Irvine's Mind

By Jason Tandro

Wow, I wonder what Martine wants with me. Who are those guys? They look like SeeD. Oh, this must be that assassination mission that Martine briefed me about. Okay let's see who we got here.

The leader looks pretty cool. He could lose the out of fashion jacket, but if he can really use that gunblade he's officially on my cool list.

Um, the other guy. Well, he's uh… yeah, next.

Ooh, I like the blonde one. Gonna use that whip on me babe? Gonna let me use it on you? Okay get serious… glasses. Intellectual type. Probably a very good fighter. Maybe a better teacher. Gonna teach me a lesson. Dammit! Don't go there! Next person.

Hmmm, blue dress, and long black hair. Isn't that the girl from that Timber resistance group. That dog next to her looks pretty big. He would probably bite me if I tried anything on her. Next person…

Oh, she's cute. What is she, fifteen or sixteen? Please be sixteen, that would be so cool if you were sixteen. Oh come on man. I mean, what are you gonna do, are you gonna walk up to her after killing the sorceress and be all like 'so do you wanna mount me?'. Get a grip.

Then again what is a cowboy without a nice girl. Or a nice damsel in distress. Dammit! Don't picture them tied up. The last thing you need is your other gun at full salute. Just look at the gay guy again, that'll stop it.

Oh god what if it doesn't? What if I think… no! I'm not gay dammit! Just because I like gardening and butterflies, doesn't make me a fairy. Okay, well now I gotta look at the girls to prove I'm not gay.

But dammit! I'm right here next to Martine, I can't do anything…. I hope that blonde girl hits me to get my mind off of this crap. Or spanks me. Dammit!