Special Thanks goes to Battenfield for being a 'well rounded' (if you know what I mean) beta reader…
Disclaimer: All characters/registered names are not mine, and owned by their respective owners, and are used for entertainment purposes...
(parentheses) indicates actions
Bold underline indicates a caption on the TV screen
ALSO, this takes place POST TIME SKIP or during Naruto Shippuden.
Drew: Good evening and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway: Naruto Edition! On tonight's show, wearing blue jeans, Wayne Brady! (Wayne Smiles and Waves) Wearing lacey lingerie, Colin Mochrie! (Colin gives a 'WHAT!' look on his face) Wearing a tux, Naruto Uzumaki! (Giving his usual foxy smile) And, wearing Depends, Ryan Stiles! (Back facing the camera) I'm your host, Drew Carey! Come on down, and lets have some fun! (Drew Sits down in his desk) Welcome, to a special hour long episode of Whose Line is it Anyway: Naruto Edition—the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like hair to Britney Spears... (Everyone laughs) Now, today's show is exactly the same as our previous special edition of the show, Whose Line is it Anyway: Love Hina Edition. For those who didn't see it, not only are these guys gonna make up everything on the spot, and I award these fakey points that don't mean a thing, they're just a gag to hold the show together. Then, at the end, I'll pick whoever entertains me the most as a winner, and they'll get to do something special with me in the Hokage's office while the losers have to each buy me a dozen donuts. (Everyone laughs) The part that makes this show special from a normal Whose Line episode is that there is a twist to the show, where we will play all the games in front of some of Naruto's friends, HOWEVER, they are all clueless about the show, except for one person, and that's the Hokage, herself, Tsunade. So basically it's like a huge prank on Naruto's friends. Kinda right up your alley, eh, Naruto?
Naruto: This is gonna be great, dattebayo!!!
Ryan: What the hell does 'dattebayo' mean?
Drew: It's Japanese for 'bitches'. He said, "This is gonna be great, bitches!" He was referring to you, Ryan.
Colin: Wow, we're not even 2 minutes into the show, and you guys are going at it!
Drew: You'll get your turn, soon! (Everyone laughs).
Naruto: Wow, I didn't realize we were taping an episode of "Yo Mama!" (Everyone laughs) Actually, 'dattebayo' means nothing. I just add it for emphasis.
Ryan: (looks at Drew) Yeah, bitches!
Colin: It's better than the Viz idiots make you say—Believe It…
Naruto: Now, why the hell would I end almost everything I said with something as stupid as 'Believe It?'
Colin: I dunno…
Naruto: (In a retarded voice) Duh, Look guys. I can end all my sentences like a moron, believe it! (Everyone laughs, his voice returns normal) Seriously, I don't know what gave those dumbasses that idea…
Drew: Alright! Special thanks goes to Konoha Academy for letting us use a classroom for a studio today. Also, unlike last time where the buzzer could be heard through ceiling mounted hidden cams and speakers, everyone's mic pack is equipped with a speaker for the buzzer. Now then, the first game we're gonna play is called Questions Only. This is for all four performers, and they are gonna act out a scene where they can only speak in questions only, and if you say anything besides a question, I'll buzz you out. The scene is, in a doctor's office, and as a twist, you guys are going to go do the scene in front of the clinic, where Naruto's teammate Sakura is working… If Sakura says anything, you must still talk in question form. Also, Naruto: no jutsus from now on, unless I say.
Naruto: Awww, damn…
Drew: Naruto, you and Wayne will start first. Questions only, in the clinic, and take it away.
(The guys walk down to the clinic, and set up shop in front of the open door. Sakura does not notice. Ryan stands behind Naruto, and Colin stands behind Wayne.)
Wayne: Are you a doctor?
Naruto: Who's asking?
Wayne: Can't you see I'm sick?
Naruto: What do you want me to do about it?
Sakura: Who's out there?
Wayne: Are you going to help me?
(Sakura walks out)
Sakura: Naruto, what's wrong with you?
Naruto: Do you think something's wrong with me?
Sakura: That's what I'm asking you. What is wrong with you, and who are these guys?
Naruto: I dunno… aww, crap…
BUZZ!!!
(Ryan walks out)
Sakura: What was that?
Ryan: Did you know I accidentally stopped up the infirmary's toilet?
Wayne: Why'd you do that?
Ryan: Didn't you know eating too much ramen makes you poo a lot?
(Naruto snickers)
Sakura: Are you guys ok?
Wayne: Can you help me?
Ryan: Aren't you the doctor?
Wayne: What do you mean?
Sakura: What's up with you guys?
Wayne: Can't you tell I'm sick?
