Everyone's gotta write one of these. Here's mine.
Warnings: Slight Yami/Yuugi pairing, minor boy/boy fluff. Turn back now if you're offended by this.
Disclaimer: Don't own Yu-gi-oh!
No More
"Yuugi, no! What are you doing here?!"
"It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take me instead."
"NO! YUUGI!"
Crimson orbs snapped open in shock as Yami bolted upright, sweat trailing down his brow while he gasped to catch his breath. Cold and darkness enveloped his body and his muscles and bones creaked from the sudden movement. He panted heavily, a hand clenched over his heart as he willed his pulse to slow to a more normal pace. It took a while, but eventually, his breathing finally evened out as he calmed down. Then his eyes narrowed sadly.
It just refused to let him be. The guilt and sorrow of his mistake still haunted him, tormenting him with the memory in the form of an endlessly repeating nightmare. Ever since that terrible day.
He tried. He tried to tell himself over and over to just let it go. His friends agreed. That hellish journey had ended weeks ago, and there was no reason he should keep dwelling on the past. It was all over. Yuugi and all of Dartz's other captives had been set free, and returned to where they belonged. The proof was all around him as the light and warmth of his aibou's soul penetrated even the darkest corners of the Millennium Puzzle. So why did his mind remain so restless?
Yami stood with a sigh and stretched. It was late, and the sleepless nights had left him exhausted, but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep again. His back hurt from lying on the cold stone floor, but he had managed to get used to it over the years. His true soul room (probably complete with an actual bed) had remained thus far hidden from him, and try as he might to find it, his search had been to no avail. So he had simply gotten used to sleeping either on the ground or on the cracked stone throne located in the only room seemingly free from the mental barriers that had been put in place ages ago.
Despite the danger of the traps and shadow creatures that roamed the Millennium Puzzle, Yami decided to risk going for a walk among the endless corridors and staircases to clear his head. It was no substitute for a stroll in the park, but he wasn't about to "borrow" Yuugi's body in the middle of the night just to satisfy his own selfish ambition. He'd done enough of that already in recent weeks. He hesitated momentarily when he peeked his head out of the door. The one time pharaoh always made sure to look around for any signs of danger or torment the Puzzle might decide throw at him, but the coast was clear for now. With another tedious sigh, he stepped out of his room, though with no particular direction or destination in mind.
"I'm letting the Seal take me instead..."
Yami twitched and fought tears of grief and frustration as he wandered aimlessly. It just hurt so much. The loss and the guilt hadn't faded in the slightest. How foolish he had been! So selfish and stupid. And Yuugi... he remained as kind and loving as ever. He should have been the one to pay for playing that cursed card, but his innocent hikari willingly sacrificed himself without a second thought.
He shivered and hugged himself as the emotional trauma he'd suffered from the loss reared its ugly head again, freezing his body and ripping his heart. It happened in the blink of an eye... Yuugi had been there one minute, smiling serenely at him as he always did, and the next he'd been torn away, leaving behind nothing but a gapping hole in Yami's soul and an empty echo in the depths of their shared mind. In that single moment, he'd felt like he died a thousand times over, and in the days following, he found himself wishing he had. Surely death itself was preferable to being completely and utterly separated from the other half of your soul.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
He stopped suddenly, stilling his thoughts as his eyes widened and body tensed in alert concentration. He thought he heard something. He was sure he did. It didn't sound like the normal heavy treads of shadow creatures, but he was wary nonetheless. He'd been ambushed by lesser traps many times before, so he had learned not to take chances. As quietly as he could, he hid behind a nearby corridor and listened intently, focusing on the soft footfalls slowly approaching.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
The sound gradually died away, yet Yami remained frozen in place, waiting a few moments more. One could never be too careful when it came to the Puzzle's traps.
He let out a deep breath in relief, smirking slightly in pride. Another day, another escape. Well, might as well resume his walk. He turned around to head down the corridor.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
"WHAAAAAAAAA!"
The former pharaoh and a smaller version of himself both fell backwards to the ground, mirror images clutching the fabric over their rapidly beating hearts.
Yami panted a moment and glared at his other self. When he regained his bearings, he sat up straight, placing his hands on the floor to steady himself. "Ra, Aibou! Don't sneak up on me like that."
