This is the last chapter in this story. Thanks to Torilei for spellchecking. Hope you enjoy!!
Lyrics is from Kurt Nilsens' Never Easy.
2. Not What It Looks Like
Bobby closed the door behind him and locked it before he pulled the car keys out of his pocket and went for his old car. Not long after, he was on his way through the neighbourhood.
"Where are we going?" Jack looked at his older brother.
"Downtown Detroit," Bobby answered without looking at Jack. He leaned forward to turn the radio on. He switched between the channels without finding anything interesting.
"Why are you jumping all over the good songs?" Jack sat in the passenger's seat and looked accusingly at his brother.
"Oh, there's good songs on here? I haven't heard any yet, sorry, sweetheart." Bobby looked over at his little brother, and everytime he did - it hurt more. He let the radio stay on one channel when Jack looked all exited when he heard the song that was playing. They drove without saying anything while the music ran out of the old speakers.
I tried and then some more
Instead of dragging the both of us down
Divide separate ways
It's never easy this way, it's never easy this way
My palms are sweating, I'm barely aware, what I'm turning down
This awful life that is what
I've been told think it's better this way I will regret it one day
"Anything new?" Jack asked quietly while leaning back in the seat and closing his eyes. His dark blond hair was as messed up as always with some strands lying carefully over his eyes. Bobby looked quickly at his brother before taking a deep breath.
"Green is dead, Fowler was a traitor, Sweet is also dead, and your older brothers have had a busy time with the police officers' wives," Bobby answered quickly, but he couldn't help releasing some sort of snort. Jack smiled as well, keeping his eyes closed.
"So, he's finally dead, huh? What are you going to do now?" he asked, lying his arms crossed across his stomach. It took a while for Bobby to answer, which made Jack open his eyes again.
"I dunno, Jackie. I don't know," Bobby swallowed hard and looked out the window. Trying to get the chat on something else, Jack tried to come up with another subject.
"Why are we going downtown?" he asked while he looked out the window at the passing world. It was heavy being in the car and he thought about leaving, but he couldn't leave Bobby like he was now.
"No particular reason. I can't sit on my ass all day," Bobby was biting his bottom lip as if he was angry, and he blinked a lot while he stared at the road ahead of them.
"Bobby..." Jack began and looked over at his beloved brother while leaning the back of his head against the cool window.
"Don't you think..." The youngest Mercer stopped himself when Bobby just shook his head while tears began running down his cheek.
"No, Jackie. Not now. Not ever. I can't," He held onto the steering wheel as if he would go up in flames if he let go. Jack looked away again, beginning to breathe deep and heavy. He hid his face in his hand while they continued on without saying a word. Bobby tried everything to stop the tears running down from his eyes more because they were blinding him, but he couldn't stop them. They passed the old skating arena they used to play on when they were younger, and even not so long ago. Suddenly Bobby swung the car to the left, over the other road, and into a parking lot. A car honked at him, but he drove on.
"Bobby! Bobby, where you going now?!" Jack stared as Bobby shut the car door and walked quickly away. He walked past the skating area, seeing some kids on it playing together, but he continued quickly past it. He came to another road, watched if any cars were coming before he went over and started up a small grass field on the way to the cemetary.
"Bobby! What are you doing?" Tears were running strongly down Jack's cheeks, which only made Bobby cry more.
"I don't know, Jackie! I don't what I'm doing, or what to do!" Bobby stopped and waited for Jack. He could see much of Detroit from where he was standing. This was where he had grown up with his brothers, and now it all had been shattered and all he had left was memories.
"Bobby, this isn't real. You can't go on like this and pretend it never happened," Jack swallowed hard and again looked at his eldest brother, who slowly continued on his way to the graveyard.
"I have to. I can't accept this, Jackie," Bobby had sudden control to his voice. He walked quickly between the gravestones, heading for one in particular. When he was there, he stopped again.
"Evelyn Mercer," he mumbled quietly. Jack stood behind him, waiting for his brother to say something. After some minutes without words, Bobby turned around and went over to another gravstone. He stared at the name before looking at his brother.
"It's my fault your name is on there," the eldest Mercer knelt down by the tombstone while Jack leaned on the side.
"You didn't kill me, Bobby. You know that," Jack swallowed again while studying Bobby's face. The usually strong and self-confident man looked like a completely different man.
