Disclaimer: Not mine

Chapter Four: Truth Exposed, Kind Of

Harry wasn't very surprised when Hermione informed him about Ron's interview. He knew the governors would be trying to sort things out as quickly as possible to avoid disruption.

"So, you haven't been questioned yet?" he asked.

"No, but I expect I will be shortly."

The two friends sat in silence, each contemplating what could happen in the next couple of days. Hermione didn't honestly believe Harry would be expelled, but wanted the fiasco settled and put behind them. Harry used the time to fret over Sirius. The idea that his convicted murderer godfather was in the castle with Moody scared him. If he were honest, that was the only part of this ploy he regretted. And if Sirius were discovered...

The portrait hole opened and the missing part of the trio appeared. He immediately found his two best friends and joined them.

"Well?" asked Harry.

"It went well." Ron assured.

"Really? So?" Hermione asked.

"So what?"

Hermione sighed in exasperation. "What, exactly, is Malfoy saying he's done?"

"No idea." Ron said.

"What." both Harry and Hermione cried.

"How is that even possible?" Harry asked. "You had to have been in there for over an hour."

"They just asked me a whole bunch of questions. They never really said."

"Did it occur to you to, I don't know, ASK?" Harry shouted.

"I didn't want to hurt your case. I thought they might frown on too much nosiness." The redhead answered.

"Take deep breaths, Harry." Hermione advised her friend, who seemed to be turning a patented Angry Uncle Vernon maroon. "Nevermind, Ron. Just tell us what they asked. Maybe we can figure something out then."

"Well, they wanted to know if Harry and Malfoy were friendly and if they spent time together. What sort of things they did, if I knew of any girlfriends of Harry's. Uh, oh yeah. They asked if I knew offhand if Harry was gay. Stuff like that."

"What did you say?" Harry asked.

"Well, I said that you and Malfoy, actually I called him Draco, had a tumultuous relationship. You know, a real love/hate type thing. Made it sound really realistic. I told them that I didn't know what kinds of things you do, but that you seemed upset and withdrawn lately. This was illustrated with a story of how you turned down the chance to play quidditch with some of us this past weekend."

"What about the other stuff?" Harry asked anxiously.

Ron began to turn the color of his hair and said nothing. Hermione narrowed her eyebrows.

"You know." the witch encouraged. "The stuff about girlfriends and being gay."

"Well, you two know how I am when I panic."

"Oh, shit." Harry muttered.

"Language." snapped Hermione. She turned back to Ron. "Yeah. Sometimes you say things that perhaps should not be said."

Outwardly, she was calm, though in reality she was quite concerned. What in the world had Ron done?

"Ron, I need to know before I am questioned. Perhaps I can undo whatever damage there may be."

"Uh, well," Ron glanced nervously at Harry. "I may have said that from what I had heard of your sexuality, uhm..."

"Yes?" Hermione pressed.

"Well, I said that from what I knew you were a very confused threesome avoiding, frigid virgin who may have a thing for werewolves."

Silence prevailed amongst the three while this confession was digested. When it was broken, Harry spoke in a deceptively calm, slow voice.

"Ron, why would you say that?"

"You know what I'm like when I'm nervous." he explained again.

"Oh dear." whispered Hermione, not seeing at all how this could be undone.

"Why would you say that?" Harry asked again.

"I was nervous. Do you not understand that? I just thought-, well, you did have that talk with Remus."

"Why would you say that?" Harry shrieked.

"Harry, calm down. I'll figure something out." Hermione assured. "I'll think of something."

Suddenly, the portrait hole opened again and in stepped their head of house.

"Follow me, Miss Granger. You are needed in the headmaster's office."

"Better think fast." Ron mumbled, earning a glare from both his friends.

Hermione quickly followed McGonagall out of the common room, leaving the two wizards in silence once again.

Eventually, Ron chanced a glance at Harry. "Are you mad?"

Harry stared at him as though he were regarding hippogriffs fornicating. "Do you remember," he began quietly, "how we sat together on the train during our first ride to school. You were my very first friend ever."

Ron nodded and grinned. "Yeah. Best mates from that day on." He hesitated. "Right?"

"Oh, Ron. Memories like those are the only things keeping you from lying in a pool of your own blood right now."

"Right then." Ron returned to staring in the fire.

Hermione had only been gone a quarter of an hour before the portrait opened. It was not their friend, but Professor McGonagall once again.

"You two." she said pointing at Harry and Ron. "Follow me."

"Where are you taking us?" Ron asked.

"The headmaster's."

Harry glanced at Ron. This was either very good, or very bad. If Hermione had said something suspicious, or tattled on him, it was very bad. Hermione had given her word not to reveal anything, though, and she was far to intelligent to accidentally say anything. If, however, she had once again been forced to use her intelligence for evil, Harry was probably off the hook.

When Harry, Ron, and their head of house entered the headmaster's office, he was unprepared for the crowd that was there. It included Dumbledore, Remus and Padfoot, Hermione, Snape, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, Draco, and Governors Number One and Two. He caught Hermione's eye, but she just looked at him in bewilderment.

"Ah, now that we are all here, would anyone care for tea and lemon drops?" Albus asked.

