A/N: We've all seen those movies about people locked in at those mental hospitals, haven't we? I still find those movies and books frightening. Because, what if you get locked without being sick? The panic. The fear. To realize that all people around you thinks you're being delirious when you say there's nothing wrong about you...

she must feel very much like that, mustn't she?

And Ledonian... please tell me what you think of him...

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Chapter two, part one

Giving up is not an option

-

My dark nightdress hung loosely around my body and made the cold steel blade flash dangerously in the damp light. I was mad and he could both see it and feel it. Nothing more. He seemed desperate to reach me with his mind, to ask what was wrong – hah! He wouldn't gain anything. I wouldn't answer, I wasn't even sure that I could. I was a lot quicker than he was and I managed to sneak around him and press the blade against his throat. I almost wished to tear it up, just to feel satisfaction. Just to watch him bleed. But I spared him the pain and rushed down the corridor. Almost no people were around, although that didn't make me feel any better. Sooner or later I was to face people and I felt like a prisoner trying to escape.

My feet against the black floor made almost no sound, but my breathing was unsteady and my teeth gritted against each other. It didn't take long until every single corridor seemed to be a reflection of the one I just recently left. Panic was clutching my heart tightly, whether I wished it or not.

"Madam! Where are you-" Damn! I turned around and met the gaze of three males. The leader frowned at me, I could see his mind working. Slowly I backed away from them, clutching desperately onto my knife. Damndamndamn… I hissed and growled as I withdrew even further. The male made a sprint towards me but missed as I jumped out of his way and proceeded running down the corridor. Heading for nowhere. I couldn't control my breath anymore, my stomach was trying to kill me and my heart made so loud noises that I thought it alone was able of unveiling my position.

"Stop, stay right where you are!" Fuck you! Two more males ahead, both masked and just as confused as all the others. I bared my teeth as I spun at them and buried the blade right into the temple of the closest one. Blood ran down my hand as I ripped the cold steel out of his head. It felt so good; to hear the thud as he landed on the floor, it… it was a release to me.

They were shooting at me by this, only stunners of course, but it fed my force and I ran as twisted as a lightening bolt down the corridor. The noises of sinister energy hitting the walls aside me made me grin and run even faster.

Then I was no longer in control. The knife slipped out of my hand and fell down at the floor as a couple of strong arms was wrapped around me.

"Stop shooting! Who the hell gave you permission?" he bawled at the others and ignored my spasms. I tried to bite and rip his arms, to beat him, but he just ignored what I did to get rid of him. He was as solid as a rock and I was forced to accept that my attempt to escape had failed.

"She almost killed Xertac." one of the males spoke, insensitively revealing the name of his friend, "She carried a weapon and was aggressive. The Queen has sai-"

"- I don't care about what the Queen said. You simply don't run about shooting at people when there are children nearby." the male growled and seized his men with a couple of fiery golden yellow eyes, "You are dismissed. You can leave." He let go of me to wave his hand at them and watched them leave as a gang of whining dogs. Then he focused on me and pushed some of his long, silvery dreads out of his eyes. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked as he poked the blood stained knife, "What in the name of all hive Queens do you think you're doing?" He was mad at me, as well as unaware of my sealed lips. I couldn't had spoken even if I had wished to, and I felt threatened once more. That was when Tiwek decided to show up again.

"She can't talk, brother." he interrupted from behind his brother. My capturer froze and then turned around to face his younger sibling.

"Is that so? Then how come there was no information on the matter?" his voice was filled with irritation, "This system is consuming my nerves." His brother swallowed.

"I guess it's not official, brother. She hasn't opened her mouth since she came here." I used their focused conversation to back away, slowly and silently. This was like a second chance, and oh, I'd be damned if I didn't get hold of it. "Nothing about her seems to be official," the brother continued, "not even the father. It's very odd." I stopped moving and took a deep breath, my own body felt poisoned and my every movement made me feel sick of myself. I was quicker than before when I got a grasp of the knife again. Tiwek reacted quicker than his older brother and spun at me, but it was almost too late, the blade was pressed against the skin against my stomach, blood was beginning to run to the wound. The slim male snatched the knife out of my grasp and used his other hand to grab me by my wrists as he forced me up against the wall. I kicked him, once, maybe twice, and stared at him, almost despiteful.

