A/N: this is a weird that started purely as a writing exercise. Read at your own risk, we suppose . . . =) Also, since FF.N doesn't like fonts, we'll be putting the names of the (person who spoke like this) in front of their writing. Darned HTML coding . . .

Disclaimer: the Marauder's Map, Messers. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, Lily, Ginny, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Tom Riddle, and whatever other HP stuff we may mention belongs to J.K. Rowling. We own our weird selves, and whatever other part of the fic may be left to us after the HP stuff has been disclaimed away.

Testing. Testing. My name is Ginny Weasley.

Hello, Ginny Weasley.

(Ginny) No, Tom, please . . .

Tom? Who's Tom? I'm Lily Evans.

(Ginny) Oh! I'm sorry. I thought you were Tom Riddle. He tried to take me over, you see, through a diary. But this is just a piece of parchment, so I don't –

Just a piece of parchment? Oy, Miss Weasley, I'm mortally offended.

(Ginny) I'm sorry, I didn't think –

I should say not! If you'd have thought, you wouldn't have had to make such a mistake. Always think before you speak or you'll never know where you'll end up.

(Lily) Shut, Potter. You're probably scaring the poor girl.

(Ginny) Excuse me . . . how many people are in this, erm . . . parchment?

Five. And you.

(Ginny) Who's the fifth? I've only counted four.

Me.

(Ginny) Who are you guys?

Lily Rose Evans, age 16.

James Matthew Potter, also 16.

Sirius Canis Black, and I'm (yes, you guessed it!) 16.

Remus J. Lupin, 16. (And sorry, Padfoot, but just because people are giving out their middle names doesn't mean you're going to find out MINE!

(Sirius) Spoilsport.

(Lily) Shut, you two, and let Wormtail have his turn.

Thanks, Lily. I'm Peter Fredrick Pettigrew, and I'm 16 too.

(Ginny) Oh my God. Can I get Harry?

(Sirius) Hairy? Are you bald? How old are you?

(Remus) Padfoot, do me a favor and get a life.

(Sirius) No. Go away, Moony, and when you come back have a sense of humor.

(Lily) I'm sorry all the boys are being idiots, Ginny. Yes, by all means, go and get your friend Harry.

(Ginny) Thanks.

(Harry) Okay, Ginny says someone's in here. Who?

(Peter) Do we HAVE to go through this all over again?

(James) Of course not, my good Wormtail. Okay, Harry, just look up the Map a little and you can see our names.

(Harry) Oh. Oh my God.

(Sirius) That's what Ginny said too. Are we really that frightening?

(Harry) Sirius? Padfoot? Snuffles?

(Sirius) Er . . . I answer to the first two, but Snuffles is a new one . . .

(James) I've gotta remember it. Oooh, Snuffles . . .

(Sirius) Oh great. See what you've started, Hairy?

(Lily) Don't be such a prat, Snuffles. There's a big difference – it's Harry, NOT Hairy.

(Sirius) Same thing.

(Remus) Now, now, Padfoot my lad, don't sulk.

(Harry) Professor Lupin?

(Sirius) Hey, look, Moony, see, everyone thinks you're a professor! Ha! I win!

(Remus) Oh, do be quiet, Sirius. The boy seems to know us, and maybe he's heard about your little . . . er, joke. Excuse me, Harry, but I am not a professor.

(Harry) Actually, you . . . no, never mind. Hey, wait. Shoot. Ginny, I just realized – this is the Marauder's Map. Ooops. No wonder. I'm so . . . so . . .

(Sirius) Intelligent. Believe me. You actually know a Map when you see a Map.

(Harry) No, that's not what I meant. All this time . . . I've had it, and I've never thought to even check the Map – stupid, that's what I am.

(Ginny) Harry, what are you talking about?

(Harry) The Map, Gin, I know it can speak to you. And . . . you know . . . I've wanted to talk to them . . .

(Ginny) Oh. Of course. I understand.

(James) However intelligent and understanding Miss Ginny Weasley may be, I don't have the foggiest what you're talking about.

(Lily) And that, Potter, is different from the normal state of affairs . . . how?

(James) Oh, go feed yourself to the giant squid, Evans.

(Lily) Jump off your broom, Potter.

(James) Go to America, Evans.

(Lily) Kiss Snape, Potter.

(Remus) Oh . . . now that was just not right. Take that last one back, Lily.

(Lily) Aww, Remie, you're no fun.

(Remus) For what I believe is the 10000000^th time, please do not call me Remie!

(Sirius) Okay, Remie . . .

(Remus) Okay, Snuffles . . .

(Sirius) Darn it. Three points for the werewolf, only one for the Grim. Just great.

(Harry) I had no idea you guys were like this.

(Peter) Believe me, Harry, it takes some getting used to.

(Harry) I'll bet, Wormtail.

(James) Hey there, cool it, Harry.

