The Ketchup Series
Title: Nicknames
Warning: Other titles might include, 'The Punishment', 'The Aftermath of a Fight', 'When Yami Becomes and Official Clairvoyant', 'He Must be on Crack', or 'When Il Forte Grantz Becomes a Hippy...and then some'. XD This will definitely insure crack in some way or another, i.e. Ulquiorra shouting and/or smiling, but the chances of that ever happening are slim to none. Especially in my fic. Unless he has been fed too many pixie sticks by Grimmjow and becomes sugar high and overly hyperactive. XD Oh yeah, SPOILERS FOR 284!!!!!!!!!!
Genre: Light Humor/General
Rating: K/K+
Characters: Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Szayel, Grantz, D-Roy, Stark, Noitora, Halibel, Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Yami
Summary: After being confined by Aizen, Grimmjow, Szayel, Grantz, and D-Roy decide to do something that might pass the time.
AN: Not so much mention of ketchup in this fic than the others. Oh well. And no, I don't have anything against hippies, but doesn't Grantz's long hair and how he always adds the word brother or some variation of it whenever he talks (Well, in the anime and manga) make him seem kinda hippy-ish? XD I am enjoying this too much...hippy Grantz! XD Then again, he could also be a surfer dude...ah, I can see it now: Surfer Dude Reincarnated as Hippy Arrancar! XD
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Aizen wiped off some of the mud that was on his face. He tried to keep his usual cool, calm, and collected face, but he was failing. Miserably. "And why did you think you could have a mud fight?" he asked in a dangerously low voice, his narrowed eyes twitching like mad.
Grimmjow shifted his weight to his left leg. "Er...D-Roy started it," he mumbled, averting his eyes from his father's cold gaze.
"How did you get mud anyways?" Ulquiorra asked, flipping through a book until he came to a certain page, his ketchup bottle perched on the ledge right next to him.
"We mixed water with sand, of course," Szayel replied triumphantly.
Gin tugged at his white overcoat. "This ain't cool!" he whined. "Ya got mud all over my outfit!"
Tousen flicked mud off his cheek and glared in the general direction of the troublesome little arrancar-children. "Aizen-sama," he said, fingering his zanpakuto. "May I punish your children?"
D-Roy, Szayel, Grantz, and Grimmjow flinched and backed away a couple of steps, huddling together in fear. Aizen smirked. "No," he replied. "I think I'll confine them for a bit."
D-Roy blinked. "Confine us?" he asked, looking a bit confused. "What do you mean, Otou-san?"
"It means that he's gonna ground us, Roy-baka," Grimmjow snapped, pouting. "Che. Not fair. How come Ulquiorra never gets punished?"
Said arrancar-child looked up from the book he was reading. "That's because I never get in trouble," he replied simply. Hopping down from the ledge he was sitting on, he tucked the book under one arm and his ever present ketchup bottle under the other. "I'm going in now, Otou-san," he informed and with grace that none of the other four could master, he walked back into the citadel.
Szayel crossed his arms and furrowed his brows in confusion. "Ne, we were throwing mud everywhere, weren't we?" he asked.
"Yep," Grantz replied, not catching his brother's drift.
"Then why didn't Ulqui-kun have mud on his uniform?"
There was a low murmur of agreement and confusion. Why wasn't there mud on the youngest arrancar-child's arrancar uniform? He couldn't be that graceful to be able to dodge mud when it was flying everywhere, right? They decided to go and find him and ask.
But before they could..."And where do you think you're going?" Aizen asked, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at them.
"Um, to find Ulquiorra?" Grantz suggested meekly.
Aizen grabbed him and Szayel by the ear while Tousen and Gin grabbed Grimmjow and D-Roy. "Oh no you're not," he replied, dragging them back into Las Noches. "You guys are grounded for a week!"
"No!"
----------
Ulquiorra could hear the older arrancar-children's screams from the hallway that he was in. He sighed and shook his head. They were grounded for sure. Then he shrugged and continued on his way. It was their fault anyways.
