A/N- ok well this is my third fanfic. I suddenly had a burst of inspiration to write this, so I hope everyone enjoys! And don't worry about my other FF, I'm still updating that one too! But anyways, this story is going to be a little darker than my other ones. I hope you guys give it a chance. Takes place during 'Unsweet Sixteen.' Enjoy! Oh, and this first chapter will be in Jude's POV.

Chapter 1: It Never Happened, But It Did

He kissed me. He just randomly, out of the blue, kissed me. I was upset about Shay, and I had expected him to say it, "I told you so," but he didn't. He comforted me. I wasn't expecting this, but I didn't object when his lips suddenly crashed unto mine. I immediately felt the electricity and intensity of the kiss. Only Tommy had that effect on me. Every fiber in my being was shooting with desire, wanting to feel more of him, but eventually, he pulled away. I stood there, staring into his eyes, searching for reason, meaning behind the kiss. What I saw was shocking, no shocking isn't the word, but I'll use it for lack of a better word. What I was there was love, desire, passion, and even a hint of lust. Things I thought I'd never see in his eyes.

"You should go, Jude."

"Tommy, don't." I didn't want him to regret it, take it back, but I knew it was coming. I knew because deep down I know it shouldn't have happened. I am sixteen and he is twenty-two. That was a major obstacle.

"I'll see you inside, okay. Go." I walked past him, not looking back behind me, because honestly, I was afraid of what I would see. I didn't know what I would see, but I was afraid none the less. About twenty minutes later, my party died down, and everyone had pretty much left. Then I heard it, his footsteps walking towards the room. I knew it was him because I knew he was there to tell me the words I had been dreading of hearing since his lips left mine. He walked in, making casual talk. He was doing this because he, like me, knew what words he was going to say. He was going to break my heart and hand it to me in pieces.

"Look, about before in the alley…I really don't know what to say."

"Come on, Tommy. I think we both know what you want to say. It was a mistake, right? Just a pity kiss, you don't feel the same why I do because I'm just a kid. Just say it, lie to me." I was pretty much crying hysterically. I mean, the guy that I am madly in love with is about to break my heart. I think you would be, too. He comes over to me, and kneels in front of me.

"Either I can quit working with you, or I can stay, but we have to agree that that kiss, it never happened."

"No!"

"Jude say it, Jude."

"Okay."

"Jude, say it."

"Okay, okay, it never happened, okay?" I looked up at him, not exactly knowing what kind of look was in my eyes. I was paying the slightest bit of attention to what was in his. Nothing from the look in the alley was there, except love, or what I thought is love, anyway. He also had hurt and sadness in there. Why was he sad? He wasn't the one who was breaking a girl's heart the second time in one night. I stormed past him, out of the room, ripping the 'Happy Birthday' sign down as I did. I threw down his jacket that he had placed on me in the alley. I don't even remember how I got home. I was so distraught and broken; I have no memory of anything else that night. I somehow managed to get home, so I raced in, and up to the bathroom. What I saw in the mirror was an empty shell of what used to be Jude Harrison. What was staring back at me was the hurt, broken, disfigured version of Jude Harrison. My red hair, which was now a duller color thanks to the rain, was matted to my head, a tangled mess of the pretty form it was earlier. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot from all the crying. My once creamy white skin was just a pale sheet under the florescent lights. A thought suddenly occurred in my head. A rather scary thought, but at the time, I believed it to be a revelation. I opened up the medicine cabinet and found what I was looking for; my razor. I brought the razor down to my arm, resting it at my wrist. I kept thinking about what I was going to do. Was it a good idea? Will I really feel better once I do it? Will anyone notice? Will I want to do it again? There was only one way to find out the answers to my question. I applied pressure on my wrist as I slid it across my skin. It hurt a little no a lot, but that was what I wanted. I wanted to hurt, to feel pain, but only the kind I could control. I also wanted to bleed. I wanted to see the blood coming up, as if some sort of prize for my actions. I was rewarded on both accounts. The pain didn't decrease, so I kept sliding until I had about an inch and a half cut. The blood came to the surface at once. I was amazed to see it there. It was bubbling up and staring to drip. I quickly snapped out of my trance to grab some toilet paper. I pressed it to my wound and watched with amazement as the tissue was quickly bled through. I grabbed a lot more and applied a lot more pressure, and after about a minute, the bleeding stopped. I removed the tissue to see a dry-blooded cut. I touched it, running my finger along the cut. I did feel better. I was hurting, but I could and did make it stop. I looked back up in the mirror to see the same Jude Harrison I saw before, but this time, she had a glazed look in her eyes. She still had hurt and sadness and all of that, but she was a bit better after what had just occurred. I discarded my dress, hanging it on the back of the door to dry. I went into my room, quickly dressed in some pants and a tank top, and got into my bed. My head was swimming with everything that had happened today. I was still hurting, and I don't believe I'll stop for a very long time, but at least I had some kind of solace, like a safe haven to turn to when things got rough. I eventually drifted off to sleep, an odd comfort washing over me.

A/N- okay, so that was the first chapter! I know it was short, but it'll get longer and better, promise! Read and review and tell me what you think!