Outside it was too cold to rain, but warm enough yet that precipitation could only come in malformed globs of sleet. Falling to mix in the mud of what were once gardens as it dripped, melting from the crumbled walls of the old courtyard. Though of course he had not seen any of this himself, having not ventured out even to feed in a few weeks or more. But from her interjections, perhaps he knew that the sky had only been giving much of the same lately. Out here in the world she still chose in a way he may never again be able to understand.

Seras could not bring herself to such willful confinement as her former Master had now done, but the emotions she believed he still viewed as weakness -her sympathy and concern- kept her near him regardless…at least to see that he was never permanently cut off from all outside contact, even if he may often wish it so. She was not disrespectful enough to stay permanently where not expressly wanted. But every so often her voice would be heard passing like a songbird's call, reminding him that more than darkness still existed if he even chose to listen.

Her attempts were only to distract him as best as able from mental decay she knew could no longer be stopped though. Where there may have been hope many years before, it had already been snuffed out now. Disappeared with something as simple, yet overwhelming, as the close of a coffin lid. His loss had been hers too of course, but there was still no real comparison…

Because unlike the elder vampire, her voice of reason was still here, even now the Captain's strong will in life had kept him from massing with her completely. He remained his own entity…her own feel of comfort within the hardest of times. She was certain that if Alucard could only have something similar with that one he had desired most, things would not have come to this.

Sometimes -guiltily- she did catch herself wondering how any woman could have been so cold to deny his pleas. Sir Integra had understood him better than anyone ever could, so she would have known exactly what would become of him without her. But even considering it in this way, Seras could still only feel anguish for both sides. Because yes, the knight would have known how his suffering would be, but wouldn't that have made it all the more agonizing for her as well when she'd had no choice but to say goodbye?

Those emotions that had made her own former Master break down to near begging at the end had surely not been a one way street. Perhaps it had been true torture to be either one of them that final night. But even with as many years as had gone by now, Seras knew she was still probably too young to comprehend the full complexity of it all.

The three of them had been some sort of real family once, but even then she couldn't have been considered much more than a spectator to the details of what those two wove in privacy.

All she could do now was keep returning long after Alucard had believed she'd tire of calling in the dark to no answer. It was true she'd be more than surprised if he ever answered these days, especially considering the date again nearing. But something deep inside told her that he still listened, and in some way…even talking through her mind to that silence was cathartic now.

His former servant was but an empathetic harbinger of sorrow. The contradiction in that notion could only bring the slightest twist of amusement to his long passive lips. Regardless of the girl's intentions, this sudden renewed insistence on contact could only verify what he already knew inside him. That the black anniversary was again at hand. Very soon, it would be so many years to the day that he'd been condemned to a hell he may as well have carved out with his own bare hands.

It was true that no one became damned by accident, but maybe there was some irony in that the cause of this exact fate hadn't been his own countless sins -at least not directly- but something so less malevolent instead. His feelings had still been a selfish obsession of course, but that did not mean him any less sincere when he had committed himself only to her at last.

More factors than could be counted had played a role in what they'd come to mean to one another over time. But the obvious downfall in aligning yourself permanently to one human and their single heart, was the inevitable consequence which came when it had finally stopped beating.

He was now here forever, with a consciousness only in memories. Counting day by day, waiting for perhaps time itself to end as he replayed a former existence that anyone less masochistic would have given anything to forget.

Sometimes he could feel true jealousy towards the Draculina as comparisons were drawn between what had become of both of them after the final fall of Hellsing. They were so without purpose in this new world, and yet Seras had achieved something unattainable to him. She hadn't even had to disgrace herself to begging like a coward to gain it either. Bernadette had been all too willing to become a part of her, and now the years had only given her more experience in what could be made possible through that connection. She could call her lover forth and give him form whenever she grew weak as if he had never abandoned her at all.

What Alucard possessed was paltry in the face of that. Of course Integral could never have willingly bequeathed him the reins to her soul simply to remain in this realm at his side. And he'd always known it would only end just as it had. Her indomitable strength had been the pillar from which his adoration had first clung to and flourished after all…that never would have been broken only for his sake.

But even so, even if their story had already ended, the turmoil he had felt could not subside within him. To this day there was still a violent dichotomy, with some part of him regretting not having destroyed her just to keep her, all the while the rest was glad she had been freed to remain that untainted view of perfection to him eternally.

He could still loathe himself as well for having let her final moments be filled with his cowardly pleas, and yet also be resentful that she would leave only such a tiny fragment of herself -unconsciously even- for him to pacify himself with in the coming centuries.

Unlike Seras and her dead mercenary, Integral's true self was likely nowhere within the spectrum of Alucard's countless familiars. What he did possess was only what may be described as perhaps mere residue of the fierce bond which had once weaved its way through him. Like a few broken links of chain that still held her scent in his mind, an after effect that mingled with his memories to create something born only of a mad king's pathetic desperation.

Something he invoked deliberately now as hopelessness peaked in a renewed desire to pretend he was not so alone. "Come." He spoke aloud to himself, stirring long stagnant air with the smallest puff of the word.

The faded fabric around his narrow abdomen seemed to respond in its own time, gradually liquefying in the darkness before enough of the new substance had spread across his clothing to begin outstretching beyond him. The shapeless mass was but a tool to be wielded as he rested his head back against the rotted throne, now beginning to envision a cruel form as his eyes slid shut.

