Disclaimer: I own neither "The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet" nor Teen Titans.

Casting
The WatchMaiden (or Narrator) - Terra

House of the Masked Montagues:
Lord Montague: Batman
Lady Montague: Cat Woman
Romeo Montague: Robin
Benvolio Montague: Speedy

House of the Capulets of Craft:
Lord Capulet: Trigon
Lady Capulet: Arella
Juliet Capulet: Raven
Tybalt Capulet: Gizmo
Helena Capulet: Jinx

Others:
Nurse to Juliet: Starfire
Friar Lawrence: Cyborg
Mercutio: Beast Boy
Paris: Aqua Lad
Princess Wonder Woman: Herself... in her dreams
Apothecary: Poison Ivy

Chapter Eight
The Ceremony In Friar Lawrence's Cell

Friar Lawrence cleared his throat rather obnoxiously before starting the very important ceremony about to take place. "May the heavens smile upon this dearly departed one. And may the moon-walking Saint Michael Jackson guide his spirit on the dance floor of heaven."

"Uh, Father?" Romeo objected before Friar Lawrence went too far in his 'funeral speech mode.' "I'm not here because I'm dead." He told him as he sweatdropped.

However, Friar Lawrence just looked at him funny. "Then why are you here?" He challenged him.

"Because I'm getting hitched!" Romeo nearly yelled in annoyance.

"Pray tell, hitched to what exactly?" Friar Lawrence asked Romeo in utter confusion. This only added to Romeo's frustration.

"Well, hitched to the fair daughter of Capulet! Why? Did you think I hitched my fancy French pants on the pointy briars of Lady Capulet's thorn maze?" Romeo paused for a moment in thought. "Well, actually, that did happen. But that's beside the point!"

"Whoops, my bad! Now I remember why I wanted to be a pro wrestler. . . Being a father can be a pain in the—" Friar Lawrence gasped like a little girl as he caught himself before he cursed like a criminal gangsta. "Holy Southern-Style Crispy Chicken Sandwich! I almost broke my chaste vows and curse-ed again."

"Um, Father? Could we do some less talking and more hitching?" Romeo asked rather impatiently.

"Oh, my clumsy cookies! Like I was saying," Friar Lawrence said as if he had been rudely interrupted, which really wasn't too far from the truth, "so smile the heavens upon this holy act of marriage, so nothing happens thereafter that maketh us regret it."

"Amen, come Lord karate-chopping Chuck Norris!" Romeo exclaimed, unknowingly promoting Chuck Norris to sainthood.

Friar Lawrence crossed his arms across his chest and gave Romeo an unamused look. "And you think my saints are funny?" He asked offended.

Pretending not to hear Friar Lawrence and hence avoiding any future sticky situations, Romeo continued. "But come what sorrow can, it cannot ruin the joy I feel with one glance at her breas— I mean, her, uh. . . blest beautiful face." Romeo stuttered. "Do thou join our hands with holy words, then love-destroying Ding Dong Daddy can do whatever he pleases. It is enough I may but call her mine." He finished rather sappily.

Friar Lawerence felt within himself a lengthy lecture coming on. He looked at Romeo square in the eye and made sure that the young Montague was paying perfect attention. "These violent, yet tangy, Sunny Delights have one hundred and twenty calories per serving, but however, they have violent un-sunny ends. Then their triumph die, like that of Tidus from Final Fantasy X. And when Tifa Lockhart and Cloud Strife meet Lord Sephiroth in battle, much like a kiss when lips do meet, their battle will end in an explosion." The Friar paused during his preachy lecture, and a look of bliss came over his face. "Ahhhh. . ." Friar Lawrence's attention span had taken his mind elsewhere, into a world of fantasy and video games. "How I wish I were playing my GameStation right now-eth. . . But ho! I am getting off topic!" Friar Lawrence cleared his throat, took a breath and stopped his rambling. He continued in his well-meaning, yet confusing, speech. "Pooh Bear's sweetest honey is delicious and nutritious, but if you commit the most unholy sin of gluttony, it makes you sick to your stomach. Therefore, love each other and please, in the name of the Black Eyed Peas, be modest in public. That is the key to long-lasting love. Too swift arrives as retardy, err— tardy as too slow." Knowing how young people were, Friar Lawrence counseled Romeo in a down-to-earth and understandable way. Or, at least, he tried.

