Disclaimer:

Naruto is the creative property of Masashi Kishimoto, who created this wonderful anime/manga series. Anything not attributed to Kishimoto-san belongs to their respective owners, for examble Touhou is the creative property of ZUN and Team Shanghai Alice, the rest -- "Have Fun Figuring 'Em Out!", and vice-versa. This story is written purely just for fun, guys; please for God's sake, don't sue us! We're just college students with too much free time on our hands! On the other hand, any specific author created characters we created for this fic (despite how unoriginal they may be at times) are ours. So without further ado, let's get on with the show!

The Surgeon General's Warning:

Read at your own risk.

The Touhou Project X: Manipulation of Immortal Lives

The Bewilderment of Nara Shikamaru

Chapter 07:

Working Hard Sucks

A Drabbly AU fanfic brought to you by the egos of James "Ray" Edwards and Tempest Dynasty

Having never experienced the "high life" first hand, Shikamaru had no clue what to expect once Remi...err, his new employer dimissed him from her company. Sure, he had a rough idea of a what servant's lot was like from the C and B-rank missions he had done that involved some interaction with some daimyo lord or other, but to actually become a servant himself? A supposedly "high-class" one at that too?

Buddha, the chuunin did not have the slightest clue where to start. And what is up with this new genjutsu he could "see" now? The HUD had changed completely to something out of an RPG (role playing game...what was a role playing game anyway?): in the upper right corner there was a display for time of day, the date, the phase of the moon, and even the weather. Off in the upper left corner, he had "Stat Tracker" for blood, money, time, items, and his present condition represented by a cutesy little emoticon with a determined, lazy eyed expression, indicating "Good".

Worse yet, where was this uppity, ambient "royal mansion" music coming from?!

Shikamaru sighed. Perhaps, he really was going crazy. At least the HUD had a lot of use and made some things easier to deal with. Still, loitering around here was going to do him any good, when his first priority was to get home, and to get home he needed to figure out exactly what entails being "Remilia Scarlet's Combat Butler," her first and only "Combat Butler" in fact. Once he knew that, he could go ahead and get to work to earn his renumeration in exchange.

Actually, that brought up his second concern...why was he the only guy in this damned mansion?

Thwip!

"HOLY ZEN, WOMAN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Shikamaru screamed from his bent over backwards "bullet time dodge" position, dropping all pretense of calm and under control. It was frankly quite amazing how he was able to hold the said absurd position while screaming at the same time. He did not even know it was humanly possible, and the chuunin did not think he was in that great shape to be able pull off such a mastery of strength and balance.

But hey, he pulled it off; thanks adrenaline. Otherwise, he would be just like the wooden wall column over there that had a fresh knife buried in it, courtesy of...that silver-haired -censored- freakin' -censored- screwing -censored-, etc...

Izayoi Sakuya.

Honestly, what in Buddha's name crawled up between her panties and died? She was more violent and quick to act than a Uchiha and a Hyuuga combined. Argh, what is it with older women and their tendency towards violence anyways? Granted, Sakuya only looked to be about seventeen or eighteen by her youthful "good" looks.

"I would advise not ignoring me again, Nara," the Head Maid told him blandly, with a cool gaze. "Though, it is nice to see that the ninja I have heard about on occasion are not all smoke and mirrors."

Shikamaru felt a sweatdrop coming down. There was an awful lot of frosty cool hostility lacing her elegant tones. He prayed she did not have some crazy complex against him, just because he was a guy... Oh Buddha, anything but that!

In any case, he leaned back and kipped up off the floor to standing position, composing himself to some semblence of civility. Never mind the person he was about to engage in pleasantries could have killed him ten heart beats ago:

"Sorry, Saku-"

"That is, Izayoi-san, to you, Nara."

"O-Of course, Izayoi-san."

"I presume you have accepted Ojou-sama's proposal?"

"Yeah." Not that she gave him much of a choice.

"Very well; here." Sakuya handed him a green pocket-sized notebook and pen she had been carrying.

"What's this for?" Shikamaru wondered aloud, flipping through the notebook on impulse. "A datebook?"

"Precisely. I have already annotated all your tasks for the year-"

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, w-wait a second here. Did you just-?"

Thwhip!

"Gyah!" Shikamaru jumped, finding a knife suddenly buried between his feet in the floorboard.

"Do not interrupt me, Nara," the elegant maid deadpanned, idling away with another knife in her hands. Honestly, where was she hiding them all?

"Y-Yes, ma'am."

"As I said before, that datebook contains all your tasks for the year, sorted out on a daily basis, and providing a daily schedule that even a fairy can follow."

Somehow, the chuunin got the feeling that was not meant to be very flattering. Did fairies have notoriously short attention spans or something?