I was back in my room, doors locked, guards were watching my every step. Instead of freedom, I was under supervision.

I had failed, once more.

-

Chapter two, Part two

Across the lines

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"No, we won't report this." I had made up my mind, "If the Queen doesn't inform us about things on this level, then why should we inform her? Besides, she has far more important things to reflect upon." No, I didn't believe in what I said, about the important things. Her thought of what was important didn't make any sense to me. One of the females had gone ballistic, but that couldn't really concern the Queen. What was the next request? To report every single accident? No way. Besides, she would approve of waving stunners around, I didn't need her approval on that. Guns were too much of a turn on for all the younger males, and it made me feel really tired.

"Whatever you say," Xertac spoke, "I almost died. If I had, wouldn't that matter to her?" I snorted at him.

"I'm sorry, Xertac, but you're just a minion. Get that shit into your head already." He was upset by my words, but didn't show it in any way. Nor did I care about it, or him. In general. Minions were practically created to die.

"Ledonian, people are beginning to get anxious. I think perhaps we shall call the Queen and make her come here. They need to see her face." I felt like moaning and shook my head. I didn't want to have her at my base. The highest moron of them all… I didn't have the energy to invite her.

"I'm sure she'll visit us when she likes to. I am not planning to force her to come here." I made it a point to respond angrily, the colonel of the involved minions growled at me.

"Everything you have to do is to move that lazy ass and send a fucking request. It's not going to kill you, Ledonian." That was enough, even more than enough. I sent him a cold glare.

"You've crossed the line several times, need I remember you that it's I who command this base?" My voice was dark and I'm sure my glance was enough to make anyone shudder. The colonel raised as quick as if someone had lit a fire underneath his chair.

"Then maybe it's time to pick another leader." he hissed at me and almost drooled at my table. It didn't impress me at all. I'm not generally impressed by drool, mind it.

"You're too young to challenge me, so just sit down and shut up." my cold words crossed the table and I believe they slapped his face in a quite mocking way. I watched in enervation as he slowly took his seat again.

"I'm asking you of no more but to contact our Queen. I don't understand why it's so hard for you to do that." he was angry, and I ignored it.

"The next time I learn that anyone has fired a single, fucking energy bolt, I will personally gut the Wraith who's responsible." I sent my coldest glare at all my men, "You're all dismissed."

You see what kind of place I work in? It's going to be hard for me to keep the Queen away from this base… My excuses have begun to run short, I don't know if I have much time left to… If she comes here, I'm sure she'll destroy even more of this hive.

And it's painful to watch my children fade away into the mature world.

Every time a ship filled with younglings leaves orbit it feels as if I rip my heart out of my own chest. And I'm close to tears when their minds disconnect…

I don't know if I can do this anymore.

If I can handle myself anymore.

Each time I send younglings to connect with the Queen… it is as if I leave them to die or endure torture.

All what they are taught here, all what they learn and come to understand…

reality must be a disappointment.

I am the one who disappoints them. All the time.

I can't act no longer. To lie. To show them a world, a glory, which is as false as the future.

What will happen when I break?

Who will be there to pick up all the pieces?

When I close my eyes I can see them dying, falling, crying. I can see nothing but war and violence. A universe without love, without any kind of satisfaction. It's not my dreams. Not my nightmares. It's not an illusion.

What I see is the truth.

The boys are lucky. They get to stay here until they've matured. The girls have less of that kind. The Queen says that they have to learn the hard way, that they need to see reality as early as possible.

It makes me sick.

Everything makes me wish that I could just close my eyes and step into a faked reality.

If I do that, the Queen would win.

I've got to go on, I've got to keep my heart beating, my banned feelings have to stay. She wish to brain wash us all, but she will never win over me.

I'd rather die.