Special Thanks goes to Battenfield for being a 'well rounded' (if you know what I mean) beta reader…
B/N: Special thanks goes to JonJ for being short (If you know what I mean)
Disclaimer: All characters/registered names are not mine, and owned by their respective owners, and are used for entertainment purposes...
(parentheses) indicates actions
Bold underline indicates a caption on the TV screen
ALSO, this takes place POST TIME SKIP or during Naruto Shippuden.
B/N: Also considering the new direction of the story, we are now hence forth changing the name to Sasuke: Whose Line Edition. Naruto will immediately be captured by Akatsuki and have the Kyuubi sucked out of him, giving Sasuke a dead Naruto to have butt sex with and the mangekyou sharingan.. Just kidding, or course.
Drew: Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Naruto Edition, where everything's made up and the points are just like Paris Hilton in South Park. Hey, would you look at all the (re)viewers out there? You can only read so many Harry Potter fics until it gets redundant… (Everyone laughs, Tsunade walks in) Our next game is for everyone and it's called Superheroes. Naruto, you are going to start and you will all act out a game as unlikely superheroes, and Ryan, Colin and Wayne will come in and try to screw each other up with strange superhero names. Now, Tsunade, since you are here, give to me a good name for an unlikely superhero for Naruto.
Tsunade: How about Captain Sex-Change.
Drew: Perfect! Now, what could be a crisis for Captain Sex-Change?
Tsunade: Well, since you are going to be doing the scene around Rock Lee, I think it's only fitting for the crisis to be that there's no more toothpaste.
Drew: (Starts laughing) Alright, so Naruto, as Tsunade said, you will be doing the scene at Lee's dojo, and with luck, Gai might show up as well, so whenever you guys are ready, take it away…
(Naruto and the guys run to Lee's dojo, and Naruto walks in)
Lee: Hello Naruto, are you here to challenge my Dojo?
Naruto: No, I am the famous superhero... (Changes to female form) …Captain Sex-Change!
Lee: Oh, Naruto, it's great to see the flames of youth have inspired you to be a superhero, however, I think your choices of superpowers are strange.
Naruto: It's ok.. Oh no! (reverts to male form) The world crisis monitor is going off… Why, there's no more toothpaste!!! Gai-Sensei won't be able to blind his enemies with that incredibly shiny smile of his. (changes to female form) I hope my superfriends arrive soon!
(Ryan runs in)
Lee: Are you here to challenge my dojo, tall… person…?
Ryan: (Looks at Lee) How the hell did you manage to get two baseballs shoved in your eye sockets? (Drew chuckles, Naruto giggles)
Lee: What?!
Gai: (Walks in) Lee, I have come to see you fight all these challengers!
Lee: Naruto and his friend are supposedly superheroes and they don't want to fight.
Ryan: I'm sorry I'm late, but Drew Carey stopped up my toilet again!
Gai: Oh, that sounds like the work of my rival, Kakashi, trying to challenge me!
Naruto: Oh, thank God you're here, Springs-in-his-shoes man.
Ryan: (grins, starts bouncing around) What seems to be the problem?
Naruto: There's no (changes back to male) more toothpaste!!
Lee: I don't understand what kind of superheroes put springs in their shoes.
Gai: Don't let Kakashi see; he'll try to get me to compete with him in jumping!
(Colin runs in)
Colin: I hurried in as fast as I could, but I stopped for some donuts!
Lee: Another? And why didn't you bring us any?
Colin: (Looks at Lee) Wow, how did you manage to stick two small dogs above your eyes? (Drew, and Naruto laugh)
Lee: Dogs? Where?
Ryan: Oh, it's Captain Nosebleed! (Drew laughs, Colin snickers)
Naruto: Captain Nosebleed, there's no more toothpaste!
Colin: (uses hand gestures to make it appear that his nose is bleeding profusely for a second) What are we gonna do?!
Ryan: (bouncing around) We need more help!!!
Naruto: What will (changes into female form) we ever do?!
Lee: Captain Nosebleed? These sure are strange superhero friends, Naruto…
(Wayne walks in)
Wayne: I'm sorry I'm late; I was brushing my teeth! (He looks at Lee and Gai) Damn! Did we land ourselves on the set of Robin Hood – Men In Tights?
Colin: Oh, look, it's Constantly-Catching-On-Fire Boy!
Lee: What?!
(Drew laughs, Wayne smirks as if he's fixing to laugh, then continues.)
