Chapter 17

Harry Potter awoke to find his bed covered in post. He sat up, and caused a small avalanche.

'Huh,' he thought, 'this is slightly odd.'

He pulled one of the letters out of his hair and began to read.

"Dear Mr. Potter," it read, "It is with great pleasure that we extend to you an invitation to enroll in Shivershanks School of Sorcery…"

"Ron," said Harry.

Ron continued to snore.

"Ron," repeated Harry, a little louder, "what is the Shivershanks School of Sorcery?"

"Magic school," grumbled Ron.

"I gathered that," replied Harry.

"'Lemme sleep then," muttered Ron.

Harry huffed, but realized that Ron wasn't in the mood for one of their sleep-conversations. He shrank all of the letters with a wave of his wand and headed off the find someone who he could convince to help him read all the letters and determine just why he had received so many at once.

***

"No," said Hermione.

"I haven't even asked you anything yet!" protested Harry.

"Does it involve me doing huge amounts of research for you and then highly probably missing out on anything exciting that may or may not occur as a result of that research?"

"Well, yes," admitted Harry.

"Then my answer stands," replied Hermione, "I'm far too busy."

"You're reading Twilight," said Harry.

"Yes," conceded Hermione, "but it's for a very important project."

"Which is?" asked Harry, unconvinced.

"I am going to discover the secrets of the sparkly vampires," said Hermione, "and then I will present my findings to Rachel and then maybe she'll stop cursing my books."

"You really think that will work?"

Hermione sighed.

"I can only hope that she will hate them more than she hates me,"

"Right," said Harry, "do you have anything more to add on the subject of Twilight?"

"Well," replied Hermione, "only the obvious; that it's a poorly written, slow-paced abstinence-romance that succeeds in entrancing its target audience but alienates other readers by sprouting anti-feminist propaganda. Also, it's basically its own parody."

"Ok," said Harry, "but who will help me solve the Mystery of All the Mail?"

Hermione shrugged and turned another page.

"I don't know," she said, "Will?"

"Great idea, Hermione!" said Harry, and, with that, he picked up his big bag o' mail and went to find his twin brother.

***

"Hey Harry," said Will, "you won't believe what happened to me this morning."

"Bed full of mail?"

"Yeah," said Will, "how'd you know?"

Harry gestured to his post bag.

"Same thing happened to me," said Harry, "but I don't know why."

"So it's a mystery," said Will.

"Yep," said Harry, "but without Ron or Hermione to help I don't know how we're going to solve it."

"We could start a club," suggested Will, "a mystery solving club."

"That's a great idea!"

"We can make flyers and put them in all the Common Rooms."

"I can do Gryffindor, and Dad can do Slytherin and you can do …" Harry trailed off.

"I'm in Gryffindor too," said Will.

"Why don't I ever see you in the dorm then?" asked Harry.

"I'm not in your dorm – I room with Edward, Charlie and Spencer."

Harry gasped theatrically.

"THERE'S ANOTHER DORM?"

"Of course there's another dorm," replied Will, "where did you think the other guys slept?"

Harry mumbled quietly.

"You don't even know who the other guys are, do you?" asked Will.

"No," replied Harry.

"You didn't even know there were other guys, did you?"

"No,"

"You seriously thought there were only five Gryffindor boys in Seventh year?"

Harry looked away, shamefaced.

"Charlie was in your Divination class!" said Will.

"Wait," said Harry, "is he the Chunky Guy of Mystery?"

"What?" asked Will.

"You know," said Harry, "the big guy that no-body knows but then he appears in Divination and knows about Grims and stuff?"

Will rolled his eyes.

"Charlie will be so pleased to know that the rest of the year knows him as Chunky Guy of Mystery."

"We could trademark it," suggested Harry, "would that be better?"

"Probably not," replied Will, "but that gives me another idea – we should think of an awesome name for our club and then trademark it."

Harry nodded.

"I do like a good trademark …" he said, "How about … The Super Awesome Mystery Club of Awesome Mystery Solvingness Team™?"

