A/N: Whee!! So yay, its Sasuke b-day!! AND I final got an Ataksuki cloak AND my mom to me to Otakon- joy!
(Also I hate the title of this fic, I couldn't think of a good one in time. So if anyone wants to suggest a new one…)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Happy Birthday, Teme?
Waking up Naruto fallowed his normal morning routine; he ate breakfast, changed his clothes and put on his head band. It was after all just another summer day; well at least that was what he though. That was until he caught sight of his calendar, because the date that fallowed all the bold "X"'s was marked with sparkly gold pen. Now don't be fooled; Naruto did NOT own a sparkly gold pen, no way in hell. It just happened to be the only thing he had at the time. BUT, this is not the point; the point was that today-July 23rd- as it was clearly marked on the calendar was none other then Uchiha Sasuke's birthday. And besides the point that he was in Oto Naruto was determined to celebrate- with or without Sasuke around… that or he was so excited he forgot.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luckily; or to be more presence CONVENTLY, there where no missions or training scheduled so Naruto was able to pick up birthday stuff. Streamers, confetti, the works- though it was odd because even of Sasuke WAS still in Konoha, Naruto was the only other person who was going to be at this "party" so what was with all the stuff?
But regardless Naruto continued buying unnecessary things, oblivious to the fact that Sasuke was not there. And even if he was no one else would be there to enjoy any of it.
Not to long after Naruto was walking down the street holding a bag full of noise makers, part poppers, ect. Which, once again, had Sasuke've been there would just find them annoying and useless. And would proudly continue to say something like "kinda like you, dobe" then stalk off. But Naruto was blissfully unaware of this as he stopped in front of the bakery.
He walked in and right over to the display cases. Placing the bag of party supplies down next to him he pressed his hands onto the glass to admire all the beautifully decorated cakes and other pastry goods.
"Can I help you find anything?" A young woman from behind the display cases asked.
"Yeah! I want that cake right there!" Naruto exclaimed pressing his finger hard against the glass to point to a small bunt cake. It was only about 4" inches in diameter and frosted in a dark chocolate icing that had been run though with a pick so it had small ridges along to outside. And on the top where thin as paper chips of white chocolate.
"Oh, a present for a special someone perhaps." Her voice was light and friendly with a small giggle as she prepared a box and the opened the case.
"Well kinds," Naruto began as he scratched his cheek with his pointer finger in slight embarrassment. 'Well, you see, it's for…"
The women half listened, surprised that he was going to tell her, but them again he was Naruto the infamies #1 loud mouth ninja. Though she was sure to be careful as she lifted the selected cake for the case to the box. "Truthfully, I'm getting it for Sasuke for his birthday." The woman was quite the rest of the time, while she rung him up. She didn't have the heart to remind him Sasuke wasn't in Konoha.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once Naruto got home he dropped the bag of party things by the door. And then carefully carried the box with the cake in it and placed it on his diner table. That's when the truth once again chough up with him-Sasuke wasn't in Konoha… he was off being molested by a snake pedophile. Fuck.
Around now would cue Naruto's out of character angest-ing but he refused to let that happen. (After all that's Sasuke thing) If Sasuke wasn't there then he would just have to improvise; Yeah, prefect.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that's how he found himself in front of the Hyuuga compound. Neji staring at him as if instead of Naruto being there it was Gai-sensei confusing undying love to him. "You want me to do- what?" Naruto asked to confirm if he really did just ask him what he though he did.
"I want you to come over my house and pretend to be Sasuke so I can celebrate his birthday!" Naruto repeated with the same enthusiasm, not seeing what was wrong with it.
"And why exactly are you asking me?" His thin brown eyebrow twitched slightly.
"It's because you two are so much a like! You're both cold, arrogant bastards!" Naruto explained.
Neji let that information sink in for a second, "Um… thank you?"
Naruto then grabbed Neji's hand that had been resting on the door frame, "Now let's go Neji," He blushed a little. "Or should I say Sasuke." And he began to lead Neji away. Or at least tried to till Neji did some fancy move; twisting his arm back…and kicking him in the ass so he fell on the ground.
"Naruto you have a problem." Neji said firmly and slammed the shoji door closed.
But then conveniently Hinata came walking the path to the door. "Na-Naruto-kun ar-are you ok!?" She asked franticly as she helped him into a sitting position.
"Yeah, thanks Hinata-chan." Once Naruto was comfortable he turned to look at her better. That's when his eye seemed to lock there and Hinata felt her face flare up.
"Wha-what i-is i-it Na-Naru-to-kun?" She asked her voice much more stuttered and shyer then before.
Naruto then shifted his body some more to get a better look. "Hinata-chan ha anyone ever told you," He took both her hand in his. "Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot look Sasuke?!" Naruto said it so fast that it took a few moments for Hinata's fuzzled brain to catch up.
"Well um…" Hinata's voice was slightly less nervous after that…odd question; though she guessed it was a complement. "N-no, not that I ca-can remember at least."
"Well then Hinata," Naruto began proudly, "How would YOU like to pretend to be Sasuke to help me celebrate his birthday!?" Naruto question as if Hinata had just won some big prize.
Hinata just sat there in silence; that was just such a strange question… but then again if it meant spending the rest of the day with Naruto. "W-well Naruto-kun I would-I mean if th-that's ok-" That's when Neji through open the screen door to "save" Hinata. Luckily he had come back to be sure Naruto left.
"Naruto! What the hell are you still doing here?! And what are you doing to Hinata-san? Let go of her!" he quickly karate chopped their hands apart. "Now get the hell out of here and get some help!" He yelled, louder then ever before, as he pulled Hinata inside with him and slammed the door shut again.
