Harry potter: the Random parody

In a House in Privite drive lived the Dursleys. The Dursleys were simply normal people and rebelled agaisnt any one who was magic or something like that.The Dursley also had a one year old fat son who was called Dudley. He was so fat that he often got stuck in his high chair during feeding time. Dudley's parents worshipped him and he became a very spoilt brat.

After an ordinary day, the Dursleys went to bed. Petunia Dursley spend half the night reading bed time stories to Dudley who refused to go down to sleep. Meanwhile a old man who must have been about 20000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Six days, three hours and five minutes later

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years old appeared into privite drive. He was wearing Jamacian style robes and a pointed hat with the big letter D imprinted on it in glittery letters. He took out what appeared to be a cigar lighter and used it to turn all the street lamps off.A Moggy with specs on walked up to the old geezer.

"Ahhhhhhhhh, McGonogall I knew that was you" he croaked. The cat transformed into a woman who also had a hat on.

"Good evening Dumbledore" she replied walking up towards him. All of a sudden, Snape appeared and gave everyone in the world a year supply of Detentions. Dumbledore cast a spell on him to make him disappear.

"You don't arrive until later in the story Severus" Croaked Dumbledore. McGonogall tapped him on the shoulder.

"So why have you come dear McGonogall?" he asked. McGonogall took out a hankerchief and blew her nose which made a loud foghorn noise.

"I suppose you've heard the rumors on the Potters. Voldemort killed them". Dumbledore patted her on the shoulder. "There there my dear. Dying is a part of life" he croaked as he repeatedly patted her on the shoulder. Angry, McGonogall pulled herself away from him.

"You don't understnad you thick Bastard, Voldemort tried to kill their one year old son, Harry" she shrieked. Dumbledore shuddered at her angryness.

"But why would Voldemort try and kill a one year old?" he asked himself as he stroked his abnormally large beard. McGonogall slapped him over the head with a random newspaper.

"Hello, Voldemort is a phycopath, he would kill anyone. I bet if a sweet little girl in a pink frilly dress, blonde hair in two pigtails and a lollypop in her hand skipped up to Voldemort and started being really nice to him, he'd probaly kill her too". Dumbledore made a large croaking noise.

"So the boy survived then?" he asked.

"Duh. But this is the mystery. Nobody knows how he survived the wrath of Lord Voldemort" she explained in a spooky voice. Dumbledore shivvered and croaked again.

"So where is the preciouuuuuuuuusssssssssssssss going to live now?" he asked. McGonogall looked at him gone out.

"This isn't Lord of the Rings Dumbledore. You meant to say the boy.

"What Did I say instead?" he asked, again stroking his beard.

"You said preciouuuuuuuuusssssssssssssssssssssssss" replied McGonogall in her Golum voice.Dumbleodre slapped his forehead in embarrasement.

"My bad. So where is the Boy going to live now?" he asked again. Mcgonogall sighed and pointed at number 4, which happened to be the same house as the Dursleys.

"I wish he wasn't go to live here, those Dursley people are mean and they have a son who is a spoilt little bastard". Dumbledore shuddered at the thought.

"It's the only family he's got left" he croaked."Hagrid shall be bringing the child". McGonogall gasped and shuddered.

"Hagrid is clumsy, do you really think it was safe to make him fetch the baby boy?" she asked. Dumbledore nodded and croaked again.

"I would trust Hagrid with my butt" he replied just as a motorbike with an overgrown man riding it, tumbled down.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, Dumbledore, McGonogall" replied the giant who farted.

"Hope there were no problems, Hagrid" Dumbledore croaked. Hagrid shook his shaggy head."Not much. He did a poo on the way but He fell asleep". Hagrid handed Dumbledore the bundle of joy.

"Awwwwwwwww, who's a wickle fella? you are, you are" he cooed to the sleeping baby to notice the lightening scar on his forehead.

"I fear he will have that scar Forever" explained McGonogall. Dumbledore nodded and placed Harry on the door step.

"Goodbye Harry Potter. Hope to see you in Eleven years time" and the three of time hopped onto Hagrids motorbike and rode to the moon.The next Morning, Petunia was the first to discover the bundle of joy that she screamed, causing the baby Harry to wake up and cry. Petunia picked up the wailing baby and bought him indoors.