Juliet flew into the cell as Friar Lawrence was finishing his sentence about being modest in public. "Did I miss something?" She asked with a quirked eyebrow and put her hands on her lovely lady lumps, err— her hips. "Good evening to my ghostly confessor." She greeted the Friar.

"I ain't no ghost!" Exclaimed Friar Lawrence.

Juliet rolled her eyes and didn't even bother making a comeback. Instead, she thought she would do something better and gracefully flew into the arms of her beloved. "Did somebody miss me?" Romeo asked with a dashing grin.

C'mon, Juliet! Make your move. You know you want to rub your hand through his spiky, jet black hair. Flirtatious cheered on Juliet.

Just ignore the globs of hair gel. Obnoxious said after belching.

Flirtatious looked very annoyed at Obnoxious for ruining the moment and then prepared to use a very titillating spell. Azarath Metrion Sexious Cloakus!

In response to his question, Juliet touched her thigh and stuck out her hip. "I'm too sexy for my cloak." She whispered seductively into Romeo's ear causing warm shivers to travel down his spine by the lust imbedded within her greeting.

"If thou art too sexy for thy cloak, why don't I assist thee in taking it off?" Romeo replied with equal wit whilst giving her his heartthrob grin.

Juliet then realized what Flirtatious had made her say and she flushed in embarrassment. "Um, I don't know what came over me. . ."

"'Tis alright. I like thighs— I mean, thy provocative flirtations, my extremely, tempting lady." Romeo said deviously.

Friar Lawrence's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets. "I certainly hope you're talking about Church's Chicken thighs!"

"Um," Juliet paused as she thought of a good cover story, "Of course, my ghostly confessor. Why? What did thou think we were talking about?" She asked slyly.

"Girl," the Friar said, "I already told thee, I ain't no ghost! Do I look invisible to you?" Getting somewhat back on topic, Friar Lawrence continued. "Romeo will spank, I mean, thank you, my girl, for both of us. And that includes me and my ghostly self." He said in humor.

"I'll give him equal thanks, so we're even." Juliet replied with a smirk.

Romeo was eager to speak, so he delicately took Juliet's hand in his and gazed into the violet eyes of his fair fiancé. "Ah, Juliet, if the measure of thy joy be heaped like mine and that thy skills be more steamy— err— I mean creamy, um— dreamy. Ahem. . . May thy skills continue to reveal flesh— no. . . That is, to reveal fresh bosoms— er. . . blossoms. Yes! To reveal the fresh blossoms of blissful words to this dear encounter." Juliet raised an eyebrow to Romeo's words and knew exactly what he was trying not to say. "As you can probably tell, my fair Juliet, I hath not rehearsed this time. Forgiveth my clumsy chatter. Anyway, sweeten with thy breath about the happiness you imagine we'll have in our marriage."

"I can imagine more than I can say— I have more on my mind than words." Juliet said without realizing the way it sounded. The Friar raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her words but said nothing.

"Alright, you two lovebirds. Come!" Friar Lawrence said before the conversation could get any more inappropriate for underage listeners. "Come with me this very moment and we'll do the hitching quickly. Because, if you don't mind, there is no way in holy wholewheat bread that I am leaving you two alone until this job is done." Romeo and Juliet looked into each others' dreamy eyes, totally oblivious to whatever the Friar was saying.

Friar Lawrence cleared his throat before starting the typical marriage ceremony. "Mawwage." Romeo side-glanced Juliet with a look of utter disbelief. She returned his look and shrugged. "Mawwage is what bwings us together today." And so started the beginning of a very long and irritating ceremony.

—Fin—

A/N: Well, also edited this one a bit. I hope everyone likes this story. Let me know what you think. I'm still working on chapter nine. I'll try to finish it and get it up soon. Now, review! Her Sappiness commands it. :)

Signed,
Her Sappiness