Sakura: Not really, but if you insist, what's wrong?
Ryan: Can't you tell?
Wayne: I threw up…. Awww!
Sakura: Where?
BUZZ!!!
(Colin comes out)
Colin: How's it goin?
Ryan: Did you throw up all over the floor again?
Colin: Did I do it over here, or over there? (points at two different spots on the floor)
Sakura: (annoyed) Where is it?
Ryan: Why can't you remember?
Colin: Can I describe what it looked like?
Sakura: Gross, no!!!
Ryan: (laughing) No… (Walks off to swap with Naruto.)
BUZZ!!!
(Naruto walks out)
Naruto: Can you treat diarrhea here?
Colin: How bad is it?
Sakura: Naruto, did you drink funny milk again?
Colin: (looks at Sakura) How'd you guess?
Naruto: Don't I always do that?
Sakura: (eye starts twitching) Naruto…
Colin: Can you describe what it looked like?
Naruto: The milk or the diarrhea?
Colin: What's grosser?
Naruto: Aren't they both gross?
Colin: Did you know you could get poo from food?
(Everyone except Sakura laughs, Naruto snickers, walks off, Ryan comes back)
Colin: Are you ready to check my colon?
Ryan: Do I have to?
Colin: (to Sakura) Can you do it instead?
Sakura: WHAT?!!! Why would I wanna check your colon after you mentioning 'poo?'
Ryan: Would you prefer we give him an enema first?
Sakura: What do you mean, 'we?'
Colin: Do you have enough KY?
Ryan: Would you prefer lava-soap instead? (Drew laughs)
Colin: Could you use a wire brush first? (Ryan laughs, Drew Laughs harder) Would you like to eat some of this sandwich while you're doing it? (Acts like he is holding up a sandwich)
Sakura: EEEW!!!! You guys are sick!!! (looks at Naruto and cracks her knuckles) Is this one of your silly tricks Naruto?
Naruto: (giggling) Yes…
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!!!!
Naruto: Well, gotta go!!! (They all run off, and Sakura yells at them, shaking her fists)
Sakura: NA-RU-TO, when I get my hands on you…!!!!
(The guys walk into the studio and sit down)
Drew: Wow, Colin and Ryan, 0 points to you two, you sicko's.
Naruto: Wow, you guys are gonna be the end of poor Sakura's career…
Drew: A thousand points to Naruto for drinking spoiled milk again! (Everyone laughs)
Naruto: Oops… I was wondering why I had to chew it…
Drew: And Colin, I'm positive everyone is aware where poo comes from…
(Everyone laughs)
Drew: Alright, our next game is called Song Styles and it's for Wayne, and Naruto, along with Laura Hall and Linda Taylor…
Naruto: Wait, I get to sing, too? I'm not really that good…
Wayne: You'll do just fine, I promise…
Drew: Actually, I chose you to help Wayne, because the person you two are gonna make a song up about is none other than the lovely and talented kunoichi, Miss Hinata Hyuuga!!! (Everyone cheers, and Hinata is escorted in, and sits down in the stool in front of Naruto and Wayne. Hinata looks around in awe.)
Hinata: W-wait a m-minute… Th-this isn't the class I was supposed to be assisting in teaching…
Drew: That's correct, Hinata. These two guys are gonna sing a song to you. Isn't that lovely?
Hinata: (blushing) W-w-well, since Naruto-kun is here, it should b-b-be r-r-really great!
Naruto: Aww, you're so sweet, Hinata…
Drew: Alright, I want you guys to sing to her in the style of a slow R & B love song, so Laura and Linda, take it away…
(Music Starts)
Wayne: (singing) There she is, the girl I love, whose skin and eyes are white as a dove…
(Music continues)
Wayne: (singing) She's so shy, her name's Hinata, and she's wearing a coat that I'm sure's hiding some big ta-tas, and I can't get enough of her...
(Drew Laughs, Music Continues, Hinata starts blushing)
Naruto: (singing) Hinata's the girl for me, because she's much nicer than Pinky… (Hinata turns really red, and almost faints)
(Music Continues)
Naruto: (singing) She's the most beautiful girl around, but piss her off and you'll be in the ground… (Drew Laughs)
(Music Continues)
Naruto: (singing) Ooooh, she's so damn shy, and you know us two guys (points at himself and Wayne) we can't keep our eyes off of her…
(Music Continues)
Wayne: (singing) You know she sneaks around (Naruto: Around…) like an old bloodhound (Naruto: Bloodhound…) trying to capture my heart…
(Music Continues)
Wayne: (singing) Hinata, I'm sure she can dance, and I'd love to have her special vision, so I could look through her pants… (Hinata blushes real red—enough to make a stop sign jealous, Drew laughs, Naruto just looks at Wayne funny, Naruto saves the day)
(Music Continues)
Naruto: (singing) Hinata! Don't stop being so cute… (Hinata blushes less)
Wayne: (singing) Hinata! Don't stop being so cute!
