A/N: Thanks for the reviews. So sorry it's taken me forever, but senior year goes by way too fast!

This will be the final chapter.

Chapter 5

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks as she walked towards the squadroom. A nauseating realization had just hit her, and she was grateful that Elliot had failed to notice and had instead continued past the doorway.

This may be the last time I ever walk through these doors. She watched briefly as Elliot disappeared from view. Munch and Fin were engrossed in some conversation, and Detective Lake was consulting Cragen on the open file he held in his hands. Somewhere a phone was ringing, and there was chatter as the other members of the 16th Precinct went about their jobs. This may be the last time.

Taking a deep breath and gathering her courage, Olivia started walking again. She quickly reached her desk, but hesitated with her hand on the back of her chair. Everything felt weird -- even pulling out her chair made her want to cry. Soon she became aware of the fact that several pairs of eyes were now trained on her. In response, Olivia stood up straight, and blinked away her eyes' tearful desires. She then sat down in her chair, pulled a stack of files close to her, and tried to pretend nothing was wrong.

"So, how's Kennedy?"

Olivia was startled by Munch's immediate presence at her desk. It took her a second to comprehend the question before she opened her mouth to speak.

"Oh...uh...he's fine. He's great actually. Thanks."

Fin looked puzzled as he leaned back in his chair. "Who's Kennedy?"

Liv and Munch both started to answer at the same time. Munch graciously backed off, however, and allowed Liv to finish.

"He's the dog Munch gave me in case I needed protection."

Fin raised an eyebrow. "A dog?"

"Mmm-hmm." Olivia nodded.

"Wait a minute --" Fin addressed his partner. "You named the damn dog Kennedy? Oh, that's just sick."

Olivia shook her head, ignoring the situation, and tried to focus on some of the files on her desk. She glanced up as Elliot set a cup of coffee on her desk. "Thanks."

Munch looked over his glasses at Fin. "What do you mean -- sick?"

"Well...Kennedy didn't exactly last very long, now did he?"

Munch grimaced. "Fine. I acknowledge your point. But, as you see, my dear friend, Kennedy was taken out by his own government -- it's highly unlikely that the same would happen to Olivia. No offense, Liv."

"None taken, " she said while faking a grin, but the comment had hit closer to home than Munch would have ever suspected. In fact, it's a very likely possibility.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

It was dark outside when Elliot escorted Olivia home.

Olivia was so tired -- she'd spent the entire day trying not to focus so much energy on the decision ahead of her. She wanted so much to stop thinking about it all together, and she hoped she would make the right choice when the time arrived. The pressure was dragging her down. She was in need of something to control it.

You have time, she told herself. You have plenty of time.

"Liv, you okay?"

Olivia looked up to see Elliot watching her with a concerned expression.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled timidly. She hadn't even realized she had stopped walking. She glanced about herself, hoping something would divert Elliot's attention away from her face.

Thankfully a quiet noise interrupted the tense silence. Olivia watched as Elliot spun around to locate the source.

A man was bent over next to the row of mailboxes, picking up the envelope he had dropped. Elliot studied him for a second. Satisfied that he was not any threat, Elliot steered Olivia towards the stairs.

Olivia stared at the man briefly. He met her gaze, dipped his head in greeting, and then disappeared into the first alcove in the hallway. When the apartment door shut behind him, and the sound of locks being secured were heard, she followed Elliot to the second floor.

As they neared her apartment door, Elliot held his hand out for her keys. Olivia glared at him.

"I can open my own damn door."

Elliot smirked, but stepped out of her way. When she had unlocked and pushed open the door, he brushed past her and quickly swept the apartment.

"All clear."

Olivia nodded.

There was a soft clicking as the dog came out of the bed room. He made his way over to greet Olivia, his tail wagging sleepily.

Elliot glanced about the room. "Well, looks like you two --"

" -- will be fine," Olivia added for him. "Seriously, go home."

Elliot looked as if ready to reply, but the ringing of his cell phone prevented any such action.

"Stabler," he said, answering the call. "Hi, honey."

He paused slightly, and Olivia could hear Kathy's muffled voice asking when he would be home.

Elliot sighed. "I don't know, I --" Elliot stopped when Olivia ripped the phone from his hands.

"He's just leaving now. He'll be home in a bit."

Kathy sounded relieved. "Great."

Olivia flipped the phone shut after Kathy hung up, and handed it back to Elliot.

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Liv, are you sure --"

"I'll be fine, I promise. Besides, Kathy hasn't seen your ugly mug in days, and she's been cooped up day in and day out with a newborn. If you don't go home soon, she just might decide you're not worth the effort, again. Lord knows I would."