He dreamed of rich brown skin, soft across long legs and gently curving hips. A body with a slender waist and reaching arms finely firm from the exertion of all too often wielding a lengthy blade. In his mind, the vampire could see a wealth of long platinum strands fallen to cover a modest chest as he felt a weight already beginning to settle within his lap. Delicate fingers, perfect for curling around any trigger grazed against his exposed throat soon enough while a tenseness entered the muscles of his chest.

Already he was dreading, yet needing to open his eyes and see this most recent fabrication. Would the gaze be as fierce a blue as he remembered? The lips as stern, yet pliable? Of course…yes, of course they would be he realized. Even if his memory had begun to falter and embellish who she'd truly been, what he believed was correct would always be all that he would see.

All this was, was little more than a photograph made physical from his mind's eye. With perhaps only the most minute dash of her true essence left behind to taunt and mix within his delusion to elevate this suffering all the more.

Despite these lies, his gloved hands were soon groping along the nude flesh above him, even if it lacked all warmth having been born from his own dead body. His sharp, crimson stare finally opened to half mast, but deliberately became downcast before he'd have to see directly into "her" face. Possessively ensnaring his creation's waist then, the vampire's lips only lowered gradually to a soft breast, nuzzling the blonde hair away as he kissed and nipped at the area to leave a faint trail of saliva as he often would have so long ago.

Becoming deeply enamored within his own fantasies never took him long at all, but always left him wanting for so much more. Either with boldness or yet a lower level of pathetic need, he commanded quietly with "her" still within his mouth. "Speak to me…"

The fingertips which had now been stroking slowly through his hair, paused with the new instruction. He could feel a face lean down as if resting its cheek atop his head as the silence only continued.

Grazing his teeth harder to leave irritated marks on the tender skin of the chest, he ordered louder with more insistence. "Speak, I said."

Nails dug into the back of his neck as if a brief retaliation for his roughness, or perhaps even in response to his insubordination within this fantasy, before something else was heard….likely only voiced inside his mind rather than any sound that had actually just existed though.

But "Servant…" echoed within the tomb to him, and that was all that mattered as he straightened to seize "her" lips forcefully at last. Maybe some part of Integral was really there, or maybe it was only something locked deep within his own dead heart that compelled him to believe such improbabilities.

Madness now tainted with sentimentality. He wouldn't deny that likelihood as he willed his clothes to begin sliding from his skin.

Even when Integral had been alive, he'd still spent many a night alone here, tending to himself as he thought of her. This may be no different than that at all. But then again, being a taker of souls did not grant him exclusive expertise to say what was or wasn't possible after mortal flesh had finally been stripped away to leave only the immortal spirit.

As his hips ached to move against "her", he couldn't know which of the figment's actions came from what he wished done to him and which were its own random movements. Movements that may or may not be inspired from the equal desire of a woman long dead…a ghost lingering to haunt only him.

In the end, he had no choice but to accept this uncertainty as another of the high prices of having given himself so completely to one who could never have chosen to do the same.

He could only continue a sparse existence in this manner until nothing else remained of him either. Maybe then…only then, as his soul finally crossed from the mortal world on its way surely to hell, would he get to see her -the complete her- one very last time.

He would treasure even that small possibility. Smirking darkly while he lifted the vision of his mate to be carried towards a more proper reclining position in the old coffin, Alucard nibbled at "her" ear in a husky whisper, then laying them down together with him above. "If you can hear me…if any of you is even still here in this world, wait for me on the road to hell, Integral."

Alucard rose up just enough to stare down into those hollow blue eyes now, unsure if they were truly watching him as he encouraged "her" thighs to spread. "We can make love again then as well." Its lips curved upward slightly at that he thought, causing his grin to grow while his hips sank to position himself. "I wouldn't say goodbye any other way…Master"

There was a sigh, and she wasn't sure if it had come from inside or out as she walked along the top edge of one of the still standing northern walls, staring curiously down now to rubble and large, half collapsed dungeons she knew to still be beneath there somewhere.

A voyeur now, Mignonette?

The young looking woman was now quite sure the next sigh came from her alone as she gave an indignant expression in the half-moon's glow. I am not spying…pervert. It's just odd.

The other's tone within her mind changed at that, enough for her to easily imagine a rather debauched smirk accompanying it as he piped up again. Oh? Can't Monsieur Alucard have some fun time with the shadow creepy crawlies as well? You know we-

Not that! She about huffed aloud, all the while knowing she shouldn't be broadcasting her presence too much. It would be pretty mortifying, even now, to interrupt something as private as this. I just felt something…I don't know, it-

Something like maybe we should return to the hotel and enjoy the night as well? You know, I'm feeling that too. Shall we? There was such a nice bed…

Seras rolled her eyes, giving up explaining as apparently the one she was talking to was only interested in keeping up with innuendo styled humor now. As always, he could flit back and forth at the drop of a hat between seriousness and stupidity…but in his own way Pip probably didn't want to interrupt Alucard's brief escape anymore than she did.

Yes, it would likely be best to leave now. And she could, at least knowing her former Master was still finding some small ways to cope with what he'd lost. As she readied for flight though, the Draculina could not shake that brief sense she had gotten beforehand and the sigh she'd heard. Like a glimpse of something familiar, something or someone.

Inside she would love to hope that she was not the only one still watching over him. Sometimes it would be nice to have believed ghosts could be real. Even if only to visit you on special nights, while they bided their time, waiting for you to join them.

-End