Disturbing Disturbances

Note that is at the top of the notebook paper: My Mind Has Been Corrupted. :)

7/30: re-edited.

oOo

Iruka Umino sat down heavily with a sigh and set his papers on the table. In front of his desk sat his client, who watched Iruka sympathetically.

"Rough times?"

"You have no idea," Iruka replied wearily. No idea...

"Ah..."

"Hm," Iruka sighed again. "Well, we're here to talk about your problems, not mine. Now, um, where's my pen?"

Iruka shuffled some of the other papers on his desk.

"Um, Mr. Umino?"

He knocked over a container of paperclips, but still couldn't find his missing pen. His client coughed a bit, drawing Iruka's attention to him, and pointed in the general direction above his ear.

"Wha-oh!" Iruka took the pen out fron behind his ear and sat down again, slightly embarrassed, but not as much as his client was. She was staring at his papers, with a blush across her face. He followed her gaze and performed the Instant Tomato Soup Reaction (c. copygeijutsuka), in which he turned red as fast as instant tomato soup.

Mr. Umino glared at the papers with the intensity of a laser, in which they might have spontaneously combusted, but they didn't. Then he glared at the door, which led to the storage room Iruka had converted into a little den.

"Excuse me," he said in a restrained voice to his client, who gulped. Iruka stomped to the door, wrenched it open (so that it might have come flying off of its hinges, but didn't), and slammed it closed once he was in. He opened his mouth wide, prepared to yell.

"KAKASHI HATAKE!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. A mop of silver hair showing over the top of the couch slowly turned around, revealing the face of a man who wore a cloth mask over his nose and mouth.

"Yo, Iruka!" he said cheerfully, despite the deadly waves of fury the therapist was emitting. Iruka turned off the TV and stomped right up to Kakashi.

"Why. Did. You. Do. That?" Iruka snarled in his face.

"Do what?" the person being questioned asked innocently.

Iruka narrowed his brown eyes, which seemed almost black now. "You know what," he said through clenched teeth.

"'Fraid not. Care to refresh my memory?"

Iruka growled. "YOU DREW PORNOGRAPHIC STICK FIGURES ON MY PAPERS, THAT'S WHAT YOU DID!!!"

"Ohh, that..." Kakashi chuckled.

"YOU BASTARD!!!"

Kakashi pecked Iruka on the lips through the mask. "Love you, too."

"Rrgh..." Iruka ground his teeth, but the other man held his jaw firmly.

"You don't want to do that, Iruka. It's bad for your teeth, don't you know that?" Kakashi reached for a Styrofoam cup that was sitting on the little round table in front of the couch. "Coffee?"

Iruka's glare intensified, but it seemed Kakashi had developed an immunity to it. He teasingly waved the cup around under Iruka's nose, attempting to lure Iruka with the scent. He gave in with a sigh ,and Kakashi inwardly cheered as he earned another point for success. The first was for bringing Iruka in the room.

While Iruka sat on the couch sipping the comfortingly hot coffee, Kakashi hopped up from his place and stood behind the couch instead, behind the puzzled Iruka, and began to massage his shoulders. (a/n: he was a masseuse in his past life. :3)

"Y'know, 'Ruka," he drawled as he kneaded the firm muscles under his hands, "I can tell being a therapist is tough on you. Listening to people's problems and telling them how to cope just spells out exhaustion for you. I think it's time you realized something: you're the one with problems."

Iruka started to turn around to object, but Kakashi pushed him back to face the front. Then he leaned over the couch enough to see Iruka's face as he spoke.

"You need to relax more, and be more laid back. But I think you need a little help learning how to relax. And I can help."

"Does that mean a trip to the hot springs then, all expenses paid by you?"

"Uh...no. Actually," Kakashi spread his arms in a spectacular sort of grandeur manner, "you get a free therapy session with me!"

Iruka raised his eyebrows. Kakashi grinned.

"In which, of course, I will be the therapist." (a/n: no, kakashi-san, you will probably be "the-rapist." Just kidding!)

Iruka closed his eyes in an "oh, dear gods and goddesses, save me, please, from this horror" sort of manner. He drank the rest of his coffee and stood up. "Okay, fine, let's have a deal," he said. He was good at compromising. It was a handy talent, as he used to be an elementary school teacher years before. "I will participate in your..."therapy session," if you promise not to disrupt this session again."

"Deal," Kakashi said happily, and watched Mr. Umino toss the cup in the trash can and exit.

oO The Next Session Oo

Iruka's client this time was a little girl who was diagnosed with OCD and was currently rearranging the contents of Iruka's desk. That was quite fine by Iruka, for now, since he had already checked them for anything not suitable to a child's eyes and mind. Plus, he was thinking about cleaning his desk. He just hoped he'd be able to find everything later. All was going well, until--

"I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,Get you love drunk off my hump.My hump, my hump, my hump--" (lyrics belong to the Black Eyed Peas. never even heard the whole song before, but reading the lyrics is enough.)

Iruka hastily took hold of the girl's small hands to cover her own ears and then dashed to the spare room.

"KAKASHI!!!!"

The music turned off.

"What the heck do you think you're doing, blaring music like that?!!" Iruka had an urge to grab the inhabitant of the storage room by the ear and just drag him around like that till some sanity entered the mind. "I have a little girl here right now!"

"Oh, come on, Iruka! It's not that inappropriate!" (a/n: right...)

"I don't CARE! I do not think her parents would approve of her hearing such inappropriately themed songs!"

"Well, I'm sorry I don't have a CD with 'Puff the Magic Dragon' on it."

"Kakashi..."

"I don't believe I have the Barney theme song either. Sorry."

"Well, I do believe I told you to stop interrupting my sessions!"

"I do believe you told me that last session, yet nothing was said about this session," Kakashi retorted. "And by the way, you haven't enrolled for your own session with me. I did my promise and didn't interrupt last time."

Iruka grumbled to himself and then said grimly, "Alright, I'll do that damn session, but only if you promise not to interrupt anymore, at ALL."

Kakashi broke into a big grin and hugged Iruka. "It takes place here, right after you're done with the little girl. You gotta prepare for it by being happy and cheerful, though!"

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Happy happy, joy joy..." (a/n: my...motto...thingy...)

"Stop acting so dreadful!" He nuzzled Iruka's neck and whispered, "You're going to love it..."

Iruka rolled his eyes and broke out of Kakashi's grasp and headed for the door.

"No more interruptions," he reminded, and left. Kakashi smirked and got ready for Iruka's first therapy session.

oO Small Thing Too Tiny For A Proper Epilogue Really Oo

After the first session, Iruka kept perfect attendence and there were no more disturbing disturbances again. The End.

P.S. Kakashi thinks his therapy sessions prove useful and he was thinking of teaching it to Naruto to try on Sasuke.

Reviews are nice. Yes... Birdy is still sleeping... Yes, I'm babysitting a little bird. Mom picked it up on her walk yesterday cuz she found it on the sidewalk and it was kind of raining so... i guess we adopted it. lol.

edit: birdy died that day. I think.. yeah. Birdy is dead. Sigh... Does that affect my karma? Because I'm not really sure if I killed it, or if it suddenly somehow died of "natural" causes. O.o"