A Mai HiME Fanfiction...

New Pollution

by countdown to suicide

Author's Notes:

This story is inspired by a real life incident. Kudos to Ichigo Bridge and Street for being such a damn cute couple. Expect some themes that might be a little too heavy for people's taste. There's also sex, drugs, and rockn'roll, baybeh. \m/ xYuki had the right idea with Oh My Juliet and Sunrise for the awesome characters. I didn't rate this fanfic M for nothing... Oh, and before anybody starts becoming outraged at how badly I'm probably going to portray Shizuru, I only have one thing to say to you... Not everyone is blindly infatuated with miss Fujino as the majority of the Mai HiME fandom obviously is. ((grins)) But I am helplessly smitten with the very sadistic, very evil Tomoe Marguerite. How does that tickle you?

This is a NatNao story... Implied ShizRuka and other non-canon pairings that I realized a lot of people just LOVE to speculate on.

Enjoy...

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Prologue:

She loved the taste of her... She always tasted like tears. While a lot of people liked to point out that human skin was naturally salty, Natsuki's always reminded her, simply, of tears... of memories lost, things better left forgotten, and things to be remembered with a wistful smile. She had lain awake in bed for a long time simply looking at the girl beside her, undisturbed by the outside world and happily lost in her slumber. She watched as the moonlight lovingly caressed Natsuki's feminine form. The silver rays had cast such a beautiful ivory glow on her skin, Shizuru could not find it in her to be jealous of the moon's intrusion.

She wanted to kiss her. She wanted to lean over and press her mouth on the bare shoulder and taste the salty echoes of the past. But she knew that if she did, the girl would awaken and this wonderful spell would be broken. So she waited. She waited for that moment when the world paused, as if it held its collective breath, before the sun rose and awakened the sleeping beast. Yes... Reality really was such an unmerciful beast.

Before, morning light had the chance to trickle through the half-opened blinds Shizuru finally bent down to kiss the tempting flesh before her.

'Why does your skin taste like you were bathed in tears...'

She felt the surface ripple as Natsuki moved, then she felt it grow taut against her slightly dry lips. "What are you doing?" The voice was harsh and accusing.

'Is it because your soul weeps so much?'

"What does it look like I'm doing?" She retorted, half-amused and half-sad. Before she could give the younger girl the chance to pull away she pushed Natsuki on her back and crushed her. She crushed her lips, crushed her body with hers. She crushed whatever protests that were about to escape Natsuki's unforgiving mouth. She felt Natsuki's nails painfully dig into her upper arms but they did not mean to pull her closer in passion. Shizuru felt the other girl resist and she, in kind, resisted against Natsuki's rejection. No... Not until she was good and ready, and not until she took what was hers. But with a flash of pain, Shizuru wrenched away.

'Or are the tears really mine and I've been selfishly crying on you? Like a used, wet rag...'

Red eyes glanced down at her own fingers after she pressed them against her stinging lower lip. She saw blood. Then she looked down beseechingly and desperately into Natsuki's hardened green gaze. "Please," had it been any other person, they would've choked on the word. But Shizuru had rolled it against her tongue so playfully, so easily.. "One last..." Fuck. "Kiss?"

"Enough, Shizuru." The walls in Natsuki's eyes crumbled a little and the older woman saw how they pleaded to her. 'Enough, Shizuru. Don't punish yourself like this. Don't punish me.' They stared at each other for a long agonizing moment before the alarm clock shattered the tension that had emancipated movement from their scantily clad bodies. With a sigh, Shizuru rolled away from her to turn off the alarm, and Natsuki took that opportunity to leap out of bed as if the sheets had burned her. "Get dressed, they'll come for you soon." She muttered emotionlessly before escaping to the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

Shizuru sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed and moved no further. But moments later, at the sound of the shower echoing within the bathroom, the tawny-haired woman lurched forward and slapped a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob. "N-natsuki..." She whimpered.

Natsuki dully watched the mist gathering in the empty shower stall across from her. "Shizu... ru." She closed her eyes painfully as she slid quietly down to the floor, her back against the door.

---

They were dressed in their school uniforms when they left the dorm room together and collected mischievous/scandalized stares from witnesses. The newly-graduated ex-kaicho had no reason to wear it. But Shizuru had unconsciously pulled her immaculate uniform over her body while she was lost in her memories. Perhaps, nostalgia DID have a hand to it. Whatever the case Shizuru was glad she had worn it. Maybe this way it would feel as if she could come back to school (come back to Natsuki). This way it wouldn't feel so painfully final... even if the weight of the luggage in her knuckle-white grip reminded her otherwise.

When they passed through the building's open doorway, Natsuki and Shizuru saw the students gathered at the front lawn. Most of them were the ex-kaicho's loyal admirers and they had all come to see her off.

"Kaicho-sama! We'll miss you!" One girl shrieked.

'I wonder if Natsuki will miss me...'

"I love you, Fujino-sama!"

'I only want Natsuki to love me...' She thought sullenly, but smiled benignly towards the anxious mass.

"Shizuru-san." She paused in front of a taller and masculine form before looking up to smile more genuinely at Kanzaki Reito. The handsome young man's eyes were twinkling down at her before they focused on the luggage in her hands. When the golden gaze shifted to the other girl beside her, it had lost its warmth. In a teasing voice that belied the anger behind it, he said, "I would have expected Kuga-san to at least share Shizuru-san's load... considering how close they were."

Natsuki's nose flared in response, but she did not retort. Instead she crossed her arms defensively and looked away, dismissing Reito's presence completely. The atmosphere surrounding the pair had noticeably gone colder which, caused the voices around them to fade into awkward silence.

