Didn't We Almost Have it All?

Characters- Jason, Spinelli, Lulu, Carly.

( The only change in this compared to current GH is that Jason was never arrested for killing Lorenzo)

This isn't a romantic story, not exactly. It's about best friends, family, and lines that blur.

August 2007

"She came into my life and messed it all up. She was loud. Crazy. Completely out of control. She asked for too much. She demanded things she had no right to...time, money, me...she" he smiled "drove me nuts."

His voice softened. "She needed me. I needed her. We worked.

"She told me there would never be anyone...who could be what I was to her.

"I made a promise. It's about keeping your word even when you feel like its gonna break you...its about coming back and making it right even after you wrecked her and you, even after you think its too late. Its about forgiveness and faithfulness.

"Love?

"I never tried to love her...not even once...I've tried with other women, tried my hardest,...sometimes you have to try. She didn't try and love me. We didn't think it'd go so far.

"It sneaks up on you. But then its there. Its real. You can't go back. Its worse than you imagined and everything that keeps you breathing. You go on. You stay. You fight the whole town, your family, your friends, yourself even, just to keep her happy. She needs to be happy or you feel like you let her down...when she's happy nothing else matters. When she smiles its worth it.

"Its not about you anymore. Its not about if you marry her. If you get what you what. Its not about her being dependent on you...let her go where she needs to go, do what she needs to do...but always make sure she knows you'll be there for her...hold her when she cries...be there when its hard...that's what love is...that's what she taught me."

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EARLIER THAT DAY

It wasn't easy to get the courage up to say these words, they had been living right on the tip of his tongue for so long but still he hadn't said them. It wasn't like she didn't know. She knew. Everyone knew.

He loved her.

It didn't make sense. At first, they didn't even like each other. But that lasted how long? Five minutes? Ten? Then he started to be intrigued...to wonder about her and what led her to do the crazy things she did...to worry about her...to want to save her. He still wanted that, if only she would let him.

They sat on the docks together. She was relaxed for once. Not all tense and caught up in drama, which was how he usually found her. There was a gentle breeze in the air, the sun was slipping towards the water, their little tiny bit of the world was calm for right now.

He didn't know much about love, about timing, about how to do this, but he knew he had to.

Spinelli took Lulu's hand. She gave him a small smile.

"Is it just The Jackal or are you happy about something today?"

"You know what? I think I am. I think...well, maybe, I figured some stuff out."

He had never seen her so beautiful. Her eyes seemed to be bursting with something that was rare for her before now: hope.

"Blonde One...Lulu...I," he stuttered. His palms started to sweat. His mouth went dry. He doubted she had a clue the affect she had on him. He couldn't even think straight with her around. It was a miracle he could hack in her presence."I..."

"Oh, Spinelli, oh...maybe I should go first?"

"No, no, please. I have to do this now. Quick or else I won't. I love you! There I said it." His voice went from hyper to very soft "I love you." His eyes watched hers.

And slowly she started to move away from him. Her hand let go of his. Her body scooted back. Her eyes darted down. "I wish you would have let me go first."

For a minute neither said anything. Then Lulu added, "I kissed Logan last night...and I think..."

The name of the guy didn't matter. Dillon. Milo. Logan. It could have been Max or Cooper. It could have been the Quatermaine pool boy or that doctor Drake that all the women in town crushed on. All Spinelli knew was it wasn't him.

All the love he had for Lulu only grew stronger in that moment, as his own insides twisted and he stumbled to his feet. He loved her more now...and she didn't love him back...he wasn't what she wanted.

She jumped to her feet as she saw him getting ready to flee. "Wait! Listen to me...I do care about you.."

Care. Care. Care. Not love.

"Spinelli!" She called as he ran from the docks. "Spinelli!" He could hear the tears in her voice. "Don't leave me, please! Plea-se."

But he did.