Disclaimer: I mean in know way to insult Gone With The Wind, nor do I own it. This was written for laughs. Also, some subplots have been cut in the condensing process. All typos/internet lingo used in good fun. Flames are probably going to happen no matter what, so flames welcome!
Basic plot of gone with the wind, in humor form:
Scarlett: I love you Ashley, even if you do have a girl's name!
Ashley: Too bad, I'm marrying Melanie cuz I'm too much of a wimp to break off the engagement.
Scarlett: Randomly marries some other dude who dies like 2 weeks later out of revenge
Melanie: WOO SCARLETT YOUR SO COOL I'M SO GLAD YR MY SISTER IN LAW!
Scarlett: Go die
Rhett: Wow, you're a bitch Scarlett. I find that sexy.
Scarlett: Shut up, I love Ashley loser! I'll be friends with you even tho yr a bastard!
civil war comes
Scarlett: Shit, I'm poor now.
Rhett: I'm a millionare now! WHEE!
Scarlett: I'll try to seduce u w/ my sexy dress to get yr money.
Rhett: Dude, you totally made that dress out of curtains. ha ha ha loser.
Scarlett: FINE! BE THAT WAY! marries some other guy who has money
Other Guy Who has Money, aka Frank: I totally do not notice how much u love Ashley and that you stole me from your sister,Scarlett, b/c I am stupid. So stupid, in fact, that about a hundred pages later I get shot, and it's all yr fault dies
Scarlett: Oh crap feels guilty
Rhett: Have u gotten this marrying random ppl phase out of yr system? B/c I want you to be my wife.
Scarlett: Srsly?
Rhett: Duh.
Scarlett: I don't love you, I love Ashley.
Rhett: I'm good with that. Also, I am a badass kisser kisses her
Scarlett: I am totally so turned on by you that I fainted when you tried to kiss me, so obviously I really do love Ashley. But I'll marry you cuz u gots lots of money.
they get married
Scarlett buys lots of useless things, and Rhett thinks it's cute
Scarlett: Whee! I'm way happier than I've ever been and am totally rich, but I still love Ashley!
Rhett: Grr...
Scarlett: I'm pregnant!
fast forward nine months
Bonnie: Goo goo ga ga
fast forward four years
Bonnie: Daddy buy me a pony. You know you love me even though Mommy's a loser who's still in love with some guy with a girl's name.
Rhett: Anything you say.
Bonnie: breaks neck trying to jump fence on horse
Scarlett: YOU IDIOT WHO LETS A TODDLER HAVE A HORSE?!
Rhett: WHO FALLS IN LOVE WITH SOME GUY WITH A GIRL'S NAME WHEN SHE'S MARRIED TO A GUY HOTTER THAN JOHNNY DEPP AND HAS MORE MONEY THAN J.K. ROWLING?!
Melanie: There, there, you two, you're just sad cuz yr daughter's dead. But at least you HAD a daughter. I can't HAVE a daughter, cuz I'll die in childbirth. At least, that's what the doctor said.
Scarlett: Why are you trying to comfort me, idiot woman who after ten years still doesn't realize I'm in love w/ her husband?
Melanie:-ignoring her- w/e, screw medical ppl, I wanna have a baby! dies in childbirth
Scarlett: OMGEE I JUST REALIZED I LOVE YOU MELANIE COME BACK!
Ashley: NO MELANIE I LOVE YOU COMEBACK!
Scarlett: You love HER? Why didn't you tell me, I've been pining for you for like twelve years?!
Ashely: I figured the whole being married to her thing was kind of a hint.
Scarlett: OMGEE I JUST REALIZED I DON'T LOVE YOU, I LOVE RHETT!!!
Rhett: Frankly my dear I don't give a damn. Oh, and I'm tired of this shit, so i'm divorcing u. byes.
Scarlett: WH-AAAT?! I hate this ending!
Okay, you can be harsh, just don't use pitchforks, alright?