Fox's Adventure to Fulfil Nothing

Chapter 6

Samus Aran, bounty hunter, looked through the tapes she recorded of the Smashers. She played the tapes over and over, looking at every detail.

There was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?"

"Falco."

The door opened.

"Hey there bird-beak! How's everything been lately?"

"Let's see…" Falco said, thinking. "Everybody's been running amok and trying to kill everybody because somebody caught them doing stupid stuff on tape!"

"So?"

Falco buried his head in his palm. "Maybe you should stop."

"True… everyone has been trying to kill everyone else… it's all so chaotic…" Samus took a breath.

"Just the way I like it!"

Falco stared blankly, when suddenly the loudspeaker rang with the words of Master Hand.

"Attention everybody! A new Smasher has arrived!"

"I guess we'd better go down," Samus said.

Falco was still staring blankly.

"Falco?"

The bird stood there.

"Hm…"

Samus noticed the poisoned dart sticking into Falco's back.

"I wonder who the new Smasher is…" Fox pondered, playing with a Rubik's Cube.

"Same here," said Popo. "I wonder who Master Hand hasn't selected to clone."

Silence.

"What?"

"I'm not acknowledging the fact that you exist because you're shorter than me!"

Jigglypuff walked by.

"Hey there Jigs! Blown up anybody recently?"

Popo exploded.

…

Master Hand floated to the door of the mansion. "Attention every-"

"You say that word a lot," Fox pointed out.

"You know what I also do a lot?"

"What?" Fox asked.

"I KICK PEOPLE OUT OF THE MANSION!" he laughed hysterically.

"Really? You haven't actually done anything like that yet. You haven't even introduced any new Smashers!"

"…" Master Hand said. "Roy, you've been cut from Brawl!"

He threw Marth out of a window.

"Anybody else going to challenge my authority?"

Silence.

"Good. Now as I was saying, a new smasher has been accepted in to our fun-filled activity group!" Master Hand cleared his non-existent throat. "Introducing… WOLF!"

Fox gasped.

"You can't do this to me, Master Hand! You're introducing my worst enemy to the mansion! Do you know what chaos this could cause!?"

"Everyone in the Smash Mansion hates you. You know that, right?"

…

"Well…"

Master Hand opened the door.

Everyone gasped.

"Wow… he's so… awesome!" Nana said.

"He's so cool! I want to be just like him!" Lucas said.

"Sorry, Lucas, we've already cloned half of Ness' moveset just for you!"

Lucas cried.

"Wait a second…" said Pokemon Trainer. "Didn't Fox just point out that no-one had been introduced to the Smash Mansion ye-"

Ganondorf kicked Pokemon trainer in the eye.

"AAAGH!" he cried.

"Tee hee," Ganondorf laughed. "Kids."

Wolf soon walked past Fox, with Nana eagerly following him around.

"Hey there, bud-"

"Don't you buddy me!" Fox said, pulling out his blaster. "I know full well that you're really here to kill me, or even worse, make me rejoin Star Fox!"

"Do a barrel roll!" said Peppy, flying in his arwing.

Nobody replied.

"Press Z or R twice!"

Silence.

"Try a somersault!"

…

Peppy pressed the self-destruct button.

"Fox! It's not like that! You see-"

Fox shot a laser at Wolf, who didn't even flinch.

"That's depressingly weak, Fox. I thought Slippy gave you state-of-the-art technology."

"See!?" Fox screamed. "You are here to kill me! You're already criticising me!"

"Fox… we're only enemies out on the battlefield in our Arwings. I'm not here to kill you. Only to have fun battling people!" Wolf said.

"Yeah, sure! I bet you stole one of our Landmasters just for your silly little final smash!"

"Actually…"

"Oh yeah," Master Hand announced on his microphone. "His final smash is a Landmaster… except it's better than Fox's!"

"Um…" Wolf said.

Fox ran off crying.

Wolf walked into his room and unpacked his suitcase.

"Hi there… Mr. Wolf…" Nana, who had followed Wolf there, said.

"Um… what are you doing in my room?"

"You're so awesome…"

"Oh right… you're that Popo guy who has that worthless companion who can't fight for herself, right?" Wolf said. "I've heard stories that she's completely useless unless she's used as a dummy for your body when you have a colour change."

Nana broke into tears.

"Um… why are you crying?"

"I am Nana," she croaked.

"Oh. Hee hee. You suck."

Wolf closed the door on her.

"This is outrageous! How can Master Hand expect to allow my enemy into the roster and get away with it!?"

"But he's so awesome! And hot!"

"Ig jig jiggly iggly jig!" Jigglypuff exclaimed. "And he says 'um' a lot!"