Wayne: What seems to be the problem? (He then uses his hands to imitate himself being on fire, and screams) AAAHHH!!! Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll… (Starts rolling on the floor)
Colin: (While pinching his nose) Here's some gasoline! (Acts like he's pouring gas on Wayne)
Wayne: AAHHH!!! What the hell?! (Almost starts laughing and starts rolling again)
Colin: (acts like he's holding some things out with both hands) Anyone wanna roast marshmallows or hot-dogs? (Drew laughs, Wayne looks at him funny. He then acts like his nose is bleeding again and pinches it again) Oh, my nose!
Naruto: (reverts to male form) There's no more toothpaste, Constantly-Catching-On-Fire Boy! (Reverts to female form again)
Wayne: (Stands up, then acts like he's in flames again) AHHH!!! (Rolls on floor again) I got it!!! Lets g-…
Gai: EVERYONE, STOP! I got the solution to your not so youthful problems!!! (Everyone stops and he pulls out a scroll, and unrolls it and releases a jutsu) Here!!! (As he releases the jutsu, several tubes of toothpaste appear) This is enough toothpaste to make each of you stay your youthful selves!!!! (Everyone sweatdrops)
Colin: Geez, I could have done that.
Ryan: It seems one of the Merry Men is obsessed with toothpaste!
Colin: (Walks up to Lee) You guys had one thing right from your theme song, you men in tights do look like sissies…
Wayne: Wow that was more random than me. I'm off to go tour a fireworks factory. (Turns to Lee and Gai) Tell Robin and Little John that I said what's up! (runs off).
Lee: Will someone explain to me what this 'Men In Tights' thing is, and who are Robin and Little John?!
Gai: I think the flames of youth will lead us to these 'merry men' and we shall become one of them!!!
Colin: Well, that was easy. I think I'll go check out the hot-springs in Hinata-sou. (He holds his nose at the thought.)
Lee and Gai: Hinata-sou?
Colin: Yes, there are some real nice girls there…
Ryan: (bouncing) I don't think that's a good idea. You don't want to be around when Naru or Motoko are out. (Colin runs out)
Gai: He has swayed from the Youthful flames, and been corrupted by perverted thoughts!!!
Lee: Oh Gai-Sensei, don't ever let me get that way!
Gai: Never, Lee!
A horrible sight strikes the remaining cast members and you viewers at home as the SS-class ranked genjutsu, "Sunset and crashing waves" appear behind Lee and Gai.
Lee: Gai-Sensei!
Gai: Lee!
Lee: Gai-Sensei!
Gai: Lee!
Lee: Gai-Sensei!
Gai: Lee!
Lee: Gai-Sensei!
Gai: Lee!
Lee: Gai-Sensei!
Gai: Lee!
Lee: Gai-Sensei!
Ryan: Oh God! Get them away from me!
Naruto: Take me with you!!! They scare me!! (Reverts to male form)
(Ryan and Naruto run out before Gai and Lee notice)
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!
Drew: Wow, that got a bit weird at the end…
Ryan: No kidding. They are so obsessed with each other…
Drew: So a hundred thousand points to Gai and Lee's psychiatrists.
Ryan: I don't think you'd want to give Rupaul and Michael Jackson points…
Colin: That's right, Rupaul and Michael Jackson: the latest of the Merry Men in Tights!!!
Drew: (laughing) Ooooh… Ok, let's go on to our next game; it's called Greatest Hits. Colin and Ryan are TV voiceovers trying to sell the latest compellation album, and Wayne and Naruto are gonna sing snippets of the songs, all with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor on the instruments. Now, the added bonus to this game is that Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Sai are all visiting Sakura for lunch in the lounge, where this will be aired. Now, the album is a special album today—Songs of the Icha Icha Series. So Colin and Ryan, let's hear all about Songs of the Icha Icha Series.
Ryan: Is that the pornographic series Naruto's teacher writes?
Naruto: Yes, Ero-Sennin writes that series…
Meanwhile
Jiraiya: (Sneezes) So, how's Naruto been, guys? I haven't seen him in a while.
Sai: Well, as usual, he acts like he has no penis, but in reality he is huge and I want it. So now you know why Hinata blushes, gets weak kneed, and faints all the time around him.
Sakura: Right… We really needed to know that, Sai.
Kakashi: He's been busy with missions and training as of recently, and he's doing fine.
Sakura: He and some strange Americans came earlier to outside the nurse's office and started talking about bathroom humor. I think it was a prank.
Jiraiya: Ha! He never has outgrown his prank pulling methods. Was it gross?
Sakura: Geez, like you wouldn't believe.
Jiraiya: (chuckles) He's terrible! That's my student…
(The TV starts to play commercial music, and everyone stares at it. Colin and Ryan appear on screen)
Colin: We'll be right back to The Root Chainsaw Massacre, the tragedy of how Sai accidentally castrates himself, in just a second, but first, we have something for you.
