Disclaimer: Okay... So WFA ended, and Princess won Best Humor (thankies!) so I was sitting there thinking, "I should add a bonus chapter because everyone loved this story!" but then I wasn't exactly inspired, and everything I tried to write was horribly, horribly OOC, and then yesterday during Biology we were watching a claymation video about DNA and I practically fell out of my chair this idea was so much better than its pedecessors, and I went home and I wrote it, and I edited it, and now it's here.
And everyone sitting there going "I like O-BB better than this, why isn't that stupid excuse for an authoress working on that?" rest assured: I see RENT tonight on stage with my family and then again the next night with My Glindi, so that'll help get me inspired and Joanne's re-edition of Popular should get moving. I do have a page. MoJo's telling secrets.
And the random OC at the beginning, Ecric, is just used as a narrator POV. He has no consequence whatsoever. Just... Forget about him once you're done. STORY TIME! -LostOzian
Ecric waited outside the stage door for the lead dancer of the night to leave. He had heard near-mythic tales at the Evident Beauty (an oxymoronically popular gay bar in the Emerald City, famous for cross-dressed staff) of a drag dancer, Ritiga, who was second to none. It was impossible to predict her performance schedule-she dropped in when it suited her-and not even the management knew her male name. Everyone just referred to her by her female alias, Ritiga. After seeing Ritiga dance for the first time, Ecric was blown away. He had to find out more about her, and so he was shivering in a back alley, ignoring other dancers as they left, and waiting for the queen of the drag queens to leave.
The door opened, showing (to Ecric's joy) Ritiga. She was dressed a little less flirtatiously that the costume she had worn onstage, but the plain blue skirt and white blouse looked mostly for comfort. She was saying goodbye to some of her co-workers inside, then turned to see Ecric.
"Miss Ritiga?" Ecric checked. It was obvious it was her, though; Ecric was quite surprised by how tall she was in reality. Sitting a few rows back, Ecric never would have guessed they were even at eye level, and Ecric was one who prided himself on being tall.
"Yeah…" she said slowly. "Do I know you?"
"N-no, you don't, actually…" Ecric cursed himself for stammering. "I'm Ecric. I wanted to talk to you… Could I walk you home?" Ritiga leaned against the wall.
"I'm one of those stranger-danger freaks," Ritiga said. "So I'll stay right here where you talk to me all you want, but the management would hear me scream."
"Fair enough," Ecric sighed. "I just wanted to tell you, you're a great dancer." Ritiga smiled shyly. "How'd you end up at Evident Beauty?" Ritiga kicked her foot a little bit- flats, since she was so tall already- wrestling with what to tell him.
"Actually…" Ritiga said. "I don't need the job. I just… love dancing, so I get out when I can, but sometimes I can't make it."
"You have a day job?" Ritiga nodded. "What's the day job?"
"You'd never believe it. I'm Gale Force," she said. "It sucks worse than a hangover, though."
"I thought Gale Force only took men," Ecric said, confused.
"I know," Ritiga's voice sounded completely different for those two words, her pitch at the opposite end of the spectrum in masculinity.
"Oh, so you moonlight as a drag queen," Ecric checked. Ritiga nodded enthusiastically.
"Just for the shows," she said, sounding 'normal' again. Ecric hadn't even guessed that she was faking a feminine voice, having heard some rather girly-sounding men. He just nodded thoughfully, wondering if he would be too bold in saying what he wanted to say.
"You know, they might kick you out of the Gale Force if you had a boyfriend," he said, hoping he looked charming. Ritiga laughed and smiled sympathetically.
"No, they'd just punish me. They aren't kicking anyone out right now; they need everyone for all the big sweeps scheduled." Ritiga looked at a watch, then back up at Ecric.
"I have to go," she said. "Nice meeting you, and I'm glad you enjoyed the show!"
"No, my pleasure!" Ecric said, and Ritiga started off down the street. He stared after her for a minute, thinking as fast as he could.
Don't do it.
Why not?
She said she hates strangers.
But I'm not a stranger.
You barely know her.
How am I supposed to get to know her better?
Don't do it!
But Ecric had already started off down the alley, following her at a distance.
I said don't do it! Idiot! But Ecric continued to follow her. She stayed completely on main roads, most still pretty crowded even at this hour of night, and tried to blend in, but Ecric was watching for her, and she was pretty easy to keep an eye on if you knew to look for her. She continued on for a long time, moving surprisingly fast, when she suddenly turned into a back alley behind the Emerald Palace. Confused, Ecric stayed as close to the shadowed walls as possible.
The alley was completely empty except for Ritiga, a Gale Force guard, and Ritiga's hidden stalker. Ritiga was walking toward the guard in a businesslike manner, rummaging in her purse for something. Ritiga had said her male self was Gale Force… but was she counting on the guard to mistake her for a biological female? The guard spoke first.
"'Ow'd it go tonight, Cap'n?" he asked in a heavy accent (British cockney). Captain?
"Pretty well," Ritiga dropped her female voice, speaking like a man. The picture was so odd. Ritiga pulled out an envelope, which she gave to the guard. The guard opened it and took out some money, starting to count it as Ritiga kept talking in her male voice.
"I'm hoping to take advantage of your week while I can," Ritiga said conversationally. "Maybe work tomorrow-" Ritiga's sentence was interrupted by a yawn. "…Then again, I'll take tomorrow off and work again the next day." The guard put the money back in the envelope and slipped it inside his coat.