He glared at her, barely managing to hide his smile. "Liv --"

Her voice was firm. "Go."

He looked hesitant to agree. "Alright, I'm going. Just keep your door locked, and I'll have Munch come check up on you in about an hour."

Olivia nodded as she closed the door behind him.

"And you better answer your phone when I call you!" he shouted through the door.

Olivia smiled and rolled her eyes. "Scram!"

She watched through the peephole as he disappeared down the hallway. When she could no longer see him, she turned around and leaned the back of her head against the door.

You have time. You have time. You have --

"Shit." She knew she had seen the man in the entry before. Faces floated through her mind -- Mendoza, the man in the dark SUV, the police officers at the scene, the FBI agents -- the FBI agents. Her mind wheeled through the night before.

That's it! The man with the mail had been the one in the car parked across the street. She was sure of it.

But why is he here? And why nod once -- why not say hello? Olivia struggled to figure it out. Unless...unless --

"Unless he's here for a reason?"

The pounding at the door sent shockwaves through her skull.

Olivia grimaced. Maybe I don't have time.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"I just want to make sure you understand, detective -- we may never get a better chance."

Olivia sat on the couch, her head resting on her knees. Agent Johnson sat in front of her on the coffee table, while Agent Denault and the man from downstairs -- Agent Jennings -- stood behind their boss.

It had only been fifteen minutes since Elliot had left her door, and already she was being asked to decide.

Agent Johnson put a hand on her knee. "I know it's difficult, but we need an answer. And quickly. It won't be long before someone comes to check up on you, and when they do -- we're out of luck. It could be days or even months before we get another shot -- if we get another shot."

Olivia looked up at him and nodded. Her voice cracked. "How?"

Denault cleared his throat. "We witnessed one of Mendoza's men breaking into your car and inserting an explosive device. We managed to tow your car into one of our garages without incident and discovered the bomb was time-delayed and hooked to your ignition. Our technicians were able to disarm the bomb and refigure it to a remote control device so we can control when and where the bomb will detonate."

Olivia chewed her lip as her stomach twisted into a knot. "A bomb?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Olivia closed her eyes. That could have killed anyone. Anyone could have died because of me.

Her voice was quiet, but strong. "I'll do it."

Johnson straightened up. "You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"You do know there's no coming back, right? Alex Cabot may have returned -- however briefly -- but you will not be, you understand? That was a major breach of protocol that could have proved very dangerous. I'm not willing to make an oversight of that magnitude. There will be no coming back once you say yes."

Olivia nodded as a tear dropped from her chin. "I know."

"And you still want to go through with it"

Liv's eyes flew open. "I said I'd do it, and I'll do it!"

Johnson gave her a smile. "Okay, then. It's showtime." He turned towards the others. "Is Maria ready yet?"

Jennings nodded. Olivia judged him to be a man of small words.

There was a soft tap on the apartment door, and Denault went to open it. An athletic-looking woman with short, dark hair entered the room.

Johnson stood up. "Detective Benson, I'd like you to meet Maria Jacobs."

The woman stuck out her hand. "It's nice to meet you -- I'll be dying for you this evening."

Olivia's eyes widened. "Come again?"

Johnson smiled. "What she means is she'll be the one driving your car. Maria used to do work as a stunt double, and as she's your height and build, she'll be your double in case anyone happens to be watching."

"Oh." Olivia watched as the woman donned a wig that greatly resembled Olivia's hairstyle. Her stomach began to turn. "What if something goes wrong?"

Maria smiled. "Don't worry, girl. I've done this before. I know what I'm doing."

Olivia wasn't completely reassured by her statement, and was about to speak on the subject again, but she was cut off.

"Okay, guys -- we gotta move. Time's running out!" Johnson handed Olivia a hooded jacket. "Oh, and I'll be needing your gun and badge."

Liv slipped the jacket on. "Why?"

"Maria will leave them in the car. They'll be needed to help identify your remains."

Olivia tried hard not to dwell on the images that accompanied his last sentence. Almost mechanically she unclipped her holster and removed her badge and handed them over to Johnson. It pained her to do so -- she felt as though she were losing part of her existence. I am losing my existence.

"Your cell phone, too."

She placed the phone into his hands without a word. Olivia watched as her personal belongings were handed over again, this time to Maria, who slipped them into the large pockets of her jacket. My jacket, Olivia noticed for the first time.

Johnson turned back to her, and motioned for her to come with him.

"What about the dog?"

Johnson looked down at the animal laying at her feet. "Leave him here."

He glanced about at the kitchen counter. A writing pad had been set upon it as well as a pen. Johnson grabbed the two items and handed them to Olivia.

