Title: Defending Myself

Author: Elphias Doge

Summary: You think you know Kyle Broflovski? You could be so very, very wrong. (Please read?)

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(A lonely stage. Then the spotlights come up and the silhouette of a young man appears)

(It is Kyle; dressed in a beautiful pink tutu with sparkling silver sequins, glistening fairy wings and he waves a heart shaped wand through the air with a flourish)

Oh you may think that I'm so pretty

But don't judge on what you see

You'd be surprised how unsanitary it is

To have a jewfro just like me

You can have me emotional, frail

Or fiery fiesty and small

But you can't have met a lot of us

If you think all Jews are small

There's nothing I like to do more

Than kick Cartman's big fat ass

I do all my homework, stay alert

But I also pass my gas

You might love my darling Stanley Marsh

He's kind and oh so fair of heart.

But even after a painful split

He doesn't have to fall apart

You might lust after pervy McCormick

Kenny's as horny as he's loyal

But he's only there to die and mumble

He's just a dramatic foil

Or yet if you think size matters

Cartman will always be your guy

But he won't be slim or nicely nice

He kills, steals and lies.

Please, please make me a man

Check between my legs, you'll see

I still have my meat and two veg

I do not sit down to pee

So write my story! Don't be afraid!

Use your laptops and your pen

And if you've time to spare

Join deviant Art's Boys Will Be Men!

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Dear Claire.

Please smile for me.

Smile, lady, smile

You're ever so pretty when you smile