Yuugi shook his head apologetically. "Sorry. I didn't mean to."
The darker half shrugged and stood up, then extended a hand to help the younger to his feet. "Forget it."
Yuugi smiled at his elder and gratefully accepted the outstretched hand. Once up, he dusted himself off and soothed out the folds of his cute little star pajamas.
"Now, care to tell me just what you're doing here? I thought you were asleep." He smirked in amusement when his light began to stretch, yawn, and rub his eyes wearily. It would seem that their little fright of running into each other did little to wake him.
"I was sleeping, but you woke me up. So I came looking for you." He let out another loud yawn.
Guilt and confusion flashed across the ex-pharaoh's handsome face. "I did? I'm sorry, hikari; I certainly didn't mean to."
His younger counterpart rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Mou hitori no boku..." His voice came out as a tired sigh, fatigued for so many reasons. Suddenly he placed his hands on his hips and glared at Yami, looking for all the world like a mother about to scold a child with his hand in the cookie jar. "I thought we were over this. But you're still having nightmares, aren't you?"
Yami's first instinct was to deny the claim... put his partner at ease and brood over the problem himself. He didn't wish to burden his beloved light. But when those glowing amethyst eyes bore into his own, stern and compassionate at the same time, he felt compelled to tell the truth. He bowed his head a little. "Well, yes. But you needn't worry about it. It's nothing."
Yuugi crossed his arms. "Obviously it's NOT nothing, or we wouldn't be here right now."
"I..."
He didn't let him finish. With another charming roll of his eyes, the smaller duelist reached out and took hold of his dark's hand with an exasperated, "Come on..." Then he turned and headed down the corridor, dragging the puzzled yami with him.
"Uh... Yuugi?"
He didn't stop as he threw a quick glance behind him, offering a small smile that warmed the former king's entire being. "Don't worry. I just want to show you something."
Yami followed, despite having no idea where he was being led or for what purpose. However, these thoughts faded from his mind quickly as his eyes traveled down to stare at their clasped hands. A light blush, rather uncharacteristic of the dignified pharaoh, dusted his face like someone had sprayed him with a squirt gun and it felt like his heart had leapt into his throat.
He'd been having these rather strange sensations and feelings towards Yuugi for a while now, but he'd thus far been unable to vocalize it in any capacity, either to himself or to his other. There were just far too many variables, too many unknown factors involved with the implications such emotions had, so he had simply chosen to suppress them. But with Yuugi's soft hand held tightly in his, and the tender, soothing aura enveloping his own dark countenance, it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore them. For the sake of their friendship, though, he was determined to try.
Both remained silent for some time as Yuugi expertly led Yami past several corridors and through a few doors, never pausing once to consider a direction. After several tense minutes, they reached the door that would leave the labyrinth of his mind and cross over into Yuugi's soul room.
Yami's interest was certainly peaked. He'd seen the room from across the hall during brief exchanges and when they'd merged, but he'd never actually gone in there. Most the time, he either projected himself outside their shared body or they'd tread lightly in his own space. And while he could have ventured in while his other slept without his knowledge, he wasn't about to invade his inner sanctuary and intrude on his private thoughts.
Yuugi opened the door and stepped aside, mock bowing and extending an arm to welcome the pharaoh in. He had to stifle a laugh when Yami practically strutted in, head held high and chest puffed out as though about to enter his own throne room. He was doing his best to look as proud and stuck up as possible, but there was an obvious twitch on his lips that threatened to break.
Yuugi gently shut the door behind them as Yami took a good look around the room. It wasn't exactly what he had imagined it to be. Well, some it was. There were toys and games and puzzles of all sorts strewn about the floor, and a comfortable light, both warm and inviting filled the area. He knew he'd find something of the sort; all pale reflections of the love, purity, and innocence that his aibou embodied. In addition, there was a very comfy looking bed in one corner and a desk littered with pictures, mostly of their friends and Sugoroku. These also were to be expected. Rather, it was the structure of the room that seemed off. Most of the walls were cracked, battered, or broken, and then poorly rebuilt. It reminded him of the ruins of Egypt he'd once seen in a vision and in the various books Yuugi had shown him. Why was it like this? What might have happened to form such a shaky foundation for the very core that made up the remarkable boy he had come to love?
