Resting With Me

Spoilers: S1x13- Bunk

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't have a conniption

A/N: I'm proving, once again, that my choice genre is angst…enjoy!

The wind felt good against his face, the sunglasses providing the only protection as he screamed down the causeway. It was days like this that made him overjoyed that he chose to buy the Ducati, the freedom that it provided after being closed up in work all day was something that he coveted mostly. He pushed the machine faster, weaving in and out of the traffic as if he were a master racer, paying no heed to the cars as they blew at him. All he wanted at the moment was to be in her arms. In her arms, he felt safer, and peace was claimable. Despite the rough patch that they had been going through, Speed knew that he loved Pam, and that was saying a lot. He was never one for romance, but he had to give it to Pam, she had brought out the Casanova in him on many an occasion. A quick thought of a nights past, warmed him and with a small smirk, he pushed the bike harder, and found his heart aching to be with her.

Coming to her drive, he saw her sitting on the stoop, her demeanor less than comforting. His relief was short lived seeing the dark, hovering clouds that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, as if signaling what his evening would be composed of. The slight thought of just getting on his bike and going home hit like a lightening bolt, but he had promised her that he would never give up on what they had, no matter what they were facing. She glanced up at him then returned her gaze to the green grass, her arms resting on either thigh lazily. He walked slowly, shoving his keys in his pocket, stopping purposefully in front of her, the silence thick. When she didn't say anything, he moved to sit next to her and focused on the horizon, seeing the sun starting to disappear behind the western horizon, wondering if despite his desperate attempts, this could last. He could only be who he was, and he could only do but so much. She was going to have to meet him half way.

"How's it going?" he asked, mentally kicking himself, dropping his head in the process. It was easily recognizable how it was going, she was pissed.

"It's going," Pam remarked stonily, sighing hard. The air was heavy of anticipation, words that needed to be said lingering in limbo. Speed waited for her to finish, tilting his head towards her, narrowing his eyes. The unmistakable feeling of a pulsing headache was making its appearance as he closed in the gap between them. Pam broke her gaze on the grass, turning to him, her eyes full of hurt. He took in a breath as his shoulders sagged, the full brunt of their recent fight coming back to the forefront.

"Pam, look, we can get through this, but you have to meet me half way."

"Tj, I've tried to think through this, I've tried to understand it. I- I… never mind," she returned as she got up heading for the door, leaving him awkwardly. He watched her back disappear in the house, and then sat for a moment longer before following, closing the door behind him. Standing in the hall, he heard her moving busily in the kitchen, the sounds of pots and pans cluttering mixing with the opening and closing of the cabinets. Her voice called out unexpectedly, pulling him from his thoughts, "Have you eaten?"

"You know how it gets," was his reply as he shrugged off his riding jacket. He opened the hall door and hung it up among her things, the move suddenly feeling unnatural. "Work never allows the pleasure of sustenance."

They were dancing around the situation which irritated Speed immensely. He wanted a resolution to their problems, not to ignore them into oblivion. The silence prompted Speed to walk into the kitchen, seeing her back as she busied herself with preparing something. Watching her move, his thoughts ventured to the days that were good, to where every day was a celebration of love. Those days were easily his favorite, spending them mainly on the beach, intertwined in each other's arms, getting lost in each other's eyes; Speed wondered where those days had gone. Virtually nothing had changed, they both worked their same respective jobs, and he saw her on a regular basis. There had been times where he had worked doubles, but that never seemed to bother her, or at least he thought. There was nothing that stuck out to him telling him that their relationship was in trouble. But here they were, on the fringe of something, and he didn't like it one bit.

"Tj, did you hear me?" Pam was asking. He snapped out of his thoughts to see her standing with a look of disdain in her eyes. "No, you didn't hear me. Just like always."

"What are you talking about, Pam?"

"It seems like you are never here, even when you are. Never mind, Tim. Just… never mind," Pam responded dejectedly as she walked back into the kitchen, slamming the pots down. The silence again was palpable as she rested her hands on the sink, her shoulders heaving. She was crying.

