YUM demon for breakfast –chews on Tail #7—
Kyuubi: One, it's too damn late for breakfast, two, STOP TRYING TO EAT ME.
–spits tail out— Tastes like dirt. You need a bath, Kyuu.
---An hour passes---
–comes in soaking wet and dripping on the carpet—salutes to the readers—One demon, bathed and fluffed.
Kyuubi: –follows, looking miffed and very fluffy— Did you HAVE to use the strawberry scented stuff?
Yes.

Points of Win forVio6136 for also guessing the title correctly! Also, 100+ reviews, my god, you people are completely insane and I love you all very much.

Sasuke looked up as he heard the front door open and shut, followed by Kakashi's cheerful whistling. Hopefully the fact that he was supposedly doing his homework like a good little student would persuade his so-called "guardian" that he did not want to be bothered. In reality, he was playing endless games of solitaire, but Kakashi didn't need to know that. He wanted Kakashi to leave him alone anyway, so the end result was the same.

Kakashi knew something.

Sasuke was sure of it. Kakashi wouldn't be whistling La Vida Loca, wouldn't be tut-tutting over the state of disarray the living room was in when Sasuke threw the couch pillows everywhere in a fit of pique after hearing the original Uchiha Massacre come up in a Cold Case special, and CERTAINLY wouldn't be tapping on his door going "Is there anything you want to talk about?" if he didn't.

No more midday dramas for that man. Sasuke was finding away to block his cable.

"Yeah, what's the square root integer of eighty-three?"

Kakashi paused halfway in the door. "....Is that even a real math problem?"

"You tell me. Go away." Sasuke glared at Kakashi from where he was perched on his bed with books and papers and laptop all sprawled out around him because his desk had yet to be assembled. Better then letting Kakashi put it together, though. He was a trip to the ER waiting to happen when it came to power tools. God help him when the man decided to put up shelving.

Kakashi sauntered in and shoved a few boxes off Sasuke's desk chair anyway, ignoring the fact that the glare being leveled at him from across the room would have made a lesser man burst into flames. "Sooo, Sasuke, how was your first day of school?"

"None of your business." Sasuke was trying his hardest to project an aura of imminent death, but Kakashi was nothing if not persistent.

"Minato said you met his boys today."

"Boys?"

"Naruto and Kyuubi." Kakashi couldn't stop the evil grin from spreading across his face when Sasuke twitched.

"Freaks." Sasuke said it with an air of finality, then swore when Kakashi bounced a rolled up pair of socks off his head. "What the FUCK."

"This isn't word association, Sasuke. Spill it."

"Goodbye."

"Now now, Sasuke, didn't I just say this isn't word association?" Clearly Kakashi wasn't going to let this go. Well that was just too bad. If he was asking, he already knew and just wanted to embarrass his charge by making Sasuke acknowledge what had happened.

Sasuke sighed. "We met, we talked, I didn't kill anybody or cause any permanent damage. Kyuubi's an asshole, Naruto's an idiot, no, I won't be spending any more time with them if I can help it, and no, I'm not anti-social and my lack of desire for socialization does not come from trauma in my childhood but from the fact that people are complete idiots." He recited and scowled heavily at his guardian in an attempt to dissuade him from further conversation.

Kakashi looked a little disappointed that Sasuke had managed to cover all points of interrogation. "Well, whatever the reasons, you are antisocial, and you do need to socialize more. Shizune said it would be good for you, remember?"

Sasuke made a non-committal noise, personally doubting the statement of anybody who worked for Tsunade for many years. Nobody could do that and be completely sane, and who took the advice of an insane person? Oh wait. Him. He was the one stuck pretending to be a girl after all.

Score one for the crazies.

The look on Kakashi's face went from slightly miffed to slightly sly. Sasuke knew that look. It never boded well for him. "You should give them a chance." He paused significantly. "I'm sure you and Naruto could be very good…friends. Especially if you're on kissing terms already."

Gah, he knew Kakashi knew about that!

"We did not kiss! It was a stupid accident!"

Kakashi was having a hard time not giggling hysterically at Sasuke's red-faced indignation. Bothering the boy was so much fun. It almost made up for getting brushed off by that cute brunette earlier that day.

So Kakashi had sadistic tendencies. So what? It wasn't exactly a secret. He stood to leave, sensing that the conversation had reached its limit. "Do you need help with your homework?"

"Do you need me to stab you in the face?" Apparently Sasuke had been pushed as far as he wanted to go today and his tentative grip on manners had slipped entirely.

"Touchy, touchy." Kakashi murmured as he sauntered happily down the hall (if he wasn't a grown man, he would have been skipping). It was almost time for his shows. Today was a good day.

