Chapter 3
Why does life always wallop you with more than one thing at a time? Remus looked over at Sirius's slimy, prickly bed and thought that it was a perfect metaphor for how his friendship with Sirius was looking like. I am such an ass. He thought miserably, lying in his four poster, staring at the canopy. Maybe he didn't take it the way I meant it. But Remus wasn't sure what way he had meant it.
He imagined Sirius downstairs in the common room. He wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he was asleep by now. Remus began to feel sleepy himself. He imagined Sirius had said yes, and that they were lying together right now in the narrow bed. Lost in his thoughts, he barely heard the door open, and was startled when the curtains of his bed were flung open.
"You were right."
"What?" Remus looked up wide eyed at Sirius.
"My legs are too long."
"Well, there's plenty of room," Remus lied and moved as far over on his tiny bed as he could, never looking away from Sirius, who lay down next to him.
Sirius closed his eyes immediately and turned his back to Remus, who lay on his back looking up. He didn't touch Sirius. They lay there for a long time, and Remus was sure that Sirius was asleep by then, until he suddenly moved to a sitting position, peeled off his shirt, and lay back down.
"So…you're going to sleep now?" Remus whispered.
"I'm going to try," was Sirius's cool response. Remus hadn't the faintest idea what Sirius was thinking.
"Sorry…"
Remus turned on his side to watch the muscles of Sirius's back ripple and move as he breathed. Remus could have been completely content to gaze at Sirius's broad back all night, but something in him, probably the firewhisky, he thought, compelled him to touch it.
Slowly and gently, Remus slid his hand across the mattress so that it rested ever so softly on the back of the man beside him. Remus watched for a reaction, but none came, and he pulled his arm away, a few inches back.
To Remus's surprise, Sirius, eyes still closed, rolled a little so that his back once again touched Remus's arm. Unsure of whether Sirius had moved in his sleep or not, Remus daringly decided to test his luck. After a moment of building up courage, Remus lifted his arm from beneath Sirius's back and placed it around his shoulder.
No reaction. This is mad. Remus thought, but something in the pit of his stomach urged him to go further. Sirius stirred again, rolling completely on his back and at the same moment, Remus stretched his arm across Sirius's naked chest. Remus felt Sirius's hand grasp over his own. He took it as a sign to continue, and in a moment, Remus's hand slid over the whole of Sirius's chest, from his nipple, down and down, until his fingers slid under Sirius's waistband.
But then his mouth was on him, kissing its way up his stomach, Remus's tongue heedlessly flicking over the sensitive flesh. Sirius's stillness revealed his embarrassment, but Remus caressed kisses up his neck, holding nothing back, his movements strong and certain with desire. Remus could feel Sirius's hand on his head, fingers running through his hair. He could hear the rhythm of Sirius's heartbeat. His own heart was racing so fast he could barely catch his breath.
Remus had wanted this for so long, and it was finally going to happen. He had spent hours when Sirius was unaware, staring at his lips, not quite sure what he wanted to do, but now he knew.
Sirius still hadn't opened his eyes, but had parted his lips slightly. Remus kissed his way up Sirius's neck and their lips grazed each other's.
"Remus," Sirius pushed the boy off of him. "I can't do this."
"What, what's wrong?"
"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"I've just totally screwed this up, haven't I?" Remus gave a hoarse laugh and sat up. He looked down at Sirius, too disappointed to be embarrassed. Sirius seemed like he wanted to say something, but Remus spoke first. "For a moment, I just- I thought somehow you were-"
There was silence for awhile, and to Remus it seemed endless. Then, in one sudden movement, Sirius pulled Remus towards him, grabbing a handful of his hair and kissing him so forcefully that Remus took a few seconds to respond.
Sirius let his arms collapse, and Remus slipped down to bring his head against Sirius's stomach. Remus furiously unbuttoned Sirius's pants and pulled them off, afraid Sirius may change his mind again.
Gripping Sirius's hips with his large hands, he pulled his erection into his mouth and sucked it feverishly. Remus heard a whimpering deep in Sirius's throat.