(Drew Laughs)
Sai: WHAT?!!
Sakura: Those are the two guys that were with Naruto earlier. There was a third guy who was very dark skinned.
Jiraiya: Interesting…
Ryan: That's right, Colin. Today we have a special album for you—Songs of the Icha Icha Series.
Jiraiya: WHAT?! When did they make songs about my books?
Colin: You don't say!
Ryan: That's right! 450 songs on 800 CDs all about the Icha Icha series. Hey Col…
Colin: Yeah, Ryan?
Ryan: What comes to mind when I say Owls?
Colin: Clam Chowder! (Drew and Wayne laugh, Naruto looks at Colin weird)
Ryan: (dumbfounded, giggling) What? Why's that Colin?
Colin: Because that was my dad's favorite brand of Clam Chowder—Owl brand clam chowder. He used to eat it all the time, right before he died of that horrible pencil sharpener accident, but I digress…
Ryan: No Colin! That's wrong. I was talking about The Who, not clam chowder…
Colin: Oh, I'm sorry.
Ryan: That's right. The Who, and their big hit, "Spying on the Female Hot Springs."
(Music Starts, to the tune of Behind Blue Eyes, Wayne Laughs)
Wayne: No one knows what it's like to be the pervert… Looking through and getting hurt, behind the fence…
Naruto: But we all know that I love to peek… Looking at those pretty girls… I write novels about those erotic things…
Wayne: Spying on the Female…
Both: Hot Springs……………..
(Music Stops)
Ryan: Wow, I used to romance my fifth wife with that song every night of our two day marriage.
Colin: Yeah, and you wonder why it only lasted two days… (Drew Laughs)
Ryan: Hey Col, how much is this 300-, 450-, hell I can't remember how many CD's this set is!
Colin: Too much tequila again?
Ryan: You know it!
Colin: I thought so. You should really know better… Anyway, let's get back to our next song.
Ryan: Ok.
Colin: As you know, Ryan, I used to love going across the country to various lounges to listen to the music. And no lounge song has a special place in my heart like that great lounge hit, "I Can't Stop Readin' and my Nose is Bleedin'."
(Drew Laughs, and the music starts, and Naruto and Wayne act like Lounge singers, and surprisingly, Naruto starts)
Naruto: (singing) Oh, there's this book, I say, so damn hot, it makes my nose spray, what am I gonna do?
Wayne: (singing) Readin' the scenes inside, leaves this feelin in my thigh, but I just can't stop reading on…
Naruto: (singing) I read on and on, and my nose just wants to bleed…
Wayne: (singing) …and the thought of what's happenin' makes me wanna spill my seed… (Drew Laughs)
Both: (singing) Oh I can't stop reading, and my nose is bleeding, and I'm lovin it…
Wayne: (singing) Oh I can't stop reading (Naruto echoes) and my nose is a bleeding (Naruto echoes)…
Both: (Singing) …and I'm loving it………….
(Music Stops)
Ryan: Hey Col, we never did say how much this CD set was.
Colin: Who cares? (Acts excited) No matter how much Songs of the Icha Icha Series costs, we know that people out there really want it, so they'll pay whatever they have to, so we won't tell you how much it is!! (yelling now) It's a SURPRISE!!!
Ryan: Wow, did you sneak a few shots of my sake as well?
Colin: You know it, and I also mixed it with some of my favorite Canadian Whisky that I can't mention on the air due to possible copyright violations!
Ryan: (chuckling) Ok. Hey Col, guess what?
Colin: You're gonna shave your head bald so I can have a break from bald-jokes?
Ryan: No! I'm gonna tell you about the next song on this album!
Colin: Then you'll shave your head?!
Ryan: No.
Colin: Damn!
Ryan: Our next song topped the charts for 15 weeks, and is by that awesome band, Bon Jovi, and it is entitled, "Hot Chicks and Steam."
Jiraiya: When the hell did Bon Jovi make a song about my books?!
Sakura: I don't know… Come to think of it, who is Bon Jovi?
Jiraiya: They're a big American Band, very popular. Go listen to them!
(The tune to "Livin on a Prayer" starts)
Sakura: Shh! The song is starting!
Wayne: Jay sits amongst the trees, writing with his pen what he see, oh it's fun.
Naruto: The girls they all like the steam, when they sit in the bath, it makes them look so hot, and Jay writes.
