The Memoirs of a Sadist

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This is my first attempt at a oneshot, so I do hope you enjoy it and please review. Flame if you want, but please give your honest opinion.

Thank you!

-lone-arctic-wolf-

Summary: Kakashi's point of view on a relationship with a certian former student and himself.

Rating: T

Pairing: Kakashi and Sakura

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I hate you, at least that's what I tell myself.

I hate everything about you, all that you are, and all that you stand for.

I hate your hair, so glossy and always perfect. How can it be so opposite of mine?

I hate your voice, so sweet and full of innocence. Don't you think about all those you have killed and all the blood?

I hate your smile, so inviting. How can you think of happy thoughts after what you've been through?

I hate your laughter, so uplifting. Two years ago you could not smile, let alone laugh.

I hate your skin, unmarked. After all the battles we have fought, can you actually have no scars from the wounds you've suffered?

I hate your hands, so warm and soft. My hands are rough from the countless missions and weapons I've handled.

I hate your body, small but with many curves. I remember when you used to be jelous of Ino's figure.

I hate your friends, loud and annoying. They can never keep their mouths shut.

I hate your frown, so depressing. Why do you want to talk to me, alone, after our training session?

I hate your eyes, so enticing. They seem to be staring deep into my soul.

I hate your tears, glistening in the light. Haven't I taught you that crying never solved anything?

I hate your words, depressing and sad. Stop thinking about Sasuke! He's in the past now. He's gone!

I hate your look, you're surprised. So what if I just kissed you? I needed to make you stop talking.

I hate your hands, sliding around my neck. You're making me deepen this chaste kiss.

I hate your fingers, tracing patterns on my neck. I just want to take you to my place and make you mine.

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I hate myself, and I know that it's the truth.

I hate my past, my many regrets, everything I am and pretend to be.

I hate my fast finger work, making hand signs. Why is my mind lagging all of a sudden?

I hate my hands, pressing you down upon my bed. This isn't supposed to happen.

I hate my hair, falling onto your face as I lean forward. I should end this right now and send you home.

I hate my eyes, both revealed as you toss my forehead protector away. This is taboo. If anyone found out...

I hate my words, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Why aren't you resisting? Tell me to stop!

I hate my lips, pressed against yours again. You're too young, too innocent to be tainted by me.

I hate my face, a copy of my father's. I'm not called the "Copy nin" for just copyng jutsu. Why are you smirking?

I hate my teeth, biting your bottom lip. You are supposed to tell me to end this, not enjoy it.

I hate my laugh, hollow and bitter. Every one of them so far has been phony, except for this one.

I hate my smile, the way my lips always curve into a smirk. I don't know how to smile, I've never had a reason to before now.

I hate my skin, scarred and bruised. Why do you run your fingers over me, as if you like them?

I hate my habits, dirty and perverted. You shouldn't even be allowed anywhere near me, let alone beneath me now.

I hate my friends, so distant from me. None of them understand what I've been through.

I hate my voice, deep and meaningless. How can I be happy after killing so many? I should't be!

I hate my body, pressed against yours. I'm making you moan from endless pleasure. Just stop, please!

I hate my tears, or the lack of them. How could I have become so robotic? So emotionless?

I hate my scars, ugly and appalling. The sunlight from the open window makes them gleam.

I hate my age, never the right one. I'm too old for you, yet to young to die it seems, for I am still alive.

I hate my weight, slightly crushing you as I collapse. Now you lie there beside me, cuddling against me and falling asleep.

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I hate today, the life I live.

I hate the world, harsh and unpredictable.

I hate the village, making laws that keep us apart.

I hate our pride, making us too stubborn to back down.

I hate our priorities, always putting our village before ourselves.

I hate Sasuke and many others, putting you down and leading you on.

I hate the Hokage for not changing the laws that make our relationship taboo.

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But most of all…

I hate being a sadist…

Always hating, always cruel.

Maybe one-day things will change…

Until then, I'm perfectly happy with you…

The only one I love, the one who makes this life worth living.