"Whatever. I can't accept that both Ma and my lil' brother are gone. I just can't do it, Jackie!" Bobby let his finger trace Jack's name on the stone.
"I know you haven't, Bobby. That's why I'm here. I can't leave you like this," Jack felt weird. It used to be Bobby who took care of him, not the other way around.
"Can Angel and Jerry see you?" Bobby lifted his eyes and looked right into his little fairy's.
"No. Just you," Jack answered quietly.
"Those bloody..." Bobby muttered angrily.
"Bobby!" Jack couldn't help but to grin slightly.
"What?! You were their little brother as well! Can't they see you because they don't care?" The eldest Mercer leaned backward and looked towards the dark sky.
"No Bobby. You're offending me. I know they cared for me. They both cry too, but mostly when nobody can see them, just like you. I can't leave you because you haven't accepted that things are the way they are," Jack felt slightly clever after what he told Bobby, but it hurt to know that he wouldn't have any use of it.
"And they have accepted you're dead? Just like that?" Bobby was still angry, and Jack reached out and laid his hand on his brother's shoulder.
"No. Well yes, but... It's hard to explain, Bobby. Why can't you try to make this easier for me? There is no right or wrong here. Just because Jerry and Angel have accepted my death, they're not bad people. They know they have to go on in life because they won't get anywhere by mourning the past. Life's a bitch, Bobby. We all know that, but what can you do?" Jack cried now. His lower lip trembled while his eyes were red from of all the tears.
"I still can't, Jackie. I'm so sorry. I never understand how people can move on in life after someone they care about died. I was ready to live on after Ma's death, and I feel like a bad person because of it. But you were too young. I couldn't even take care of you. I can't go on and forget about it," Bobby held onto the slender arm that rested against his shoulder.
"Bobby, I don't want you to forget me," Jack sat there helplessly,
"That's everyone's greatest fear, that they will be forgotten. I fear that..." Jack paused,
"I fear that if I leave you now, you will decide you just want to forget me instead of remembering me and what happened. That's why I showed you the video. There is a reason that people take care of photos and videos. To remember. To cry once in a while," Jack dried the tears with his hand.
"This is getting way too mushy, Bobby, and you haven't even called me a fairy once," Bobby grinned through the tears at Jack's words.
"Fairy," he mumbled as if that would help.
"That make you one too..." Jack and Bobby sat by the tombstone for a while, just enjoying what they both knew would be the last moments they had together.
"Let me go, Bobby," Jack whispered and looked down on the ground.
"I don't want to," Bobby whispered stubbornly back.
"I just can't stand the thought of never seeing my little brother again. It's all wrong..." Bobby swallowed repatedly.
"You have the memories, Bobby," With that, Jack reached out the other hand, holding out the necklace he had on him the day that he died. Bobby took it and held onto it before he laid a hand on Jack's neck and pulled him to his shoulder.
"How come I feel you?" Bobby asked while he felt Jack's hair tickle him in the face.
"I dunno," Jack answered. "Maybe it's wishful thinking. In reality I'm here, but you shouldn't be feeling me. So you don't really do, but... Bobby please," Jack smiled against Bobby's shoulder,
"I was no freakin' college professor either" At this Bobby laughed and pulled his little brother closer.
"I will let you go, but I don't know how I can," Bobby held tightly around Jack's neck, not really wanting to let go.
"You have Jerry and Angel, Bobby. That's what brothers are for. It'll be fine. Just don't forget me. Or Ma. That's all I'm asking for," Jack closed his eyes.
"I wont, little fairy. You know I won't," Bobby's last words to him felt satisfying.
"I know, dwarf lord," the last words Bobby heard from his little Jackie made a new volley of tears come back. He bowed down close to the ground and cried his heart out. This was going to be hard.
Talk too me, throw the ball back
I've been here before there is no turning back
Talk to me just tell it like it is
Just two afraid souls, going at each other, at each other
We're at the crossroad going separate ways, time to say it as it is
Sooo to sum it all up:
- Jack has been dead all the time and it's not really Evelyn who is the main sorrow subject here (although she is a part too)
- It's only Bobby who see Jack because Jack doesn't want to leave when his brother is suffering. In the movie they see Evelyn because they have accepted that she's gone, but it's opposite here.
- I explained where Bobby walked (into kitschen, bathroom, out the door etc), but Jack just pops out of no where. Now you understand why ;)
It's very mushy I am SO sorry, but I hope you like it anyway.