close to that) is also not mine. Get it? Got it? Good.
Itachi the Akatsuki member goes to Candy Mountain!
Itachi had all the free time in the world. He had just gotten off of a
Mission he had been on for months, and so he laid on his favorite
Patch of grass in a clearing and fell asleep.
Itachi woke up to not one, but 2 people jumping on him. "What the
hell?" he muttered opening his eyes.
"Wake up Itaaaaaachi"
"Yea wake up you silly sleepy head, un!"
No one called him a silly sleepy head and got away with it, but he was too tired at the moment. "This better be friggin important. do I get to kill someone again?" he muttered
"No!" said the first one, way too loud for Itachi's tastes "we found a map! a map to Candy Mountain Itaaaachi!"
"Yea, un. we're going to Candy Mountain!"
Candy Mountain? is Orochimaru up to something again involving Sasuke and candy? Itachi didn't want to think about it.
"Come with us to Candy Mountain Itaaaaaachi!!"
"yea come!"
Itachi groaned, not opening his eyes. he refused to go. "you know what? I'm just gonna pretend you two aren't here... and go back to sleep..."
"Art is a bang, un"
Uh oh. Itachi knew what that meant. his eyes flew open to see a little clay bird sitting on his chest. Itachi jumped up just to have the bird explode and blow him back a few feet, there being no real damage.
Oh, he was up now. Itachi stood up, glaring at Deidara, and Kisame, the owner of the other voice he had heard. Itachi's face/thoughts went from 'I'm gonna kill you' to 'what the hell is wrong with your faces?!"
as he stared at the 2 Akatsuki members, he noticed they had the most blank smile he had ever seen, like they each had no brain. 'not to far from the truth' he thought to himself.
"Candy Mountain!"
"Candy Mountain, un!"
"Let's go to Candy Mountain"
"OK OK!" anything to stop the pair from going on like that. Itachi now guessed he was going to this "Candy Mountain"
----------------------
"LALALALALALALALA!!" sang both the blue and the blond.
"oh god, just kill me now..." Muttered Itachi. he had no idea they were such bad singers. this had to be more torture than any jutsu he had...
"Our first stop is over there!" shouted the shark man, pointing at a
large rock.
'...' is all that Itachi could think of. was there something behind the
rock? on the side of the rock? on the rock? there was nothing there, just a rock! "Um..."
Before he said anymore, Deidara pulled from his cloak a box of markers and went to work.
Kisame smiled and clapped while Itachi desperately tried to understand the situation.
when Deidara was finished, almost an hour later, he moved out the way, showing everyone what he had drawn
'and he's the art freak?!' thought Itachi. the ahem... "figure" that
was drawn on the rock would of made a 1st grader's stick person look like the Mona Lisa in comparison...
"what the crap is that?" asked Itachi, looking from Kisame to Deidara,
both of who were giggling happily
"That's A magical Leoplurodon, un!" said Deidara, putting his trusty markers away
"yea, it's going to guide us to Candy Mountain!"
"you guys know that there is no actual Candy Mountain right?" said Itachi. he didn't want to go though all of this. he was waaaaay too tired.
"Shun the non believer!" said Kisame, putting his fingers up in a cross
"Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" said Kisame again
"Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" said Deidara joining in.
Itachi didn't know how long he could take this. if he was going along, he wasn't going to wait for a rock to give them answers.
"wait... don't we have a map? and a stupid rock can't guide us anywhere! Deidara just drew it a face!"
But Itachi's statements went unheard, and it was silent for a few minuets, after the rock had done something to catch Kisame's and Deidara's attention.
"It has spoken!" said Kisame
...huh? it's a rock...
"It has told us the way to the Candy Mountain!" said Deidara, skipping off, Kisame following after.
"But... it didn't say anything!" said Itachi, running after them
---------
they were on a bridge. a very, very shaky bridge. a very very shaky
bridge which looked like it wanted to fall. a very very- well, you get the point; it wasn't that much a bridge. Itachi had splinters. Splinters in places he didn't know he could get splinters in. he was in pain, scared (although he wouldn't admit it) and pissed off. he was also trapped. Deidara was in front of him, and Kisame was behind, neither of them moving. if this kept up, he was gonna have to throw one off... which one should it be? he was interrupted in his thought
"Itaaaaaaachi!" said Kisame from behind him
"Itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachi" said Kisame again
"Itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachi!" Itachi gained about 5 tick marks the 3rd time his name was called. Deidara was humming to himself, swinging the bridge. 'of course he would' thought Itachi 'he has a friggin bird he could fly away on.
"Itaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"
"WHAT THE HELL IS IT KISAME I'M RIGHT HERE!?!!" Shouted the older Uchiha
"We're on a bridge Itachi!" said Kisame, smiling brightly
It was decided right then and there that Kisame was going over first.
-------------------
"we're here!" shouted Deidara. Itachi groaned, and rubbed his temples. why were they this loud? he then looked up, and to his surprise, there stood Candy Mountain. Not much of a mountain, or even a hill, but there it was, covered with sweets, and a sign that simply stated: Candy Mountain.
"I guess there is a Candy Mountain" muttered Itachi "can I go back
now?"
"Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet, sugary goodness!!!" sang Deidara, doing little twirls about the mountain.
ooook then...
"Go inside the Candy Mountain itaaaaaachi" said Kisame
'And risk a chance of becoming like them?' thought Itachi 'No thanks'
"Yeah Itachi!" said the still twirling Deidara "Go inside the cave!
Magical wonders behold when you enter!!!1!one!"
"No, I'm gonna stay out of the thing that wasn't here yesterday" said Itachi, trying to get away
"But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy cave, Itachi!" pleaded his partner
What Itachi saw next told him that he was insane.
out of tree/bushes came Sasori, Zetsu, Tobi, Hidan and Leader himself. but that wasn't the weird thing. they were dressed up as letters… they appeared in that order, spelling: C-A-N-D-Y.
Candy?
Yep, Itachi had gone insane, and some how he seemed perfectly fine with it. The leader came up to him, dressed as the "Y" and started to sing. Hold on... Sing?... Oh boy…
"Oh when you're down and looking for some cheering up
Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave
When you get inside you will find yourself a cheery land
Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land
They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day
It's impossible to wear a frown in candy town
It's the Mecca of love the candy cave"
The other letter/people/things were already dancing, and at the same time, some how floating. so was Deidara, and Kisame, with that empty smile of theirs, while Itachi stood, no longer effected by what was going on around him. He managed to listen to the song with a straight face.
"They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats
Candy rats, chocolate bats it's a wonderland of sweets
Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band
Candy bells it's a treat as they march across the land
Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground
Turn around it astounds it's a dancing candy tree
In the candy cave the imagination runs so free
so now Tachi will you please go into the cave."
Suddenly the 5 letter/people/things exploded. Kisame looked at Deidara "Did you do that?"
Deidara shook his head no. That wasn't him.
Itachi looked at where his leader once stood. "Did about half the Akatsuki just burst into flame?" he asked no one in particular. "cool" him said to himself
"So now Itachi, will you go into the cave?" asked Kisame, once again, smiling brightly.
"If I can get away from you two and the other exploding Akatsuki
members, why not?"
"YAAAAY!" Kisame and Deidara yelled. Great, more yelling. Itachi slowly entered the "Candy Mountain" seeing nothing.
"Goodbye Itachi!" shouted Deidara.
"Yeah, goodbye Itachi!" said Kisame, waving like a mad man.
"Goodbye? What?" Itachi asked. Suddenly the entrance closed and
everything was dark "da fuck?" asked Itachi.
He heard a chuckle to his left that sorda sounded like Sasuke, so
naturally, he got his voice ready and deeply said: "Foolish little brother... you-"
-
Somewhere else in the Naruto universe, Sasuke sneezed, then had a pleasant vision of his brother getting hit in the head with a club. He smiled, knowing he would have to try that one day.
The rest of team 7 and team 8 watched as Sasuke sneezed over everyone's lunch then smiled for some odd reason. There goes lunch...
-
-later-
Itachi sat up, his head pounding. he looked down to see his cloak taken off and a red stain near his waist, and automatically said "They took my friggin kidney! THEY SHALL DIE! no one take my kidney without me saying so! Itachi pulled a kunai, and left, going back to Candy Mountain.
Deidara watched from a tree, puzzled. "What was that about, un?"
Kisame was squatting right next to him "He always has these strange dreams.
"Unicorns? Candy Mountain? Akatsuki members dressed up as letters? God, Itachi needs some help"
Kisame remembered the red stain that was near his partner's waist "holy crap, was he bleeding?!"
Deidara laughed "Am I the only one who remembers he spilled catsup on himself earlier, un?"
"Ohhhhh Yeaaaaa!!" said Kisame "Should we go after him?"
"Nah, it's his day off, let him have some fun, un"
"I WILL FIND YOU AND MY KIDNEY CANDY MOUTAIN!!! DIE!"
Oh wow. Even as an already twisted thing, I've managed to make it worse. Don't you love my typing? Reviews would be great, but flames go to the burning of that blasted bridge Itachi hates so much. Thanks, and have a nice day!
Oh by the way, if there was a story that you really liked, but I stopped writing, tell be and I'll start it up again!