Speed moved quickly, standing behind her as she wept silently, at odds with himself. Never did he want to subject her to this kind of despair, before he did that, he would rather walk. He placed his hands on her shoulders, in hopes that his touch would calm her, but the opposite had occurred. She shrugged them off of her and ran a hand through her short raven colored coif, her back still to him. With his hands raised, he stepped back and waited for the impending blast, but was left confused as she moved away without saying a word.

"Pamela, we really need to talk about this. We can't let words go unsaid. If there is something you want to say to me, and then just say it."

Stopping, she turned to him, her eyes rimmed with redness, "You want me to say something, Timothy?" Her voice was now laced with iciness, "Okay, how's this for a charm? I've wanted to sit and talk to you for a month now, just to see where we were at, where we were heading, and every time I've tried, I've been shut down. If it wasn't the job, it was Eric. If it wasn't Eric, it was you. I can't be the only one in this relationship, Tim."

"The only one?" he questioned as he faced her straight on. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Pam, you've not been the only one in this relationship. I've done all I've can."

"You haven't been the least receptive to me and my needs, Tj. When was the last time we've actually sat and talk? Can you remember that?"

"I've been here for you, Pam. I've always been here."

"Being in the same room doesn't constitute being here, Tim. I've needed your insight, your concern. Right now, we are just two people, passing each other on the way out of the door. I have to have more than that in my life, Tim. Now more than ever."

Speed did a second take, noticing instantly the change in her. What was now anger had morphed into uncertainty. He inched closer to her as she dropped her head into her hands, her tears coming more rapidly. More than ever did he want to take her into his arms, to take away all the emotions that were strangling their relationship, to strip it down to what mattered most? Each other.

"Pam, what aren't you telling me?" Speed asked as he ventured forth, reaching out to her. She finally conceded and fell into his arms, her weeping growing. This had now turned into something entirely different. "Pam?"

"Tim, I've really needed to talk to you, and you seem, so inaccessible. I really don't know where to turn."

"Where to turn? Pam, is there something wrong with you? Are you sick?" he asked as he pulled away from her to read her. Gone entirely was the fury, now what stood in its place was a sense of vulnerability.

"If you call morning sickness, sick, then yeah," she replied as she smiled through her tears. "I'm pregnant, Tim."

"Pre- pregnant?" Speed stuttered, catching the expression that now slid across her face. He recovered quickly, "Th- that's not a bad thing, but, Pam…when did you find out? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I've been trying to tell you for a month, TJ."

"A better way to have done it, babe, was to just come out and say it," Speed responded with a slight smirk. "We could've avoided all of this." Pam sighed heavily and dropped her sights, only for him to gently lift her head, "I'm here, and Pam. Always will be."

"Good," she breathed out, "because I can't be without you, Tim."

"And, I won't be without you. I want you to spend every night, resting with me."

"Tim…," she started before he put a finger to her lips.

"Don't worry about tomorrow. Just this moment, just stay in this moment, Pam."

Speed sighed heavily as he pushed through the doors of the lab, running his hands through his hair roughly, hoping beyond hope that Horatio was stuck at a scene somewhere, oblivious to his tardiness. The night with Pam had been one of discussion, embrace and reassurance, Speed not having the heart to leave her. He just stayed by her side, with the hopes of waking in time enough to make it by his place to grab a quick shower and some fresh clothes, then sprinting off to work. Of course, that had been the plan, but rarely did those work out for him as evidenced by the numerous other times he had been late to work. He had awoken late, still intertwined in her arms, still wearing the brown shirt he had the day before.

Speed sighed heavily as he saw Horatio at the chamber, working with the piece of glass found at the meth house the day before. He decided to take the high road and tell him that there was traffic on the causeway, even when he knew he could've easily maneuvered his way through it. Getting stuck in traffic gave him the chance to reflect on where his life was now taking him. The woman he loved was pregnant with his child.

"Sorry I'm late, I got jammed up on the causeway," he offered as he slipped on his lab coat.

"No worries," Horatio responded, keeping his eyes on the evidence, "So, Pam again?"

Speed glanced at him, then back at the glass, running through his mind the possible scenarios. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"You've got the same clothes on you had yesterday," was his simple reply. "You two alright?"

Speed smiled lightly as he thought about her, and sighed, "Yeah, everything's fine, H."

Fin