He felt Sirius beginning to respond, pressing himself lightly up against Remus's mouth, then beginning the unconscious slow roll of hips that told Remus he was getting closer. He grasped Sirius more firmly and felt the release of his muscles as he gave himself over to what Remus was doing.
Remus felt a slight pulse down at the base of his erection just as Sirius began to shiver under his hands. He was in danger of losing control. He paused and Sirius looked at him with unfocused eyes.
"I have to stop a moment."
"Oh."
"Or this'll be over before it's begun."
"Oh! But you- this- I haven't done anything to you." Sirius raised himself on his elbows to look at him. Remus had slipped half off the bed. Looking back up at him, he took in the sight of Sirius, tall and tanned and still aroused.
"What now?" Sirius scrunched his face up comically. Remus knew that his friend often did this to make light of a serious moment.
"Stand up," Remus said smiling.
"What for?"
"What do you think for? No, come over here, so you can hold onto the wall."
Remus's hands skimmed over his friend's chest and stomach and cupped his balls. He licked the back of Remus's neck. "Like this, okay?"
Sirius spread his legs wider and then Remus was at his entrance. His hands bracketed Sirius's on either side, and the smaller boy could feel the lean, muscular warmth of the other in front of him.
"I feel strange, not being able to see you." Sirius murmured, and Remus bit his shoulder, hearing a sharp intake of breath.
With Remus's very first thrust, he felt as if he had just sunk down to some primeval level of his brain. He knew he should be gentle, but each time he pulled out and felt Sirius's tight grip around him, Remus found himself mindlessly allowing himself to thrust into him harder. And harder. Hearing Sirius's low moan Remus slowed himself. Beneath him, Sirius gave a slow shudder, and Remus dug his nails into the body of the other boy.
They felt each other's excitement, a subtle animal message of scent and stance, a basic wordless communication neither of them had ever felt with any woman, ever. The knowledge of desire rippled through Remus, and Sirius cried out, arching his back.
"Shh." Remus took his hand and muffled his friend's mouth. Sirius in turn bit him back on the palm, and Remus felt his balls contract with helpless desire. He was driving into him now, harder and faster than before, and he pressed his face close to Sirius's, seeming half-frightened by the strength of his own desire.
And then, because Remus wasn't deep enough, wasn't close enough, he bent his knees, changing the angle of entry. Now each thrust brought Remus up against something deep inside Sirius, making him cry out.
"Am I hurting you?"
"No, don't stop, please don't stop!"
Beyond coherent thought, Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius's waist and to his erection. He slid it back and forth until tremors ran through the boy. And then, with a muffled shout, Remus joined him, coming undone.
Dazed, Sirius slumped down onto the floor. It seemed like an eternity before he looked up through sweat-soaked bangs at his friend above him. For a long moment they held each other's gaze until Sirius pulled himself up, and walked in the direction of the other side of the room while grabbing his boxers and pulling them on.
"I like you better without clothes." Remus smiled and climbed up onto his bed. Unusual for his temperament, Sirius didn't smile back; instead the dark haired boy grabbed what he could of his clothes and walked quickly through the door, closing it behind him.
Bollocks, this is bad. Remus thought to himself, feeling a tight knot develop in the pit of his stomach. Sirius will never speak to me again. Why couldn't I have just controlled myself? Knowing that he had probably just ruined his friendship with the one person that he loved the most, Remus lay back on his bed, and made himself recount every moment, punishing himself for what he'd just done.
The next day Sirius seemed normal. He didn't appear to be mad at Remus. In fact he didn't appear to even acknowledge what had happened the previous night. He smiled and laughed with Remus, and even caught his eye a few times. Remus wasn't sure what these looks meant, but he hoped that they meant something along the lines of, I'm sorry. I like you too.
That night, Sirius pulled Remus into a dark corner and ravished him until his lips were red and swollen.
It went on like that, kissing, secret rendezvous at night. They never told anyone, but sometimes when no one was watching, Sirius would stand close to Remus, putting his hand on the small of the boy's back, and all Remus could do was smile.
The End.
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