Noitora opened his door and peered out. The gangly arrancar-teen grinned at the sounds of the screams. "So, what did those brats do?" he asked, intrigued.
"They got mud all over themselves, Otou-san, Gin-oji-san, and Tousen-oji-san," Ulquiorra replied. "They're going to be confined."
Noitora's malicious eyes twinkled at the news. "Oh?" he said, chuckling evilly. "They're going to get confined, eh?"
"Who's getting confined?" a voice that both of them knew too well asked. Halibel and Stark rounded a corner and the female arrancar-teen repeated her question.
"Why, the Quick-'n-Careless Quartet of course," Noitora replied in a 'know-it-all' tone. "Didn't cha know, Booby-chan?"
Halibel narrowed her eyes at the older arrancar-teen. "Do not call me Booby-chan, Noitora," she said in the same low and dangerous voice that Aizen had.
Noitora smirked and waved his arms in mock fright. "Oh dear, Halibel is gonna get me," he said sarcastically. "Well, what are you gonna do, Booby-chan? Hm? Nothing? I thought so. C'mon, lazy-butt, lil' ketchup dude,"
Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes like what Halibel and Aizen did. "Don't call me lil' ketchup dude, Noitora," he said in the low and dangerous tone.
Stark looked back and forth between Halibel and Ulquiorra. Did they both inherit their father's dangerous tone, he wondered. Then he shook his head. It was better if he didn't wonder at all.
"Ano, want to go see what those little buggers are up to?" Stark asked in a lazy and sleepy voice.
"Of course we do!" Noitora replied for them.
Stark and Noitora started in the direction of the screams. Halibel glanced down at Ulquiorra as if to ask him if he wanted to go to which he responded with a shrug, so Halibel to the tiny hand of her littlest brother and followed after the two of which the they had dubbed as the idiots.
"They're going to make a mess out of things, aren't they, onee-san?" the younger of the two asked.
"Hn. Yes, of course they are," Halibel replied.
"So we're going to have to clean up their messes like we always do, don't we?"
"Yup, so let's just grin and bear it, Ulquiorra, grin and bear it."
"...you're just kidding, right?"
----------
Grimmjow sulked in a corner of the room. It was boring. Very boring. What was he supposed to do, being confined for a whole week? The only furniture in the room was a large bed that would fit the four, albeit it would be very crowded, and a coffee table.
"I'm bored," Szayel said, stating the obvious and yawned. "There's absolutely nothing to do!"
"I know, we should play a game!" D-Roy replied, trying to be optimistic.
Grimmjow scoffed. "Sure," he said sarcastically. "Let's play the 'who can survive the longest without being driven nuts wins' game."
Grantz blinked. "I've never heard of that game. How do you play?" The others face faulted.
Suddenly the door opened and Noitora, Stark, Halibel, and Ulquiorra walked in. "Yo," Noitora greeted, sporting his trademark snake grin. "Wazzup?"
"Stop. Please," Halibel said, rolling her eyes at Noitora's 'street' language.
"Hey! What's up, bro?" Grantz greeted happily. "Has everything been groovy for ya?"
Everyone stared at him. "Nii-chan, have you been spending too much time with Noitora again?" Szayel asked. He looked like he was on the verge of fainting after hearing what Grantz had said.
"No way do I say groovy!" Noitora defended. "It's so...so...so lame!"
"Groovy is not lame, bro!" Grantz replied, crossing his arms. "Groovy is so...so...so groovy!"
"Have you finally gone insane, Grantz?" Ulquiorra asked. He didn't looked startled at the older arrancar-child's new vocabulary at all. Nope. He was still sporting his trademark poker face.
Grantz started laughing. "Of course not, man!" he replied, holding up a book. "I learned all this new and groovy stuff from this groovy book! You should read it sometimes, my brother, open your eyes to a whole new view of the world!"