Both: You see he likes to think up, and write hot stuff, doesn't really matter if they put out enough, because on his stories they do, and that good for him. Ooooh, hot chicks and steam, ooooh, boy do they gleam; wish I was, with them it seems, ooooh, hot chicks and steam…
(Music Stops, and the TV goes to static)
Jiraiya: Wow, more money coming my way from these CDs. I can just see the popularity of my books rising more.
Sai: Jiraiya, the last time I took advice from your books, I got the crap kicked out of me by Sakura.
Sakura (mumbling to Sai): If you mention that incident involving your hand touching my ass again, I'll kill you.
Sai: But I thought it would make you happy, and you looked upset.
Sakura: More importantly, why is Naruto getting on TV with the same idiots that pulled the doctor scene in front of me…
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!
Drew: The Root Chainsaw Massacre…
Naruto: (laughing) Wouldn't it be funny if it were true…
Drew: (laughing) I'm not giving any points for that…
(Everybody laughs)
Drew: Ok, on to our next game, which is called Film, TV and Theater styles! In this game, Colin, Ryan, and Naruto are going to act out a scene and every so often, I'm going to buzz and give them a different film, TV, or theater style to act the scene out in. Now, before I tell you what the twist to the scene is, you all need to see what we just recorded on the office cam a few minutes ago.
(Scene shifts to Sakura's office cam)
Sakura: Ok Ino, Hinata, we're gonna go teach basic first aid to one of these ninja classes. We need a volunteer to perform the basic first aid on, so if you see anyone we know, see if they can help us out.
Ino: Anyone, billboard brow?
Sakura: You heard me, anyone, including Naruto or Lee.
Hinata: N-n-naruto-kun? Ok.
Sakura: Don't worry. I'll kick his ass if he does something stupid… After class is over, of course.
Ino: Sounds good to me. We need to get down there.
(Tape ends)
Drew: Alright, so you guys have your scene, right? You must participate as Sakura, Ino and Hinata's volunteers. Naruto, you be the victim, and Ryan and Colin, you two are helping fix Naruto. Don't forget, I'll buzz in with various film, TV and theater styles.
(In the Classroom)
Sakura: Ok, class, Myself, Ino and Hinata will teach you some basic first aid skills today.
Ino: That's right. In the field, you never know when a medic-nin will be nearby, so we will teach you basic first aid skills to help you while you are waiting for a medical attention from a professional.
Hinata: Now, unfortunately, we weren't able to find a volunteer to pretend to be a victim. Would any of you like to be a volunteer?
Naruto: (from doorway) Did someone need a volunteer?
(Sakura, Hinata, Ino and the class look towards the doorway, surprised)
Sakura/Hinata/Ino: Naruto!!!
Naruto: That's right, and I brought my friends Colin and Ryan to help out.
Ryan: That's right, and girls, we will assist you in working with Naruto here.
Sakura: Ok, that'll work, I guess. Now, the first thing we'll talk about is bleeding.
Ryan: Oh, yes, I know this one well. I dealt with bleeding several times.
Sakura: (getting annoyed) Yes, well, who is the teacher here?
Ryan: Well if you must know, I used to be a medic for the military!
Sakura: (annoyed) OK, then, you teach the class!
Ryan: That'll work. Ok, so we will cover cuts and lacerations. Suppose Naruto here is fixing a flat tire on his car, and slices his hand open on a piece of rusty fender. What shall we do? Colin?
Colin: Right, well, let's see what we have here. Ahh, well, we take this long bandage… (grabs a piece of long bandage)
Ino: What's a car?!
BUZZ!!!
Drew: WWF!
Colin: (giggles, grabs Naruto by the head, screams) AND WE'LL PUT THE STRANGLEHOLD ON HIM!!! YOU WANT THIS TITLE? YOU WANT THIS CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE?!
Ryan: That's right! You'll have to take us both on this Sunday!!!
Ino: What does a championship title have to do with bleeding?
Naruto: I'll take you right now, you BEEEEP!!!!!!
(the class laughs)
Sakura: What the hell are you doing?!!!
BUZZ
Drew: The Brady Bunch
Naruto: Oh look, I cut myself! (holds his arm)
Colin: Mom!!! Naruto cut himself again!!! Better get the first aid kit!!!
Ryan: Marsha has it, dear. Get her to get it…
Naruto: Why does she have it? (throws a tantrum, still holding his arm)
Colin: It's always Marsha! Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!!!
Hinata: Who's Marsha? (Thinking) Does Naruto-kun like this Marsha more than me?
Sakura: Naruto?! Let me see that arm!! (Walks up to him and grabs his arm) Ino Help me out here!!! (Ino grabs Naruto's other arm)
BUZZ!!!!