Naruto just sat there mauling over what to do next. "Ah crap, I'm running out of people." Time for his crappy not really worked out that entirely well plan B.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Naruto what would possibly possessed you to ask me to pretend to be Sasuke?" Shikamaru asked somewhat annoyed as he continued his solo shoji game.
"Well Shika I though since you're so smart and sucha great friend. You'd see how much I need this and agree to help out." Naruto was so blatantly obvious that even a retard could tell he was kissing up.
"And the Hyuuga's said no." Shika just said all knowingly as he placed one of the pieces down.
"Bingo" Naruto didn't even try to hind that fact.
"Well why don't you just ask-"
"Don't even say his name!" Naruto exclaim covering Shika's mouth securely with his hand, his eyes searching as if expecting to find that person. "Who knows what would happen if I ask him." Naruto then released Shika's mouth, now sure that he was no were in sight. "He could drug and take advantage of me! Or something even worse that only a freak like him could think up!"
"Well Naruto think whatever you want- but I'm not helping and don't even try to change my mind, it's too troublesome." Shika explained and the returned to his game as if nothing had happened.
"You hate me don't you?" But he received no answer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Naruto was running out of ideas he didn't know anyone else as cool and aloof as Sasuke. And the only other person he knew that looked like Sasuke was well him. Naruto gulped if it was his only chance, he could give it a shot; after all he had asked Kiba and Lee. And the naked jutsu Sasuke Konohamaru had made caused him to pass out from blood lose. Who know maybe he's normal at times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later when Naruto found; more like ran into (was this guy stalking him or something) Sai Naruto once again asked the golden question: "Would you pretend to be Sasuke so I can celebrate his birthday?!"
Sai just gave his trademark smile and replied: "Of course Naruto, I'd love to be your Sasuke."
"Wha-what? You really mean that?!" Naruto was so excited finally someone who didn't turn him down right away or say he had problems.
"But Naruto," Sai took Naruto's hands into his. Much like Naruto had done to Hinata earlier.
"Huh?"
"I'd hope you'd treat me exactly the same as you would Sasuke."
"Huh? Well yeah I guess so…" Naruto was beginning to remember why he didn't want to ask Sai in the first place.
"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Sai asked as he clinged onto his arm. Naruto swore the weird grin just got bigger.
Naruto let everything presence for a moment. "NO WAY IN HELL! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO SAI; YOU HAVE SOME EVIL PLAN TO STEAL MY INNOCENCE!! WILL THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO LET YOU DO THAT YOU WEIRDO SASUKE WANNA-BE!" He exclaimed madly as he ran off. Sai just smiled and went back to doing what he was doing before: stalking Naruto.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When Naruto got back to his apartment he slammed the door shut and locked his three locks. (He got the other two installed for moments like this) As well as closed all the windows and shudders. So now Naruto was brigaded up in his apartment with no Sasuke replacement. Luckily there was his backup plan for every problem: Kage bunshin. Which had yet to fail him-this week… then again it was Monday.
None the less he did the hand signs and used only a little chakra so it only made one clone. Who in turn did some hand signs of his own-transformation jutsu. So now Naruto had his very own clone Sasuke-clone. He loosely grabbed his clones-now Sasuke's- hands and began to twirling around with him. "What to do first? What to do first? This is so exciting!" Naruto exclaimed groping his 'Sasuke'. He also noted that his clone has turned into Sasuke from before- before Sasuke had left the village. Before the training that nobody saw and before Sasuke had been molested. But he wasn't complaining- little Sasuke was sooo cute.
"Ah! Let me go I can't breathe!" 'Sasuke' yelled as he started flaring his arms about.
Naruto's quickly transformed into that of anger and whacked the clone over the head. "Baka! You're suppose'ta say 'don't touch me, Usuratonkachi!' Don't you know anything?!"
"Don't call me an idiot, idiot!"
"Why you little-! Aren't you supposed to be helping me?! You're useless!"
"I'm the useless one? Hn, Usuratonkachi." His clone crossed his arms and turned away slightly.
Naruto just stared at him for a moment. "Yes, just like that!"
"Really? You mean it I did it right?" 'Sasuke' turned back to face him the excitement clear in his voice.
"Yup, yup. It was like Sasuke was right here with me. Just keep that up!"
"Hn, whatever, baka." 'Sasuke' said as he took a seat at Naruto's diner table.
Moving quickly Naruto grabbed the folding chair from behind a large plant and unfolded it next to 'Sasuke'. "Just wait here, I'll be right back." Naruto reassured, then grabbed the box with the cake in it and run into his room.
Not to long after Naruto came back in with the cake; now free from the box, with a single lithe candle stuck in the top. "Be grateful I'm not singing for you, teme." Naruto told him smugly as he placed that cake down in front of 'Sasuke'. He was now starting to wonder why he hadn't just done this in the first place. It would've saved him a lot of time and spared him from Sai. "Now make a wish!"
'Sasuke' just stared at the cake not bothering to blow out the candle. "Dobe, I hate sweet things."
"Teme," Naruto growled out then grabbed a piece off the cake with the chopsticks he'd eaten his breakfast ramen with. Tossing it in his mouth the grabbed 'Sasuke's' jaw fully intent on force feeding him it. At least this was one upside of not having the real Sasuke.
And just when their lips where close enough to touch 'Sasuke' said: "Don't kiss me that's weird." Then transformed back into a Naruto.
The real Naruto struggled to swallow the cake almost chocking on it. "Baka! Why couldn't you just've let me kiss you?!" Naruto whacked his clone the head again.
"Yes! Because like I said that's weird."
"Baka!" Naruto punched his head again and this time the clone disappeared. He then sat down and quickly ate his cake. Wishing he hadn't punched his clones head so much-Ow his head. And outside his window Sai was smiling in assessment and began to add the finishing touches to the picture he had been drawing.