(((I don't own Twilight… and sorry for the delay.)))
Edward and I have to go to his house today. First day in two weeks, because Edward doesn't want to leave me alone while he goes hunting. He thinks that what ever Emmett has planed, is better then me being alone for two days. But I can't blame him.
"Here goes nothing," I muter when Edward opens the door.
"Hey Edward, hey Bella. Long time no see," okay, what's up with Emmett? Shouldn't he be mad at us? Emmett does not have THAT small of and attention span… does he?
"Hey Emmett," Edward and I reply warily. We go up to Edward's bedroom, Edward constantly looking over his shoulder. I wonder what Emmett was thinking…
"What was Emmett thinking, Edward?"
"He was singing 'My Give a Damn's Busted' by Jo Dee Messina (((Not Panda))) in his head."
"I don't think I've ever heard that song…" Edward pops in a CD and it starts playing…
Well you filled up my head,
With so many lies.
Twisted my heart
Til something snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try
but my give a damn's busted.
You can crawl back home
say you were wrong,
stand out in the yard
cry all night long.
Well go ahead and water my lawn.
My give a damn's busted.
(chorus)
I really wanna care,
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Nope...
Sorry...
Nothin'
(2nd verse)
You can say you've got issues.
You can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault,
After all you didn't pick em
Well maybe Oprah's got time to listen.
My give a damn's busted.
(Well let me get this straight now)
Your therapist said
It was all just a phase
A product of the prozac
And your co-dependent ways
So uhh ... who's your enabler these days
My give a damn's busted.
(chorus)
I really wanna care,
I wanna feel somethin'
Let me dig a little deeper...
Eeh-Eeh
(3rd verse)
(Oh you're tellin' me)
It's a desperate situation,
No tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you,
You say your life is through.
Well honey... give me somethin' I can use.
(My give a damn's busted.)
(Ahh you knew I was gonna say that, didn't ya.)
My give a damn's busted (ha ha)
My give a damn's busted
Honey trust me
My give a damn's busted yeahhh ...
OOOH
My give a damn's busted yeahhh
(You wanna do what?)(ha ha ha ha ha)
My give a damn's busted
(Get the party started thats what we'll do)
My give a damn's busted
(I'm not done honey, trust me)
My give a damn's busted
(Been there, done that)
My give a damn's busted
My give a damn's busted
"Wow… Emmett was singing this?"
"Yeah…"
"I didn't know he liked country music…"
"He LOVES country music…" I think Edward just shuddered.
"What's wrong Edward?"
"He is now singing 'Goodbye Earl' by Dixie Chicks…" he put in another CD in.
Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends
All
through their high school days
Both members of the 4H Club
Both
active in the FFA
After graduation Mary Anne went out lookin'
for
a bright new world
Wanda looked all around this town
and all
she found was Earl
Well it wasn't two weeks
after she got
married that
Wanda started gettin' abused
She put on dark
glasses and long sleeved blouses
And make-up to cover a
bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She
let the law take it from there
But Earl walked right through that
restraining order
And put her in intensive care
Right away
Mary Anne flew in from Atalnta
On a red eye midnight flight
She
held Wanda's hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn't take
long to decided
That Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
Those
black-eyed peas
They tasted all right to me Earl
You're feeling
weak
Why don't you lay down
and sleep Earl
Ain't it
dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Earl
The cops came to bring
Earl in
They searched the house
high and low
Then they
tipped their hats
and said 'Thank You ladies
if you hear from
him let us know'
Well the weeks went by and
Spring turned
to Summer
And Summer faded into Fall
And it turns out he was a
missing person
who nobody missed al all
So the girls bouth
some land
and a roadside stand
Out on Highway 109
They sell
Tennessee ham
and strawberry jam
And they don't
lose any
sleep at night 'cause
Earl had to die
Goodbye Earl
We
need a break
Let's go out to the lake Earl
We'll pack a
lunch
And stuff you in the trunk Earl
Well is that all
right
Good Let's go for a ride
Earl hey
"What do you think he has planed?"
"I don't know, it's hard to decide whether he isn't doing anything…"
"Or if he's planning our demise?"
"Exactly."
"Well that's a happy thought."
"I really need to go hunting too…"
"You go, I can handle myself," he gave me a disbelieving look, "well, I can stay alive for two days with out you, Emmett wont act on only I, plus it was your idea, I am only a tool for both of you. So technically I'm neutral."
"Fine, just be careful."
"Love you!"
"Love you, too."
And he left.
And Emmett walked in…
"Hey Bells, you know, psychological revenging is this best. I was never going to hurt either of you."
"Wow, Emmett. Your are smarter then you look."
"Thank you, Bella," one, two, "Hey wait a second, what do you mean by that?"
"Nothing Emmett."
(((The End)))