Yami glanced over his shoulder at his light, silently asking if it was okay for him take a better look. Yuugi smiled in response and nodded his consent.
He walked slowly around the perimeter of the room, scrutinizing every crack and break on the walls' surface. The first wall nearest him was baffling, for there was no reason it should even be standing. There were so many splits and fractures, most of them without any visible repair attempts made, that it simply defied reason. It was almost akin to a puzzle that hadn't been properly put together, random pieces simply forced into place haphazardly. It was both fascinating, and slightly disturbing.
Two of the other walls were in far better shape. A closer inspection revealed that they did in fact have several large holes and splinters, but they had been filled in and covered, much like a scar that had healed but with a notable skin discoloration still very present; a small reminder of a past hurt.
The last wall seemed the most undamaged of the room. It had very few marks compared to the others, but there was one massive break, encompassing about a third of the whole. But like the other two, all the wounds (including the large one) had mended, a firmer foundation restored.
Yami continued to stare at the room for a couple of minutes, arms crossed and brow furrowed in deep contemplation. He was so caught up in his thoughts, that at first he didn't quite catch what Yuugi was saying. "Hmm? I'm sorry; did you say something?" he asked, finally turning to face his hikari.
Yuugi shook his head, but grinned nonetheless. "I said you might want to take off your shoes. It's not exactly comfortable to sleep with them on."
Confusion once again flickered in his crimson eyes at the odd statement. "Aibou, I'm not sure I understand..."
Yuugi chuckled and shrugged casually. "Well, you don't seem to be getting much rest in your soul room, so I thought maybe you should try sleeping in here with me. Can't hurt, right?"
Yami's face reddened considerably, though it was hard to tell with his tanned skin. Share a bed with Yuugi? Sleep with him? Of course he hadn't meant it that way, but that didn't stop the pharaoh's less than pure mind from treading down that path. And besides, didn't he say that he was going to show him something? Oh Ra... "Uh... I'm not so sure... that is..."
Yuugi laughed again, unused to the image of his normally stoic darker half in a fluster. After he managed to compose himself, he gazed into his other's eyes. "Look, neither of us have had a good night's sleep in a while, and we're going to need it for when we go to Egypt to get your memories back. At this point, I'm willing to try anything. So take off our shoes, and let's get to bed." When he'd finished speaking, he had adopted a strict expression and pointed at the bed forcefully.
Yami sighed, relenting. Honestly, he was far too tired to argue and though he supposed Yuugi was as well, their shared stubbornness would likely drain them. Besides, cuddling with his aibou wasn't really all that unappealing. He simply had to keep his own mind and body in check. "Alright, alright. You win." He kneeled and began unbuckling his boots, smiling a bit at the triumphant expression on the smaller boy's face.
Once the buckles were undone, he stood and tried to kick them off with his toe. The first came off easy, but the second seemed stuck on his heel. Glaring at the offending article, Yami placed one hand on the most unstable of the room's walls to steady himself and reached down with the other to pull the boot off.
"You pathetic, sorry excuse for a..."
Yami jerked his hand off the wall, startled as if he'd received some sort of shock. What on earth was that? A voice... full of malice and fury, screaming at him. And an image had flashed across the forefront of his mind. He hadn't been able to see anything particularly distinguishing, but there seemed to be an undeniable resemblance between the image and Yuugi.
But what had distressed him the most was the flood of emotions he'd felt flowing into him. Frustration, confusion, anger, hate, but most prominent was sorrow and shame. These were all feelings he was well acquainted with, but it wasn't exactly him feeling them. It was like... an echo. It was similar to when he would control their body and one of Yuugi's stray thoughts would enter his mind. Their united mind would think as one, but there was still a line drawn from what thoughts were Yami's and which were the hikari's. So he had, in a sense, really felt those emotions just now, but only because Yuugi had felt them at some point.
He nearly jumped when an insecure hand rested on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to the gorgeous, soft eyes of his light. He was smiling gently, but there was an undertone of seriousness in his expression.
