Chapter 1

Lorelai could remember the day perfectly. It's hard to forget a day that has such an impact on the rest of your life. It was a turning point. In one moment, everything she thought she had known, everything she had relied on for the past 10 years, came crashing down. She remembered telling Luke. It was as if she wasn't even herself. She had stood there on the porch, staring at her hands. Were they her hands? They hadn't felt like hers. Had these hands really once held Luke? Had she once called Luke her boyfriend? Not just her boyfriend, she reminded herself, but her fiancée. They were supposed to be married.

It seemed strange: she stood just feet away of him, but it felt like miles. A wall was between them, she could spend eternity attempting to reach him, but would never succeed. She was strangely calm as she realized this, strangely calm as the slamming of the door, signaling his departure, shattered her last shard of hope.

While she remembered that day perfectly, the rest—the weeks, possibly even months—afterward were a hazy blur. It had been one thing to say goodbye to Luke, but it was an entirely different thing to live without him. Getting by, doing the day-to-day tasks, seemed impossible. She felt sluggish and inactive. When Sookie asked what was wrong, she blamed it on the lack of coffee. That was the easy excuse. Without Luke's coffee, she claimed, waking up in the morning was hard. But she knew this was only the partial truth. Yes, waking up without her favorite coffee was hard, but it was waking up without Luke—without the security that came with the assurance of love—that was nearly impossible.

Desperate for the assurance of love, she had turned to Christopher. She had decided years ago she would never go back to him, but facing the empty house after Luke was gone was just too hard. She needed someone—anyone—to fill it. Someone to sleep on Luke's side of the bed so that when she rolled over in the middle of the night, the emptiness of the bed didn't remind her of everything she had lost, breaking her heart for the thousandth time.

At first, Chris proved to be a suitable distraction. She knew at least that he wanted to be with her, and for now that was enough. After Luke left, she had felt, for the first time in her life, ugly and unwanted. But Chris seemed to care about her. He took her on dates, he kissed her, he proposed. She knew something was wrong. She endured their dates, she kissed him back, she hesitated, but then accepted his proposal. But it wasn't enough. Eventually, having Chris there was even worse than enduring the emptiness. She was only too aware of his flaws, his weaknesses. She couldn't help but compare him to Luke. She knew that anything he did would never be good enough.

So she had filed for divorce and resigned herself to that emptiness. She felt used to it by now. She had no desire to date again, to once again start that tiresome search to find someone to spend her life with. She had lost her faith in the search. If she couldn't make it work with Luke—the only relationship for which she had ever been "all in"—how could she ever hope to make it work with anyone else? She gave up, she grew accustomed to the loneliness. The pain was still there, but it was blunter, less acute. She could try to ignore it. On her best days, she could push it to the back of her mind and focus her energy on something else like work. On her worst days, it threatened to crush her.

As if the pain from losing Luke wasn't enough, now Rory was leaving her. Life seemed destined to be cruel to her. Her baby was leaving, and Lorelai was suddenly overwhelmed by the fear that she would be alone forever.

But standing here with Luke at Rory's goodbye party, she allowed herself to hope that it would be okay again. Maybe the worst was over.

"I just want to see you happy."

She heard Luke's words and they awoke her from her thoughts.

Suddenly they had both stepped forward and his lips were on hers.

In that moment, everything was okay. In that moment, the pain and the sadness that she had been carrying for the last year seemed to be released.

But when they finally broke apart for air, it all seemed to come back. She didn't know how to explain it. The kiss had been intoxicating; it had washed away all her worries and pain. For a second, she had allowed herself to piece together those shards of hope. But when his lips left hers, the pain seemed to flood back. She didn't know what to say, and she hated that feeling. She, Lorelai Gilmore, always knew what to say. One minute ago she had been crying over losing Rory, and the next she was kissing Luke. Everything was happening so fast. Why was this happening? Did he still love her? Did she still love him? What did this mean? As she stood there engrossed in these thoughts, she heard Luke whispering her name.

"Lorelai?" Luke asked quietly, confused by her silence.

She looked at him, and he saw the fear in her eyes. Suddenly he was disgusted with himself. You moved too fast, he thought, She wasn't ready. Maybe you misread her feelings. Maybe she doesn't love you. Maybe, when things had finally started to improve, you had to go and mess everything up. You messed it up once and here you are doing it again.

He had to break eye contact with her, the intensity of her gaze was too much for him to endure. He couldn't stand the idea of losing her again. Lorelai was unsure of what to do. Luke wasn't saying anything. Does he think he made a mistake? Is he regretting the kiss? She couldn't bear it any longer. She felt her hope shatter once again.

"I'm sorry Luke," she whispered, and then she began walking away down the street. The scene was all too familiar for Luke. Watching her walk down the street, away from him, he was overwhelmed by the memories of that night one year ago.

You're gonna have to figure out how April fits into our lives, not the other way around.

I'm trying

Well, try married

Just wait!

No! I'm not waiting! It's now or never!

I don't like ultimatums!

I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually.

I can't just jump like this.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. And I have to go.

She had left him, issuing her ultimatum. Left him and gone to Christopher.

And as he had on that night last year, Luke just stood there for a moment, stunned.