I do not own Naruto. If I did…
(dances off into fantasies of locking Naruto in janitor's closet and replacing him with favored insomniac but lovable sand-controlling badger-tanuki-racoon-boy as main character of the story)
(and in Konohagakure, Gaara shudders.
"What's up, Gaara?" asks Naruto, while treating said ex-Jinchuuriki to Ichiraku's ramen.
"Nothing... I just had this weird feeling that some crazy fangirl was talking about me... and you, too."
"Well, what was she talking about?"
"I don't know... but I don't like the way it sounded... and I don't think you would either.")
There will be a Neji-pairing. Just because I love the idea of Neji-in-love.
Neji's Bad Day-------
When he woke up that morning, the sun was shining (no clouds) and there were 8 birds outside singing.
Neji would have thought it might be a good day if it were not for the fact that Lee was outside with the birds. This in itself would not be terrible, only mildly horrible, except for the fact that Lee, too, was singing. It was a song that either Neji had never heard before or Lee was making up. The latter possiblity was the likeliest, considering the lyrics.
"YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!! LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Shut up, Lee," an irritable TenTen growled from nearby.
And TenTen was annoyed.
Neji and TenTen had bonded, perhaps from the fact that they didn't trust green Spandex. However much Neji preferred to talk to TenTen (rather than the twin Green Beasts), she could be quite a handful when she was ticked off.
Like today, apparently. Neji heard TenTen's distinct weapons summoning technique. This was followed by a multitude of kunais and various other weaponry raining from clear skies.
After that, Neji heard silence. Even the birds shut up (or they'd been knocked unconcious by the maelstrom of weapons TenTen summoned).
He hoped that his day wouldn't go like that. He also knew that trying to wish for something like that was like whistling for the moon to come: it wasn't going to come, no matter how badly you wanted it to.
He rolled over and buried his face in the pillow, intending to hide. Then he realized if he did that, they would stand outside under his window for longer. He'd probably get in trouble with Hiashi later for the noise, considering those were his teammates and all. That would be bad.
He rolled out of bed, and went to change into his clothes.
When he opened his closet door, intending to pull out a clean outfit, something hard, square, and pointy fell on his head, bouncing off painfully and landing on his bare foot.
He saw stars for a confused minute, and when those went away, he looked down.
A hardcover child's picture book sat there innocently on top of his left foot.
Inside the cover was scrawled in a child's printed handwriting:
Property of Hanabi Hyuuga. DO NOT TAKE!
That brat. What a stupid trick. She'd put it between the doorframe and door of his closet. How had he not noticed?
He made a mental note to burn the book later, and put it on his bedside table.
Back to the closet.
When he took a shirt off of one side, he realized his closet had been a careful balance act when the other side fell down, spilling his trademark shirt and shorts all over the floor. He cursed. He'd clean it up later, though. Lee was starting to sing again. Floating in on air currents were the out of tune, badly sung words:
"YOUUUUUUUUUUTH, GLORIOUS YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Lee? Those are the wrong words," said TenTen.
"I changed them with my YOUTHFUL imagination, youthful TenTen!"
Neji could sense TenTen's bloodlust from in his bedroom, sending an odd tingly feeling down his back. He wasn't used to this feeling. Could it be… fear?
He managed to get through putting on clothing and his normal bandages without much hassle. The real problem was when he stepped outside of his room.
His bare feet stepped onto several pins. Jumping as fast as he could off of them, and brushing the pins still stuck on his feet while he was in midair (fast ninjas like him can do that kind of thing), he landed on the ground at the front of the stairs, feet stinging painfully, and possibly bleeding. Why those were there was beyond him. He assumed Hanabi. She seemed to be out to get him lately.
He was lost in thought as to why this might be, and missed the drops of blood he was leaving on the white carpeting of his house.
Halfway down the stairs (feet still stinging), he luckily realized that the step he was about to step on was covered in marbles. Grabbing the stair railing, he jumped over it… only to find after he'd landed that the next one was also covered in marbles.
He slid hard, bouncing on every step. When he landed, several marbles that had taken the journey with him landed on his head. When he combed his fingers through his hair in frustration, it was static-y from rubbing against every single carpeted step.
Cursing once again, he turned toward his kitchen for breakfast.