"Do you understand what just happened?" Yuugi inquired his voice barely above a whisper.
While Yami did have some idea, he shook his head in response.
Yuugi reached down and took one of the pharaoh's hands in his own. "Try it again. It's okay. But when you do, don't focus so much on what you see and hear. Instead, concentrate on what you feel, or rather... what I felt back then." With another reassuring smile, he guided Yami's hand to rest on the largest fracture of the crumbling wall.
Yami took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.
"You are worthless! Less than nothing! You were an accident... no one wants you! You pathetic, worthless piece of trash! Oh?! What?! You gonna cry?! Go ahead! No one cares! You sorry, son of a..."
Again Yami jerked in hand away, unable to tolerate any more. He didn't even notice that his fists were clenched, knuckles white with rage, and he ground his teeth. His whole body began to shake with the righteous fury rising and consuming his entire being.
He knew very well what it was he was experiencing. It was one of Yuugi's memories, long since suppressed and hidden away from everyone. There was also no mistaking the face and voice he'd seen in the vision. It was undoubtedly Yuugi's good-for-nothing father, a man so self absorbed and violent that he'd physically and verbally abused his small son every chance he got.
"Yami?"
And while he had only experienced a fraction of the younger boy's past, he knew from that tiny fragment and wisps of Yuugi's thoughts that buzzed through their mind link that the man had said and done things that were disgustingly cruel and unforgivable.
"Yami..."
Just thinking about the torment that had been inflicted on his precious charge made his blood boil. Unbeknownst to even him, his third eye began shining brightly as he contemplated what he would do if he ever met the man...
"YAMI!"
The pharaoh gasped when he felt shaky arms wrap around his waist, and the light pressure of Yuugi's head resting on his chest. Immediately, he felt his anger subside and the love and compassion he reserved only for his partner took over. His hard glare softened, and he wrapped his own arms around Yuugi's small frame. "Forgive me, aibou. I didn't mean to startle you."
Yuugi shook his head and pulled away just enough to meet his gaze. "It's alright. I'm the one who should apologize for upsetting you."
Blood red eyes narrowed again. "You are not the one who upset me."
The shorter duelist reluctantly pulled away. Both immediately missed the warmth and safety they felt in one another's arms. "Mou hitori no boku, please don't worry about it."
"But I..."
"I didn't show you that memory so you'd get mad at my dad, or so you'd feel sorry for me. I just wanted to you to feel what I felt; make the connection between the memory and the feelings attached to it." His worried expression melted, and he offered a small smile. "So... do you remember what you felt? Do you understand?"
Yami had to admit that it was a little difficult. He'd been so overcome by his own outrage that he hadn't been able to focus. But now that he thought about... yes. He certainly did feel what Yuugi felt back then. He'd always thought that his innocent hikari was incapable of hatred, but it was certainly there. That was only natural. But just as before, it was the immense sadness, guilt, and shame that were prevalent. For as far as Yuugi knew, he deserved the poor treatment he'd received growing up. He was both too much and not enough, and so incurred the wrath of the man who should have been proud of him no matter what.
While Yami was a little glad to have learned something new about his secret koi, it only served to fuel his bewilderment. Yuugi said that the point of showing him the memory was to experience the emotions connected to it. But why? Didn't all this begin with Yami's recurring nightmares? What did Yuugi's feelings have to do with that?
"I'm not entirely sure I understand, aibou."
Yuugi just smiled wider. "Alright. Let's try this one then." He took Yami's hand again and led him to one of the less damaged walls. His wide eyes swept over the structure questioningly, wondering which to choose. Finally, he settled on one of the smaller gashes on the right side. Just as before, he brought Yami's hand to rest on the healed break and wordlessly told him to concentrate once more.
Yami closed his eyes a second time, watching, listening, and waiting to experience yet another of Yuugi's private thoughts.
"It's no use, Yuugi! Your friend is completely under my control. There's nothing you can do!"
"Malik! Let Jounouchi go!"
They didn't need to hold on as long, for once the scene was set, Yami knew what to expect. It was the memory of the time Malik had used to Millennium Rod to manipulate Jounouchi into dueling him. It was a terrible time for them both, having suddenly been caught between the well being of their best friend and the continuing search for the pharaoh's memories. Both remembered being utterly helpless against the force and power of that particular item.