Ulquiorra and Szayel looked at the book. It was called, Peace Makes the World go Round. In other words..."Oh great, my brother's been turned into a hippy! Now he really does have a reason to keep his hair long! I'm related to a hippy!"
"Hey, we're all related to that hippy to, ya know," Grimmjow butted in. "And the next thing ya know, we're all gonna be hippies and talkin' about world peace instead of fightin' and all that stuff!"
"Okay, who agrees that we should tie Grantz up and find something to do?" Stark asked, earning nods from everyone except said arrancar-child.
"Hey, this isn't groovy, bro!" he protested as he was being tied to the bed. "The big guy's gonna punish you, bro! You can count on it!"
The others just ignored him and sat in a circle around the coffee table. "So...wadda ya wanna do?" Grimmjow asked.
Everyone but Ulquiorra and Stark shrugged. Ulquiorra didn't because shrugging just wasn't him and Stark because he had fallen asleep. Again. A loud snore erupted from said arrancar-teen, causing everyone but Halibel and Ulquiorra to sweat drop.
"Why don't we play the nickname game, eh?" Noitora suggested. The awkward silence was really grating on his nerves.
"How do you play the nickname game?" D-Roy asked, scratching the large hollow mask on his head.
Noitora's grin grew even wider. "I'm glad ya asked," he replied. "Let's say we all come up with a nickname for Yami-baka. We then vote on which nickname is the best and call him that. The losers would get pies thrown at them, but since we don't have pies, we'll just havta squirt them with Ulqui-chan's ketchup.
Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed and he tightened his grip on his beloved ketchup bottle. "No way in Las Noches," he replied in that dangerously low voice, ending the discussion right away.
Szayel raised a delicate pink eyebrow. "Don't we already have nicknames for everyone?" he asked. "Like how we call Ulquiorra Ulqui-kun or Ulqui-chan?"
"No, no, no," Noitora said, smirking. "We just basically shortened his name and then added a suffix, like Yami-baka. That's not a nickname. A nickname would be like calling Halibel Booby-chan."
"When I get my zanpakuto," Halibel snarled. "I'm going to skewer you, insides out."
Noitora gave a nervous chuckle. "Uh, okay, anyways," he stuttered. "Uh, what d'you guys think of Booby-chan?"
"It's okay," Stark murmured sleepily, rubbing his eyes. Seriously, waking up to a bunch of angry arrancar was not the way to go. "But the next thing ya know, she'll be called Miss Skewer."
"Not funny, Lazy-dope," Halibel replied.
"I think Miss Skewer is better than Booby-chan anyways," Ulquiorra murmured. "At least it won't get Otou-san all angry and confine us all." Silence filled the room at his truthful statement.
"Wow. Dead silence. Way to go, Ulqui-kun," Szayel said. "Ok, so we all agree that Miss Skewer is better and Lazy-dope has already labeled Stark-nii-san. Who's next?"
"I am next!" Grantz shouted happily. They were sure that if he wasn't tied up, he would've waved his hands around wildly. "I think I should be called the Awesome Hippy Dude!"
There was a short silence before..."No," Ulquiorra said. "That name just glamorizes you."
"You really like to praise yourself, don'tcha?" D-Roy muttered.
"Che, well, you are a hippy, though," Grimmjow added. "So, why don't we just call you...Hippy-chan?"
"Okay!" The reply received sweat drops from almost everyone in the room. "Szayel is next! I think we should call him Pinky or Girly-chan!"
"Definitely not!" Szayel shouted. "I shall not be called either of them!"
"I like Pinky," Ulquiorra murmured and that was the end of that. He always had the last words in these things, so there was no point in trying to go against his words. And that was how Szayel was dubbed as Pinky, though others would testify that they had wanted to opt for Girly-chan instead. Ulquiorra's words were basically law, though, so that subject was never brought up again.