"He's still up to no good, that Wolf."

Fox walked out of the room and into Falco's.

"Hey there, Falco, my bird buddy!"

Falco did not respond.

"You seem rather silent today."

No answer.

"Can I borrow your katana?"

The bird fell over.

"Okay!"

Fox took Falco's ruler and walked out of the room just as Samus went in.

"Bird beak! Snap out of it!"

Falco lay there.

Samus, yet again, noticed the poisoned dart in Falco's back.

"Oh my- Falco!"

She ran to Master Hand's office.

"Master Hand! It's Falco! I think he's… dead!"

"Don't worry, Samus!" Master Hand said, picking up a book of witty comebacks. "So's yo mamma!"

Samus stared blankly. "Um… as I was saying… Falco's… dead…"

"You know what else is dead?" Master Hand sniggered.

"What?"

"This cat!" Master Hand said, throwing a dead cat at Samus.

"You're right! It is dead!"

Samus went back to Falco's room, then ran back to Master Hand.

"Master Hand, Falco's dead!"

"Um… What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Oh," Samus sighed.

She ran back to Falco's room.

"Oh Falco! Why did this have to happen to me – um… you?" she wailed. "We never had time to do all the things we wanted to do, like playing baseball and going to Antartica."

"HA!" Falco exclaimed. "You fell for it!"

He cackled evilly.

"Falco! You're really alive!" Samus sighed with relief.

"And you went crying over me when it was all a stupid little prank set up by us! And Luigi was recording it all!"

Luigi stepped out of Falco's closet.

"Us? Who's us?" Samus asked.

"Everybody in the Mansion! They helped with the laugh track!"

"Why, Falco? You could've just told me to stop!"

"Um… I did… a lot…" Falco said. "And you didn't budge."

"But why did you even need to do this? It was so unnecessary!"

"So we had something to laugh at when we're bored. HA HA!"

Falco ran off with the tape, laughing maniacally.

"Um…" Samus said.

Wolf was still unpacking his bag when Sonic walked into his room.

"Hey, I heard you're the new guy at the Smash Mansion!" he said, chuckling.

"Yeah, that's me!" Wolf said.

"Well, I'm just here to tell you that I'm better than you and that there's no way you're ever going to beat me in a Brawl!"

…

Wolf punched Sonic in the face.

"C'mon! Step it up!"

Wolf punched Sonic in the face again.

"C'mon! Step it up!"

Wolf threw Sonic out of a window. He walked over to the window sill to watch Sonic fall onto the rose bush a few stories below.

"Ouch!" Sonic said, as he stood up and brushed himself off. "I guess I'll have to go back to telling people that I'm better than them!"

The hedgehog ran to Jigglypuff's room. "You're too slow!" he exclaimed.

"JIGGLY!" Jigglpuff screamed, chasing Sonic around.

Jigglypuff realised that she was running at about one tenth of the speed Sonic was. After running a few metres, she stopped to catch her breath.

"Jiggly ig jig puff!" the puffball shouted. "Peach! Help me!"

The mushroom princess skipped happily to Jigglypuff's room. "What's wrong, Jigsy?"

"Sonic's running around my room and saying that I'm too slow!" Jigglypuff cried.

"Don't worry! I'll catch him for you!"

Peach started to chase Sonic around, but after running a few feet, collapsed out of exhaustion. "Oh no!" the princess cried. "I can't catch him! What are we to do!?"

"I'll save you!" Snake said heroically, revealing himself from under a box.

"Wow! It's Solid Snake!" Peach cried.

Sonic was still running around the room in circles. "I know what will stop that crazy Sonic!" Snake said.

Snake walked in front of the hedgehog and, as he ran by, caught him by the neck, as Peach and Jigglypuff gasped in amazement at the awesomeness of Snake. "Ha ha, hedgehog! Think you could run around in circles and get away with it!?" Snake laughed evilly.

Sonic, because he was choking, did not respond.

"Take this!" Snake stabbed Sonic with a pitchfork. "And this!" Snake stuffed a grenade down Sonic's throat. "And this!" Snake threw a keyboard at Sonic. "And this!" Snake hit Sonic across the face with a penguin. "And this!" Snake started to choke Sonic with Ness' yo-yo. "And this!" Snake hit Sonic with a home-run bat.

As the blue hedgehog flew into the sky and exploded, Peach and Jigglypuff stared in awe.

"Wow, Snake! You're so AWESOME!"

"I know!" Snake said. "It's because I'm better than you!"

Peach and Jigglpuff clapped as Snake magically flew into the sky. Magically.