"Lookin' forward to it, Cap'n," he said as Ritiga reached up to remove her wig. Ecric suppressed a gasp as he recognized the male face as one of the most attractive celebrities he knew; the Captain of the Gale Force Guard, Fiyero Tiggular. The guard let Fiyero inside the palace gate. The Captain unlocked an old cellar door, and disappeared inside.
Ecric stepped out from the shadows. The guard noticed him, but buried any surprise or fear before Ecric got too close.
"Ritiga is Captain of the Gale Force?!" he hissed. "Fiyero Tiggular dances at a gay bar?!" The guard looked at him mulishly, his eyes dull.
"Sir, I must ask you to stop ravin' before I 'ave you removed," he said. Ecric stamped his foot.
"Oh, stop the act! I know what I saw, and may the Wizard smite me down and Wicked Witch reanimate my corpse, I won't tell a soul!"
"And how do I know you're not lyin'?" the guard pressed. Ecric folded his arms cockily.
"I like watching him dance too much," he said as if it were obvious. "If I tell, Ritiga can't come and dance anymore." The guard looked down, a smile coming to his mouth. "What?" Ecric demanded.
"That's as good a reason as any," the guard said. "Only… the Cap'n didn't tell me all the details, and you have to swear you won't go tellin' him."
"If he has a soul, I won't tell him. And I think he has a soul." The guard acknowledged the witticism.
"The story goes, back in school, college, y'see, the Cap'n was involved with a girl," he said. "And they would cross-dress with each other, kind of to prove they would love each other no matter what they looked like. 'E was a girl, she was a girl; 'e was a girl, she was a guy; 'e was a guy, she was a girl, I think you got it," the guard said. Ecric nodded, slightly disappointed that the Captain seemed straight, even if in a roundabout way.
"Well… somethin' 'appened to the poor lass. I'm not sure what, 'e won't tell me, but she's gone. And the Cap'n misses her somethin' fierce. So 'e dresses as his female half, Ritiga, and goes out on the town. Not sure why, but if it eases his mind, I can't do much about it."
"Or at least, you won't do much about it," Ecric said. "It looks like he passes on his paycheck to you."
"If I can trust you further, I don't do it for the money no more," the guard confided. "At first, it was somethin' to convince me that it was okay to let the Cap'n sneak around in skirts and a wig, but now… I notice how gloomy he is. Usually at the end of meetin's, or walking down a hall when he thinks nobody else is around… I'd do anything to get him feelin' better." Ecric nodded.
"Okay, now I won't tell, for fear of the Captain torturing me, then the Wizard smiting, and then the Witch using my body as an undead soldier." Ecric said. The guard's mouth twitched.
"There's a good man," the guard said. "Now get out of here… My shift ends in an hour, and I'm the only guard stationed here that knows about our Cap'n's plight. Next fellow won't be so friendly." Ecric nodded, and left the alleyway, melting back into the crowd.
Ritiga was the Captain of the Gale Force. The most decorated military advisor of the Wizard danced for gay men whenever he could. Unbelievable.
But at least now he would know to be in the Evident Beauty the night after tomorrow.
"You have no idea how much I've missed you, Fae," Fiyero said as soon as the two of them were back on solid ground again after their daring flight out of the Wizard's throne room.
"About as much as I've missed you, I'm sure," Elphaba said, propping the broom up against the tree.
"No, think about it," Fiyero said. "In not running for my life. I've had more time to miss you." He pulled Elphaba close to him and the two kissed, remembering a time when they got to do this whenever they wanted. After they broke, Fiyero continued, "I think I went kind of crazy." Elphaba raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? Crazy?" Elphaba leaned against his chest, swaying slightly to an unheard beat. "How?"
"Well, Boq got called back to Munchkinland for census and Glinda had to stay in the City, she became rather bad company when she stopped getting letters from him. She was so worried, I didn't know how to comfort her… Morrible started trying to encourage me into marriage, always having eligible girls around my age at all the parties… So I started doing things that reminded me of Shiz." Fiyero kissed her forehead a few times.
"What, exactly?" Elphaba asked. "What defined Shiz for you?"
"Dancing," Fiyero said. "And Ritiga. Essentially, the four of us when we were together." Elphaba knew who 'the four of us' was; herself and Raphablo, and Fiyero and Ritiga.
"So what did you do about it?" Elphaba listened to his heartbeat, steady and sure.
"I would become Ritiga," Fiyero said. "And then find a way to dance. It was too risky to do it in the palace; nobody would understand, except Glinda, and she was still moping. I tried to get a guard to trust me and let me in and out, but he wanted money. I paid him, but then I got an idea."
"Ideas… I remember your ideas, and they were always for the better yet never turned out right." Elphaba said.
"This one worked," Fiyero said. "I worked at a gay bar. I paid the guard whatever I earned, and he just let me in and out whenever he was on duty. Nobody found out it was me."
Elphaba pulled away from him, holding him at arm's length. Fiyero studied her face, trying to find out what she thought about it. The only reason he told her was she would have been upset if he hid it from her.
"Fiyero Tiggular, you are one of the biggest idiots in all of Oz," she said. Fiyero tried to look repentant when Elphaba continued, changing her voice to Raphablo, "Though I might have wanted to see that…"
"I just found out how to handle you," Fiyero said. "Appeal to Raphablo."
"Then how do I handle you?" Elphaba asked. "Only fair you tell me."
"You kiss me," Fiyero said. "That's all it takes."
And Elphaba kissed him.