Next up was Grimmjow. Said arrancar-child started to sweat a bit at the scrutinizing gaze that was shot by Ulquiorra. Did he forget to wash his mask again? Was his hair brushed? He patted his hair and found that it was as messy as ever. So...what was Ulquiorra looking at? Grimmjow's eyes twitched. "Well, what is it, brat?" he snapped at the younger of the two.
"You used to be a panther-like hollow, right?" Ulquiorra asked.
"Yeah...what about it? D'you have a problem with it?"
"...no," Ulquiorra replied. Then he pointed at Grimmjow and said for everyone else to hear, "I think Grimmjow should be called Neko-sama."
Grimmjow almost face faulted. "N-n-n-neko-sama?!" he shouted in disbelief. "Are you kidding me, you –Censored-!"
Ulquiorra didn't blink at Grimmjow's foul language. "Maybe he should be called Potty-mouth instead," he said observantly.
Everyone else except a select few who always kept a straight face and/or was really angry and embarrassed laughed.
"I like Neko-sama," Stark said, tears running down his face from laughing so hard.
"Yeah, yeah!" D-Roy chirped. "I like Neko-sama a lot!"
"Shut the –Censored- up, ya –Censored-!!!"
"Ooh, Neko-sama cussed!" Szayel taunted. "Otou-san's gonna kill him!"
"It's agreed then!" Noitora said triumphantly. "Grimmjow shall now be known as Neko-sama!"
If looks could kill, Noitora would be dead. Again. Then Grimmjow turned his deadly look to Ulquiorra who just stared back at him with his melancholic face. Then the younger one closed his eyes and sighed. "It's my turn, isn't it?" he asked.
Grimmjow grinned evilly. "Sure is—" he spat only to be interrupted by the sound of heavy pounding feet.
Then suddenly the door burst open and Yami came rushing in. His eyes were dull and his mouth was agape. He pointed a shaky finger at Ulquiorra and, without ever moving his lips, he began to foresee something. "I see an...Espada! He shall become an Espada! He will be so emotionless and look so melancholic that he shall be called...EMOSPADA!!!" Then he went limp and slumped to the floor.
There was even more silence. And then..."Emospada?!" Grimmjow shouted, laughing hysterically. "Emospada? Ahahahaha!"
Szayel, Grantz, D-Roy, and Noitora also burst out in laughter. "That is the best nickname by far!" Szayel snickered, tears of mirth running down his face. "Oh, I can see it now, Ulquiorra, Future Espada and Future Emo—Behold, the Emospada! Ahahahahaha!"
And then a figure appeared in the doorway. Silence once again filled the room. Aizen Sosuke had appeared. "What is going on here?" he asked in that ever so famous dangerously low voice. His eyes narrowed at the sight.
"Uh, we just decided to pay the little convicts a little visit," Noitora replied. "And we were about to leave."
Stark, Noitora, and Halibel stood up abruptly and left the room just as quickly. Aizen raised an eyebrow at the sight of Grantz tied to the bed. Then he glanced down at an out cold Yami. "What..."
"Ne, I never got a chance to get my nickname!" D-Roy cried.
Aizen just closed his eyes, grabbed Ulquiorra, and left. He was sure he didn't want to know what happened.
Ulquiorra glanced up at his father, curiosity dancing in his green eyes. "Ne, Otou-san, why do you have a book called Peace Makes the World go Round?" he asked. "It turned Grantz into a hippy..."
"I knew I didn't want to know," Aizen muttered to himself as he and his youngest son walked down the empty and silent halls of Las Noches.
"Otou-san, will I really become an emo Espada? What does emo mean anyway?"
"Um...who told you all of this?"
"Yami did. He said I'm going to be an Emospada. Is that true?"
"Uh...have I ever told you about the birds and the bees?"
"...no..."
"Oh. Well, birds—that is, certain types of birds—and bees both help make tomatoes that make ketchup!"
XD With the lack of ketchup in this story, I just had to add a bit with it in. And way to go, Aizen! Nice way to tell him about the birds and the bees without totally killing the kid's mind! Now try telling that again to him when he's older. XD