The twelve occupants of the office declined, with varying degrees of politeness ranging from "no thank you." to "barmy old man."

Albus popped a candy into his mouth. "Let's get straight to the point then. Lucius, we seem to have a slight problem with your son."

"Draco, sweetheart." Narcissa said. "We have told you and told you. Mail can't hurt you."

"Actually, it can." Hermione explained. "If someone sends you a curse by mail, or undiluted pus of some sort, or a vial of poison, then..."

Draco had turned impossibly whitier as the young witch had gone on. "It's not the mail, exactly." he whispered.

Everyone turned to look at him. Harry stood and walked over to him. Kneeling, he placed a hand on Draco's shoulder. "What did you say, Dracee Poo?"

"It's what brings the mail."

"Owls?" Ron asked.

Draco nodded. "The big ones are evil."

Harry bit the inside of his cheek. Between his pose in front of Draco, the mail confession, and the huge crowd that was watching the scene, he was having huge difficulty keeping a straight face. Laughter would not help his position right now. After all, his fate was just about to be announced.

"Why are they evil?" Harry asked in what he hoped was a gentle and supportive way.

"They fly in when you are in the loo and perch on your pecker."

Gasps followed by snorts and laughter were heard throughout the room. Lucius closed his eyes and Narcissa sniffled.

Draco continued in a daze. He was obviously quite traumatized. "But they're so big, you can't get them off of you. You run around looking for something to help you, but there is nothing because it's a bloody bathroom. Then you panic. You panic and you panic and you accidentally slam your penis in the seat just to get the owl off you. But you do it so hard that it bruises and your Mum takes you to St. Mungos and they make you explain. They don't believe that an owl made you do this, so they call other people in to hear the story and everyone but you has a BIG laugh. Then you find out the the mail that was so important that it couldn't wait until you finished in the loo was just a stupid advertisement for the post office."

Ron very nearly had to be escorted from the room. Padfoot was on his back with his front paws covering his eyes. Harry closed his eyes, stood, and made his way to his friends. Dumbledore was in the process of choking on his lemon drop.

The governors who until then had been staring at the boy in mute horror, finally snapped to attention. Governor Number One turned to Draco's parents.

"You know, there are some excellent mind healers who..."

"I've seen one." Draco muttered.

"We had no choice." Lucius added.

"Yes." Narcissa agreed. "We became very concerned after he stopped using the loo."

"Do you have any concept of not saying more than is absolutely necessary, you ninny?" Lucius asked.

"I couldn't go wee wee for weeks." Draco said.

"Wee wee?" Ron stuttered through renewed laughter while Hermione elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"That's quite enough, my son." Lucius sneered.

Draco didn't seem to agree though, because he continued. "Now, I picture that owl. I picture that owl every time I try to uh, love myself."

Remus, who had somehow kept his composure until this point began to chuckle. On the floor beside him, Padfoot was howling. This time, Ron was escorted out by the governors. Even Hermione, who had somehow stayed so composed throughout the dramatic confession was giggling now.

"Draco, sweetheart." Narcissa was beside her son in an instant. "You should have told us. You have got to get this straightened up in your head."

"You most certainly do." his father snapped.

Narcissa nodded. "What will the Dark Lord think when he returns and hears this."

"Narcissa!" her husband shouted.

"I can assure you he will not be impressed." Draco's mother added.

"Silencio." muttered Lucius.

Narcissa glared at him but could do no more. Lucius turned to Dumbledore.

"You said there was a problem with Draco. What is it?"

The headmaster glanced at the governors. They glanced at each other, silently trying to decide who was going to deliver the odd news.

Impatiently, Lucius rounded on Draco. "Out with it. What have you done to disgrace our family's good name this time?"

Padfoot managed to snort in a way that left no doubt as to what he was thinking, while Snape rolled his eyes and Minerva muttered something about the You-Know-Who and bribery of the ministry.

"Young Mr. Malfoy came to the board and requested a complaint be filed against his ex fiancee." Governor Number Two explained.

"Why would you do that?" Lucius asked. "Do you have no dignity at all? No shame? It's reflects poorly enough on us that he is the one who broke the engagement."

"Wait." Harry said. "I thought you knew what he had done. You're on the board and asked these two to fill in for you."

"I only knew someone had filed a sexual harrassment complaint. I had no idea it was my own son. My own idiotic, traitorous son."

Governor Number One spoke. "Yes, well, you see, Mr. Malfoy. The problem lies in what your son actually claimed Mr. Potter did. It is, while odd, not really something that should have been brought all the way to the governors."

"Indeed," said his colleague, "we would have been much happier had we never heard it."

"Whatever did he claim?" Narcissa asked. She had only moments earlier remembered that she herself could do magic and had broken her husband's spell.

"His complaint, which encompasses 53 pages worth of reading, is essentially that Mr. Potter called him a name he didn't like." explained Governor Number One.

"A name?" drawled Lucius.

"What name?" Narcissa asked.

Governor Number Two sighed.

A/N: Thanks so much once again to all my reviewers. Only one more chapter to go! Hopefully, all of this will be tied up then. I already have the next story in this universe planned and am anxious to get going on it. So, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and Malfoy's fear finally being revealed. Please review:)