But at the time, Yami had withdrawn into the Puzzle, allowing Yuugi to control every aspect of the duel. He recalled the dark, tense moments while he waited, trusting his partner to pull through but unable to bear the consequences should he fail. And now he was given the chance to understand what Yuugi experienced. Love and concern for their friends, doubt regarding his own abilities, and grief over the inevitable outcome that had occurred.
When he opened his eyes again, he was able to examine the fracture more closely. Unlike the memory of Yuugi's father, this wound had healed over, as reparations had been made by all parties involved and a favorable resolution offered. Nonetheless, there was still pain there, and probably always would be.
"Yuugi?"
"I have... just one more to show you." For the final time, he led his other self to another break, another memory. It was the massive crack on the least damaged wall. Of all the mended hurts, this one had apparently healed the best. Were it not for the sheer size of it, one wouldn't even notice the slight discoloration of the wall that betrayed the split.
He didn't know why, but Yami became far more apprehensive as they approached this one. He hadn't the slightest idea of what to expect.
Yuugi nodded his reassurance, and guided their hands to rest on the smooth surface.
"There's no other way. We must do this. Now let me go!"
"Please, don't play that card..."
"And now I activate... the Seal of Orichalcos!!"
"NO!"
Yami twitched and tried to pull his hand away, but Yuugi didn't let him.
"Pharaoh... how could you?"
"Yuugi, no! What are you doing here?!"
"It only needs one of us. So I'm letting the Seal take me instead."
"NO! YUUGI!"
Yuugi allowed Yami to withdraw only after the memory finished playing out. As with the nightmares, the ex-king was nearly overcome with sorrow and humiliation, and the magnitude of his own guilt hit him like a kick to the stomach. He stumbled backwards, falling to his knees, and gripped his head, nearly tearing out his own hair in aggravation. Tears welled in his bloodshot eyes, even as he tried to mentally beat them down.
Why? How could Yuugi be so cruel... forcing him to relive that moment yet again? Hadn't he been tormented enough?
All of his thoughts immediately dissipated, and his frame stopped shaking with the affectionate touch of Yuugi's hand on his shoulder as he kneeled in front of him.
The younger teen smiled in understanding as he gently but firmly took Yami's hands, forcing him to release his throbbing head. When he tried to look away, Yuugi boldly caressed the pharaoh's tear stained cheek, inviting him to look in his eyes.
"Mou hitori no boku... did you feel it? The emotions attached to that memory? Did you notice the difference?" he whispered.
Yami swallowed hard, overwhelmed by that piercing gaze. For a moment he was at a loss for words, as his mind was swirling with so many conflicting thoughts and feelings. His own sadness still lingered, but sitting there with his beloved aibou, so close that their lips were mere inches apart, desire and love sprang, diluting the whirlpool of negative sensations.
"Yami?"
He shook his head quickly to dislodge these seemingly unhealthy thoughts and tried to focus on what Yuugi was asking of him. What was it again?
He blinked slowly in realization and then looked at the boy questioningly.
Yuugi's smile only widened. "You didn't feel anything, did you? Nothing on my end anyway. Do you know why that is?"
He shook his head.
Yuugi repositioned himself from kneeling into a more comfortable cross-legged position. After his dark did the same, he took hold of his hand again. "Yami," he began, taking a deep breath, "I think the worst part about being sealed away back then... was that I had no idea how to feel." He paused and giggled quietly. "Well, being separated from everyone and stuck in a confined space was no treat either. But really, the most maddening part of the experience for me was not knowing what I should feel." He stopped to consider the best way to explain. "You see, in my eyes, you were always... so perfect. Smarter... stronger... taller... sexier..." Both boys blushed at that last daring statement, but Yuugi didn't give the other too much time to think about it. "You were never wrong about anything, always completely in control of every situation. And you never... made any mistakes."
"But Yuugi, I..."
"Please. Let me finish." He took another deep breath. "I guess... I really wanted to believe that. I suppose I almost convinced myself that you were some kind of god, incapable of doing anything wrong. Because that way, everything would be easier."