"Well," said Will, "it's very descriptive … The Super Awesome Mystery Club of Awesome Mystery Solvingness Team™ it is."

"Awesome," said Harry.

"I'll write that we will have our first mystery solving meeting on Thursday evening, and that people from all years are welcome to join," said Will.

"This is going to be great," said Harry, "we'll have The Super Awesome Mystery Club of Awesome Mystery Solvingness Team™ up and running in no time."

Will finished the flyer with a flourish, and then performed a duplifying charm that instantly made the exact number of copies they needed.

"Right," said Will, "let's go see Dad."

***

"OH, BY VLAD'S FANGS!" screamed Rachel.

"Is this a bad time?" asked Harry.

Snape gave him a snapey glare.

"Rachel's giving birth," replied Snape.

"So, yes, then?"

"SNAPE!" screamed Rachel. "YOU BETTER GET IN HERE WITH THAT PAIN POTION SOON OR I'M GOING TO EAT THE HEALER!"

"HURRY!" added another voice, presumably that of the Healer.

"Yes, dear," called Snape. "Sit here," he said to Harry and Will, pointing to the couch.

He grabbed a couple of vials from the cabinet and then hurried down the hall, his robes billowing behind him.

"I forgot about the baby," admitted Harry, "even though it only seems like last chapter Dad told us."

"It was last chapter," replied Will, "but this is the first update for months, so you really can't be blamed. I'm a little surprised we're doing the birth now though, I thought it'd be a couple more months."

Suddenly, a thin blonde woman burst into the room.

"Someone's having a baby!" she gasped.

"Yes," said Will, "who are you?"

"Dr. Elliot Reid," replied the doctor, "I'll help with the baby!"

Harry and Will watched as she ran down the hall.

"That was a little odd," said Harry.

"Classic baby tingling sense," replied Will.

"Oh," said Harry, "makes sense."

Time past quickly, and, in what seemed like no time at all, Harry and William were being introduced to their new little sister.

"Boys," said Severus, "this is Faustina."

The tiny baby in Rachel's arms cooed softly.

"Wow," said William, "she's adorable."

"Yeah," said Harry, "but why doesn't she look like you?"

And indeed, Faustina's white blond ringlets, bright blue eyes and happy smile made it seem quite impossible that she was the offspring of the two most snarky people Hogwarts had ever seen.

"Oh," sighed Dr. Reid, "isn't she just the cutest little angel? Want to come live with Aunty Elliot, little baby?"

She wiggled her fingers at the baby, and Faustina crinkled up her little button nose and gurgled musically. Unnoticed by the entranced Dr. Reid, two long pointed fangs slid out of Faustina's gums. The baby cooed, and then made a lunge for the doctor's throat.

Dr Reid was toppled over by the weight of the child and they struggled for a few moments before she managed to detach Faustina from her neck, and make a run for the door.

"What a clever girl," said Snape proudly, as the door slammed after the doctor.

Harry and William exchanged nervous looks.

"You're safe enough," said Rachel, correctly guessing their fear, "I only attacked non-family members when I was young."

"Very comforting," replied Will dryly, still eying the baby.

"I'll tell her not to bite you," added Rachel, "better now?"

"She won't understand!" said William. "She's just a baby!"

"Well," said Severus, "she won't be a baby for very long."

"Yeah," grumbled Will, "only a couple of years."

"Nah," said Rachel, "babies are actually pretty boring to write. She'll be a toddler by the end of the week."

"Makes sense," said Harry.

Faustina gurgled.

"Right," said Hary, "that reminds me; could you put up some flyers in Slytherin? We want to start a club."

"This isn't about defeating Dark Lords, is it?" asked Severus.

"No," said Will, "just solving mysteries."

Severus nodded.

"Good," he said, "I'm sure you are aware that I must wait until the end of the year before taking any action towards defeating the Dark Lord."

Harry nodded.

"Preaching to the choir, man," he said, "preaching to the choir.'

Severus scowled.

"Do run along," he drawled.

And Harry and Will did so.

Author's note: Whoa, a new chapter? It's a Saturnalia miracle!