Head of House

Standard disclaimers apply-I own no rights to either Harry Potter or The Transformers

A/N: A plot bunny that was so warped, I couldn't resist it. Disregards everything past book 4.

A cold wind raked across the ramparts of Hogwarts, a chill matched only by the cold feeling in Harry Potter's heart. Ever since Dumbledore had disappeared a month ago, Death-Eater attacks had increased in frequency and violence. The Ministry of Magic had been overrun, and Hogsmeade was a ghost town as residents abandoned what was sure to be a target. Now, an army of over 500 dark wizards, along with giants and Dementors massed before the Gates, waiting.

Hermione, voice quivering, asked, "Harry. What can we do? What are they waiting for?"

"For their master, obviously. Tom always was a bit of a drama queen."

Ron, despite the fact that he was practically about to have an accident in his shorts snickered. Then, quietly, he asked, "Harry, mate, we're going to make it out of this, right? RIGHT? "

Harry shot him a look that almost screamed 'Well Duh, what the hell do you think?" A bunch of half trained students, over aged teachers and a handful of ghosts against that?'

"I wish I could say yes, but I'm something of a pessimist by nature. I'm not about to sugarcoat things."

"That's ok…I prefer a chocolate coating myself…"

"RON, SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"Well, there's no need to shout, y'know. I'm not deaf."

At that second, Harry's scar erupted in agony. Fighting the pain, he grated out, "He's here".

The Death-Eater ranks parted, revealing a slender, inhuman figure that seemed to glide rather than walk. Two glowing red eyes locked onto the hapless teen.

"Well, Potter, are you ready to meet your end?"

"I think I'd prefer a couple of Excedrin myself. Now, let's cut to the chase, shall we?"

"I offer you and your friends a choice. If you yield now, I shall be merciful and grant you a quick and relatively painless death. However, should you resist, I will ensure that your torment is as prolonged and agonizing as possible before I kill you."

Harry's eyes were elsewhere, though. With wide eyes and dropped jaw, he watched something astonishing emerging from the Forbidden forest. Voldemort noted this and promptly threw a hissy fit.

"IGNORE ME, WILL YOU? I'LL SHOW YOU! DEATH-EATERS, ATTAAAAAAGH!" The scream came as a blinding bolt of energy made an ash out of the dork lord. A series of devastating explosions erupted in the middle of the evil army, reducing it to so much charred meat.

The cause of this strode confidently forward, its 185 foot tall frame moving with an uncannily fluid motion for something so massive. As it loomed over Hogwarts, Harry noted that it was carrying a…Wand?

The giant noted this. "Sequoia and Roc tail feather, twenty feet long. Great for Battle magic. Are you still functional, Harry Potter? Have you sustained any damage?"

"Yes..No..Who...Or rather what...are you? How do you know my name?"

The towering mechanoid gave a rusty chuckle. "I am an autobot. My designation is Fortress Maximus. As to how I know you, let me introduce you to my two partners in crime." It then proceeded to remove its head, placing it next to the astonished teen. The head then converted to another, much smaller robot, who introduced itself as Cerebros. It also removed its head! The final head underwent an astonishing transformation into a man, clad in high-tech battlesuit. The figure removed its helmet, revealing a white beard and familiar, madly twinkling blue eyes.

"HEADMASTER DUMBLEDORE????"

"Indeed, Harry. Lemon drop…?"

Finis.

A/N: As I said, this was too good to resist. No flames please. Groans and Guffaws accepted. And if you don't get the joke, run a search on the big bots' name.