Yami quirked an eyebrow. "Easier how?"
He blushed and shrugged. "Easier because then I'd never have to deal with the feelings I had for you. I'd never have to worry about what you or anyone else would think, because it would never matter, since gods are unobtainable anyway. But then... you played that card."
Yami tried to look away again, but his face was held fast in Yuugi's gentle hands.
"At first, after you played the Seal of Orichalcos, I tried to tell myself that it was the right thing to do. You said yourself that it was the only way to win the duel. And even though you lost, it would be okay. I'm expendable after all, so as long as you were alright, everything would be fine. I tried to keep that reasoning in the forefront of my mind, but as time passed, my emotions began to get the best of me."
Yuugi slowly closed his eyes. "I was angry. I felt betrayed, like you'd stabbed me in the back. I almost felt like I hated you. And I hated myself for feeling that way. Because you're a god, who doesn't make mistakes. It was meant to be that way and I should just accept it." He sighed softly. "I kept going in circles from trying to rationalize everything to banging my head against the wall just to suppress the rage."
Yami's eyes narrowed, once more flooded with sadness. But Yuugi just smiled.
"As you can imagine, I had a lot of time to think. And... just before we dueled, I finally understood... both you and me." He tilted his head and grinned wider. "You're no god, Mou hitori no boku. Even if your people thousands of years ago considered you one, you never were and you never will be. Which means... you're allowed to make mistakes." He laughed merrily. "Everyone does, Yami. And no mistake is without a consequence. And bigger mistakes mean a bigger consequences, that's all." Yuugi reluctantly let go of Yami's hands in order to support himself as he leaned back. "Once I realized that, I felt a lot better. I knew it was okay to be angry... at least for a little while. 'Cuz if I didn't let myself feel those emotions then, they'd eat me up inside until they exploded for the both of us later. And... by letting myself feel them... I knew I'd be able to let go of them."
Formally narrowed crimson orbs widened at this revelation.
Yuugi leaned forward again, leaning his forehead against Yami's in a fragile offer of physical comfort. "Yami, when you experienced the memory through my eyes, you didn't feel any emotions connected to it because there are none to feel. I dealt with all that, and when you apologized, I forgave you. So I have no reason to hold on to the anger and sadness. I let go of it all. Can't you do the same? For both our sakes?"
Yami lifted his bowed head without breaking the contact to stare into Yuugi's eyes. Just as he said, they held none of the rage and hate he feared had been concealed within. It held only eternal love and affection, just as they always did. But somehow, he knew in his heart that the gaze he beheld would now, and would always be, directed only at him. It was not in any way the same look with which he regarded their other friends and family. How was it that he never noticed it before?
He didn't say anything. Instead, he gave his answer by leaning in to claim a kiss. He shivered in delight when he felt the smooth skin beneath his fingertips as his hands trailed down to lightly rest on Yuugi's hips, holding him possessively close.
Yuugi mentally smiled as he eagerly responded, wrapping his arms around Yami's neck as he felt himself being pulled into his lap.
The kiss was so soft and sweet, almost more comforting than passionate, yet it still held a small tinge of desire beneath it. Unfortunately, it was far too short for either of their liking when Yuugi forced himself to pull away. He giggled at the confused and disappointed look on his pharaoh's face. He kissed the tip of his nose affectionately. "Sorry, Yami. But we really do need to get some sleep. How 'bout you save it for tomorrow night, hmm?"
Yami smirked at the surprisingly suggestive tone his little love used, but agreed that they both needed rest. He stood and followed Yuugi to the plush bed nearby, allowing the younger teen to settle in first before he did the same, quickly pulling him close and cuddling him.
Yuugi mock sighed in exasperation when Yami curled around him like an oversized puppy. Nonetheless, he snuggled up and rested his head against his strong chest. But before he drifted off...
"Yami?"
The pharaoh shifted slightly to look down at his hikari. "Yes?"
He looked up at him seriously. "No more nightmares. No more tears. Okay?"
Yami blinked a few times before he smiled and nodded. "K."
And with that, both finally fell asleep... safe, content, and at peace.
Yeah, that's it. Short and sweet. Sorry there wasn't more.
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