Espresso Expresso

Chapter One

"Hey everyone! Guess what I bought today!" the Akatsuki leader exclaimed happily. "I bought an old Starbucks and we're going to open a coffee shop."

"I hate coffee," Itachi said.

"Do you like ANYTHING?" Kisame asked.

"Yes, but what I like is none of your damn business!" he retorted.

"I smell a MONEY-MAKING DEAL!" Kakuzu roared, jumping into the room. "AND IT SMELLS LIKE MOCHA ICED COFFEE!"

"Yeah, it's a coffee shop," Kisame said.

"I LOVE COFFEE!" Deidara shouted, crashing down the stairs. "GIVE ME COFFEE-UN!"

"Please calm down, sempai!" Tobi said, concerned. "Don't wreck the house!"

"No you can't have any coffee, dumbass!" Hidan shouted at Deidara. "It's for the customers! And all of you interrupted my prayers with this coffee shit. Never interrupt my prayers for stupid coffee shit again!"

"I'm not a dumbass…" Deidara voice trailed off.

"Don't worry about it," Kakuzu reassured him. "He's just bitchy because he doesn't know the value of a dollar."

"I DO SO KNOW THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR!" came the irate reply. Kakuzu just rolled his eyes.

"Huh?" Zetsu asked. "We're opening a coffee shop? What if I industrialized some of my recipies? I mean, my mom used to make the best coffee dunkers! And she passed the recipe on to me! See, you take the fingers and toes of a freshly killed corpse…"

"We've heard enough…" Itachi said faintly, feeling slightly sick.

"Aww… but you take some cinnamon sugar and sprinkle it lightly on top, and you serve it. Personally, I think they go best with a white-chocolate latte, but my sister swears by black coffee!"

"Uh… that's OK," The Leader said. But when Zetsu looked affronted, he quickly added, "But if you substitute food EVERYONE can eat for the dead bodies, we can try out your mom's recipe."

"What are we waiting for? Let's make some MONEY!" Kakuzu yelled.

"We're not ready yet. We don't have a name or a menu yet!" The Leader interjected.

"Espresso Expresso," Itachi said.

"Huh?"

"Espresso Expresso," he repeated. "As in Espresso Express. Only with an extra vowel on the end. Therefore we end up with Espresso Expresso. Get it?"

"Hey! I like that!" The Leader replied. "Now all we need is a menu."

"Got it!" Zetsu said. "We can sell my Auntie Rosebush's Graveyard Cookies, Maggot Infested Corpse Bars, and Bloody Lattes, to name a few family dishes!"

"Uh… Zetsu, I thought you said you would replace the ingredients…" Deidara said.

"I did!" Zetsu replied indignantly.

"No one is going to want to eat that crap! And we'll lose money!" Kakuzu yelled.

"Are you saying that I need to replace the NAMES too? Auntie Rosebush is probably turning in her grave!"

"Let's just get to work," The Leader said. "The place has to look somewhat decent before we can start selling food!"

To Be Continued!

Omake- Author's Comments

…I wanted coffee. What can I say? I also like the idea of Akatsuki running a coffee shop.

This is my thirtieth story! YAY! (does the happy dance). Virtual cookies for EVERYONE!

Thank you for reading and please look forward to the next chapter:D