"We need you to write a note explaining you got a call and had to leave."

Olivia took the notepad gingerly. After a minuted she scrawled something across the page.

"Elliot's gonna kill m --" She stopped as she realized the absurdity of her sentence. He can't kill me; I'll already be dead.

"Oh my God, what am I doing?" Olivia slumped on to the couch and ran her hands through her hair. Elliot's gonna blame himself. I can't do that to him.

"I can't do this."

Johnson shook his head. "I already told you, detective. There's no going back. You're going to have to do this."

"No," Olivia shook her head violently. "No, I can't do it. I can't do this to them."

Johnson placed a hand reassuringly on her shoulder. "Yes, you can. You're stronger than any of us here. I know you can do this. You have to do this. You know that , right?"

Olivia stared vacantly, but finally allowed the slightest dip of her head.

"You can do it, detective." He held out his hand. "We'll do it together. Come on."

Olivia looked up at him, and took his hand. She rose from the couch, and stepped in front of him. Maria had already left, and the two other agents were waiting in the hall.

"Stay," she commanded the dog, who whimpered noisily as the agents pulled the door shut behind her.

The dog's cries echoed in the hallway, chasing her. Olivia tried to shut it all out, but she failed miserably. Tears fell as she followed Denault down the stairs and out the back door of the laundry room.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Liv sat in the back seat of a black SUV parked on a street corner in a desolate area of town. The building next to her was vacant, and the streets were empty of any traffic.

A voice crackled over the static of Johnson's walkie-talkie. Olivia couldn't quite make out what it said, but reasoned that it had to do with her car coming into sight. She could barely make out Maria in the front seat and was surprised at how much Maria did resemble her -- from a distance at least.

The car passed in front of the SUV and continued down the street.

"Okay Maria, you good?" Johnson shouted into his transceiver.

There was a muffled response, and Johnson spoke again. "Okay, guys -- Hit it!"

Olivia stared intensely. She managed to catch a glimpse of Maria diving out of an open door before the entire car erupted into a noisy fireball.

"Alright, guys -- let's head out. They've got it under control here."

The engine to the SUV started, and the vehicle pulled out on to the street, turning away from the flaming car.

Olivia turned around and continued watching through the rear window. Thoughts of Elliot, and the rest of the crew, floated through her mind.

It was almost as if it were a movie.

The phone would ring endlessly in her apartment. Elliot would become frantic when his call went unanswered. He would leave a hurried message before hanging up and calling again. When that call went unanswered as well, he would starting dialing her cell phone and curse her very existence for not answering.

Munch would be whistling cheerfully as he strolled into her apartment building. His face would blanch when he heard the dog's pleas, and he would take off at a dead sprint up the stairs. His gun would find its way into his hand as he reached the top, and his heart would leap into his throat when he found her door unlocked.

Munch would find the note and immediately alert the others. Hopefully, he would take the dog with him when he went to search for her.

They all -- Elliot, Munch, Fin, Cragen, and even Lake -- would drive for hours maybe, searching for some trace of her in the city. Elliot would never stop calling her phone even as he drove. He would begin by screaming at her to pick up, but would eventually settle into silent pleading. Maybe he would struggle to keep from crying. Maybe he would let the tears fall.

And then, they would find her car -- her violently twisted piece of burning metal -- and their real hell would begin.

Olivia couldn't control her tears as she fingered the wrinkled photo she had managed to save from her desk before she left. It had been taken at the hospital after Elliot, Jr. had been born and featured nearly everyone she loved. They all stood smiling back at her.

She felt sick when her eyes happened across her own happy face in the picture. The pain she now felt was immeasurable. She was never going to see them again. It was too late to do anything about it. She was out of time.

It was better this way. Good-byes would have been too painful, she tried to tell herself. It was better to just leave -- to just make a clean break.

Olivia knew it would take time to realize she had made the right decision, but for now, she could no longer bear to look at the picture. She let her hands drop to her lap, and she raised her eyes once more to the window.

Her burning car was the sole bright spot in the night and the flickering light it cast danced upon the buildings surrounding it.

The flames appeared to get smaller as the SUV continued on its path, but Olivia didn't remove her eyes. Sirens could be heard, followed quickly by flashing lights as the first responders arrived, but still Olivia seemed not to notice. She just silently watched as her life burned away.

The SUV made a turn, and the flames were no longer visible. Olivia twisted back around, sinking down into her seat. Denault and Johnson were having a quiet discussion in the front seat, but she made no attempts to eavesdrop.

Olivia remained focused on the road ahead, silent and still.