The Drabbles of Random Deaths
Part IV:
Probably the Most Weird and Unrealistic Thing You Will Ever Read
Staring:
DON'T YOU KNOW BY NOW?!
Isis- a vampire who really likes to kill.
Spike- that guy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
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Purple Vortex: (Spits out) You life forms taste disgusting! (Disappears)
Evil: (Looks at all the people laying on the ground) I guess I'm alone on this.
(Bang)
Evil: W-what was that?
(Bang)
Evil: (opens random door)
(Isis and Spike tumble out)
Spike: Err… yeah.
Isis: I am trying to make out with my boyfriend here!
Hidden Audience: You have a boyfriend?!
Evil: …And why is everybody making out?
(Bang)
Evil: Not again.
(Bang)
Evil: (opens another door)
(Molly and Draco fall out)
Nikki: (All the sudden awake) Wow. You were right!
Shannon: (All the sudden awake) I haven't made out with a hot guy yet! (Sobs)
Molly: (Dusts off pants) Well, it is your fiction.
Shannon: Okay…. Hmm, which fictional or non-fictional person do I like?
(Eragon comes riding on Sapphira and- oh wait, they're dead. Scratch that. Brad Pitt- Nah. Hmmm… Foaly trots in with a very handsome look)
Foaly: Hey babe (kisses).
Everyone: (stares blankly).
Shannon: What? I have a fondness for hot nerds.
Holly: Help!
(Everyone that was asleep wakes up- including the readers who are bored of all this… random death)
Lindsay: Why are we here again?
Random Voice out of Nowhere, Presumably the Purple Vortex: God you Earthlings are stupid… either that or hard of hearing.
Lindsay: Hey Mr. I-am-a-purple-Entity, I don't like your tone! We need to be kind to each other… BURN IN THE FIERY PITS OF HELL!
Shannon: Ah! She's having a mood swing! (Everyone runs away in slow motion).
Eve: (Stands too close to Lindsay) AHHHH! (Burns in Lindsay's fire).
Nikki: She hasn't even had a line in the story yet! How can you kill her off?
Shannon: Hello, do you know what the title is? The Drabbles of Random Deaths. Get it?
Evil: Not very fair to her though.
(Giant squid falls on Evil)
Evil: Another… request… by FreakyD45663… (dies)
Nikki: Shannon!
Shannon: What? She wanted a squid to cause choas and I did just that. (Eyes giant squid that's throwing houses and cars everywhere).
Lindsay: I'm sorry about that.
Molly: You killed Evelyn.
Lindsay: I did? I'm a murderer! (Hangs self)
Molly and Nikki: (stares)
Shannon: …What?
Nikki: Which one of us is next then?
Shannon: Who said you are going to die?
Molly: Yay! We're favored!
Shannon: (crosses arms) Oh really?
Molly: No.
Isis: (yields battleaxe) Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
(Chops Nikki in half)
Holly: (Screams) HELP!
Molly: Didn't she scream before?
Shannon: Yeah. We just ignored her.
(Runs toward old, creepy and clichéd warehouse but the lake)
Shannon: You go in first.
Molly: No way!
Isis: (Chops door to tiny pieces)
(Zombies run out in fear)
Holly: (looks scared)
Artemis: (holds Holly close) It's okay.
Holly: (elbows Artemis) Don't you think you can comfort me! … Hold me. (Hugs)
Eve's Ghost: There is nothing to fear…
Molly: (looks at Shannon like she's mad- which most people do)
Shannon: Well she didn't have many lines. Okay. She didn't have any.
Molly: Aren't you going to 'pass on' and what-not?
Eve-Ghost: Nah, I like it as a ghost. I get to walk through walls.
Zombie Leia: Weee… wannnnt… yoouuurrr….
Zombie Eragon: Autographs.
Artemis: Please say that again?
Zombie Timmy: I believe he wants your autograph mister! Hmmm autograaaaphs.
Zombie Narrator: And so-
Molly: (hits with shovel) God I hate that guy.
Molly: (Gets eaten by Zombie Sapphira) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-wassasassbbdg.
Molly-Ghost: (appears as a ghost) Well this is… nice.
(Rest of dead fan girls return as ghosts)
Eve-Ghost: It's actually really relaxing.
Lindsay-Ghost: My aura's red. Is that bad?
Shannon: … Yeah.
Molly-Ghost: You committed suicide…
Nikki-Ghost: Oh well. Isn't there any way we can come back to life? Or go back a do something differently?
Shannon: Duhhhh!
(Zips back through time)
Holly: Hey Artemis.
Artemis: (swoops over and smooches)
Shannon and Eve: (giggles)
Little Timmy: Twitch
Shannon: (looks around) We better stash the bodies- hey. I'm having a total foreshadowing.
Eve: Me too… did that not happen? I don't think so.
Nikki: So none of it really happened?
Lindsay: Oh no- it happened.
Molly: Sooo… what do we do now?
Evil: (smells like fish) We ride girls, we ride.
(Fan girl posse grabs a horse and they ride off into the sunset once more… hopefully for good)
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I'm not sure I'll make another one. I like this ending. What do you think?
Your Evil Authoress,
Shannon