How to Ask Voldy on a Date
Hey, welcome to my second fic. Well, not a fic, probably a guide. Harry will be finding this very useful in DH, let me tell you.
I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. I DO OWN THE AXE. strokes axes handle
You will need:
1 Voldy
2 A calendar
3 An axe (This helps with negotiations)
4 A human shield
5 White fingers. He likes that for some reason.
6 A death wish.
How to:
1 Lean on a door/ table/ locker/ wall and say "Hey, Voldy, I have a question for you!" (Note, I am not responsible for loss of life or any other injury caused if he is on a killing spree. Users are recommended to spike his drink beforehand so he doesn't shoot on sight.)
2 If you are still alive, say "Come out with me, and I'll teach you powerful magic you'll never learn elsewhere." (This is lying. If you have any kind of morals what are you doing going out with the Dark Lord?)
3 If he says "Wow, I love you" And kisses you, well done. It must've been some strong pills.
4 If he asks you what you'll teach him just kiss him. It works on TV.
At the movies:
1 Let him see what he wants to watch. Believe me, you live a lot longer that way.
2 If whatever you put in his drink wears off just slip some in your mouth and kiss him.
3 Make sure no one sees you with him. Maybe a fake nose would be good. For him, I mean. Or you could chop yours off...
4 If he gets out his wand and starts shooting, run. Trust me, it's not worth it.
5 If he wants to bring his Death Eaters with him, kill him. You'll save Harry a job.