Sasuke spent several minutes brooding (read, sulking) about the conversation before he finally gave his homework up for lost and decided he needed a smoke. He stood and pulled his shirt back on before shoving his feet into a pair of tennis shoes since the flats he'd worn earlier were still abandoned in the entryway downstairs.

"If you're going out, don't forget to cover up, Saeko-chan." Kakashi called from the living room as Sasuke started down the stairs. What sounded disturbingly like Sex and the City was playing on the TV and Sasuke shuddered. Glancing down at "her" currently flat chest, he stomped back upstairs. For a long time he stared at the horrid gender-changing device of torment, wondering if it was really worth it. No man should ever have to know this much about bra hooks.

His nicotine craving informed him that yes, it really was worth it, and since he didn't want to smoke in the house, windows open or not, he forced himself to put the thing on. It wasn't all that cold out, but he grabbed a sweatshirt anyway, less to keep warm and more to try to hide the disturbing fullness of his chest. He would never ever get used to it.

He made sure to slam the door violently on the way out and sulked down the street. He wandered for a few minutes until he found a small, empty playground behind the elementary school. It was off the street enough that he was fairly sure he wouldn't be bothered, which was good enough for him.

Sasuke pulled a pack of Mild Sevens out of his back pocket and sat on an abandoned swing to light it. He was well aware that smoking was a bad habit, but he'd picked it up from a friend in Oto and hadn't managed to find a reason to quit yet. He pushed himself slightly with one foot and exhaled smoke, trying not to think of anything.

"Saeko?"

So much for not being bothered.

Sasuke sighed and glared up at Naruto. "The hell do you want?"

"Geeze, touchy much?" The blond squinched his face up in annoyance (It would have been cute, if Sasuke cared about that. Which he certainly didn't) and dropped into the swing next to "her". "I just wasn't sure it was you. I thought you were a boy for a minute."

Sasuke wasn't entirely sure how to take that. He didn't enjoy being a girl, but apparently it was necessary. He settled for glaring some more through cigarette smoke, which made Naruto wrinkle his face up again. "Your face is going to stick like that, moron."

Naruto just stuck his tongue out at "her". "That shit is totally bad for you, you know." He started to swing more vigorously then Sasuke's half-hearted pushes. "Plus it stinks and kids use this place."

"I know. I don't care." Sasuke dropped the cigarette butt and scrunched it out with one toe. "And there's three beer bottles in the sandbox, I don't think anybody else does either."

Naruto was quiet for a few seconds while he slowly swung to a stop and stared at his toes. "Um….about that thing at lunch…"

"Forget it." Sasuke contemplated another smoke, decided it wouldn't kill him yet, and lit up again.

Naruto looked up from his intensive study of his feet. "But if you're mad about it—"

"No, I mean it. Forget that it ever happened."

The blond looked at Sasuke sideways for a minute, then grinned. "Okay."

Sasuke looked away, feeling a little uncomfortable. The sun had mostly set by now, but there were a few wisps of dark pink clouds on the horizon. "What are you doing out here?" He finally muttered, trying to change the subject.

Naruto shrugged. "I felt like it. Kyuubi's got control of the TV anyway, and all he watches is Seinfeld." That surprised a laugh out of Sasuke, which made Naruto grin again. "I know, right, it totally doesn't fit him."

Sasuke smirked slightly as he stubbed out his second cigarette. Then, noticing the hard look Naruto gave him, grudgingly picked up the butts and went to throw them away like a good boy. Girl. Whatever the hell he was now.

Once up, he realized that it had gotten colder, and it was completely dark now. He shivered and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I'm going back." He announced

"Kay! See you in school tomorrow!" Naruto yelled from where he was picking the beer bottles out of the sandbox.

Sasuke looked at him funny for a minute then sighed and turned around to head back to brave the menace that was Kakashi again. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

Maaaa, another shortish chapter… when will the plot kick in? I will be the last to know. Mostly just Kakashi picking on Sasuke (Cause it's fun.) but you get some nice flufflike substance at the end there, I think? Or maybe it's just some dryer lint that worked its way on here. I don't know. What the hell am I doing with this? Mr. Weassseeeeeeelll, get in here and wreak some havoc, we need it.
Kyuubi: ….You seriously call Itachi Mr. Weasel?
He won't let me call him Weaselykins, so he has to live with that.
Kyuubi: Why don't you try calling him by his NAME?
Where's the fun in THAT? Anyway, yes, I know smoking is bad. I promise I'll make Sasuke quit. Or rather, Naruto will. No smoker-kisses for you, boy!

Also, as it's something people have been worried about: I have no plans to abandon this story. My muse is a flighty little thing, so updates will take a while, and I'm sorry. But I promise, I am not planning to abandon this story and if I ever do decide to, I will let you all know. Pinky swear.