"You will complete each task as per assigned each day within the time limit before your next task. Failure to do so will result in demerits and an assigning ten additional tasks on top of the one you have yet to complete."

Ouch. That's just cruel and usual.

"But have no fear as I will be overseeing your training and evaluation..."

Is that supposed to make him feel better? Thank you, Saku-tan for assuring my most certain doom and gloom.

"...to assure that you will become the perfect, elegant Combat Butler for Mistress Remilia, understood?"

Shikamaru nodded, not willing to trust his tongue for a civil response. He was starting to not like this troublesome situation, more and more.

"Good. I shall see you at five o'clock in the evening for your etiquette lessons..." Sakuya paused, as she turned to leave, sparing him a cool withering glance.

Oh Buddha, she really hates me, and I do not know why!

"...The time is a quarter to noon, thirty seconds. Do not be late, Nara. I will be watching you, always."

...Ugh, so troublesome...

--

According to his new schedule, today was supposed to be a pretty lazy day. He had all afternoon to "tidy up" the garden (a rose garden; the sort thing, he guessed, someone would expect out of a vain little mistress like Remi-jouchan). After that, Shikamaru had a class with Sakuya, ahem, Izayoi-san, followed by preping up for dinner, waiting at dinner, clean up, eating his own dinner, and then lights out.

Easy, simple, a cakewalk... Never mind the rose garden was ostentatiously huge. All the chuunin had was your typical gardening tools: hedge clippers, gloves, smaller clippers for detail work, a watering can, etc. Talk about old fashioned and backward; they did not even have a running water faucet out here that he could rig up a pipe to, which would expediate his work of watering the garden greatly so. Anyways, he had to trim the bushes, pull the weeds, water the place, and feed the maneaters.

...Hold up, thought Shikamaru, feeling a sudden big sweat coming on. Did I just read what I thought I read?

He read the to-do-list again: trim the bushes, pull the weeds, water the garden, and feed the maneaters.

The chuunin stared.

"Feed the maneaters."

The chuunin stared.

"Feed. the. MAN-eaters."

The chuunin, come Combat Butler, stared some more.

"...troublesome."

And just what was he supposed to feed the maneaters with? Himself!? Ugh, why do women always ask the absurd and impossible of him? Come to think of it, how come all the girls here were older than him? They were youkai, duh.

Anyways, whose the lady that was supposed to be out on duty to supervise him, now? Let's see here, Ko... Aku... Ma...? The Little Devil?

"Hi, hii, Newcomer!" cried a feminine voice, tuned to a mocking sickly sweet "frequency" that seemed reserved specifically to irritate Shikamaru.

He hated to admit it, but her tone was very effective, "...yo."

Now that he was not under the threat of being killed on the spot, it was the first time the chuunin got a good look at Koakuma, whom certainly lived up to her name. By appearance, she seemed to be in her late teens, her full figure quite impressive, he reckoned so. Her style was best described as "Business Casual Gothloli": black dress, white short sleeves to accommodate the summer weather, sandals, and a red necktie. The devil part, definitely, must have come from the pair of bat wings, seemingly functional too, that sprouted out of her back just like Remilia and Flandre (except her's were angled down for some reason). The smaller set of wings that came out from either side of her long auburn hair must have been vestigial organs, more for show than function, though he would prefer if they were fake altogether.

Oh, and how could he forget about her smooth, sleek tail that ended in a heart-shaped barb? Wait a second...that had to be fake too, right? Yeah, got to be; got to be; but it could not hurt to make sure some-time, right?

"Mouuuu! It's not '...yo.'!" the youkai (or was she really a devil?) pouted coquettishly. She came gliding down the path towards the tool shed, about a good foot off the ground, to join him. "It's 'Gokigen'you, Koakuma-san'. Just like that, and with more love, Newcomer!"

Shikamaru felt another big sweat coming on, and the cause was not from the weather either. How was he supposed to reply to that without losing his own dignity? Yes, he worked for these women, but it did not mean he was just going to roll over and die for them either.

Hmm...judging by that personality...and a devil...

"I'll think about it."

"...Hwehhhhhh?!"

"So, Deviko-chan, mind answering a question for me?"

"D-D-d-d-d-d-Deviko-chan?!"

"How am I supposed to feed the man-eaters?"

His hypothesis proved correct after all, as the devilish youkai woman touched down to the cobbled path, her cheeks beet red, and her barbed tail positively standing on end in anger. Despite being a "devil" (at least he thought so), Koakuma was not a very good sport at being the subject of teasing herself. In fact, he doubted she had much practice in the art form at all.

"B-Bureimono; y-y-you rude person!" she cried hotly, "Don't just go deciding things on your own!"

What else could he do to put her in the palm of his hand? Hmmm. Maybe living here, won't be so bad, after all...

To be continued...

Author's Notes: What, you thought this was dead?