Drew: PORNO!!! (Ryan, Colin, and Naruto giggle)
Sakura: Naruto, what's so funny?!
Ino: Naruto, are you enjoying this?
Naruto: Mmmmm. Why have one nurse when I can have two…
Ryan: Oops, I dropped the bandages… (Bends over in front of Naruto. Naruto uses his other hand to start rubbing his chest, shoulders, caresses Sakura, who blushes)
Naruto: (Looks at a blushing Sakura) I'm glad you and your assistant showed up. I'm not sure what I would have done… (Looks to Ino, caresses her face)
Hinata: Naruto-kun… (blushes bright red)
Ryan: (unrolls bandage, and starts to wrap Naruto's arm, sensually, while rubbing Naruto's shoulder) Let me just wrap something up for you…
Colin: (Acts like he's eating popcorn) Damn, this sure beats watching Friends!!! (Drew, Ryan, and Naruto laugh)
BUZZ!!!
Drew: Croc Hunter!!!
Ryan: (giggles, still holding bandage, tackles Naruto to the ground, speaks in Australian accent) Right! Watch out ladies!!! Now we're going to hold him down, wrap his snout with some duct tape, because one bite could be fatal!!! (Naruto starts wiggling around violently like an angry crocodile)
(The girls sweat drop)
Colin: I'm feisty!!!!
BUZZ!!!
Drew: Soap Opera!
Ryan: (helps Naruto up, then says to Colin) I don't care if you are feisty. Don't you know I'm carrying your baby? (The girls sweatdrop)
Sakura: How can you be pregnant? That's impossible!
Ryan: (ignoring Sakura) I'm not even sure if it is your baby, it could be Naruto's!
Colin: (to Naruto) You know, this means one of us is gonna have to leave Shady acres...
Naruto: Hey now, It's not my fault I have a rare tropical disease that makes me bleed from the slightest cuts…
Ino: What the hell are you talking about, Naruto? And what is with Ryan suddenly being pregnant?
BUZZ!!!
Drew: Macgyver!!!
Colin: Now how can we stop this bleeding?
Ryan: I know it sounds crazy, but with a paperclip, this old shoe, an empty Coke can, and some string, we just might be able to do it! (He and Colin hold Naruto's arm)
Sakura/Ino/Hinata: WHAT?!
Colin: Don't forget this piece of gum I'm chewing…
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!!!!!!
Ryan: Well that's it on bleeding, we're going to take a quick break…
Colin: That's right, we'll be right back! C'mon Naruto!!! (Grabs Naruto)
(Ryan, Colin and Naruto run out of the classroom, leaving a flabbergasted Ino, Sakura, and Hinata, and a laughing class)
Drew: You sure don't see that on Friends! Two nurses restraining a horny Naruto! That was great, so 1000 points to whoever suggested porno!!! (Everyone laughs)
Naruto: Are we gonna actually go back down there?
Drew: We'll find out after we take a quick break, so don't go anywhere!!!
Important A/N: My deepest apologies for keeping you guys waiting so long for this chapter. I have had a huge case of writer's block, and been very busy with school, just like most FF authors. However, One major problem that has contributed to the writer's block is setting the story in the whole village of Konoha. As you Love Hina readers recall, the Whose Line Love Hina edition took place in the Hinata-Sou, which is a relatively small place. Konoha is a vast place, so it's hard to be able to catch people to prank in the village, thus making it difficult to come up with scene ideas. Have no fear, as I am starting to get ideas, and it sounds like Ino, Sakura and Hinata will experience the brunt of most of the pranks. We shall see though. I'm always open to ideas from my valued readers. Also, on the topic of suggestions, Battenfield came up with a good point that any suggestions having to do with the Kyuubi attack/Yondaime death might be a bit of a rough topic for Naruto, so I will have to discard some of the suggestions yall gave me, like "The Real Reason Kyuubi Attacked". After all, what's a comedy show if one of the improvisers gets depressed all of a sudden from a soft topic. Anyhow, keep those suggestions coming. I won't guarantee that they'll be used, but like Drew says, we keep the good ones and throw the crappy ones out! Suggestions from you (my audience) definitely make this more authentic. Anyhow, I need some for Hollywood Director, Scenes from a Hat, Let's make a Date, Party Quirks, and Improbable Mission. Anime related suggestions are cool, but I would like to see some non-anime related suggestions (like the SFAH suggestion "How the Naked Fridays Policy Turned out at Work, or What Drew does in his Spare Time) as well. The non anime related suggestions mixed in really make if feel more authentic, as if it could have been filmed. Anyhow, I have started chapter 3, and it's gonna be good! Enjoy!!!
JJ