Naruto / Wayne: (singing) Hinata! Don't stop being so cu-u-u-u-te!!!
BUZZ!!!!!!!
(Hinata Faints, Naruto carries her back to her class, Wayne sits down)
Drew: Wow, That girl faints easily…
Wayne: Yeah, it's so obvious that she is crushing on Naruto, bad…
(Naruto walks back in)
Naruto: Who's crushing bad? (He sits down)
Wayne: Hinata, man. She's got it bad for you…
Naruto: (looks at Wayne funny) What?
Drew: Just for that, 5000 points to Colin and Ryan for just sitting back there, being lazy…
(Colin and Ryan cheer)
Drew: And 10 thousand points to Wayne for showing how he would abuse Hinata's Byakugan…
Wayne: Yes!!!
Drew: Our next game is for everybody, and it's called Weird Newscasters. Colin, you're going to be the anchor of a news program. Naruto, you're the co-anchor, and you are slowly turning into Jack Nicholson… (Naruto forms an evil grin on his face) Wayne, you're doing the sports, and you have just drank a bottle of ipecac. (Wayne starts laughing)
Wayne: Wow… Ok, I'll see what I can do…
Drew: Ryan, you're the weatherman and you think your weather map is trying to eat you… (Ryan just gives him a funny look and mouths the word 'why') Now then, Ino, Sakura and Tsunade are discussing some things in the Nurses office here in the Konoha Academy, and Sakura is about to find out that she has a TV in there… So Colin, when you hear the music, take it away….
(Meanwhile, in the Nurses Office)
Tsunade: (just walked in) So Sakura, has anything major happened today?
Sakura: Well, nothing weirder than usual; Naruto's up to his silly pranks again…
Tsunade: (giggles) Well, Naruto will be Naruto, after all…
Ino: Well, I'm just glad he hasn't come and messed with me, yet… He'll get a piece of my mind if he does…
Sakura: Yes, well, his last one was with some American guys… Did you guys know of any American friends of his?
Ino: No, are you sure these guys were Americans, and not, say, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, or even the Konohamaru corps in a henge?
Sakura: Maybe… (All of a sudden, a TV comes on) What is that?
(News music starts)
Colin: Welcome to the 8:45 news… I'm your anchor, Willie Buff-my-head-later-on. (Drew laughs hard)
Sakura/Ino: News??!
Ino: What is Naruto doing, sitting next to that bald guy?
Sakura: More importantly, when did we get a TV in here?
Colin: Today's top story, actress Drew Barrymore is saddened at the loss of her favorite mare, Butters. It is said that Drew rode Butters down to a large lake nearby, and proceeded to start violently attempting to force beer, liquor, wine and other spirits into the mare, who instantly ran away in fear and is still missing-in-action. This just goes to show that Drew can lead a horse to water, but she can't make her drink. (Everyone starts laughing)
Tsunade: (trying to keep from giggling) Wow, poor Drew…
Sakura: Ohhhh-kay… Still, why is Naruto there?
Colin: And now over to my co-anchor, Jack!
Sakura/Ino: Jack?!
Naruto: Slowly Turning Into Jack Nicholson (In his normal Naruto voice) Thank you, Willie. First off, we can't give an accurate Konoha traffic report, because all roads leading into and out are covered with trees, (slows down his speech, squints his eyes slightly, widens his smile, not showing any teeth, and deepens his voice) so we can't see the freakin' traffic. We also have our favorite burger restaurant to thank for that report--Thanks, Wendy… (Develops a sinister look to his face) Heeeere's you're traffic reporter!!!
Colin: Thank you for that ill iterating report, Jack.
Naruto: (Still in Jack's voice) Good! Now, maybe I can get some freakin work done around here!!
Sakura: Who the hell is Naruto trying to be?
Ino: Haven't you ever seen The Shining forehead girl?
Sakura: No… Why?
Ino: Well, Sakura, he's acting like the main character, Jack…
Tsunade: Shut up! I want to watch this… (The girls shut up)
Colin: (slightly annoyed) Yes… Right. And now, over to our man in sports, Chester Nut Droppings! Chester!
Ino: What kind of name is that?!