"Now, now." Shizuru interjected with a practiced chuckle. "I insisted that I carry my own luggage, Reito-san. I'm afraid I had over-indulged in graduation celebrations for the past few days and I really ought to shed off this flab before I set foot in Todai." That earned more than a few amused smiles from the crowd, a few unconvinced stares and cries in defense of her "perfect body." She shook her head at them, suddenly tired-- tired of the farce that was her life. She was suddenly disgusted at herself for being such a hypocrite. She wondered how they would all react if she just whirled around and screamed at them all and showed them how hideously imperfect she truly was. The emotions that she had bottled up, the guilt, the shame, the self-loathing that she had desperately tried to suppress were now threatening to burst out of her in the face of this... finality.

'I don't want to leave you!! DAMN YOU Natsuki! Don't--'

"Sayonara... Shizuru-san." And just like that, she felt her turbulent emotions escape her... like air that was forced out of her lungs if someone had punched her in the gut. She watched as Natsuki's lips lifted slightly to smile. To finally smile at her... it didn't matter if they hinted of regret. This beautiful smile, this one last show of sincerity, was all just for her.

'You finally forgive me, ne Natsuki? You forgive me... But it's obvious you will never forget.'

"Sayonara." Shizuru inclined her head slightly, politely, as she would bid good bye to a stranger. When Reito leaned over to take one of her luggage and innocently invade her personal space in the process, she wrapped her freed arm around his neck and kissed him. There was a gasp, followed by envious/wistful sighs. She did not bother to glance at Natsuki to see the hurt, and the betrayal in her eyes. She was too immersed in her own.

She could say, in defense of her actions, that she had provided ample distraction for Natsuki to escape the crowd's suspicious scrutiny. She could say that she was devoted enough to spare Natsuki's reputation from ignorant judgment at the cost of her own. But deep down, she knew she was doing this out of vengeance-- out of hurt. It's a vicious cycle, ne Natsuki? I always punish the both of us. I'm sorry for being such a... monster.

The raven-haired girl felt her throat tighten as she watched the pair lock lips. Her first instinct was to pull them apart and punch Reito's lights out. But she quelled the urge, spun in her heels, and walked away.

---

Natsuki weaved an intricate path through several bodies, hoping to lose herself in the crowd, sneaking away so nimbly so she would not be noticed. But it had been surprisingly easy to escape their attention. They were much more focused on their beloved kaicho because it would have been the last time they could lay their greedy eyes on her. They were all so lovesick over such a shallow thing it made Natsuki itch for her gun and put a bullet between their eyes-- or between hers. Alas, guns and violence were all in the past now. The Carnival was over, First District was annihilated, and she had no one to protect anymore.

Her reason for vengeance was gone...

Her reason for anger was gone...

Her reason for living was gone...

What did she have left? Painful memories? But even such things needed to be forgotten if she wanted to move on. And this thought made her shoulders sag in defeat. She felt so empty. What was her reason for living now?

"When was the last time you went to confession, Kuga?" She looked up to the familiar gleaming eyes of a nun. Had it been Yukariko, Natsuki would have happily told her to shove it. Had it been Miyu, she would've flinched back in horror. But with this girl, Natsuki did both.

"Fuck off, Yuuki." She growled and reached out to shove her arch nemesis aside. It did not matter if the younger girl was dressed in her black Habit and that any act of aggression towards her in this guise would make it all seem so blasphemous. But Nao sidestepped out of her reach. When Natsuki continued on her way, the redhead followed behind her at a leisurely pace.

"Tsk, you shouldn't speak to a nun in such a manner, Kuga. You'll go to hell." Nao chastised with a catty grin which, made it all the more malicious. 'What were they thinking, accepting Nao as a...'

"Nun-in-training." Natsuki corrected tersely without looking back at her. "And if I'M going to hell, then where you'll go would probably be much worse." She moved faster in hopes of leaving her behind. But Nao was unsurprisingly quick on her feet, and had no trouble catching up to walk alongside the surly, older girl. She had her arms tucked behind her back and she had a skip to her step. Nao was almost too giddy... It positively set Natsuki's teeth on edge. What was this girl up to?

"Awww, don't be like that." Nao cooed. "I was offering good advice." Derisive silence. "You look like you needed some closure anyway." Natsuki finally stopped and whirled around to face her. She saw humor, pity and mischief swirl complicatedly in Nao's lighter green eyes. But what baffled her more was her understanding smile. As if this... this... brat knew anything about her pain. She knew nothing! Nothing! How dare this self-righteous bitch offer HER advice. Natsuki opened her mouth to tell her just that. But Nao spoke once again, "You're free, Natsuki-san. Nothing is holding you back from starting over, ya know?"

'What? Natsuki-san??? Wha...' Natsuki was shocked and more than a little confused. She stared, dumbfounded, at Nao-- she could not believe that someone she had once considered immature and selfish was so capable of such wisdom. What more... She could not believe that Nao's words actually... made her feel a little lighter.

"You should be more like me!" Nao went on, circling Natsuki's stiffened form like a panther. "Ever think about joining me? You would not believe the benefits you can reap from the poor, naive souls who come to us for redemption. It doesn't hurt that you're hot either. Anyone would lay their trust and faith and probably their money on such a pretty thing like you."

Natsuki's eyes narrowed at this. This was the real Nao. She could not believe she had almost... "You're a sick bitch you know that, Yuuki?" Then she stormed away. The sound of distant giggles, growing fainter the further she walked, indicated that Nao did not follow her this time. By the time she returned to her dorm room, dropped wearily on the bed, and went over her soap opera of a morning in her mind-- the first coherent thought that flashed in her mind was: "She thinks I'm pretty? ... Wait, what?!"

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Footnotes:

Todai - shortened name for Tokyo University