(Harry) Okay, Dad.

(Sirius) Right, for the record – I am Snuffles, Remus is a professor, Wormtail shall be snapped at, and James is 'Dad'. That leaves Lily. Who's she?

(Lily) I'm bracing myself here.

(Harry) Lily's . . . erm, Mum, actually.

(Sirius) Hahaha! Maybe we should enchant the Map to say 'Messers. Professor, Snappy, Dad, and Snuffles, Purveyors of Aids to Those Poor Hairy People Who Probably Need Mental Help' –

(Harry) Actually, it's more like 'Messers. Professor, Traitor, Dad, and Godfather, Purveyors of Aids to the Boy Who Lived and His Best Friend's Little Sister'.

(Lily) Boy Who Lived. Godfather, Mum, Dad, Professor, and a traitor. This is weird.

(Ginny) May I ask a question?

(James) Fire away, Miss Weasley.

(Ginny) Thanks. Okay – are you bound inside the Map? Will this affect your 16-year-old selves? Can you get out of the Map?

Moony?

(Remus) Right. Well, our real selves aren't really in the Map, so anything you tell us here stays here. Since we're not really in the Map, we obviously cannot come out. Why do you ask?

(Ginny) Harry? Would you tell them?

(Harry) Okay. James, you're my dad. Lily, you're my mum. Sirius, Mum and Dad made you my godfather. Professor – er, Remus, you were my Defense teacher in my third year.

(Sirius) Hahaha! So there, Moony my boy!

(Remus) All right, Sirius. Some unseen foresight on your part. Harry, would you permit me a question?

(Harry) Erm . . . okay.

(Remus) Thank you. You just said 'in my third year', so let me ask this – what year are you and Ginny currently in?

(Harry) Fifth.

(Ginny) Fourth.

(Remus) Ah. Thank you. And what year might it be?

(Harry) 1995.

(Remus) I see. James, Lily, Sirius, and Peter, we are 38 years old.

(Sirius) Remus Lupin the human calculator strikes again!

(Remus) Hush, Sirius.

(Peter) What about me?

(Harry) What about you?

(Peter) Well, James and Lily are your parents, Sirius is your godfather, and Remus is your professor. What am I?

(Ginny) Harry? What is he? Isn't he dead? Didn't Black –

(Harry) Fu – darn it. This'll take a lot of explaining. Mind if I get Ron and Hermione to help?

(Ginny) Sure.

(Sirius) Whatever. I just want to know what "Black" did, Miss Weasley.

(Ron) Right, I'm here. What is it, anyway?

(Hermione) Harry, what are you doing with the Marauder's Map?

(Harry) Well – here, just read it over.

(Ron) Right. Smart, mate. You've really put us in a fix.

(Hermione) Harry, that was not good. Now, who's doing the explaining?

(Harry) I will, I guess. I just need backup.

(Ron) And Ginny? Do the world a favor and don't freak out, okay?

(Ginny) Fine, Ron. You didn't have to get all huffy about it, you know.

(Sirius) Oy, Prongs, they're as bad as you and Carolyn!

(James) Most decidedly not. They are much worse. Me and Carolyn are the very model of good siblings.

(Lily) Liar, Prongs. And really, learn, for God's sakes! "Carolyn and I", NOT "me and Carolyn". Do you get the concept?!

(James) Good God, Snapdragon, keep your hair on! Believe me, I won't like you quite so much if you were bald . . .

(Hermione) So you're with her for her looks?

(James) Well, having wonderful green eyes and a bit of hair really help, of course, but I'd say that it's her herself that I like. Not all the time, mind, but as a whole . . .

(Lily) Oh, Potter, I'm flattered.

(Sirius) Cut the flirting, guys. There are children present.

(Ginny) I'm fourteen, and I'm the youngest. Even I can see PG13 things.

(Harry) Hey, Ginny, how did you know about PG13 things?

(Ginny) Hermione.

(Sirius) Wait! Can we get back to "PG13", or whatever it is, later? Right now, all I want to know is, who are these new people, and when are you going to explain the "complicated thing", Harry?

(Harry) Right. Sorry. Ron? Hermione?

Hermione Granger. Hello, everyone.

Ron Weasley. Okay, hello everyone too. And Snuffles!

(Sirius) Ahhhh! Must . . . run . . . must . . . hide . . . from the evil Snuffles people . . .

(Remus) Padfoot, please stop. You're making a fool of yourself – or, more of a fool of yourself than usual, I suppose.

(Sirius) Shut up, Moony.

(Remus) All right then, if you promise to do the same.

(Sirius) Fine, fine.

(James) Right then. Harry, will you begin to explain.

(Harry) Okay. I'll start.

A/N: yeah, we know, odd. Like we said, started as a writing exercise, got out of control . . . Well, if you got to here and still aren't feeling extremely weird about this, please review and tell us if they should continue our Map conversation.