Sakura: Wow, I'll bet he was probably picked on a lot as a kid…
Wayne: Thanks, Colin. Just Drank An Entire Bottle Of Ipecac Well first off, the Dodgers and the Titans started off today with a rough beginning, and then towards half-time, they BLAUGGGHHH!!!! Oh, my god, what's happeni-BLAUUUUUUUGH!!!! (Falls to his hands and knees) Please, someone stop this. Call a doct—BLAUUUUUUGGGGHH!!!!!!! (Crying) Help me, I can't take thi—BLAUGHGHHGHGH!!!!!! (Huffing and puffing, calms down) Ok, I think it's stopped. It's over with—BLAUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Falls on the ground, squirming…
Sakura: That is disgusting…
Colin: Wow, I knew Dodgers games sucked, but this is ridiculous… (Acts like he is pulling a tape recorder out of his pocket, clicks it) Note to self—NEVER go to another Dodgers game… (Clicks the invisible recorder, puts it in his pocket)
Naruto: (Acts like he is typing, stops, and looks up. Still in the Jack voice, speaks to Colin) Alright, let me explain something to you. Whenever you guys interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration; you are distracting me!! (He smacks himself on the head, with a very angry look; Colin flinches. Naruto then acts like he is picking up paper and shredding it, as he continues talking) And then it will take me time to get back to where I was!!! (Throws the paper on the floor, Colin just looks at him strangely) Understand? Now I'm flustered, and I must get un-flustered!
Colin: (Looks at Naruto strangely) Right, you do that.
Naruto: (Once again smiles with the calm, sinister smile) We're going to sing a song.
Colin: Ok, now off to our--…
Naruto: I feel pretty, (starts dancing) oh so pretty, and pretty and witty--…
Colin: Ok, off to our weath-…
Naruto: And Gaaaaaay!!!!
Colin: SHUT UP!!! (Naruto stops, and sits down, Drew Laughs) Thank you. And now off to our crazy weatherman, Sunny N'Cher…
Ryan: Thanks, Colin. Thinks The Weather-map Is Trying To Eat Him First off, let me just say a big hello to everyone in the greater Chicago area, (Drew cheers) and offer my condolences for having to live there. (Drew Laughs) Alright, let's have a look at the board. First off, (points) speaking of Chicago, (all of a sudden his hand disappears, he looks at it with a horrified look on his face) AAAAAARRRGH!!! This map has TEETH ON IT!!! RUN!!! (Acts like he is getting pulled back to the map, squirming) No!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!! Don't eat me!!! Eat someone else… (Other hand disappears) AAAAARGH!!! WHY?!!! WHY?!!!
Naruto: (sinister laughing)
Ryan: (Looks at Naruto as he is 'pulled' behind the chairs in the back) It was you!!! You MADMAN!!! I'll get you, evil pers--… (Is sucked off the set)
Naruto: That's right, Wendy!!! (Evil laugh. He then walks over to Wayne and acts like he is trying to stab him with a knife. Wayne screams)
Colin: This just in, Carnivorous weather map claims another, Orochimaru, played by Michael Jackson scheduled to be next weather-man!!! (Drew Laughs) That's all the time we have for the news; stay tuned for Orochimaru's Corner next with guest star Al Gore, Inventor of the Internet and Global Warming! Good Night!!
BUZZ!!!
(The TV goes dark)
Sakura: Woah, that was really weird. Naruto was kinda creepy…
Ino: No kidding. We need to find out why he's playing a weirdo guy on the news…
Sakura: Maybe he's possessed…
Ino: By who? The only people around here that can do that are members of my family. Surely there are no other mind controllers in Konoha.
Tsunade: That's right, Ino. Girls, I gotta run, so behave, and be easy on Naruto. I'm sure there is a logical explanation for this all. (Walks off leaving the girls flabbergasted, and she giggles to herself)
(Meanwhile, in the 'studio' everyone sits down)
Drew: Wow, Naruto, I think you went overboard with your part… (Naruto blushes) I liked it!!!
Naruto: Really?
Colin: You did a great Jack Nicholson... I was almost scared at first…
Naruto: Cool!!!
Ryan: I'm always scared, but mainly of Drew… (Everyone except Drew laughs)
Drew: Yeah, so a thousand points to everyone, but Ryan…
Ryan: (Pouts) Hey man, it's just a joke!
Drew: Ok, we'll return to Whose Line Is It Anyway: Naruto Edition, with more fun, after this. Don't go anywhere!!!
Thanks for reading, everyone! Is it as good as the Love Hina Edition (if you read it)? Please leave me a review, so I know how I'm doing... Any and all ideas are welcomed... Also, I will need the following for future games:
Suggestions for Scenes From A Hat
Random Lines for Whose Line
Thanks,
-JJ