Pouring himself some milk and cereal (after checking the room out with his Byakugan for any more stupid traps he could fall into), he got himself a glass of apple juice absentmindedly, still trying to figure out why Hanabi was out to get him. What had he done to her?
There was that time he'd said her drawing of a bird was a good drawing of an elephant (but that was an accident, he really hadn't meant to! He'd really thought it was an elephant, it had a long nose-thing in the front and a really round body) and that time that he'd dumped water on her (but she didn't NORMALLY stand outside his window, really, she couldn't blame him for that one, and he'd dumped the water out the window because that was where his room leaked when it rained and it made more sense than going all the way across the hall to dump out the rainwater in the sink, and he was just lazy like that) and…
Oh.
It was dinner (two weeks ago today) , and he always went over to Hinata's for dinner because she could cook and he couldn't. There was this small boy there, and he'd asked Hanabi if he was her boyfriend, assuming not, as Hanabi was a.) too young, not even he, Neji, 18-year-old jounin, had ever had a girlfriend, and b.) far too annoying to ever attract a bloodsucking mosquito, much less a sentient male human being.
However, both the boy and Hanabi turned an interesting shade of red.
Oops.
The cereal he was eating had gotten slightly soggy, so he sipped his apple juice thoughtfully, trying to figure out how to apologize (and also trying to get rid of the lingering texture of soggy wheat), then choked and ran to the sink.
There was something GROSS in his drink.
It was round and chewy. He had no idea what it was, until dissection with several very, very long pointy things (he had no idea what they were, but they were in one of his drawers of cooking supplies that Hinata-sama had insisted that he be stocked with) proved it was a ball of mold.
He nearly puked up the spoonful of Mini Wheats he had eaten.
Looking at the date on the apple juice, it was precisely two weeks earlier that this would have started to go bad.
Yes, Hanabi had been plotting her revenge for quite a while.
He was actually quite amazed and surprised. He hadn't thought that Hanabi was intelligent enough beyond jutsus (and even there she wasn't amazing) to trap a rat and here she'd surprised him.
Of course, it helped to be aware of stuff like this before it happened. Then one could take the crucial preventative measures to avert such disasters.
If only he'd known.
Well, this day was turning out to be a right pain.
"HYUUGA NEJI!" Neji jumped. "GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE AND STOP COMBING YOUR HAIR OR WHATEVER OR WE WILL COME IN AND GET YOU! DO YOU WANT THE GREEN BEAST IN YOUR HOUSE? I CAN FIND SAKE REALLY FAST AROUND HERE!"
"No, thank you, TenTen," he muttered. He wasn't even going to get a decent breakfast, thanks to the balls of mold in his apple juice. He shuddered to think about that. How horrible.
"NEJI! MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" No need to guess who was talking. "I WILL COME IN AND RETRIEVE YOU SO WE CAN TRAAAAAAIN!!!!! YAY TRAINING!!!! WOOHOOOOOOO! YOSH!"
Neji thought about cursing again, but decided he'd done that enough this morning and moved on to find his shoes.
They were nowhere to be found.
Instead, what rested just in front of his door, where he placed his shoes every day, were a pair of neon green… things.
They were really high off the ground and had funny ribbons attached to the sides near the heel, and for reasons unknown, the shoemaker appeared to have made a mistake with these. The heel was not level with the toes. In fact, the heels on these shoes were a good three to four inches higher than the toes.
Why would anyone pay for a shoe like that? A little heel, maybe an inch or so, was ok for girls to wear. But anything larger? Wasn't that beside the point? They didn't look comfortable. In fact, they looked downright scary. Neji glared at the shoes, willing them to turn into his familiar beaten and weary-looking standard issue ninja sandals.
I'm sorry. I wouldn't have abruptly ended it like that if I didn't think that the next part needed rather serious help.
Anyway, I'd wanted to read a fanfic about Neji being amusingly tortured by someone for revenge (or just having a terrible but funny day in general) but I couldn't find one, so I thought, well, why don't I just write one? So I did. But let me know if there are any. I don't want to steal another person's idea.
And if you liked it or even if you didn't, please review.
Just review. I love getting comments. Even if you Katon Goukakyo no Jutsu me.